<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">No matter how you experience desire, Dipsea can be the spark.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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Time is a flat circle, according to Matthew McConaughey. I’ll listen to anything he says in his drawl, honestly, but that phrase in particular always stuck with me. It was the one ringing in my head this week when I found Emily Nagoski’s 2015 New York Times Op-Ed, “Nothing is Wrong with your Sex Drive.” It was written three years ago, but it's the same conversation I find myself having over and over again today. 

Dr. Nagoski wrote the article in response to the news that Sprout Pharmaceuticals was resubmitting its drug Flibanserin to the FDA, a drug meant to treat low libido in women. The major problem, as she saw it? That the company was trying to treat something that *isn’t a disease*. 

Fast forward three years. Flibanserin has gotten a millennial pink rebrand as Addyi, and is popping up on billboards all over San Francisco, and on ads in my Instagram feed. Instead of focusing on the company behind the ads, I’d rather focus on the cultural issues they’re still capitalizing on. 

Think about it for a second: do you yourself buy into the cultural narrative that women are less sexual than men? There are all sorts of societal myths on how much we should want, and like, and have sex. Too many women believe that their sex drive, or their very experience of sexuality, is disordered. That they don't want sex enough, that real pleasure and orgasm are out of reach, that something's broken. Inversely, women who want and express their desire for sex frequently have to deal with the perception that this is somehow "wrong" too.

> Too many women believe that their sex drive, or their very experience of sexuality, is disordered.

These pervasive beliefs, this list of “shoulds” we’re framing our sexual lives with, are leaving room for companies to sell pharmaceutical solutions to “fix it”.

So what if we took a step back and tried to tell the story another way. For millennia, male sexuality has dictated the cultural understanding of what a sex drive is, what arousal is, what orgasm is. Imagine if, instead of saying what is true for men should be true for women, we examined what other options there were. 

In other words, let’s stop viewing low female libido as a *disorder*, but rather as a *symptom*. A symptom of a culture that hasn’t asked women what they really need to feel sexual. It’s simply a misconception, held by men and women alike, that female desire should work like men’s.

> It's simply a misconception that female desire should work like men's. 

One of the most exciting things I’ve discovered in all my reading on sexuality is an idea called responsive vs. spontaneous desire. “Spontaneous desire” is the one we’re all most familiar with: I want you, I need you, oh baby oh baby. Sudden, intense, and immediate desire that makes arousal easy. 

But “Responsive desire" is what a lot of people (notably, women—but of course, not all women) actually experience. Instead of existing as a random urge, desire surfaces as a response: maybe a partner giving you a back massage. Or, if we’re being really honest, desire surfaces in response to a back massage...when the lighting is really good, and you went to the gym this morning and feel strong, and you’re also blissfully not at all stressed about work this week. 

Do you get where I’m going with this? In what we’ll call “highly erotic contexts”, when things feel “just right,” most women have a much easier time unlocking their sexuality. Wonderful, important work by sexuality researchers and psychologists like Dr. Emily Nagoski means we’re coming to a new understanding—women are actually just as sexual as men, they’re just more likely to experience responsive sexual desire. That knowledge is incredibly empowering. It will help to take a lot of the shame out of the equation, and pave the way for new paradigms and solutions for women to context set, get in the flow, set the mood, get turned on, whatever you want to call it. 

And guess what? That’s exactly what we’re trying to do at Dipsea. Ready to expreience it for yourself? Begin a 7-day free trial today and start exploring! 

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
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_Learn more about Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire in Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book "Come As You Are"._


Time is a flat circle, according to Matthew McConaughey. I’ll listen to anything he says in his drawl, honestly, but that phrase in particular always stuck with me. It was the one ringing in my head this week when I found Emily Nagoski’s 2015 New York Times Op-Ed, “Nothing is Wrong with your Sex Drive.” It was written three years ago, but it's the same conversation I find myself having over and over again today. 

Dr. Nagoski wrote the article in response to the news that Sprout Pharmaceuticals was resubmitting its drug Flibanserin to the FDA, a drug meant to treat low libido in women. The major problem, as she saw it? That the company was trying to treat something that *isn’t a disease*. 

Fast forward three years. Flibanserin has gotten a millennial pink rebrand as Addyi, and is popping up on billboards all over San Francisco, and on ads in my Instagram feed. Instead of focusing on the company behind the ads, I’d rather focus on the cultural issues they’re still capitalizing on. 

Think about it for a second: do you yourself buy into the cultural narrative that women are less sexual than men? There are all sorts of societal myths on how much we should want, and like, and have sex. Too many women believe that their sex drive, or their very experience of sexuality, is disordered. That they don't want sex enough, that real pleasure and orgasm are out of reach, that something's broken. Inversely, women who want and express their desire for sex frequently have to deal with the perception that this is somehow "wrong" too.

> Too many women believe that their sex drive, or their very experience of sexuality, is disordered.

These pervasive beliefs, this list of “shoulds” we’re framing our sexual lives with, are leaving room for companies to sell pharmaceutical solutions to “fix it”.

So what if we took a step back and tried to tell the story another way. For millennia, male sexuality has dictated the cultural understanding of what a sex drive is, what arousal is, what orgasm is. Imagine if, instead of saying what is true for men should be true for women, we examined what other options there were. 

In other words, let’s stop viewing low female libido as a *disorder*, but rather as a *symptom*. A symptom of a culture that hasn’t asked women what they really need to feel sexual. It’s simply a misconception, held by men and women alike, that female desire should work like men’s.

> It's simply a misconception that female desire should work like men's. 

One of the most exciting things I’ve discovered in all my reading on sexuality is an idea called responsive vs. spontaneous desire. “Spontaneous desire” is the one we’re all most familiar with: I want you, I need you, oh baby oh baby. Sudden, intense, and immediate desire that makes arousal easy. 

But “Responsive desire" is what a lot of people (notably, women—but of course, not all women) actually experience. Instead of existing as a random urge, desire surfaces as a response: maybe a partner giving you a back massage. Or, if we’re being really honest, desire surfaces in response to a back massage...when the lighting is really good, and you went to the gym this morning and feel strong, and you’re also blissfully not at all stressed about work this week. 

Do you get where I’m going with this? In what we’ll call “highly erotic contexts”, when things feel “just right,” most women have a much easier time unlocking their sexuality. Wonderful, important work by sexuality researchers and psychologists like Dr. Emily Nagoski means we’re coming to a new understanding—women are actually just as sexual as men, they’re just more likely to experience responsive sexual desire. That knowledge is incredibly empowering. It will help to take a lot of the shame out of the equation, and pave the way for new paradigms and solutions for women to context set, get in the flow, set the mood, get turned on, whatever you want to call it. 

And guess what? That’s exactly what we’re trying to do at Dipsea. Ready to expreience it for yourself? Begin a 7-day free trial today and start exploring! 

_Learn more about Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire in Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book "Come As You Are"._

Understanding responsive vs. spontaneous desire

Responsive-vs-Spontantious

Responsive vs. spontaneous desire

hometown

Hometown

office-hours

Office Hours I

No matter how you experience desire, Dipsea can be the spark.

Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in.

share-image-dusk

Welcome to The Deep Dive , a bright spot on the internet to let your hair down, get curious, and dive into the wonder and joy of sex and intimacy.

Welcome to The Deep Dive, a bright spot on the internet to let your hair down, get curious, and dive into the wonder and joy of sex and intimacy.

Dipsea Blog - The Deep Dive 

Dipsea Blog | Welcome to The Deep Dive , a bright spot on the internet to let your hair down, get curious, and dive into the wonder and joy of sex and intimacy.

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to take your next solo sesh to a whole new level? That's what Dipsea is for.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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If you've landed on this article, chances are you've been having a little trouble in the orgasm department. The truth is, if you don't know how to make yourself cum, a partner might not know either. We’re a fan of exploring all the beautiful parts of your own body and learning what it takes to see fireworks, especially if you're hoping for partnered sex to get you there. 

That's where a healthy masturbation habit comes in. If you're new to masturbation, feeling a little weird about it, or have just found that it does nothing for you, we're here to help. Learning how to make yourself cum takes practice and patience, so start by giving yourself a break, taking a deep breath, and coming at this with fresh eyes and possibly some fun sex toys. Get excited, you're about to have an orgasm.

## You're not alone

Before we dive into the deep end of all things orgasm, we want to first emphasize that you’re not alone. About 10-15% of women have [never had an orgasm](https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001953.htm#:~:text=About%2010%25%20to%2015%25%20of,for%20an%20orgasm%20to%20happen.), and orgasmic challenges are the [second most frequently reported sexual issue](https://www.nature.com/articles/ijir20148#ref-CR4) in women. The reasons for this vary, including psychological and emotional state (especially anxiety), past traumas, a sense of unsafety, low self-esteem, and feelings of sexual openness with a partner. These are [all contributors](https://bedbible.com/orgasm-statistics/) to why vulva owners can have difficulty, even more so than a lack of experience with masturbation or sexual partners. 

So, while we'll focus on helping you figure out how to make yourself cum, the mechanics will only get you so far if you're experiencing some of these other roadblocks. Let's first try and get you into the mindset and then go over some masturbation techniques.

## Masturbation 101: mindset, setup, and orgasm

Plenty of vulva owners grew up conditioned to feel shame around masturbation and sexual pleasure in general. While we can't instantly take away this mental block, we do want to emphasize that masturbation is healthy and normal. 

Sex, sexual health, pleasure, exploration, masturbation, and orgasms are all natural, good, and important parts of living a happy, healthy life. There’s no shame in experiencing pleasure and no reason to be embarrassed.

There’s also the possibility that you’re putting [too much pressure on yourself](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/stop-obsessing-over-orgasms/) if you’ve never experienced an orgasm. Give yourself a break and take the pressure off of the experience before going into it. If you've never experienced an orgasm before, either with yourself or with a partner, try to relax as the first step. It's a journey of learning and self-love, so start with that.

### Pamper yourself

Self-love is the name of the game here. Consider creating a [solo sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/solo-sex/) experience, which is a little more involved than going straight into masturbating. In solo sex, you're seducing yourself to help ease you into the [right mindset](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/women-sex-drive/) for self-pleasure and exploration. This first time may not yield the result you're looking for, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself and the process. And you never know, this new approach could be exactly what you need to cross over into O-land. 

Try relaxing your muscles with a warm bubble bath. Rub scented oil on yourself afterward. Put on a [sexy playlist](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/summer-bedroom-jams/) and dance in the mirror, admiring your own body.

### Set the scene

Create the most relaxing environment possible for your solo sex sesh. For you that might mean cleaning up your room or changing the sheets before you get started. You might light some candles or diffuse some essential oils and put on your favorite underwear. 

Dim the lights, keep your playlist going, or turn on some audio erotica from [Dipsea](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/self-touch-sensation-play) to provide some sonic sexiness while you explore.

### Take a deep breath ... or 10

[Breathwork](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/breathing-deeply-basics) can be amazingly stimulating—but also relaxing. It's interesting that you'd want both sensations during a solo sesh, but when you think about it, you really do. 

[Deep breathing](https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/stress/why-deep-breathing-makes-you-feel-so-chill) helps put your sympathetic nervous system (the one that governs your stress, nervousness, and anxiety) on pause and allows your parasympathetic nervous system (the one that controls rest and relaxation) to take over. In fact, it's literally impossible for your body to release stress hormones when your parasympathetic nervous system is in charge. Try closing your eyes and counting to five on the inhale and then five on the exhale. Once you're comfortable with that, bump it up to a seven-count. Notice how your body feels as you breathe. 

As for stimulation, deep breathing brings oxygen into your bloodstream and to all the body parts that need it. Sexologist Jessica O'Reilly suggests [taking deep breaths during masturbation](https://www.self.com/story/better-orgasms-breathing) to help increase blood flow to the genitals and increase sensation. While you don't want to focus so hard on your breath that you take your mind completely away from the task at hand, try breathing as you move your own hands across your body.

### Foreplay

So far, all the instructions we've outlined constitute light foreplay. Now it's time to get into a more body-based activity. You can keep breathing through all of this, but just let it flow if you feel like there are too many balls in the air. 

If you've had some partnered sexual experiences, you know that there's nothing like foreplay to get wet and stimulate your body. With solo sex, it's no different. Gently stroke your chest with the tips of your fingers, running them down between your breasts and encircling each one. If you like nipple play (or aren't sure if you do), stop on each one and give each one some gentle attention or a light squeeze. Trace the lines of your belly down to the line of your pubic hair and stroke the outside of your vulva gently. 

Again, try to release any expectations of orgasm on this journey, and just notice what feels good and how your body reacts to each sensation.

### Explore how to make yourself cum

Your vulva is a multi-faceted organ with components that can enhance your sexual experience and build pleasure that leads to orgasm. Many sex blogs and podcasts focus on the clitoris and clitoral stimulation, and while that's fantastic (and definitely something to build up to), going straight to the most sensitive part of your anatomy might be a little aggressive, especially if you've been having orgasmic challenges. Your clitoris has [8,000 nerve endings](https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/the-clitoris-has-8-000-nerve-endings-and-nine-other-things-we-learned-from-a-new-artwork-1.2947694#:~:text=There%20are%20more%20than%208%2C000,erectile%20tissue%2C%20muscle%20and%20nerves.) in it, so it's incredibly sensitive. Depending on how you're built, you may never want to go straight at it without a barrier like the clitoral hood or a pair of underwear to help soften the sensation. 

But there's only one way to find out!

Start by exploring the whole vulvar landscape. This includes your outer and inner labia (the lips or folds of skin around the opening of your vagina), the hood of your clitoris (which encircles the top and sides of your clit and protects it from overstimulation), and even the tender skin where your legs meet your crotch. Spend a minute or two with each part, notice if your body reacts as you gently stroke each area. 

You might find it helpful to use lube or coconut oil to make gliding across these body parts easier. You might also notice that tilting your pelvis forward in a sort of tucked butt flex position increases sensation in some of these areas. You could also pulse your hips forward and back to stimulate the interior of your vagina as you play with the exterior with your fingers. 

If you find that touching a particular area starts creating a warm buildup inside of you, begin moving your fingers faster on that area to see if that increases the pleasure. If it does, keep going. You're well on your way to learning just what an orgasm feels like.

## Types of orgasms

So everything we just talked about was all about externally derived orgasms. That's because most vulva owners find that [external (clitoral) stimulation is critical](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28678639/) to reaching an orgasm, and vaginal penetration alone just doesn't do it. But that doesn't mean that there's no pleasure in vaginal penetration. On the contrary, vaginal penetration coupled with clitoral stimulation can actually result in mind-blowing orgasms, especially if the penetration involves hitting the g-spot. 

Some vulva owners have both clitoral orgasms and g-spot orgasms at the same time, which some call full-body orgasms. 

If you're curious about penetration during your solo play, don't shy away from it. Try using your fingers or a toy (like a dildo or vibrator). Slowly insert a finger into your vagina and try pulling it in and out, or stroking the vaginal wall on the front of your body to try to find the g-spot. It might even feel good to just experience the fullness of having fingers or a toy inside of you without moving them. There’s no wrong way to do this!

You can alternate between penetration and playing with the clitoris and touching your body. Chances are high that if you're learning how to make yourself cum for the first time, the outside bits are going to be the key. 

## How to use toys

Sex toys are most certainly welcome in solo play. When you're by yourself, the sky's the limit.

As a [first-timer](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-toys-for-beginners/), you might consider getting a bullet vibrator or something designed specifically for external stimulation to help you discover which parts of your vulva provide the most pleasure. There are a number of options that offer different speeds and pulse patterns, which is a great way to start because you want to make sure you have the option to ramp up the power on your toy. (For example, magic wands are very powerful, so that would be an advanced toy for your first purchase.) Check out this article for more tips on [how to purchase and use a vibrator](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-use-a-vibrator-tips-for-choosing-and-using-a-new-toy/).

One more thing you could try in the area of assisted orgasms is a little tool you don't have to purchase at all: the showerhead or bathtub faucet. If you have a hot tub in your backyard, a hot tub jet works too.

Stand in the shower and let your handheld showerhead flow against your vulva. Play with the settings to see which one you like best. Or lay with your butt against the front wall of your tub, legs straight up in a V-shape on either side of the faucet (this position might be too hard for some, and that's fine, no biggie). In the hot tub, face the jets and see how it goes.

Warm, pressurized water can have a way of working magic on your entire genital area. Even if you can't quite get all the way to the finish line using water, it's a fun way to get yourself going.

## The big O

So how do you know if you’re getting close? If you’ve never had an orgasm, then you might be wondering how you know if you’re getting warmer or colder. While everyone is different, there are a few potential signs that you’re doing what your body likes. 

First and foremost, as you become aroused and heading toward climax, your clitoris becomes more sensitive (usually in a good way) to what you’re doing to it or around it (sometimes it’s so sensitive you don't even need to touch it directly). A warm feeling might begin traveling upward from your vulva. You might begin breathing more heavily. Your body might want to tense up to increase the sensation. 

In some cases, it might feel a little like you have to pee as you get closer. If this makes you nervous, try playing in the bathtub or shower so that you can give yourself permission to just go with it. You probably won’t pee, but you might. And some vulva owners squirt (it’s normal, and it’s also a [whole other conversation](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25545022/#:~:text=Conclusions%3A%20The%20present%20data%20based,the%20emitted%20fluid%20often%20exists.) if you're curious), but many don't!

It’s called a climax for a reason. If you’ve reached it, you’ll feel a peak of sensation in your genitals as your muscles contract repeatedly—many compare it to a warm throbbing feeling or a surge of pleasure. Your heart will beat faster, your breath will speed up, you might involuntarily twitch, moan, or lift your pelvis, and your fingers and toes might curl. And chances are, when you’re finished, you won’t want to touch anything down there for a few minutes at least, as it will be highly sensitive and stimulated.

## It's time

The best way to learn is to do, so it's time to give all these suggestions a try. You deserve to feel good and enjoy your sex life, no matter if it's a solo sex life or a partnered one. The tips we've shared will surely help you get closer to the orgasmic feeling you're after. Just don't give up if it doesn't happen on your first try. To help you get started, take a listen to these guided self-touch sessions, in which you'll explore the various sensations in your body and even get into some gentle toy play. 

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
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<div style="max-width: 41.25em; margin: 0 auto">
<div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row">

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/series/self-touch-male-narrator-series?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=makeyourselfcumblog">
    <img src="////images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/6t8WfeHVplrAyi7cccPNzj/90a840545859b211dbe09451cf74f19e/500-352_Self_Touch_Gabby-fs8.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Glow Up</p>
  </a>
</div>

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/series/self-touch-male-narrator-series?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=makeyourselfcumblog">
    <img src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/7L85SfC635CNby3y1Gb5Zl/d4b27a0317915cb12affcc27cadd67e1/500-370_SelfTouch_Gabby-fs8.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Mix It Up</p>
  </a>
</div>

</div>
</div>

If you've landed on this article, chances are you've been having a little trouble in the orgasm department. The truth is, if you don't know how to make yourself cum, a partner might not know either. We’re a fan of exploring all the beautiful parts of your own body and learning what it takes to see fireworks, especially if you're hoping for partnered sex to get you there. 

That's where a healthy masturbation habit comes in. If you're new to masturbation, feeling a little weird about it, or have just found that it does nothing for you, we're here to help. Learning how to make yourself cum takes practice and patience, so start by giving yourself a break, taking a deep breath, and coming at this with fresh eyes and possibly some fun sex toys. Get excited, you're about to have an orgasm.

## You're not alone

Before we dive into the deep end of all things orgasm, we want to first emphasize that you’re not alone. About 10-15% of women have [never had an orgasm](https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001953.htm#:~:text=About%2010%25%20to%2015%25%20of,for%20an%20orgasm%20to%20happen.), and orgasmic challenges are the [second most frequently reported sexual issue](https://www.nature.com/articles/ijir20148#ref-CR4) in women. The reasons for this vary, including psychological and emotional state (especially anxiety), past traumas, a sense of unsafety, low self-esteem, and feelings of sexual openness with a partner. These are [all contributors](https://bedbible.com/orgasm-statistics/) to why vulva owners can have difficulty, even more so than a lack of experience with masturbation or sexual partners. 

So, while we'll focus on helping you figure out how to make yourself cum, the mechanics will only get you so far if you're experiencing some of these other roadblocks. Let's first try and get you into the mindset and then go over some masturbation techniques.

## Masturbation 101: mindset, setup, and orgasm

Plenty of vulva owners grew up conditioned to feel shame around masturbation and sexual pleasure in general. While we can't instantly take away this mental block, we do want to emphasize that masturbation is healthy and normal. 

Sex, sexual health, pleasure, exploration, masturbation, and orgasms are all natural, good, and important parts of living a happy, healthy life. There’s no shame in experiencing pleasure and no reason to be embarrassed.

There’s also the possibility that you’re putting [too much pressure on yourself](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/stop-obsessing-over-orgasms/) if you’ve never experienced an orgasm. Give yourself a break and take the pressure off of the experience before going into it. If you've never experienced an orgasm before, either with yourself or with a partner, try to relax as the first step. It's a journey of learning and self-love, so start with that.

### Pamper yourself

Self-love is the name of the game here. Consider creating a [solo sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/solo-sex/) experience, which is a little more involved than going straight into masturbating. In solo sex, you're seducing yourself to help ease you into the [right mindset](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/women-sex-drive/) for self-pleasure and exploration. This first time may not yield the result you're looking for, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself and the process. And you never know, this new approach could be exactly what you need to cross over into O-land. 

Try relaxing your muscles with a warm bubble bath. Rub scented oil on yourself afterward. Put on a [sexy playlist](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/summer-bedroom-jams/) and dance in the mirror, admiring your own body.

### Set the scene

Create the most relaxing environment possible for your solo sex sesh. For you that might mean cleaning up your room or changing the sheets before you get started. You might light some candles or diffuse some essential oils and put on your favorite underwear. 

Dim the lights, keep your playlist going, or turn on some audio erotica from [Dipsea](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/self-touch-sensation-play) to provide some sonic sexiness while you explore.

### Take a deep breath ... or 10

[Breathwork](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/breathing-deeply-basics) can be amazingly stimulating—but also relaxing. It's interesting that you'd want both sensations during a solo sesh, but when you think about it, you really do. 

[Deep breathing](https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/stress/why-deep-breathing-makes-you-feel-so-chill) helps put your sympathetic nervous system (the one that governs your stress, nervousness, and anxiety) on pause and allows your parasympathetic nervous system (the one that controls rest and relaxation) to take over. In fact, it's literally impossible for your body to release stress hormones when your parasympathetic nervous system is in charge. Try closing your eyes and counting to five on the inhale and then five on the exhale. Once you're comfortable with that, bump it up to a seven-count. Notice how your body feels as you breathe. 

As for stimulation, deep breathing brings oxygen into your bloodstream and to all the body parts that need it. Sexologist Jessica O'Reilly suggests [taking deep breaths during masturbation](https://www.self.com/story/better-orgasms-breathing) to help increase blood flow to the genitals and increase sensation. While you don't want to focus so hard on your breath that you take your mind completely away from the task at hand, try breathing as you move your own hands across your body.

### Foreplay

So far, all the instructions we've outlined constitute light foreplay. Now it's time to get into a more body-based activity. You can keep breathing through all of this, but just let it flow if you feel like there are too many balls in the air. 

If you've had some partnered sexual experiences, you know that there's nothing like foreplay to get wet and stimulate your body. With solo sex, it's no different. Gently stroke your chest with the tips of your fingers, running them down between your breasts and encircling each one. If you like nipple play (or aren't sure if you do), stop on each one and give each one some gentle attention or a light squeeze. Trace the lines of your belly down to the line of your pubic hair and stroke the outside of your vulva gently. 

Again, try to release any expectations of orgasm on this journey, and just notice what feels good and how your body reacts to each sensation.

### Explore how to make yourself cum

Your vulva is a multi-faceted organ with components that can enhance your sexual experience and build pleasure that leads to orgasm. Many sex blogs and podcasts focus on the clitoris and clitoral stimulation, and while that's fantastic (and definitely something to build up to), going straight to the most sensitive part of your anatomy might be a little aggressive, especially if you've been having orgasmic challenges. Your clitoris has [8,000 nerve endings](https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/the-clitoris-has-8-000-nerve-endings-and-nine-other-things-we-learned-from-a-new-artwork-1.2947694#:~:text=There%20are%20more%20than%208%2C000,erectile%20tissue%2C%20muscle%20and%20nerves.) in it, so it's incredibly sensitive. Depending on how you're built, you may never want to go straight at it without a barrier like the clitoral hood or a pair of underwear to help soften the sensation. 

But there's only one way to find out!

Start by exploring the whole vulvar landscape. This includes your outer and inner labia (the lips or folds of skin around the opening of your vagina), the hood of your clitoris (which encircles the top and sides of your clit and protects it from overstimulation), and even the tender skin where your legs meet your crotch. Spend a minute or two with each part, notice if your body reacts as you gently stroke each area. 

You might find it helpful to use lube or coconut oil to make gliding across these body parts easier. You might also notice that tilting your pelvis forward in a sort of tucked butt flex position increases sensation in some of these areas. You could also pulse your hips forward and back to stimulate the interior of your vagina as you play with the exterior with your fingers. 

If you find that touching a particular area starts creating a warm buildup inside of you, begin moving your fingers faster on that area to see if that increases the pleasure. If it does, keep going. You're well on your way to learning just what an orgasm feels like.

## Types of orgasms

So everything we just talked about was all about externally derived orgasms. That's because most vulva owners find that [external (clitoral) stimulation is critical](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28678639/) to reaching an orgasm, and vaginal penetration alone just doesn't do it. But that doesn't mean that there's no pleasure in vaginal penetration. On the contrary, vaginal penetration coupled with clitoral stimulation can actually result in mind-blowing orgasms, especially if the penetration involves hitting the g-spot. 

Some vulva owners have both clitoral orgasms and g-spot orgasms at the same time, which some call full-body orgasms. 

If you're curious about penetration during your solo play, don't shy away from it. Try using your fingers or a toy (like a dildo or vibrator). Slowly insert a finger into your vagina and try pulling it in and out, or stroking the vaginal wall on the front of your body to try to find the g-spot. It might even feel good to just experience the fullness of having fingers or a toy inside of you without moving them. There’s no wrong way to do this!

You can alternate between penetration and playing with the clitoris and touching your body. Chances are high that if you're learning how to make yourself cum for the first time, the outside bits are going to be the key. 

## How to use toys

Sex toys are most certainly welcome in solo play. When you're by yourself, the sky's the limit.

As a [first-timer](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-toys-for-beginners/), you might consider getting a bullet vibrator or something designed specifically for external stimulation to help you discover which parts of your vulva provide the most pleasure. There are a number of options that offer different speeds and pulse patterns, which is a great way to start because you want to make sure you have the option to ramp up the power on your toy. (For example, magic wands are very powerful, so that would be an advanced toy for your first purchase.) Check out this article for more tips on [how to purchase and use a vibrator](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-use-a-vibrator-tips-for-choosing-and-using-a-new-toy/).

One more thing you could try in the area of assisted orgasms is a little tool you don't have to purchase at all: the showerhead or bathtub faucet. If you have a hot tub in your backyard, a hot tub jet works too.

Stand in the shower and let your handheld showerhead flow against your vulva. Play with the settings to see which one you like best. Or lay with your butt against the front wall of your tub, legs straight up in a V-shape on either side of the faucet (this position might be too hard for some, and that's fine, no biggie). In the hot tub, face the jets and see how it goes.

Warm, pressurized water can have a way of working magic on your entire genital area. Even if you can't quite get all the way to the finish line using water, it's a fun way to get yourself going.

## The big O

So how do you know if you’re getting close? If you’ve never had an orgasm, then you might be wondering how you know if you’re getting warmer or colder. While everyone is different, there are a few potential signs that you’re doing what your body likes. 

First and foremost, as you become aroused and heading toward climax, your clitoris becomes more sensitive (usually in a good way) to what you’re doing to it or around it (sometimes it’s so sensitive you don't even need to touch it directly). A warm feeling might begin traveling upward from your vulva. You might begin breathing more heavily. Your body might want to tense up to increase the sensation. 

In some cases, it might feel a little like you have to pee as you get closer. If this makes you nervous, try playing in the bathtub or shower so that you can give yourself permission to just go with it. You probably won’t pee, but you might. And some vulva owners squirt (it’s normal, and it’s also a [whole other conversation](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25545022/#:~:text=Conclusions%3A%20The%20present%20data%20based,the%20emitted%20fluid%20often%20exists.) if you're curious), but many don't!

It’s called a climax for a reason. If you’ve reached it, you’ll feel a peak of sensation in your genitals as your muscles contract repeatedly—many compare it to a warm throbbing feeling or a surge of pleasure. Your heart will beat faster, your breath will speed up, you might involuntarily twitch, moan, or lift your pelvis, and your fingers and toes might curl. And chances are, when you’re finished, you won’t want to touch anything down there for a few minutes at least, as it will be highly sensitive and stimulated.

## It's time

The best way to learn is to do, so it's time to give all these suggestions a try. You deserve to feel good and enjoy your sex life, no matter if it's a solo sex life or a partnered one. The tips we've shared will surely help you get closer to the orgasmic feeling you're after. Just don't give up if it doesn't happen on your first try. To help you get started, take a listen to these guided self-touch sessions, in which you'll explore the various sensations in your body and even get into some gentle toy play. 

While it may be your first orgasm, you don't have to figure it out alone. Learn exactly how to make yourself cum with a fun, nonjudgmental guide.

Your first solo orgasm: How to make yourself cum

Make-Yourself-Cum

Glow-up

Glow Up

mix-it-up

Mix it Up

Ready to take your next solo sesh to a whole new level? That's what Dipsea is for.

Women don't have as many orgasms as men. This orgasm gap exists mainly because most women don’t grow up learning about female sexual pleasure. If we don't know how to bring our bodies to orgasm, it's almost impossible to expect your partner to know (but a little googling never hurt anyone!). 

Because women tend to use mental framing to get turned on, one of the keys to earth-shattering sexual experiences is to know what turns your mind on. Once you activate your arousal, you can discover what sorts of touch your body prefers. After you’ve done that, it’s a whole lot easier to communicate your needs to a partner. 

People often forget that mind-blowing sexual experiences are an [essential part of overall health](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316954). Sex is good for your mental health, heart, relationships, and even your immune system. It’s time to prioritize good sex. 

Erotic fiction is an effective tool for preparing your body for sex—either solo or partnered. Listening to erotica can do more than help you get in the mood. Erotic short stories can help you understand your sexual desires, build intimacy with yourself or a partner, and give you the sexual confidence you crave. Here’s a look at the key benefits of listening to erotic short stories.

## 1. Erotic short stories help women identify their sexual desires
There's a strong [link between sexual fantasizing and having a satisfying sex life](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199509/the-safest-sex). Sexual fantasies are healthy and normal, but many women worry they aren't.

Society often teaches women to hide their desires which means many women might not even discuss fantasies with their best friends. 

When women grow up being socialized to not talk about sex beyond whatever reproductive health course is offered in their high school (which are, all too often, not that great!), they don't learn about desire or arousal, the first two steps in the sexual response cycle. 

In addition to sub-par formal sex education, women recieve incomplete social messaging about what their sexual desires are supposed to be. We hear things about how [men supposedly have higher sex drives](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160630-the-enduring-enigma-of-female-desire) than women, instead of learning about the natural [variablity of sex drives](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/navigating-mismatched-desire/) regardless of gender.  

Combine the lack of comprehensive sex-ed with the socialization women receive regarding gender stereotypes and women wind up not knowing what they want in the bedroom (or the kitchen or the shower). We worry that our fantasies of taking or relinquishing control are misguided. We fear that our sex drives are too high or too low. 

And all that worry can make your vulva as responsive as an uncharged vibrator. 

The first step to satisfying sex is identifying what you want out of your sexual experiences. Indulging in [a story about one of your fantasies](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-brief-sexy-history-of-erotica/) will prep your mind for sex. But, it may also help you figure out whether you enjoy thinking about romance, BDSM, orgies, casual sexual encounters, or something else.

Erotica can help you experience any fetish you desire without needing to step through the doors of a BDSM dungeon. Steamy stories let women explore sexual fantasies from a safe distance. 

For some women, listening to erotic stories helps them decide they want to move one of those fantasies from hypothetical to real life. Erotica can give them the language they need to communicate that desire to a partner. 

Identifying your sexual desires is the first step toward a satisfying sex life. 

## 2. Erotica helps women become more intimate with themselves

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, help us connect with ourselves. The first time you try to meditate, your mind wanders from your breathing to the pile of laundry.  You get stuck in a constant state of trying to pull your mind back to meditating, and eventually it works. For many, guided meditation is the answer to a wandering mind. 

Women who masturbate regularly know their bodies and what turns them on. Unfortunately, for many women, getting in the right mindset for arousal is difficult. Sex stories, especially erotic audio, serve as a guided meditation, helping you connect with your sexual self. 

Listening to erotic short stories can keep your mind focused on arousal and away from the laundry room, the board room, or whatever kind of room your mind gets stuck in. Once your mindset is taken care of, you can focus on the task at hand. 

Spending time experimenting with different types of touch will help you learn whether you prefer a vibrating or sucking sensation, and whether internal or external stimulation is really what gets you there. [The more you masturbate](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/masturbating-is-important-even-when-youre-in-a-relationship/), the more you’ll come to know about your preferences. And that intimate knowledge translates to more orgasms during solo or partnered sex.

## 3. Sexy short stories increase intimacy with your partner

Women who masturbate regularly and are intimately connected with their sexual self have more orgasms during solo sex. What's more, they can take that same sexual energy to their partnered sex.

Erotic short stories do more than improve your masturbation sessions. Listening to examples of erotic fantasy can help you become more comfortable talking about what interests you sexually. Your partner wants to know what gets you off. It's on you to tell them, but because discussing sex openly and honestly isn’t something we see frequently, it can be hard to [confidently articulate it](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-and-sex/201712/sexual-communication-the-bedrock-make-your-bed-rock). 

When you’re comfortable explaining that you prefer circles around your clitoris over direct pressure, you’ll be able to experience more orgasms during partnered sex. The more orgasms you have, the more you'll want (we assume!). Better sex leads to more orgasms, and more orgasms lead to more sex. Everybody wins here. 

Don't keep the erotica to yourself. Listening to steamy stories together can help you explain your desires to a partner and help you learn about theirs. This connection makes it easier to talk about things like introducing sex toys, exploring threesomes, or something nonsexual like deciding which person is responsible for the pile of laundry. [Intimacy is the key](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-precare-foreplay-aftercare/) to a satisfying partnership in and out of the bedroom.

## 4. Women's erotica inspires sexual confidence

Desire and arousal are primarily mental processes. Sometimes the stuff of life makes it difficult for women to get in the mood for sex. Let’s be honest, there’s a lot going on in the world right now, and if we’re focusing on that full-time, we’re not readying our minds for sex. If our mindset isn't right, getting in the mood can feel more like driving down a dirt road without street lights than a well-lit highway. 

Women-centric erotic fiction prepares our minds for sex. According to the Kinsey Institute, [nearly 90% of women use scenario conjuring](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8233688_Turning_On_and_Turning_Off_A_Focus_Group_Study_of_the_Factors_That_Affect_Women's_Sexual_Arousal) to kick off their sexual response cycle. These scenarios can include sexual fantasies or even thinking about their emotional connection with a partner.

Women need stimuli to experience sexual desire. They also need it to move from desire to arousal. Erotica provides a paved highway toward arousal. And that intense arousal is the key to feeling confident in bed. Confidence leads to more intense orgasms, which can make sex more satisfying. 

## Improve your sex life with erotic short stories

Listening to erotic fiction inspires women to embrace their desires. For as long as we can remember, women learned from parents, religious leaders, and society that they should keep their sexual desires under wraps—but we’ve had enough of that.
Women like sex. Women want sex. At Dipsea, we believe women should get to have the sex they want. 

When women understand their desires, they can better communicate with their partners. Communication improves intimacy and creates a more satisfying relationship with yourself and your partner (or partners). 

[Erotic audio from Dipsea is unique](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erotic-audio/) because it includes more than just words on a page. It’s immersive and evocative, just like being dropped into the middle of a movie scene. 

All that mental stimulation helps women get into the right mindset for sexual activity so that even if all they have time for is a quickie, they can get in, get an orgasm (or four), and then go on to do whatever else it is they need to do. To get your mindset in the right place, take the assist from erotic short stories. 

  <div style="max-width: 41.25em; margin: 0 auto">
<div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row">

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/office-hours">
    <img src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/bTk4b0eVOnJ5IBlklET0l/7d26ef06c9bf8ce25e190bb873c420ce/Queer_Lecture_1.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Office Hours</p>
  </a>
</div>

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 0 0 10px">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/series/five-years-series">
    <img src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/6I5z8LCbdiH3lnN8rjCXkh/6a5d715d693f0330226b15b0f541af98/302_Five_Years_1_KatieEdmunds.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Five Years</p>
  </a>
</div>

</div>
</div>

<br /><br />


Women don't have as many orgasms as men. This orgasm gap exists mainly because most women don’t grow up learning about female sexual pleasure. If we don't know how to bring our bodies to orgasm, it's almost impossible to expect your partner to know (but a little googling never hurt anyone!). 

Because women tend to use mental framing to get turned on, one of the keys to earth-shattering sexual experiences is to know what turns your mind on. Once you activate your arousal, you can discover what sorts of touch your body prefers. After you’ve done that, it’s a whole lot easier to communicate your needs to a partner. 

People often forget that mind-blowing sexual experiences are an [essential part of overall health](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316954). Sex is good for your mental health, heart, relationships, and even your immune system. It’s time to prioritize good sex. 

Erotic fiction is an effective tool for preparing your body for sex—either solo or partnered. Listening to erotica can do more than help you get in the mood. Erotic short stories can help you understand your sexual desires, build intimacy with yourself or a partner, and give you the sexual confidence you crave. Here’s a look at the key benefits of listening to erotic short stories.

## 1. Erotic short stories help women identify their sexual desires
There's a strong [link between sexual fantasizing and having a satisfying sex life](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199509/the-safest-sex). Sexual fantasies are healthy and normal, but many women worry they aren't.

Society often teaches women to hide their desires which means many women might not even discuss fantasies with their best friends. 

When women grow up being socialized to not talk about sex beyond whatever reproductive health course is offered in their high school (which are, all too often, not that great!), they don't learn about desire or arousal, the first two steps in the sexual response cycle. 

In addition to sub-par formal sex education, women recieve incomplete social messaging about what their sexual desires are supposed to be. We hear things about how [men supposedly have higher sex drives](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160630-the-enduring-enigma-of-female-desire) than women, instead of learning about the natural [variablity of sex drives](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/navigating-mismatched-desire/) regardless of gender.  

Combine the lack of comprehensive sex-ed with the socialization women receive regarding gender stereotypes and women wind up not knowing what they want in the bedroom (or the kitchen or the shower). We worry that our fantasies of taking or relinquishing control are misguided. We fear that our sex drives are too high or too low. 

And all that worry can make your vulva as responsive as an uncharged vibrator. 

The first step to satisfying sex is identifying what you want out of your sexual experiences. Indulging in [a story about one of your fantasies](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-brief-sexy-history-of-erotica/) will prep your mind for sex. But, it may also help you figure out whether you enjoy thinking about romance, BDSM, orgies, casual sexual encounters, or something else.

Erotica can help you experience any fetish you desire without needing to step through the doors of a BDSM dungeon. Steamy stories let women explore sexual fantasies from a safe distance. 

For some women, listening to erotic stories helps them decide they want to move one of those fantasies from hypothetical to real life. Erotica can give them the language they need to communicate that desire to a partner. 

Identifying your sexual desires is the first step toward a satisfying sex life. 

## 2. Erotica helps women become more intimate with themselves

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, help us connect with ourselves. The first time you try to meditate, your mind wanders from your breathing to the pile of laundry.  You get stuck in a constant state of trying to pull your mind back to meditating, and eventually it works. For many, guided meditation is the answer to a wandering mind. 

Women who masturbate regularly know their bodies and what turns them on. Unfortunately, for many women, getting in the right mindset for arousal is difficult. Sex stories, especially erotic audio, serve as a guided meditation, helping you connect with your sexual self. 

Listening to erotic short stories can keep your mind focused on arousal and away from the laundry room, the board room, or whatever kind of room your mind gets stuck in. Once your mindset is taken care of, you can focus on the task at hand. 

Spending time experimenting with different types of touch will help you learn whether you prefer a vibrating or sucking sensation, and whether internal or external stimulation is really what gets you there. [The more you masturbate](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/masturbating-is-important-even-when-youre-in-a-relationship/), the more you’ll come to know about your preferences. And that intimate knowledge translates to more orgasms during solo or partnered sex.

## 3. Sexy short stories increase intimacy with your partner

Women who masturbate regularly and are intimately connected with their sexual self have more orgasms during solo sex. What's more, they can take that same sexual energy to their partnered sex.

Erotic short stories do more than improve your masturbation sessions. Listening to examples of erotic fantasy can help you become more comfortable talking about what interests you sexually. Your partner wants to know what gets you off. It's on you to tell them, but because discussing sex openly and honestly isn’t something we see frequently, it can be hard to [confidently articulate it](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-and-sex/201712/sexual-communication-the-bedrock-make-your-bed-rock). 

When you’re comfortable explaining that you prefer circles around your clitoris over direct pressure, you’ll be able to experience more orgasms during partnered sex. The more orgasms you have, the more you'll want (we assume!). Better sex leads to more orgasms, and more orgasms lead to more sex. Everybody wins here. 

Don't keep the erotica to yourself. Listening to steamy stories together can help you explain your desires to a partner and help you learn about theirs. This connection makes it easier to talk about things like introducing sex toys, exploring threesomes, or something nonsexual like deciding which person is responsible for the pile of laundry. [Intimacy is the key](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-precare-foreplay-aftercare/) to a satisfying partnership in and out of the bedroom.

## 4. Women's erotica inspires sexual confidence

Desire and arousal are primarily mental processes. Sometimes the stuff of life makes it difficult for women to get in the mood for sex. Let’s be honest, there’s a lot going on in the world right now, and if we’re focusing on that full-time, we’re not readying our minds for sex. If our mindset isn't right, getting in the mood can feel more like driving down a dirt road without street lights than a well-lit highway. 

Women-centric erotic fiction prepares our minds for sex. According to the Kinsey Institute, [nearly 90% of women use scenario conjuring](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8233688_Turning_On_and_Turning_Off_A_Focus_Group_Study_of_the_Factors_That_Affect_Women's_Sexual_Arousal) to kick off their sexual response cycle. These scenarios can include sexual fantasies or even thinking about their emotional connection with a partner.

Women need stimuli to experience sexual desire. They also need it to move from desire to arousal. Erotica provides a paved highway toward arousal. And that intense arousal is the key to feeling confident in bed. Confidence leads to more intense orgasms, which can make sex more satisfying. 

## Improve your sex life with erotic short stories

Listening to erotic fiction inspires women to embrace their desires. For as long as we can remember, women learned from parents, religious leaders, and society that they should keep their sexual desires under wraps—but we’ve had enough of that.
Women like sex. Women want sex. At Dipsea, we believe women should get to have the sex they want. 

When women understand their desires, they can better communicate with their partners. Communication improves intimacy and creates a more satisfying relationship with yourself and your partner (or partners). 

[Erotic audio from Dipsea is unique](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erotic-audio/) because it includes more than just words on a page. It’s immersive and evocative, just like being dropped into the middle of a movie scene. 

All that mental stimulation helps women get into the right mindset for sexual activity so that even if all they have time for is a quickie, they can get in, get an orgasm (or four), and then go on to do whatever else it is they need to do. To get your mindset in the right place, take the assist from erotic short stories. 

Erotic short stories can help you understand your sexual desires, build intimacy with yourself or a partner, and give you the sexual confidence you crave.

4 ways erotic short stories can improve sexual satisfaction 

4-ways-Erotic-Short-Stories

4 ways erotic short stories improve sexual satisfaction 

5 YEARS

Five Years I

Ready to take "me time" to a whole new level? Dipsea has you covered.

Hi! I’m Gina, one of the co-founders of Dipsea. Welcome to the “Dipseaverse,” I’m so glad you’ve decided to check us out!

Nothing makes us happier than hearing from listeners about the ways Dipsea helps them to feel more: more in tune with their bodies, more connected to their partners, more flirtatious putting themselves out there, and the most like themselves.  

But before you’re ready to dive in yourself, maybe you want to know more. Dipsea is an entirely new experience, so that makes sense! I’ll be answering some of the questions we get asked the most here. As a team that prides itself on communication, consent, and setting clear expectations—you’re in the right place to get all the answers. 

xo Gina

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=FAQblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

__What is Dipsea?__

Dipsea is where storytelling meets sexual wellness. With an annual or a monthly subscription, you can get access to hundreds of audio stories designed to get you in the mood, show you what you like, and open you up to self-discovery. Every Dipsea story is a consensual, feminist, and sex-positive original production created by our in-house team of storytellers. 

In addition to Sexy Stories, our library also includes cozy Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions.

You can download Dipsea in the App Store, Google Play Store, or access the app online. 

__Who are the people behind the app?__

We’re a female-founded company based in San Francisco, California. My co-founder Faye and I were friends before we started Dipsea, and we were fascinated by the idea that sexuality is as mental as it is physical. So we set out to create erotica as sexy as it is sex-positive. 

Four years later, Dipsea has grown into a team of 20+ incredible people. We’re half tech startup and half story studio. Our team includes audio producers and software engineers, writers, and product managers. None of us had professional experience creating erotica, which means we write our own rules and bring fresh energy and ideas to a totally new genre of storytelling. 

__How do you work with voice actors and story contributors?__

The best way to live a commitment to diversity and inclusion is to give paid opportunities to people doing excellent work. We work with a big network of talented voice actors who can represent how the world really sounds, and over 50% of our characters are voiced by people of color. 

Voice actors are recorded individually in studios all over the world. Dipsea producers then mix those recordings to create immersive audio stories where it sounds like multiple characters are together. It’s amazing how realistic a Dipsea story sounds, and a lot of hard work goes into creating that magic. 

Most of our stories are written in-house, but we occasionally partner with writers and story contributors with unique stories to tell and who can base their storytelling on their lived experiences. 

__What makes Dipsea special?__

Chances are you’ve probably been taught a few things about sex that aren’t serving you: that your desires are shameful, that pleasure is only okay when it comes after the word “guilty,” and that sex is basically a relay race toward orgasm with a partner. 

Dipsea is (literally) flipping the script, deprogramming harmful ideas, and re-setting the standards—high—for women’s lives and relationships. 

At Dipsea, we have two core beliefs. The first? Sexual wellness is essential. You deserve to feel good in your body, to live shame-free, to voice your preferences and state your boundaries, and to experience pleasure. The second? That storytelling is powerful. It illuminates the parts of yourself you might have lost touch with, gives you ideas for your own life, and fires up the imagination. 

We take a mind-first approach to sexuality because the answers have always been a part of you. Dipsea is a powerful reminder that starting with you—your wants, your needs, your fantasies—is the best way to manifest sexual wellness, and to feel more confident and joyful in and out of the bedroom. 

__What are the stories like?__

Desire is all in the details. That’s why we put so much care into every story we create. Between 10-25 minutes long, Dipsea audio stories immerse you in a world of aspirational and 100% consensual sex and relationships, and sometimes even insert you into the story. You’ll meet characters you’ll love—and watch your imagination do the rest. 

We want people to hear themselves in our stories. Over 50% of our characters are voiced by people of color, and over 25% of our stories are queer. Characters are empowered in their sexual, social, and romantic experiences. Sex is communicative, and pleasure doesn’t sound performed. 

__How sexy are the stories, really?__

Dipsea stories are designed to be erotic. Some are more flirtatious and romantic, and some include more intense themes like off-limits hookups, threesomes, and BDSM. 

We believe communication is key. Stories are always clearly tagged, labeled, and explained—so you always know exactly what you’re getting into before you listen. Because if you don’t feel safe and comfortable, you’ll never feel relaxed and turned on. And you’ll have an easy time finding more of what you’re looking for, especially as we get to know you better. 

__What are your Sleep Scenes like?__

Every night Dipsea was already being invited under duvets, tucked under pillows, and placed on nightstands. Sleep by Dipsea was developed as an even more intentional exhale at the end of a listening session.

Queue up soothing sounds, tranquil tours of dreamy destinations, and cozy Sleep Overs where a Dipsea Hunk tucks you in and then stays close by (playing the guitar or cleaning up after dinner) while you drift off. Dipsea Sleep Scenes range between 15-60 minutes. 

__What about the Wellness Sessions?__

Our Wellness Sessions are designed to support listeners trying to bring more of an active practice into their sexual and romantic lives. We partner with experts to create meditations, erotic breathwork exercises, dirty talk how-to’s, self-love guides, and more. 

__Why does Dipsea focus on audio?__

90% of women use their imaginations to get aroused, according to a study done by OMGYes and the Kinsey Institute. Audio erotica is intimate, immersive, and incredibly personal for each listener. Every story becomes your own personal version, designed by your own imagination. 
Dipsea now also offers sexy stories that you can read chapter by chapter, so you can get lost in the steamy backstories of your favorite Hunks, or discover new retellings of our most loved series.

__Is Dipsea just for women?__

Dipsea was designed with women in mind because they were so clearly underserved in a space defined by and for the male gaze. But the app is a safe space for all perspectives, preferences, and genders. Dipsea has HER + HER, HER + HIM, and a growing selection of HIM + HIM, and non-binary content. Over 25% of the Dipsea library is queer. Dipsea is an approachable resource for anyone who wants to get in the mood, spark their imagination, and learn about themselves. 

__Can partners listen together?__

If you think Dipsea might be a fun way to get in the mood together or to break the ice on certain topics with your partner—amazing! Dipsea is a highly personal experience, and you should listen in the ways that make the most sense for you. Our research shows that most people listen solo (~90% of subscribers), but more than 30% of people say the reason they listen to Dipsea is for the positive effect it has on their relationships. 

By nurturing your imagination and getting familiar with your fantasies and boundaries, you’re primed to have great sex with yourself and others. 

__Can I work for Dipsea?__ 

We’re only as great as the people we work with, and we’d love to meet you. Check out the current opportunities for working with us: 

- [Work with us](https://angel.co/dipsea/jobs)
- [Voice act for us](https://www.dipseastories.com/voice/) 
- [Become a story contributor](https://forms.gle/dQ4j9zPFxffqoH5c6) 

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=FAQblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

Hi! I’m Gina, one of the co-founders of Dipsea. Welcome to the “Dipseaverse,” I’m so glad you’ve decided to check us out!

Nothing makes us happier than hearing from listeners about the ways Dipsea helps them to feel more: more in tune with their bodies, more connected to their partners, more flirtatious putting themselves out there, and the most like themselves.  

But before you’re ready to dive in yourself, maybe you want to know more. Dipsea is an entirely new experience, so that makes sense! I’ll be answering some of the questions we get asked the most here. As a team that prides itself on communication, consent, and setting clear expectations—you’re in the right place to get all the answers. 

xo Gina

__What is Dipsea?__

Dipsea is where storytelling meets sexual wellness. With an annual or a monthly subscription, you can get access to hundreds of audio stories designed to get you in the mood, show you what you like, and open you up to self-discovery. Every Dipsea story is a consensual, feminist, and sex-positive original production created by our in-house team of storytellers. 

In addition to Sexy Stories, our library also includes cozy Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions.

You can download Dipsea in the App Store, Google Play Store, or access the app online. 

__Who are the people behind the app?__

We’re a female-founded company based in San Francisco, California. My co-founder Faye and I were friends before we started Dipsea, and we were fascinated by the idea that sexuality is as mental as it is physical. So we set out to create erotica as sexy as it is sex-positive. 

Four years later, Dipsea has grown into a team of 20+ incredible people. We’re half tech startup and half story studio. Our team includes audio producers and software engineers, writers, and product managers. None of us had professional experience creating erotica, which means we write our own rules and bring fresh energy and ideas to a totally new genre of storytelling. 

__How do you work with voice actors and story contributors?__

The best way to live a commitment to diversity and inclusion is to give paid opportunities to people doing excellent work. We work with a big network of talented voice actors who can represent how the world really sounds, and over 50% of our characters are voiced by people of color. 

Voice actors are recorded individually in studios all over the world. Dipsea producers then mix those recordings to create immersive audio stories where it sounds like multiple characters are together. It’s amazing how realistic a Dipsea story sounds, and a lot of hard work goes into creating that magic. 

Most of our stories are written in-house, but we occasionally partner with writers and story contributors with unique stories to tell and who can base their storytelling on their lived experiences. 

__What makes Dipsea special?__

Chances are you’ve probably been taught a few things about sex that aren’t serving you: that your desires are shameful, that pleasure is only okay when it comes after the word “guilty,” and that sex is basically a relay race toward orgasm with a partner. 

Dipsea is (literally) flipping the script, deprogramming harmful ideas, and re-setting the standards—high—for women’s lives and relationships. 

At Dipsea, we have two core beliefs. The first? Sexual wellness is essential. You deserve to feel good in your body, to live shame-free, to voice your preferences and state your boundaries, and to experience pleasure. The second? That storytelling is powerful. It illuminates the parts of yourself you might have lost touch with, gives you ideas for your own life, and fires up the imagination. 

We take a mind-first approach to sexuality because the answers have always been a part of you. Dipsea is a powerful reminder that starting with you—your wants, your needs, your fantasies—is the best way to manifest sexual wellness, and to feel more confident and joyful in and out of the bedroom. 

__What are the stories like?__

Desire is all in the details. That’s why we put so much care into every story we create. Between 10-25 minutes long, Dipsea audio stories immerse you in a world of aspirational and 100% consensual sex and relationships, and sometimes even insert you into the story. You’ll meet characters you’ll love—and watch your imagination do the rest. 

We want people to hear themselves in our stories. Over 50% of our characters are voiced by people of color, and over 25% of our stories are queer. Characters are empowered in their sexual, social, and romantic experiences. Sex is communicative, and pleasure doesn’t sound performed. 

__How sexy are the stories, really?__

Dipsea stories are designed to be erotic. Some are more flirtatious and romantic, and some include more intense themes like off-limits hookups, threesomes, and BDSM. 

We believe communication is key. Stories are always clearly tagged, labeled, and explained—so you always know exactly what you’re getting into before you listen. Because if you don’t feel safe and comfortable, you’ll never feel relaxed and turned on. And you’ll have an easy time finding more of what you’re looking for, especially as we get to know you better. 

__What are your Sleep Scenes like?__

Every night Dipsea was already being invited under duvets, tucked under pillows, and placed on nightstands. Sleep by Dipsea was developed as an even more intentional exhale at the end of a listening session.

Queue up soothing sounds, tranquil tours of dreamy destinations, and cozy Sleep Overs where a Dipsea Hunk tucks you in and then stays close by (playing the guitar or cleaning up after dinner) while you drift off. Dipsea Sleep Scenes range between 15-60 minutes. 

__What about the Wellness Sessions?__

Our Wellness Sessions are designed to support listeners trying to bring more of an active practice into their sexual and romantic lives. We partner with experts to create meditations, erotic breathwork exercises, dirty talk how-to’s, self-love guides, and more. 

__Why does Dipsea focus on audio?__

90% of women use their imaginations to get aroused, according to a study done by OMGYes and the Kinsey Institute. Audio erotica is intimate, immersive, and incredibly personal for each listener. Every story becomes your own personal version, designed by your own imagination. 
Dipsea now also offers sexy stories that you can read chapter by chapter, so you can get lost in the steamy backstories of your favorite Hunks, or discover new retellings of our most loved series.

__Is Dipsea just for women?__

Dipsea was designed with women in mind because they were so clearly underserved in a space defined by and for the male gaze. But the app is a safe space for all perspectives, preferences, and genders. Dipsea has HER + HER, HER + HIM, and a growing selection of HIM + HIM, and non-binary content. Over 25% of the Dipsea library is queer. Dipsea is an approachable resource for anyone who wants to get in the mood, spark their imagination, and learn about themselves. 

__Can partners listen together?__

If you think Dipsea might be a fun way to get in the mood together or to break the ice on certain topics with your partner—amazing! Dipsea is a highly personal experience, and you should listen in the ways that make the most sense for you. Our research shows that most people listen solo (~90% of subscribers), but more than 30% of people say the reason they listen to Dipsea is for the positive effect it has on their relationships. 

By nurturing your imagination and getting familiar with your fantasies and boundaries, you’re primed to have great sex with yourself and others. 

__Can I work for Dipsea?__ 

We’re only as great as the people we work with, and we’d love to meet you. Check out the current opportunities for working with us: 

- [Work with us](https://angel.co/dipsea/jobs)
- [Voice act for us](https://www.dipseastories.com/voice/) 
- [Become a story contributor](https://forms.gle/dQ4j9zPFxffqoH5c6) 


Looking for answers? You're in the right place. Read the FAQs to find out what Dipsea is and learn more about the team behind it. We've got all your answers right here. 

What is Dipsea? Why does Dipsea matter? Who is Dipsea for?

FAQ-v2

Dipsea FAQ

Ready to explore a new side of yourself? That's what Dipsea is for. 

The Deep Dive opens up the dialogue around modern intimacy and gives you a peek into the universe of people, ideas, and stories that light us up and move the conversation around sexuality forward.

The Deep Dive

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Whether you’re sapphic, or just sapphic curious, there’s so much romance and erotica for you to explore. Start a free trial to check out sapphic stories on Dipsea. 
</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=sapphic-blog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

## What does “Sapphic Mean” 

According to the dictionary, the word “Sapphic” originates from the Greek goddess Sappho, who lived on The Isle of Lesbos. In the nineteen fifties, “sapphic” began being used to describe women who were into women. And today it’s taken on a more expansive meaning, referring to attraction between women, whether they identify as lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, non-binary or queer. Although the mythological Sappho lived long ago, some of her tradition still lives on through erotica written about women who love women. 

You might not be able to visit an island full of sensual sapphics, but you can certainly read stories that transport you to worlds full of queer fantasy. 

At Dipsea, we make all kinds of queer erotica, here’s a few of our favorite Sapphic Stories:  

__[Goddess of the Hunt](https://dipsea.app.link/27FolvJJMGb):__  
This series reimagines the Greek myth of Artemis and Callisto, but instead of having their love be cursed, it gets to bloom in full. There’s woman warriors, mortal peril, and some very very spicy sapphic scenes. 

__[The Ticket](https://dipsea.app.link/J755uG1JMGb):__  
Looking for an escape, but not into fantasy? The Ticket is like taking a very sexy vacation without ever leaving home. In this series, Juliette, a wealthy and mysterious woman, whisks the protagonist away on adventures where they have high stakes sex, often in public. 

__[Office Hours](https://dipsea.app.link/ECHAr38JMGb):__  
This series is all about an off limits relationship between a professor and and her former student. It’s an intense and romantic, and so erotically charged 

__[Moonshadowe Chronicles](https://dipsea.app.link/llt1CCdKMGb):__  
This series was made for the romantasy booktok girls, for the fans of ACOTAR, and Fourth Wing…it’s got fae, magic, and so much enemies to lovers action. It’s the story of a woman warrior and princess traveling through a dangerous realm together, who over the course of their journey, fall in love. 

Whether you’re sapphic, or just sapphic curious, there’s so much romance and erotica for you to explore. 

<div style="width: 100%; height: 600px; margin-bottom: 20px; border-radius: 6px; overflow: hidden;"><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 600px;" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" allow="clipboard-write" seamless src="https://player.captivate.fm/show/407d0dcb-7e6b-4c8a-acfc-69cedfdf712e"></iframe></div>

## What does “Sapphic Mean” 

According to the dictionary, the word “Sapphic” originates from the Greek goddess Sappho, who lived on The Isle of Lesbos. In the nineteen fifties, “sapphic” began being used to describe women who were into women. And today it’s taken on a more expansive meaning, referring to attraction between women, whether they identify as lesbian, bisexual, pansexual, asexual, non-binary or queer. Although the mythological Sappho lived long ago, some of her tradition still lives on through erotica written about women who love women. 

You might not be able to visit an island full of sensual sapphics, but you can certainly read stories that transport you to worlds full of queer fantasy. 

At Dipsea, we make all kinds of queer erotica, here’s a few of our favorite Sapphic Stories:  

__[Goddess of the Hunt](https://dipsea.app.link/27FolvJJMGb):__  
This series reimagines the Greek myth of Artemis and Callisto, but instead of having their love be cursed, it gets to bloom in full. There’s woman warriors, mortal peril, and some very very spicy sapphic scenes. 

__[The Ticket](https://dipsea.app.link/J755uG1JMGb):__  
Looking for an escape, but not into fantasy? The Ticket is like taking a very sexy vacation without ever leaving home. In this series, Juliette, a wealthy and mysterious woman, whisks the protagonist away on adventures where they have high stakes sex, often in public. 

__[Office Hours](https://dipsea.app.link/ECHAr38JMGb):__  
This series is all about an off limits relationship between a professor and and her former student. It’s an intense and romantic, and so erotically charged 

__[Moonshadowe Chronicles](https://dipsea.app.link/llt1CCdKMGb):__  
This series was made for the romantasy booktok girls, for the fans of ACOTAR, and Fourth Wing…it’s got fae, magic, and so much enemies to lovers action. It’s the story of a woman warrior and princess traveling through a dangerous realm together, who over the course of their journey, fall in love. 

Whether you’re sapphic, or just sapphic curious, there’s so much romance and erotica for you to explore. 

<div style="width: 100%; height: 600px; margin-bottom: 20px; border-radius: 6px; overflow: hidden;"><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 600px;" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" allow="clipboard-write" seamless src="https://player.captivate.fm/show/407d0dcb-7e6b-4c8a-acfc-69cedfdf712e"></iframe></div>

Sapphic Blog Art

Sapphic Erotica: Women Loving Women Fantasy and Romance

Whether you’re sapphic, or just sapphic curious, there’s so much romance and erotica for you to explore. Start a free trial to check out sapphic stories on Dipsea.

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">If you're looking for more or if you’re just looking to dip your toe into Romantasy, download Dipsea to check it out. 
</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=romantasy-blog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

## __What exactly is Romantasy?__ 
  If you were just about anywhere online in 2023, you probably heard the term “Romantasy”, and wondered…what does it mean? In the simplest terms, “romantasy” is a literary category that blends the best elements of both romance and fantasy genres. Maybe you saw one of the [viral videos about Fourth Wing on #BookTok](https://www.tiktok.com/@gillianerin/video/7278565018915048747?lang=en), or saw a copy of A Court of Thorn and Roses at your local bookstore, and wondered what they were all about. You wouldn’t be alone—romantasy was one of the most popular book genres in the past year and it’s gaining more and more readers by the day. So what is it about romantasy that’s making people turn page after page? 

### __Epic Love:__ 
The characters in romantasy books traverse realms and  enemy lines for their love—it’s like regular romance, but the stakes are so much higher. And all that action creates an adrenaline filled story that’s nearly impossible to put down.  In the audiobook style story, [Wings of Winter](https://dipsea.app.link/vTkAA1JGMGb),  fae, humans, elves, and witches enter into a hunger-games style competition to return seasons back to their wintry realm. But Rowan, the son of the King, falls for a human warrior who enters the competition which makes what is already an intense story, much more high stakes. 

### __Escapism and Adventure:__ 
Sometimes a good book can feel like a great vacation, for a few minutes or a few hours, you’re whisked away from the routine of your day to day life and immersed in another world. Romantasy books, take literary escapism to the next level–readers explore worlds with supernatural creatures like fae and dragons and explore worlds completely unfamiliar from their own. In [Moonshadowe Chronicles](https://dipsea.app.link/uSSNpimHMGb), sworn enemies Fang and Lilla are forced to traverse hundreds of leagues from the Northern Kingdom to the Southern Kingdom, and along the way…fall in love. 

### __Extra Spicy Sex:__ 
  Romantasy doesn’t have to follow the rules of regular literature or even real life. Characters have supernatural strength and abilities… and all those extra abilities transfer over into the bedroom. In [Forbidden Fruit](https://dipsea.app.link/Tu9FalzHMGb), a greek myth reimagined, Hades and Persephone use magic to make their sex so much spicier–vines turn into bondage and crystals into sex toys…

It’s clear that Romantasy is here to stay. If you’re already a fan and looking for more or if you’re just looking to dip your toe into this new genre, download Dipsea to check out a wide array of series. 

<div style="width: 100%; height: 600px; margin-bottom: 20px; border-radius: 6px; overflow: hidden;"><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 600px;" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" allow="clipboard-write" seamless src="https://player.captivate.fm/show/59d229bd-fc34-4806-acf2-d2939d93e088"></iframe></div>


## __What exactly is Romantasy?__ 
  If you were just about anywhere online in 2023, you probably heard the term “Romantasy”, and wondered…what does it mean? In the simplest terms, “romantasy” is a literary category that blends the best elements of both romance and fantasy genres. Maybe you saw one of the [viral videos about Fourth Wing on #BookTok](https://www.tiktok.com/@gillianerin/video/7278565018915048747?lang=en), or saw a copy of A Court of Thorn and Roses at your local bookstore, and wondered what they were all about. You wouldn’t be alone—romantasy was one of the most popular book genres in the past year and it’s gaining more and more readers by the day. So what is it about romantasy that’s making people turn page after page? 

### __Epic Love:__ 
The characters in romantasy books traverse realms and  enemy lines for their love—it’s like regular romance, but the stakes are so much higher. And all that action creates an adrenaline filled story that’s nearly impossible to put down.  In the audiobook style story, [Wings of Winter](https://dipsea.app.link/vTkAA1JGMGb),  fae, humans, elves, and witches enter into a hunger-games style competition to return seasons back to their wintry realm. But Rowan, the son of the King, falls for a human warrior who enters the competition which makes what is already an intense story, much more high stakes. 

### __Escapism and Adventure:__ 
Sometimes a good book can feel like a great vacation, for a few minutes or a few hours, you’re whisked away from the routine of your day to day life and immersed in another world. Romantasy books, take literary escapism to the next level–readers explore worlds with supernatural creatures like fae and dragons and explore worlds completely unfamiliar from their own. In [Moonshadowe Chronicles](https://dipsea.app.link/uSSNpimHMGb), sworn enemies Fang and Lilla are forced to traverse hundreds of leagues from the Northern Kingdom to the Southern Kingdom, and along the way…fall in love. 

### __Extra Spicy Sex:__ 
  Romantasy doesn’t have to follow the rules of regular literature or even real life. Characters have supernatural strength and abilities… and all those extra abilities transfer over into the bedroom. In [Forbidden Fruit](https://dipsea.app.link/Tu9FalzHMGb), a greek myth reimagined, Hades and Persephone use magic to make their sex so much spicier–vines turn into bondage and crystals into sex toys…

It’s clear that Romantasy is here to stay. If you’re already a fan and looking for more or if you’re just looking to dip your toe into this new genre, download Dipsea to check out a wide array of series. 

<div style="width: 100%; height: 600px; margin-bottom: 20px; border-radius: 6px; overflow: hidden;"><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 600px;" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" allow="clipboard-write" seamless src="https://player.captivate.fm/show/59d229bd-fc34-4806-acf2-d2939d93e088"></iframe></div>


Romantasy Blog Picture

What Is Romantasy?

If you're looking for more or if you’re just looking to dip your toe into Romantasy, download Dipsea to check it out.

Do you know how big your clitoris is? If this question is making your eyes cross, that’s OK. You’re definitely not alone. This is Patriarchy as its worst.

Most of us (both penis-owners and clitoris-owners alike) are unaware of the full structure of the clitoris. So let us take an opportunity to enlighten, shock, and (hopefully) delight you.

The glans clitoris is just the small section of the clitoris most of us know (and if you don’t, read this). The FULL clitoris extends beneath the labia and into the abdomen. You cannot see it by looking at the vulva. The internal clitoris, or clitoral body, can reach up to five inches in some women (though the average is about 7 cm). To put this into perspective, five inches is roughly the size of the average penis.

The glans clitoris is about 0.5 to 2 cm in size. Size will vary from female-bodied person to female-bodied person. Every single clitoris, regardless of shape, size, or color is completely normal. This is also true of essentially every part of the vulva and vagina. 

Having the full scope of this information is important because the study and understanding of female sexuality is still in its earliest stages. This means that many doctors don’t have enough information or understanding of the clit. What’s more, Laurie Mintz, Ph.D., a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Author of Becoming Cliterate, tells us that “much of the new understanding has not permeated popular culture, which means many of use are still viewing women’s sexuality based on outdated ideas. The result is a lot of women are having horrible sex and blaming themselves and feeling broken.”

To give you a better understanding of the clitoris and why it’s been largely unexplored, we need to go back to some history.
Science and the historical emphasis on male bodies.

Science has long ignored female pleasure, pain, and anatomy. For example, as writer Lili Loofbourow pointed out in a 2018 feature piece on female sexual pain, if you take a peek at PubMed, there are 393 clinical trials on dyspareunia (recurring pain during intercourse), 10 on vaginismus (extreme pelvic floor muscle spasms, making penetration impossible), and 43 on vulvodynia (chronic pain in the vulva or vagina). Meanwhile, erectile dysfunction has 1,954 studies. 

We simply have not devoted enough money or time to the study of female sexual pain or female anatomy in general. It’s some serious BS, but facts are facts.

Mintz thinks that it took science so long to figure out the clitoris due to an incorrect, sexist, assumption that male sexual functioning is the most important thing and that we can extrapolate assumptions about female sexual function from it. “We have too long believed that if we study men’s sexuality, we can apply that to women,” Mintz says “Even today, this bias exists in scientific research.”

We didn’t even know the full structure of the internal clitoris until the ‘90s. 
You did not read that incorrectly, folx. The history of this research goes back to the work of urologist Dr. Helen O'Connell, who set out to research female sexual anatomy. Using MRI technology, she discovered that the clitoris was much bigger than the small, bud-like bump outside of the vulva, and that it extended into the body. For the first time, the true size of the clitoris was revealed. She first published her work in 1998.

Yes, 1998. 

It’s kind of mindblowing, considering that MRIs on male anatomy had been carried out in the 70s. Again, Patriarchy. What’s truly the most shocking is how not shocking this information actually is. 

We didn’t see imaging of the clitoris until 2006.
For a little more “FML” material, the incorrect assumption that the clitoris was made up entirely of a small exterior bundle (the glans clitoris) wasn’t thoroughly examined until the 2000s. The first 3D sonography of the clitoris happened in 2008. 

French scientists Odile Buisson and Pierre Foldès were two of the leading researchers in uncovering the full structure of the clit, using sonograms to document the structure, sensitivity, and movement of this very special sensory organ.

And finally, a breakdown of the structure of the clit.
The clitoris is a large internal and external organ. It is the only organ whose sole purpose is pleasure, though experts are still debating the evolutionary purpose of the clit’s anatomical placement. However, Mintz says that there isn’t enough data to make a different conclusion. She says that “until another function is proven, the only function of the clitoris is sexual pleasure.” 

That is pretty damn cool, don’t you think?

As we explained above, the only part you can see is the glans clitoris, which includes the clitoral hood. The rest (the legs and bulbs of the clitoris) are internal. “Just like a penis, the clitoris has erectile tissue; in fact, one part of the internal clitoris, the bulbs, can get anywhere from 50 to 300 percent larger when enlarged,” Mintz says.

We’ll leave you with one last clitoris fact: All female-bodied orgasms are clitoral orgasms. Yes, even G-Spot orgasms. “No matter where the stimulation occurs, the clitoris is involved,” Mintz says. “An orgasm [occurs] when the erectile tissue in the clitoris becomes engorged with blood, and then that blood is released with rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor.” This is exactly what happens to the penis, minus the ejaculation. 

Most clits respond well to the sensation of vibration, which is why many clit-owners have their first orgasm when using a vibrator. You have the background information. Now go find it for yourself.

Gigi Engle, ACS, is London-based, certified sex educator and author All The F*cking MIstakes. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Cosmo, Glamour, Men's Health, and Refinery29. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter at @GigiEngle.


Do you know how big your clitoris is? If this question is making your eyes cross, that’s OK. You’re definitely not alone. This is Patriarchy at its worst.

Most of us (both penis-owners and clitoris-owners alike) are unaware of the full structure of the clitoris. So let us take an opportunity to enlighten, shock, and (hopefully) delight you.

The glans clitoris is just the small section of the clitoris most of us know (and if you don’t, [read this](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-make-yourself-cum)). The FULL clitoris extends beneath the labia and into the abdomen. You cannot see it by looking at the vulva. The internal clitoris, or clitoral body, can reach up to five inches in some women (though the average is about 7 cm). To put this into perspective, five inches is roughly the size of the average penis.

The glans clitoris is about 0.5 to 2 cm in size. Size will vary from female-bodied person to female-bodied person. Every single clitoris, regardless of shape, size, or color is completely normal. This is also true of essentially every part of the vulva and vagina. 

Having the full scope of this information is important because the study and understanding of female sexuality is still in its earliest stages. This means that many doctors don’t have enough information or understanding of the clit. What’s more, [Laurie Mintz](https://www.amazon.com/Becoming-Cliterate-Orgasm-Equality-Matters/dp/0062664557), Ph.D., a Licensed Psychologist, Certified Sex Therapist, and Author of Becoming Cliterate, tells us that “much of the new understanding has not permeated popular culture, which means many of us are still viewing women’s sexuality based on outdated ideas. The result is a lot of women are having horrible sex and blaming themselves and feeling broken.”

To give you a better understanding of the clitoris and why it’s been largely unexplored, we need to go back to some history.

### Science and the historical emphasis on male bodies.

Science has long ignored female pleasure, pain, and anatomy. For example, as writer Lili Loofbourow pointed out in a [2018 feature piece](https://theweek.com/articles/749978/female-price-male-pleasure) on female sexual pain, if you take a peek at [PubMed](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/), there are 393 clinical trials on dyspareunia (recurring pain during intercourse), 10 on vaginismus (extreme pelvic floor muscle spasms, making penetration impossible), and 43 on vulvodynia (chronic pain in the vulva or vagina). Meanwhile, erectile dysfunction has 1,954 studies. 

We simply have not devoted enough money or time to the study of female sexual pain or female anatomy in general. It’s some serious BS, but facts are facts.

Mintz thinks that it took science so long to figure out the clitoris due to an incorrect, sexist, assumption that male sexual functioning is the most important thing and that we can extrapolate assumptions about female sexual function from it. “We have too long believed that if we study men’s sexuality, we can apply that to women,” Mintz says “Even today, this bias exists in scientific research.”

### We didn’t even know the full structure of the internal clitoris until the ‘90s. 

You did not read that incorrectly, folx. The history of this research goes back to the work of urologist Dr. Helen O'Connell, who set out to research female sexual anatomy. Using MRI technology, she discovered that the clitoris was much bigger than the small, bud-like bump outside of the vulva, and that it extended into the body. For the first time, the true size of the clitoris was revealed. She [first published her work in 1998](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16145367/).

Yes, 1998. 

It’s kind of mindblowing, considering that [MRIs on male anatomy](https://www.sciencedirect.com/topics/psychology/penis) had been carried out in the 70s. Again, Patriarchy. What’s truly the most shocking is how not shocking this information actually is. 

### We didn’t see imaging of the clitoris until 2006.

For a little more “FML” material, the incorrect assumption that the clitoris was made up entirely of a small exterior bundle (the glans clitoris) wasn’t thoroughly examined until the 2000s. The first 3D sonography of the clitoris happened in 2008. 

French scientists [Odile Buisson and Pierre Foldès](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/19453931/) were two of the leading researchers in uncovering the full structure of the clit, using sonograms to document the structure, sensitivity, and movement of this very special sensory organ.

### And finally, a breakdown of the structure of the clit.

The clitoris is a large internal and external organ. It is the only organ whose sole purpose is pleasure, though experts are still debating the evolutionary purpose of the clit’s anatomical placement. However, Mintz says that there isn’t enough data to make a different conclusion. She says that “until another function is proven, the only function of the clitoris is sexual pleasure.” 

That is pretty damn cool, don’t you think?

As we explained above, the only part you can see is the glans clitoris, which includes the clitoral hood. The rest (the legs and bulbs of the clitoris) are internal. “Just like a penis, the clitoris has erectile tissue; in fact, one part of the internal clitoris, the bulbs, can get anywhere from 50 to 300 percent larger when enlarged,” Mintz says.

We’ll leave you with one last clitoris fact: All female-bodied orgasms are clitoral orgasms. Yes, even G-Spot orgasms. “No matter where the stimulation occurs, the clitoris is involved,” Mintz says. “An orgasm [occurs] when the erectile tissue in the clitoris becomes engorged with blood, and then that blood is released with rhythmic contractions of the pelvic floor.” This is exactly what happens to the penis, minus the ejaculation. 

Most clits respond well to the sensation of vibration, which is why many clit-owners have their first orgasm when using a vibrator. You have the background information. Now go find it for yourself.

---

Gigi Engle, ACS, is London-based, certified sex educator and author All The F * cking Mistakes. Her work regularly appears in many publications including Cosmo, Glamour, Men's Health, and Refinery29. Follow her on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/gigiengle/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/GigiEngle) at @GigiEngle.


The Surprising history of the clitoris will shock you to your core

gigi engle

The surprising history of the clitoris will shock you to your core

curious

Curious

eighty-six II

Eighty-Six II

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to learn for yourself what all the hype is about. Now's the time!</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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Looking back at this year in the Dipseaverse, one thing was clear: “me time” was more important than ever. Connecting with yourself and your body, and making time to make yourself feel good was high on everyone’s priority list, to which we say, hell yeah. 

In many ways, 2021 crept by like the last hour of a road trip while stuck in traffic, and on the other hand, it was very much a blink and you missed it kind of year. Entire months seemed to vanish before our eyes while it felt like it was June for a decade. 

To try and preserve some memories, particularly the sweetness of the Dipseaverse, let’s take a look at what everyone was listening to, reading, falling asleep to, and everything in between this year. 

### A few numbers (but just a few, we promise)

This year, the Dipsea library exploded to include over [500 Sexy Stories](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/celebrating-500-stories-and-our-favorite-moments/), Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions. That’s over 85% growth since our launch. Creating over 500 pieces of original content, all thoughtfully written, expertly acted, and carefully directed and sound designed by our in-house team of creatives and the wonderful network of voice actors we work with is no small feat, but it’s something we’re so, so proud of. 

AND, more stories meant more opportunities for you to get lost in immersive worlds with your favorite characters, resulting in more listens than ever before. __4.9 million__ to be exact (and the year isn’t quite over yet!). 4.9 million listens is a whole lot of ‘oohs’ and ‘ahhs’ and shivers and good vibes and we hope you feel just as good about that as we do. 

### The stories you loved

Of course, every place had its own regional favorite too. In __Sydney, Australia__ ‘[Leather & Lace](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/leather-and-lace-series)’ came out on top, while in __Charlotte, North Carolina__ it was ‘[Five Years](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/five-years-series).’ __In Toronto, Canada__ it was ‘[Focus](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/focus-series),’ and over in __Boston, Massachusetts__ it was ‘[On the Apps](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/on-the-apps-series).’ 

And although everyone enjoyed [Sleep by Dipsea](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/dipsea-sleep-stories/) this year, in __London__ the track on repeat was '[Cozy Rainstorm](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/cozy-rainstorm-sleep),' which proves once and for all that Dipsea is even better than the real thing. 

This year Dipsea also [released five books—bingeable](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/now-on-dipsea-read-sexy-stories/) chapters about your favorite Hunks you can (and did) read over and over again! It was a close race, but when all was said and done ‘James After Class’ was the one nobody could put down. 

### Twists and Trends 

If 2021 was anything, it was the year of delayed gratification. Of stopping and starting and stopping… and starting again. Which is why we can’t decide if it’s totally surprising or not surprising at all that the top Wellness track of the year was '[Edging](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/self-touch-edging-ii).' Maybe a little bit of the madness of the outside world made its way into the bedroom after all. 

And, for the third year in a row, the most popular day of the week for listening is __Sunday__, specifically __Sunday night__. We’ve always known that Dipsea was the ultimate answer to the Sunday Scarries, and it looks like everyone else figured that out too. All those in favor of rebranding to Sunday Sexies say ‘Aye!’ (We’ll keep working on it.)

Also for the third year in a row, __Threesome__ was the most searched term in the Dipseaverse. It looks like everyone was still looking for a little more companionship (and we’re glad you found it!). __Oral Sex__ and __Dirty Talk__ rounded out the top three search terms, kocking __Co-worker__ and __Friends Become More__ out of the places they held last year. Guess no one was ready to head back to the office after all!

### Like, comment, and subscribe

The Dipseaverse, as it’s lovingly referred to, is so much more than the app. It’s all of the places and ways we get to engage with listeners outside of Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions. And we had so much fun doing that with you this year!

You spent a lot of time with us on Tiktok—you picked the [sexiest voice of the year](https://www.tiktok.com/@dipseastories/video/7032439917699566894) in our first-ever Sexiest Voice Contest (congratulations again, Naya!), and you also made [this video](https://www.tiktok.com/@dipseastories/video/6989368809563950341) about Spontaneous vs. Responsive desire our most viewed (1.2 million and counting). 

We also got to know so many of you so well over on Instagram, where you’ve continued to break down the barriers around sex and sexuality, showing up in the comments for honest, fun, freeing conversations about all things sexual wellness. [This post](https://www.instagram.com/p/CWmPOscFugk/?utm_medium=copy_link) about the most important lessons you’ve learned about sex was the most liked this year (at over 8k!), and [this one](https://www.instagram.com/p/CXE7AlSNKaG/?utm_medium=copy_link) about describing your sex live with emojis got 260 comments that are definitely worth revising! 

---

As we approach 2022, we want to remind you that the only kind of resolutions we believe in at Dipsea are the ones about giving yourself more. More pleasure, more rest, and more time to make yourself feel good. We’re so excited you spent 2021 with us, and we can’t wait for you to hear what’s coming in 2022!

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xx, 
Dipsea 

All the audio erotica Dipsea listeners were listening to in 2021. All of the trends, steam stories, and adult bedtime stories people love on the Dipsea app. 

All the audio erotica Dipsea listeners were listening to in 2021

2021

Dipsea 2021 year in review

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to explore something new? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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To take nudes or not to take nudes, that is the question, isn’t it? And, well, it’s one that can only be answered on an individual, case by case basis. The early aughts were wrought with tabloid stories about the leaked nude photographs of women in Hollywood. These were deeply invasive, extremely inappropriate violations of women’s autonomy and ignited conversations about whether or not it was appropriate even to take nude photographs in the first place. 

Let’s get one thing straight—the only thing inappropriate about leaked nudes is the leaking. Violating someone’s privacy by sharing, well, anything, shared in confidence, or not even shared in the first place is wrong. Full stop. On the other hand, taking nudes can be an extremely freeing, wonderful form of self-expression, bodily appreciation, and a way to enhance intimacy with your partner(s). 

For all her faults, Samantha Jones of Sex in the City did make a salient point every now and then, particularly when it comes to appreciating her body in all its forms. In season four, episode two, Samantha has herself professionally photographed in the nude so that she can preserve in perpetuity the beauty of her naked form. 

And to that, we say, yes yes a thousand times yes. Our bodies are wonderful, beautiful things. In all and every form they come in, each of our bodies deserves to be seen, loved, appreciated, and acknowledged for all they do for us. And pictures can be a wonderful way to do that, even if it is just something we do for ourselves, even if we’re the only ones who see it. 

Commonly, nudes are thought of as quick snaps that are meant to be sent to a partner. And that varietal of naked photograph is definitely one to keep in mind. A steamy pic taken in the heat of a moment, just to send off to say you were thinking of someone (who you feel safe and comfortable sending it to), can be extremely hot. It can also be a fun and liberating experience to take a page out of Samantha’s book and just take them for yourself as a way of loving on your own body. 

Whatever your nude-taking vibe is or your reason for taking them, it’s important to remember that pictures can end up anywhere, even when taken, stored, and sent carefully. Some people have even taken to [copywriting their nudes](https://saltyworld.net/how-to-copyright-your-nudes-to-avoid-revenge-porn/) to protect against potential leaks. As always, do what feels best for you and only what you’re comfortable with. 

If you have decided to snap a couple of naked pictures, we’ve got a few tips and tricks to make sure that, whether just for yourself or to share with a partner, they’re the best they can be. Happy snapping!   

### Get familiar with your body

Sometimes, we’re moving so quickly we don’t take the time to slow down and see ourselves. Really see ourselves. Every outline, every curve, every meeting point on our bodies are little invitations to delight in ourselves. Don’t miss out on that opportunity. 

Plus, when you know yourself well, you’ll know how you want to show yourself off. So go on, get up close and personal. Grab a hand mirror and start exploring. Find a full-length mirror and take all of yourself in. Today is a great day to stand naked in front of a mirror and say, hell yeah. 

### Pay attention to the setting

Nudes can be taken any time, anywhere (as long as you don’t surprise any non-consenting passersby), but insomuch as you can control it, make sure the background is cute too. Nothing steals focus from a perfectly positioned nude like a smugged mirror or a pile of dirty laundry in the background.

### Make sure you’re comfortable

There’s absolutely no reason to contort yourself into strange positions in order to take gorgeous nudes. Truly, there’s nothing more attractive than seeing someone luxuriate in the fullness of who they are. So, when you’re getting ready to snap your next sexy picture, relax, take it easy, and let yourself just be. 

Try laying on a bed or sitting comfortably on a chair in front of a mirror. If standing is more your thing, try taking a deep breath and then letting it all out. Take note of how your body is, how you hold yourself at your most comfortable. Remember, this is about celebrating your body, not contortionism (unless that’s your thing!). 

### Play with the lighting 

When it comes to lighting, there’s just nothing better than the natural thing. If you can be by a window in indirect sunlight, just letting the glow radiate off your skin, well, *chef’s kiss.* It’s also a common misconception that golden hour was invented for taking selfies. Not true! If there’s a way for you to take your nudes at that time (again, without getting into trouble), that’s just, well, golden. 

Not into the natural thing? Mood lighting can also be fun. Grab a red or purple light and replace the bulbs in one of your bedroom lamps and experiment with those. Red not your shade? Go for teal—it’s totally up to you!

### Don’t be afraid to accessorize

Just because you don’t have any clothes on doesn’t mean you can have anything on. Or, at least, that’s our logic. A great pair of earrings, a killer pair of shoes (heels, boots, the vibe is up to you!)—again, just make sure it makes you feel great. Bonus points if you want to take accessorizing to the next level and get some props involved. Here are [a few ideas](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-toys-for-beginners/)!

To take nudes or not to take nudes, that is the question, isn’t it? And, well, it’s one that can only be answered on an individual, case by case basis. The early aughts were wrought with tabloid stories about the leaked nude photographs of women in Hollywood. These were deeply invasive, extremely inappropriate violations of women’s autonomy and ignited conversations about whether or not it was appropriate even to take nude photographs in the first place. 

Let’s get one thing straight—the only thing inappropriate about leaked nudes is the leaking. Violating someone’s privacy by sharing, well, anything, shared in confidence, or not even shared in the first place is wrong. Full stop. On the other hand, taking nudes can be an extremely freeing, wonderful form of self-expression, bodily appreciation, and a way to enhance intimacy with your partner(s). 

For all her faults, Samantha Jones of Sex in the City did make a salient point every now and then, particularly when it comes to appreciating her body in all its forms. In season four, episode two, Samantha has herself professionally photographed in the nude so that she can preserve in perpetuity the beauty of her naked form. 

And to that, we say, yes yes a thousand times yes. Our bodies are wonderful, beautiful things. In all and every form they come in, each of our bodies deserves to be seen, loved, appreciated, and acknowledged for all they do for us. And pictures can be a wonderful way to do that, even if it is just something we do for ourselves, even if we’re the only ones who see it. 

Commonly, nudes are thought of as quick snaps that are meant to be sent to a partner. And that varietal of naked photograph is definitely one to keep in mind. A steamy pic taken in the heat of a moment, just to send off to say you were thinking of someone (who you feel safe and comfortable sending it to), can be extremely hot. It can also be a fun and liberating experience to take a page out of Samantha’s book and just take them for yourself as a way of loving on your own body. 

Whatever your nude-taking vibe is or your reason for taking them, it’s important to remember that pictures can end up anywhere, even when taken, stored, and sent carefully. Some people have even taken to [copywriting their nudes](https://saltyworld.net/how-to-copyright-your-nudes-to-avoid-revenge-porn/) to protect against potential leaks. As always, do what feels best for you and only what you’re comfortable with. 

If you have decided to snap a couple of naked pictures, we’ve got a few tips and tricks to make sure that, whether just for yourself or to share with a partner, they’re the best they can be. Happy snapping!   

### Get familiar with your body

Sometimes, we’re moving so quickly we don’t take the time to slow down and see ourselves. Really see ourselves. Every outline, every curve, every meeting point on our bodies are little invitations to delight in ourselves. Don’t miss out on that opportunity. 

Plus, when you know yourself well, you’ll know how you want to show yourself off. So go on, get up close and personal. Grab a hand mirror and start exploring. Find a full-length mirror and take all of yourself in. Today is a great day to stand naked in front of a mirror and say, hell yeah. 


### Pay attention to the setting

Nudes can be taken any time, anywhere (as long as you don’t surprise any non-consenting passersby), but insomuch as you can control it, make sure the background is cute too. Nothing steals focus from a perfectly positioned nude like a smugged mirror or a pile of dirty laundry in the background.

### Make sure you’re comfortable

There’s absolutely no reason to contort yourself into strange positions in order to take gorgeous nudes. Truly, there’s nothing more attractive than seeing someone luxuriate in the fullness of who they are. So, when you’re getting ready to snap your next sexy picture, relax, take it easy, and let yourself just be. 

Try laying on a bed or sitting comfortably on a chair in front of a mirror. If standing is more your thing, try taking a deep breath and then letting it all out. Take note of how your body is, how you hold yourself at your most comfortable. Remember, this is about celebrating your body, not contortionism (unless that’s your thing!). 

### Play with the lighting 

When it comes to lighting, there’s just nothing better than the natural thing. If you can be by a window in indirect sunlight, just letting the glow radiate off your skin, well, *chef’s kiss.* It’s also a common misconception that golden hour was invented for taking selfies. Not true! If there’s a way for you to take your nudes at that time (again, without getting into trouble), that’s just, well, golden. 

Not into the natural thing? Mood lighting can also be fun. Grab a red or purple light and replace the bulbs in one of your bedroom lamps and experiment with those. Red not your shade? Go for teal—it’s totally up to you!

### Don’t be afraid to accessorize

Just because you don’t have any clothes on doesn’t mean you can have anything on. Or, at least, that’s our logic. A great pair of earrings, a killer pair of shoes (heels, boots, the vibe is up to you!)—again, just make sure it makes you feel great. Bonus points if you want to take accessorizing to the next level and get some props involved. Here are [a few ideas](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-toys-for-beginners/)!

If you have decided to snap a couple of naked pictures, or nudes, here are few tips and tricks so that you can get closer with your parter and explore together.

5 ideas about how to take better nude pictures of yourself

Better-Nudes (1)

How to take better nudes

falling-III

Falling III

Ready to explore something new? Dipsea has you covered.

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to try something new? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
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Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else for a day? Or even just a couple of hours? The idea of it can be alluring, and not just because you have the opportunity to escape the stressors of your own day. (You can do that without stepping into someone else’s shoes, we promise.) 

It’s exciting because the possibility of becoming someone else means that there are entirely new ways of being that are opened up to you. Of course, you don’t need to become someone else to change your life. In fact, we recommend making positive changes all the time, if that suits you. But we’re not talking about life-long change. We’re talking about something more immediate. 

We’re talking about role-play. 

Role-play is a sexual activity that involves partners taking on various roles and acting out a scene together (which usually culminates in some form of sexual activity). We’re not talking about a staged production here; these scenes are definitely more off the cuff (or on the cuff if that’s what you’re into). We’ll break down a few role-play suggestions below, but teacher-student is a pretty common one, for example. 

> Role-play is simply an opportunity to escape our own reality... we are given permission to act, speak, feel, and think in a way that may be dramatically different from our true selves

It can be a bit awkward to bring up wanting to try something new with your partner(s), but you can assure them that role-play is a fairly common fantasy for people to explore. And you can also assure them that it has nothing to do with wishing you were in a relationship with someone else—in fact, it might have nothing to do with them at all. It might be entirely selfish, and that’s ok! For a lot of people, role-play is an opportunity to explore new sides of themselves with a partner or on their own. 

"Role-play is simply an opportunity to escape our own reality. By labeling it in a formal way, we are given permission to act, speak, feel, and think in a way that may be dramatically different from our true selves." [said](https://www.elitedaily.com/p/why-is-role-playing-hot-to-some-people-experts-explain-it-all-9395041) clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. And sometimes, being a new person is just what the doctor ordered (especially if your partner is role-playing as a doctor). 

Role-play usually, but not always, involves some kind of shift in power dynamics (like teacher-student) and always, without question, involves <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/dirty-talk-consent/">
        active consent
      </a> from everyone involved. Once you’ve established that role-play is on the table, setting up some ground rules is the next step. If your scene is going to involve some form of [power-play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-beginners-guide-to-submission/), or [toy-play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-toys-for-beginners/), setting up a safe word (a word either of you can use to immediately stop what’s happening) is a great place to start. 

Need to take it one step further back and figure out how to broach the topic of role-play? We can help with that. Use this little template below to send a playful message to your partner(s). You can even fill in this one and send it, just to break the ice. Need some ideas? How about “I’m dreaming of a __sailor__ to __kiss__ me under the __stars__ while we __dance__ the night away.” or “I’m dreaming of a __masseuse__ to __rub__ me under the __sheets__ while we __kiss__ the night away.” Start small and playful, and go from there! 

<div style="max-width: 350px; margin: 0 auto;">
<img 
src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/2g2v5sNwAviCK6jjHcagRK/07efc4b32b45eb3a0c16b232d52a416e/Three.png"/>
</div>
<br><br>

Looking for even more ideas? Here are seven role-play scenarios you can try, with corresponding Dipsea stories. That way, you can hear them in action before you dive in yourself! 

### Teacher-student

It’s a classic, so it makes sense to start here. We all had a thing for that one professor, right? Maybe it was their intellect or the way they commanded a classroom. Maybe it’s because we always dreamed of doing something special for a little extra credit. Or maybe it’s just because they were hot. No matter the reason, this is a tried and true scenario, so we say go for it. 

Want to hear it in action? The “[Lecture Me](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/lecture-me-series)” and “[Office Hours”](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/office-hours-series) series have you covered. 

### Coworker 

Maybe it’s a sense of competition because you’re each trying to outdo the other person and get that big promotion. Maybe you’ve both found yourself working late in the office, and ended up in the elevator at the same time. Inter-office dynamics are ripe for sexual tension and can provide the perfect backdrop for your next role-play. 

Want to hear it in action? “[Lush](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/lush)” and the “[Focus](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/focus-series)” series will show you how it’s done.

### Boss

Let’s take the office dynamics up a notch, shall we? Maybe you messed up a report and now they need to punish you. Or perhaps you’re up for a big promotion and you want to show them just how much you deserve it. Either way, someone is going to end up employee of the month. 

Want to hear it in action? The “[Raise the Bar](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/raise-the-bar-series)” series is a great place to start!

### Cowboy 

Bonus points if you can do a convincing southern accent, and if not, this scenario still leaves the door open for plenty of other exciting twists. A little rope-play anyone? One of you can be the cowboy, and the other one can be the new ranch hand—cowboy boots and nothing else isn’t a bad look after all. 

Want to hear it in action? Try out the “[Cowboys](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/cowboys-series)” or “[Wild Hearts](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/wild-hearts-series)” series for starters. 

### Fitness coach 

This one feels pretty self-explanatory. Someone is the hot fitness coach, the other is the hot student who needs to work on their form. Or maybe they need a good stretching after class? You can even up the realism with this one and break a sweat before to make it hyper-realistic!

Want to hear it in action? Listen to the “[Hot Vinyassa](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/hot-vinyasa-series)” or “[Hooked](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/hooked-series)” series for some ideas. 

### Exes

Ok, hear us out here. We’ve all fantasized about getting back together with an ex at one point or another, even if just for one night. We wouldn’t recommend role-playing as one partner’s actual ex, but make up a little story for the two of you. How did you meet? Why did it end? What’s gonna make it so hot about hooking up together again?

Want to hear it in action? Check out “[Ex-Cellent](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/ex-cellent-i)” or “[Triptych](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/triptych)” to get started. 

### Strangers

This one might be especially good for partners who’ve been together for quite some time. Why not role-play as total strangers. Maybe even meet out at a bar before going home together. Invent an entirely new person for the other(s) to explore—the only limit is your own imagination. 

Want to hear it in action? “[Behind Closed Doors IV](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/behind-closed-doors-iv)” or “[On the Market II](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/on-the-market-ii)” are great places to start. 


Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be someone else for a day? Or even just a couple of hours? The idea of it can be alluring, and not just because you have the opportunity to escape the stressors of your own day. (You can do that without stepping into someone else’s shoes, we promise.) 

It’s exciting because the possibility of becoming someone else means that there are entirely new ways of being that are opened up to you. Of course, you don’t need to become someone else to change your life. In fact, we recommend making positive changes all the time, if that suits you. But we’re not talking about life-long change. We’re talking about something more immediate. 

We’re talking about role-play. 

Role-play is a sexual activity that involves partners taking on various roles and acting out a scene together (which usually culminates in some form of sexual activity). We’re not talking about a staged production here; these scenes are definitely more off the cuff (or on the cuff if that’s what you’re into). We’ll break down a few role-play suggestions below, but teacher-student is a pretty common one, for example. 

> Role-play is simply an opportunity to escape our own reality... we are given permission to act, speak, feel, and think in a way that may be dramatically different from our true selves

It can be a bit awkward to bring up wanting to try something new with your partner(s), but you can assure them that role-play is a fairly common fantasy for people to explore. And you can also assure them that it has nothing to do with wishing you were in a relationship with someone else—in fact, it might have nothing to do with them at all. It might be entirely selfish, and that’s ok! For a lot of people, role-play is an opportunity to explore new sides of themselves with a partner or on their own. 

"Role-play is simply an opportunity to escape our own reality. By labeling it in a formal way, we are given permission to act, speak, feel, and think in a way that may be dramatically different from our true selves." [said](https://www.elitedaily.com/p/why-is-role-playing-hot-to-some-people-experts-explain-it-all-9395041) clinical psychologist Joshua Klapow, Ph.D. And sometimes, being a new person is just what the doctor ordered (especially if your partner is role-playing as a doctor). 

Role-play usually, but not always, involves some kind of shift in power dynamics (like teacher-student) and always, without question, involves <a target="_blank" rel="noopener noreferrer" href="https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/dirty-talk-consent/">
        active consent
      </a> from everyone involved. Once you’ve established that role-play is on the table, setting up some ground rules is the next step. If your scene is going to involve some form of [power-play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-beginners-guide-to-submission/), or [toy-play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-toys-for-beginners/), setting up a safe word (a word either of you can use to immediately stop what’s happening) is a great place to start. 


Need to take it one step further back and figure out how to broach the topic of role-play? We can help with that. Use this little template below to send a playful message to your partner(s). You can even fill in this one and send it, just to break the ice. Need some ideas? How about “I’m dreaming of a __sailor__ to __kiss__ me under the __stars__ while we __dance__ the night away.” or “I’m dreaming of a __masseuse__ to __rub__ me under the __sheets__ while we __kiss__ the night away.” Start small and playful, and go from there! 

<div style="max-width: 350px; margin: 0 auto;">
<img 
src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/2g2v5sNwAviCK6jjHcagRK/07efc4b32b45eb3a0c16b232d52a416e/Three.png"/>
</div>
<br><br>

Looking for even more ideas? Here are seven role-play scenarios you can try, with corresponding Dipsea stories. That way, you can hear them in action before you dive in yourself! 

### Teacher-student

It’s a classic, so it makes sense to start here. We all had a thing for that one professor, right? Maybe it was their intellect or the way they commanded a classroom. Maybe it’s because we always dreamed of doing something special for a little extra credit. Or maybe it’s just because they were hot. No matter the reason, this is a tried and true scenario, so we say go for it. 

Want to hear it in action? The “[Lecture Me](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/lecture-me-series)” and “[Office Hours”](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/office-hours-series) series have you covered. 

### Coworker 

Maybe it’s a sense of competition because you’re each trying to outdo the other person and get that big promotion. Maybe you’ve both found yourself working late in the office, and ended up in the elevator at the same time. Inter-office dynamics are ripe for sexual tension and can provide the perfect backdrop for your next role-play. 

Want to hear it in action? “[Lush](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/lush)” and the “[Focus](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/focus-series)” series will show you how it’s done.

### Boss

Let’s take the office dynamics up a notch, shall we? Maybe you messed up a report and now they need to punish you. Or perhaps you’re up for a big promotion and you want to show them just how much you deserve it. Either way, someone is going to end up employee of the month. 

Want to hear it in action? The “[Raise the Bar](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/raise-the-bar-series)” series is a great place to start!

### Cowboy 

Bonus points if you can do a convincing southern accent, and if not, this scenario still leaves the door open for plenty of other exciting twists. A little rope-play anyone? One of you can be the cowboy, and the other one can be the new ranch hand—cowboy boots and nothing else isn’t a bad look after all. 

Want to hear it in action? Try out the “[Cowboys](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/cowboys-series)” or “[Wild Hearts](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/wild-hearts-series)” series for starters. 

### Fitness coach 

This one feels pretty self-explanatory. Someone is the hot fitness coach, the other is the hot student who needs to work on their form. Or maybe they need a good stretching after class? You can even up the realism with this one and break a sweat before to make it hyper-realistic!

Want to hear it in action? Listen to the “[Hot Vinyassa](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/hot-vinyasa-series)” or “[Hooked](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/hooked-series)” series for some ideas. 

### Exes

Ok, hear us out here. We’ve all fantasized about getting back together with an ex at one point or another, even if just for one night. We wouldn’t recommend role-playing as one partner’s actual ex, but make up a little story for the two of you. How did you meet? Why did it end? What’s gonna make it so hot about hooking up together again?

Want to hear it in action? Check out “[Ex-Cellent](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/ex-cellent-i)” or “[Triptych](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/triptych)” to get started. 

### Strangers

This one might be especially good for partners who’ve been together for quite some time. Why not role-play as total strangers. Maybe even meet out at a bar before going home together. Invent an entirely new person for the other(s) to explore—the only limit is your own imagination. 

Want to hear it in action? “[Behind Closed Doors IV](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/behind-closed-doors-iv)” or “[On the Market II](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/on-the-market-ii)” are great places to start. 

Role-play is a sexual activity that involves partners taking on various roles and acting out a scene together, which usually culminates in some form of sexual activity. Here are a few role-play ideas.

A few role-play ideas to spice up your next sex sesh

Role-Play (1)

Role-play ideas

wild hearts ii

Wild Hearts II

Lecture Me

Lecture Me I

Ready to try something new? Dipsea has you covered.

Recently, bi/pansexual model and actress Cara Delevinge, who identifies as genderfluid (and who uses she/her pronouns), wore an outfit to the 2021 Met Gala, which read ‘[Peg the Patriarchy](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/cara-delevingne-met-gala-peg-the-patriarchy-b1919701.html)’ across the front. The outfit, which Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri designed, was controversial, but perhaps not in the ways Dior and Delevinge had initially hoped it would be. 

For starters, the expression ‘Peg the Patriarchy’ is a term first trademarked in 2015 by a queer artist named Luna Matatas, who received no credit or recognition from Dior or Delevinge. “Hey y’all,” Matatas [said in a video](https://jezebel.com/luna-matatas-wore-peg-the-patriarchy-long-before-cara-d-1847675754?fbclid=IwAR3NgBI5EWJQUMuSI_rQZZbJ7PbqunQexUU_oME4s8T1EL8V5pPoh6uGudM) shortly after Delevinge walked the carpet, “so apparently ‘Peg The Patriarchy’ made it to the Met Gala without credit to me or mention of me from the person wearing it.” Not crediting the originator of the phrase while using their work for publicity is wrong and extremely frustrating. But the nuanced issues with the outfit don’t stop there. 

“You know, it’s a bit like, ‘stick it to the man,’ if anyone wants to look up the word,” [Delevinge said](https://twitter.com/iLOVCARA/status/1437586097731739648), referring to the word ‘peg,’ prefacing that by saying the message of the outfit was about “female empowerment” and “gender equality.” On the surface, sticking it to the man sounds like a good, albeit lazy, message to send in 2021. Certainly, considering all that’s going on, there is only ground to be gained by trying to dismantle patriarchal ideology. However, using pegging in this context expresses a deep misunderstanding of the sex act and is overall a disservice to pegging by framing it as something that is about violence, destruction, or humiliation. 

In an effort to right that wrong, let’s take a deeper look at pegging. Where the expression comes from, what it is, and how it can be used as a way to enhance intimacy with your partner and bring your relationship and sex life to a whole new place. 

### Where does pegging come from

In his 1795 book *Philosophy* in the Bedroom, the Marquis de Sade describes what is understood to be a sexual encounter that involves pegging. The first pegging scene to be seen on the silver screen happens in the 1970 film *Myra Breckinridge*, based on a novel written by Gore Vidal. 

However, neither of these depictions use the word pegging, and with good reason. Because that word didn’t yet exist, or at least, it wasn’t used to name what we know today as pegging. We actually didn’t have a proper word for pegging until 2001, when gay sex columnist Dan Savage noted that there was a hole in the vernacular for such a thing in the English language. 

“What term,” Savaged asked his readers, “from this day forward, will be the commonly accepted slang for a woman fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo?”

One submission, ‘pegging’, was the clear winner, and the rest, as they say, is history. Of course, the act of pegging existed long before 2001, as the Marquis de Sade’s book proves, and it’s certainly true the act predates even that depiction. 

One of our favorite uses of pegging in popular culture, and no doubt one that catapulted into society’s common consciousness again, is the pegging episode of Comedy Central’s *Broad City*. In the episode, Abby, cheered by her best friend Ilana, pegs her hot neighbor Jeremy. This episode celebrates pegging in all the glory it deserves, a far cry from the negative connotations Delevinge’s Dior outfit purported. 

### So what exactly is pegging 

As Dan Savage so expertly put it, and as quoted above, in the simplest of terms,’ pegging is the act of “a woman fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo?”

Certainly, you can peg and be pegged as a person of any gender and sexuality. Honestly, the more pegging, the better. However, a lot of people have a lot of different language to describe the act of having sex with a strap-on, and pegging is usually understood to be an act that takes place between a cis-man and a cis-woman. 

Of course, call it whatever you like, and let it be between whoever you’d like it to be between. We’re not here to police anyone’s sexual nomenclature. (But we are here to provide a few [fun alternatives](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/new-names-for-classic-sex-positions/).)

### Should I try pegging

Yes, of course! Well, if you and your partner(s) want to, that is. Let’s actually take that one step further and say, not only if your partner(s) want to, but if, as with all sex, enthusiastic consent comes first. 

Pegging can be a wildly fulfilling, pleasurable, and connective type of sex to have. For those being pegged, it’s a great way to explore booty play and all the pleasure that comes along with it. A caveat to that is if the person being pegged is relatively new to booty play, it’s best to start small and take it slow. There’s a lot of fun to be had but noting with stop the fun quicker than getting sore too soon and for all the wrong reasons. 

For the person doing the pegging (who are, as we said before, typically cis-women), it can be a really powerful way to subvert traditional sex roles and explore and own their sexuality. It can also be, as all kinds of sex should, fun and freeing. It’s an opportunity to learn more about yourself and connect with sexual partners in a whole new way. 

If you’re interested in trying it out for yourself, have a conversation (or several) with the person you’d like to explore it with. It might be strange to bring up at first, but the only thing stranger than talking about pegging is not exploring your interests in the first place. And if you do decide to go for it, make sure you’re prepared with the right equipment. Search around for a dildo and harness that both you and your partner(s) are comfortable with and excited about. And don’t forget the lube. Trust us. 

If you’d like to explore pegging on your own before getting a partner involved, check out these two stories below, where you can listen in as characters in the Dipseaverse explore pegging in all its glory. 

And always remember: Don’t peg the patriarchy. Burn down the patriarchy, and peg the people you love. You know, if they’re into it. 

Recently, bi/pansexual model and actress Cara Delevinge, who identifies as genderfluid (and who uses she/her pronouns), wore an outfit to the 2021 Met Gala, which read ‘[Peg the Patriarchy](https://www.independent.co.uk/life-style/fashion/cara-delevingne-met-gala-peg-the-patriarchy-b1919701.html)’ across the front. The outfit, which Dior’s Maria Grazia Chiuri designed, was controversial, but perhaps not in the ways Dior and Delevinge had initially hoped it would be. 

For starters, the expression ‘Peg the Patriarchy’ is a term first trademarked in 2015 by a queer artist named Luna Matatas, who received no credit or recognition from Dior or Delevinge. “Hey y’all,” Matatas [said in a video](https://jezebel.com/luna-matatas-wore-peg-the-patriarchy-long-before-cara-d-1847675754?fbclid=IwAR3NgBI5EWJQUMuSI_rQZZbJ7PbqunQexUU_oME4s8T1EL8V5pPoh6uGudM) shortly after Delevinge walked the carpet, “so apparently ‘Peg The Patriarchy’ made it to the Met Gala without credit to me or mention of me from the person wearing it.” Not crediting the originator of the phrase while using their work for publicity is wrong and extremely frustrating. But the nuanced issues with the outfit don’t stop there. 

“You know, it’s a bit like, ‘stick it to the man,’ if anyone wants to look up the word,” [Delevinge said](https://twitter.com/iLOVCARA/status/1437586097731739648), referring to the word ‘peg,’ prefacing that by saying the message of the outfit was about “female empowerment” and “gender equality.” On the surface, sticking it to the man sounds like a good, albeit lazy, message to send in 2021. Certainly, considering all that’s going on, there is only ground to be gained by trying to dismantle patriarchal ideology. However, using pegging in this context expresses a deep misunderstanding of the sex act and is overall a disservice to pegging by framing it as something that is about violence, destruction, or humiliation. 

In an effort to right that wrong, let’s take a deeper look at pegging. Where the expression comes from, what it is, and how it can be used as a way to enhance intimacy with your partner and bring your relationship and sex life to a whole new place. 

### Where does pegging come from

In his 1795 book *Philosophy* in the Bedroom, the Marquis de Sade describes what is understood to be a sexual encounter that involves pegging. The first pegging scene to be seen on the silver screen happens in the 1970 film *Myra Breckinridge*, based on a novel written by Gore Vidal. 

However, neither of these depictions use the word pegging, and with good reason. Because that word didn’t yet exist, or at least, it wasn’t used to name what we know today as pegging. We actually didn’t have a proper word for pegging until 2001, when gay sex columnist Dan Savage noted that there was a hole in the vernacular for such a thing in the English language. 

“What term,” Savaged asked his readers, “from this day forward, will be the commonly accepted slang for a woman fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo?”

One submission, ‘pegging’, was the clear winner, and the rest, as they say, is history. Of course, the act of pegging existed long before 2001, as the Marquis de Sade’s book proves, and it’s certainly true the act predates even that depiction. 

One of our favorite uses of pegging in popular culture, and no doubt one that catapulted into society’s common consciousness again, is the pegging episode of Comedy Central’s *Broad City*. In the episode, Abby, cheered by her best friend Ilana, pegs her hot neighbor Jeremy. This episode celebrates pegging in all the glory it deserves, a far cry from the negative connotations Delevinge’s Dior outfit purported. 

### So what exactly is pegging 

As Dan Savage so expertly put it, and as quoted above, in the simplest of terms,’ pegging is the act of “a woman fucking a man in the ass with a strap-on dildo?”

Certainly, you can peg and be pegged as a person of any gender and sexuality. Honestly, the more pegging, the better. However, a lot of people have a lot of different language to describe the act of having sex with a strap-on, and pegging is usually understood to be an act that takes place between a cis-man and a cis-woman. 

Of course, call it whatever you like, and let it be between whoever you’d like it to be between. We’re not here to police anyone’s sexual nomenclature. (But we are here to provide a few [fun alternatives](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/new-names-for-classic-sex-positions/).)

### Should I try pegging

Yes, of course! Well, if you and your partner(s) want to, that is. Let’s actually take that one step further and say, not only if your partner(s) want to, but if, as with all sex, enthusiastic consent comes first. 

Pegging can be a wildly fulfilling, pleasurable, and connective type of sex to have. For those being pegged, it’s a great way to explore booty play and all the pleasure that comes along with it. A caveat to that is if the person being pegged is relatively new to booty play, it’s best to start small and take it slow. There’s a lot of fun to be had but noting with stop the fun quicker than getting sore too soon and for all the wrong reasons. 

For the person doing the pegging (who are, as we said before, typically cis-women), it can be a really powerful way to subvert traditional sex roles and explore and own their sexuality. It can also be, as all kinds of sex should, fun and freeing. It’s an opportunity to learn more about yourself and connect with sexual partners in a whole new way. 

If you’re interested in trying it out for yourself, have a conversation (or several) with the person you’d like to explore it with. It might be strange to bring up at first, but the only thing stranger than talking about pegging is not exploring your interests in the first place. And if you do decide to go for it, make sure you’re prepared with the right equipment. Search around for a dildo and harness that both you and your partner(s) are comfortable with and excited about. And don’t forget the lube. Trust us. 

If you’d like to explore pegging on your own before getting a partner involved, check out these two stories below, where you can listen in as characters in the Dipseaverse explore pegging in all its glory. 

And always remember: Don’t peg the patriarchy. Burn down the patriarchy, and peg the people you love. You know, if they’re into it. 


What is pegging, where does it come from, and how can it be used to enhance intimacy with your partner(s) and bring your sex life to a whole new place. 

What is pegging? And how exactly does one peg? Let's explore.

Pegging

What is pegging, anyway?

ftrain2

F-Train II

back on top

Back on Top

It’s not easy making sex look good in movies and on TV ([as we’ve talked about before](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/5-of-the-cringiest-sex-scenes-in-movies/)!). In all likelihood, there are a lot more bad sex scenes being shown on the big screen than there are good ones. What exactly do we mean by bad? Glad you asked. By bad, we mean the uncomfortable, unrealistic, forced, overly stylized, overly sanitized, so-detached-from-reality-you-have-to-look-away kind of stuff. You get it. And chances are there are a couple such sex scenes that you’re thinking about right now. Yeah, sorry about that. 

However, one word we wouldn’t use to describe a bad sex scene in movies, on TV, and especially in real life, is awkward. Because, well, sex can be awkward. And exploring some of those awkward moments can often up the eroticism of a scripted sex scene because it makes it feel more real. 

Recently, the cinephile site FandomSpot conducted a study to select the ten hottest sex scenes in modern movie and TV history. They don’t define what they mean by “modern,” but we assume it’s safe to say *Ecstasy*, the 1933 film featuring the first-ever sex scene to be shown in a movie, didn’t make the list. 

Here’s how they [got their results](https://www.fandomspot.com/steamiest-scenes-in-movie-tv-history/): 

*We surveyed our community members to find out which film and TV scenes left them feeling a little hot under the collar, and let’s just say the community picked some provocative, emotional, and down-right raunchy scenes! But we weren’t content with the survey findings alone, we needed to get geeky. After discovering the top voted raunchiest scenes, we wondered how we could prove just how sexy these scenes were, so we recruited some more help.*

*We provided 100 people from the FandomSpot community with heart rate monitors and asked them to sit in a room by themselves while they watched the 50 scenes which were voted the “sexiest” – all to reveal which one actually got pulses racing the most."*

According to FandomSpot, the top ten steamiest scenes were those which spiked the heart rates of their participants because, according to the studies they cited, there’s a direct correlation between rising heart rates and arousal. 

However, there’s also a direct link between [being embarrassed](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11708564/) (by, say, witnessing a little bit of awkward sexual tension) and increased heart rate. Meaning, perhaps the top ten steamiest sex scenes aren’t actually all that steamy. Perhaps what they are is a little bit awkward, and therefore a lotta bit real. 

Let’s take a look at the top five out of the top ten:

### Final sex scene in *Normal People*
Even the study admits that what likely made this scene the number one scene is that it felt extremely real and a little bit awkward (Marianne’s bra gets caught over her head at the start). If Sally Rooney’s prose taught us anything, it’s that the simplest, most real, sometimes embarrassingly true depictions can be the most powerful. 

### Pottery scene from *Ghost*
Ok, so to be fair, there might not be anything particularly awkward about this scene unless you focus on the fact that they never wash their hands before moving from throwing clay to making out. This one is absolute erotic perfection. 

### The bed breaking scene from *Jessica Jones*
Again, this scene is just, well, hot. But also, the fact that it ends with the bed breaking (and not in the *Twilight* kind of way) really brings things back to earth. It’s a fun end to a hot scene and a great reminder that even the steamiest sex isn’t free from the occasional mishap. 

### Peach scene from *Call Me By Your Name*
We’ve talked about our feelings regarding this scene [before](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/5-of-the-cringiest-sex-scenes-in-movies/) (Elio should have eaten the peach!), but there’s no denying the awkward tension of using a fruit to masturbate really comes to life here. Chalamet’s tender inquisitiveness takes what could have just been something strange and makes it strangely, beautifully erotic. 

### Alex and Piper first shower scene from *Orange Is The New Black*
As with *Call Me By Your Name* above, this scene also includes no penetrative sex. And the way that it’s framed, by Alex and Piper being watched by a stranger we can’t see, absolutely ups the awkwardness. It’s not so much about the sex as much as it’s about being so into someone that you don’t care who’s watching.

There are plenty of ways to increase the awkward eroticism of a sex scene. The trick is to never up it so high you make someone want to look away, but up it just enough to make it feel real. Whether it’s a bed breaking, a bra getting caught, or being so turned on your only option is to reach for the nearest stone fruit, it’s clear that a little awkward realism is usually just what’s needed to increase the erotic tension; it makes a 2D experience almost 3D. 

If you’re interested in immersing yourself in a perfectly balanced world of erotic realism, why not start with these two stories. There’s just enough tension to make you feel like you’re there, but never enough to pull you out of the fantasy. 

It’s not easy making sex look good in movies and on TV ([as we’ve talked about before](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/5-of-the-cringiest-sex-scenes-in-movies/)!). In all likelihood, there are a lot more bad sex scenes being shown on the big screen than there are good ones. What exactly do we mean by bad? Glad you asked. By bad, we mean the uncomfortable, unrealistic, forced, overly stylized, overly sanitized, so-detached-from-reality-you-have-to-look-away kind of stuff. You get it. And chances are there are a couple such sex scenes that you’re thinking about right now. Yeah, sorry about that. 

However, one word we wouldn’t use to describe a bad sex scene in movies, on TV, and especially in real life, is awkward. Because, well, sex can be awkward. And exploring some of those awkward moments can often up the eroticism of a scripted sex scene because it makes it feel more real. 

Recently, the cinephile site FandomSpot conducted a study to select the ten hottest sex scenes in modern movie and TV history. They don’t define what they mean by “modern,” but we assume it’s safe to say *Ecstasy*, the 1933 film featuring the first-ever sex scene to be shown in a movie, didn’t make the list. 

Here’s how they [got their results](https://www.fandomspot.com/steamiest-scenes-in-movie-tv-history/): 

*We surveyed our community members to find out which film and TV scenes left them feeling a little hot under the collar, and let’s just say the community picked some provocative, emotional, and down-right raunchy scenes! But we weren’t content with the survey findings alone, we needed to get geeky. After discovering the top voted raunchiest scenes, we wondered how we could prove just how sexy these scenes were, so we recruited some more help.*

*We provided 100 people from the FandomSpot community with heart rate monitors and asked them to sit in a room by themselves while they watched the 50 scenes which were voted the “sexiest” – all to reveal which one actually got pulses racing the most."*

According to FandomSpot, the top ten steamiest scenes were those which spiked the heart rates of their participants because, according to the studies they cited, there’s a direct correlation between rising heart rates and arousal. 

However, there’s also a direct link between [being embarrassed](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/11708564/) (by, say, witnessing a little bit of awkward sexual tension) and increased heart rate. Meaning, perhaps the top ten steamiest sex scenes aren’t actually all that steamy. Perhaps what they are is a little bit awkward, and therefore a lotta bit real. 

Let’s take a look at the top five out of the top ten:

### Final sex scene in *Normal People*
Even the study admits that what likely made this scene the number one scene is that it felt extremely real and a little bit awkward (Marianne’s bra gets caught over her head at the start). If Sally Rooney’s prose taught us anything, it’s that the simplest, most real, sometimes embarrassingly true depictions can be the most powerful. 

### Pottery scene from *Ghost*
Ok, so to be fair, there might not be anything particularly awkward about this scene unless you focus on the fact that they never wash their hands before moving from throwing clay to making out. This one is absolute erotic perfection. 

### The bed breaking scene from *Jessica Jones*
Again, this scene is just, well, hot. But also, the fact that it ends with the bed breaking (and not in the *Twilight* kind of way) really brings things back to earth. It’s a fun end to a hot scene and a great reminder that even the steamiest sex isn’t free from the occasional mishap. 

### Peach scene from *Call Me By Your Name*
We’ve talked about our feelings regarding this scene [before](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/5-of-the-cringiest-sex-scenes-in-movies/) (Elio should have eaten the peach!), but there’s no denying the awkward tension of using a fruit to masturbate really comes to life here. Chalamet’s tender inquisitiveness takes what could have just been something strange and makes it strangely, beautifully erotic. 

### Alex and Piper first shower scene from *Orange Is The New Black*
As with *Call Me By Your Name* above, this scene also includes no penetrative sex. And the way that it’s framed, by Alex and Piper being watched by a stranger we can’t see, absolutely ups the awkwardness. It’s not so much about the sex as much as it’s about being so into someone that you don’t care who’s watching.

There are plenty of ways to increase the awkward eroticism of a sex scene. The trick is to never up it so high you make someone want to look away, but up it just enough to make it feel real. Whether it’s a bed breaking, a bra getting caught, or being so turned on your only option is to reach for the nearest stone fruit, it’s clear that a little awkward realism is usually just what’s needed to increase the erotic tension; it makes a 2D experience almost 3D. 

If you’re interested in immersing yourself in a perfectly balanced world of erotic realism, why not start with these two stories. There’s just enough tension to make you feel like you’re there, but never enough to pull you out of the fantasy. 


The top ten best sex scenes in movies are those that spiked heart rate. According to studies, there’s a direct correlation between rising heart rate and arousal. 

Are the best sex scenes in movies and on TV hot or awkward

Sex-Scene

What makes for a good sex scene

falling i

Falling I

playing the field

Playing the Field II

There’s a lot to be thankful for when it comes to the sex scenes in some of our favorite movies. While they might not be entirely instructive when it comes to how actual people are having actual sex in real life, many of them make up for it in erotic tension alone. And erotic tension goes a long, long way. 

Remember Rose’s hand sliding down that almost impossibly steamed-up car window in *Titanic*? Of course you do. Who could forget it? And raise of hands, who later practiced sliding their hand down their bathroom mirror after a hot shower? Just us? Okay, okay, that’s fair. 

And who could forget the incredibly erotic ice cube scene in *Do the Right Thing*? Or the iconically intimate spit scene in *Brokeback Mountain*? It’s hard to make spitting sexy on screen, but on that mountain? It’s effortless. Or, at least, it looks it. 

There’s a lot that goes into making sure sex on the big screen looks, sounds, and feels right. Before the actors even begin a scene, most films now bring in a sex scene or coach (also known as an intimacy coach, depending on who you’re talking to) to walk them through it moment by moment. “Sex scenes are not just a vehicle for someone to get off,” Alicia Rodis, HBO’s lead intimacy coordinator, [told The Atlantic](https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/09/alicia-rodis-sex-scene-coach/594700/), “Sex has so many narratives, and it’s so complex, and it’s so important. People who are growing up with the internet and just seeing a certain type of pornography? I think we owe it to them to show forms of sexuality that are not the top 50 videos on Pornhub.”

We couldn’t agree more with Rodis. After all, modeling and celebrating authentic, consensual, joy and pleasure-filled sex is what Dipsea is all about. However, it would appear not everyone in Hollywood got the memo or, at least, didn’t have a sex coach on hand who shares the same philosophy. 

Below, we’re breaking down five of the cringiest sex scenes in movies and offering up a little perspective on how they might be improved. The films are presented in no particular order, and by no means is this an exhaustive list, but it’s definitely a start. 

# [Call Me By Your Name](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2OOO5diqQs)

### What’s wrong: 
We know, we know, we know, we’re really coming out swinging here, but hear us out. This is a controversial but brave choice. We’ll start off with the good. The film itself is gorgeous, the acting is sublime, and the moments of erotic tension that pepper the film are, quite simply, *chef’s kiss*. 

However! In an interview, Luca Guadagnino, the film’s director, said he kept the more explicit gay sex scenes from the book out of the movie to make the movie more [palatable for straight audiences](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/12/18/why-call-me-by-your-name-should-have-included-gay-sex/). Directors are free to make whatever editorial choices they’d like, but trying to make a gay love story palatable for straight audiences by desexualizing the source material? That’s extremely cringe. Also, for what it’s worth, Elio should have eaten the peach! 

### Making it better: 
We’ll say it again because it bears repeating: Elio should have eaten the peach! And, moreover, the film should have included more of the wonderful, intimate, tender sex so expertly written by André Aciman, rather than, you know, panning to the trees. The scene when Oliver and Elio first kiss in the shade does really strong work to build the erotic tension. Unfortunately, try as it might, the film’s eroticism never reaches its full potential, particularly after being viewed knowing the reasoning behind Guadagnino’s choices in that matter. 

# [Gigli](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCQEs4uXbSc)

### What’s wrong: 
We’ll start by saying this: we couldn’t be more excited that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are back together. Bennifer forever, as far as we’re concerned. We loved them then, and we love them now for all that they represent. Romance! Nostalgia! Validation that getting [back together with an ex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/should-you-have-sex-with-an-ex/) isn’t always a bad idea! (Right?) 

Now that that’s out of the way, we need to discuss the dirty talk in *Gigli*. Jennifer Lopez’s character Ricki (a lesbian assassin!) attempts to convince Ben Affleck’s character to go down on her by saying, “It’s turkey time. Gobble goggle.” Affleck’s character responds in exactly the same way we did, by staring at her with a confused expression on his face and saying, “What?” An icon line to break out at Thanksgiving, but not so much a strong lead-up to oral sex. 

### Making it better: 
Why not try saying, literally, anything else. Don’t get us wrong, playful banter absolutely has a place in the bedroom, or the living room, or wherever you happen to find you and your partner(s) getting it on, but this line is just unforgivable. If you need a little help, we’ve got a primer for you right [here](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/dirty-talk-101-series).

# Showgirls

### What’s wrong: 
Listen, we’re just as interested as anyone in watching Jessie Spano and Trey MacDougal get it on in a pool but this scene is an absolute nightmare. Sex in the water is hard enough as it is, and this scene does it no favors. He’s inside of her, and she looks like she’s... drowning? It’s not great! The entire movie is unintentional camp, which is part of what makes it so amazing, but there’s really no excuse for what’s going on here. 

Making it better: 
[Sex outside](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/heres-why-people-are-so-into-sex-in-public/) under the stars can be a really beautiful, connective thing to share with someone. And playing in the water gives you a lot of room to be picked up and held with ease. A little bit of tender playfulness here could have gone a long way in heightening the intimacy and making this sex scene one people are envious of, rather than laughing at.  

# Twilight

### What’s wrong: 
Listen, we’re all here for Bella and Edward to finally get it on after so much yearning and longing and, you know, waiting to get turned into a vampire. It’s the kind of intense edging that could and should totally lead up to some incredible, bed-breaking sex. And it does! Kind of. 

By the time Bella and Edward finally have sex, the build-up has been so intense that he literally breaks the bed in the heat of the moment, causing wooden spikes to fall from the connecting rails on top of their four-poster bed. Maybe the rules are a little different in Twilight, but the last time we checked, wooden spikes are one of the number one ways to kill a vampire. Of which there are now two! 

### Making it better: 
We will give the sex scenes in *Twilight* a little credit. After some rougher-than-usual sex (you know, because Edward has super strength and all that), there’s some good aftercare dialogue that happens between him and Bella. It’s not something that often shows up after sex in movies, and it should happen more often! 

However, the other important element to great sex is making sure everyone involved feels safe and secure, even and especially if the sex is going to be rough. So, having actual vampire murder weapons falling from the sky while two vampires have sex isn't the best way to set the scene. Perhaps they can try again, and this time just have them in a normal bed. It’s so simple! 

# [Avatar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ru9fw7szQw)

### What’s wrong: 
There’s a lot that can be said about James Cameron’s *Avatar*, but for now, we’ll just go with this. We can’t believe the man who directed the hand-on-the-steamy-car-window scene in *Titanic* also gave us a sex scene that primarily centers around hair braiding. We’re dealing with what, here? Like nine-foot-tall hot blue aliens, and all we get is a few tresses interlocking? Cameron already proved he could shoot a great sex scene without giving it all away, and those little blue hotties deserved more. And so did we. 

### Making it better: 
As with Gigli, again, we will say, try anything else? Give us a hand on the window of a steamed-up spaceship. Give us a little playful erotic wrestling. If they’re still going to go the hair braiding route, why not throw in a little hair pulling for good measure? When it’s done right, it can be extremely arousing! 


There’s a lot to be thankful for when it comes to the sex scenes in some of our favorite movies. While they might not be entirely instructive when it comes to how actual people are having actual sex in real life, many of them make up for it in erotic tension alone. And erotic tension goes a long, long way. 

Remember Rose’s hand sliding down that almost impossibly steamed-up car window in *Titanic*? Of course you do. Who could forget it? And raise of hands, who later practiced sliding their hand down their bathroom mirror after a hot shower? Just us? Okay, okay, that’s fair. 

And who could forget the incredibly erotic ice cube scene in *Do the Right Thing*? Or the iconically intimate spit scene in *Brokeback Mountain*? It’s hard to make spitting sexy on screen, but on that mountain? It’s effortless. Or, at least, it looks it. 

There’s a lot that goes into making sure sex on the big screen looks, sounds, and feels right. Before the actors even begin a scene, most films now bring in a sex scene or coach (also known as an intimacy coach, depending on who you’re talking to) to walk them through it moment by moment. “Sex scenes are not just a vehicle for someone to get off,” Alicia Rodis, HBO’s lead intimacy coordinator, [told The Atlantic](https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2019/09/alicia-rodis-sex-scene-coach/594700/), “Sex has so many narratives, and it’s so complex, and it’s so important. People who are growing up with the internet and just seeing a certain type of pornography? I think we owe it to them to show forms of sexuality that are not the top 50 videos on Pornhub.”

We couldn’t agree more with Rodis. After all, modeling and celebrating authentic, consensual, joy and pleasure-filled sex is what Dipsea is all about. However, it would appear not everyone in Hollywood got the memo or, at least, didn’t have a sex coach on hand who shares the same philosophy. 

Below, we’re breaking down five of the cringiest sex scenes in movies and offering up a little perspective on how they might be improved. The films are presented in no particular order, and by no means is this an exhaustive list, but it’s definitely a start. 

# [Call Me By Your Name](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2OOO5diqQs)

### What’s wrong: 
We know, we know, we know, we’re really coming out swinging here, but hear us out. This is a controversial but brave choice. We’ll start off with the good. The film itself is gorgeous, the acting is sublime, and the moments of erotic tension that pepper the film are, quite simply, *chef’s kiss*. 

However! In an interview, Luca Guadagnino, the film’s director, said he kept the more explicit gay sex scenes from the book out of the movie to make the movie more [palatable for straight audiences](https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/soloish/wp/2017/12/18/why-call-me-by-your-name-should-have-included-gay-sex/). Directors are free to make whatever editorial choices they’d like, but trying to make a gay love story palatable for straight audiences by desexualizing the source material? That’s extremely cringe. Also, for what it’s worth, Elio should have eaten the peach! 

### Making it better: 
We’ll say it again because it bears repeating: Elio should have eaten the peach! And, moreover, the film should have included more of the wonderful, intimate, tender sex so expertly written by André Aciman, rather than, you know, panning to the trees. The scene when Oliver and Elio first kiss in the shade does really strong work to build the erotic tension. Unfortunately, try as it might, the film’s eroticism never reaches its full potential, particularly after being viewed knowing the reasoning behind Guadagnino’s choices in that matter. 

# [Gigli](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCQEs4uXbSc)

### What’s wrong: 
We’ll start by saying this: we couldn’t be more excited that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez are back together. Bennifer forever, as far as we’re concerned. We loved them then, and we love them now for all that they represent. Romance! Nostalgia! Validation that getting [back together with an ex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/should-you-have-sex-with-an-ex/) isn’t always a bad idea! (Right?) 

Now that that’s out of the way, we need to discuss the dirty talk in *Gigli*. Jennifer Lopez’s character Ricki (a lesbian assassin!) attempts to convince Ben Affleck’s character to go down on her by saying, “It’s turkey time. Gobble goggle.” Affleck’s character responds in exactly the same way we did, by staring at her with a confused expression on his face and saying, “What?” An icon line to break out at Thanksgiving, but not so much a strong lead-up to oral sex. 

### Making it better: 
Why not try saying, literally, anything else. Don’t get us wrong, playful banter absolutely has a place in the bedroom, or the living room, or wherever you happen to find you and your partner(s) getting it on, but this line is just unforgivable. If you need a little help, we’ve got a primer for you right [here](https://app.dipseastories.com/series/dirty-talk-101-series).

# Showgirls

### What’s wrong: 
Listen, we’re just as interested as anyone in watching Jessie Spano and Trey MacDougal get it on in a pool but this scene is an absolute nightmare. Sex in the water is hard enough as it is, and this scene does it no favors. He’s inside of her, and she looks like she’s... drowning? It’s not great! The entire movie is unintentional camp, which is part of what makes it so amazing, but there’s really no excuse for what’s going on here. 

Making it better: 
[Sex outside](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/heres-why-people-are-so-into-sex-in-public/) under the stars can be a really beautiful, connective thing to share with someone. And playing in the water gives you a lot of room to be picked up and held with ease. A little bit of tender playfulness here could have gone a long way in heightening the intimacy and making this sex scene one people are envious of, rather than laughing at.  

# Twilight

### What’s wrong: 
Listen, we’re all here for Bella and Edward to finally get it on after so much yearning and longing and, you know, waiting to get turned into a vampire. It’s the kind of intense edging that could and should totally lead up to some incredible, bed-breaking sex. And it does! Kind of. 

By the time Bella and Edward finally have sex, the build-up has been so intense that he literally breaks the bed in the heat of the moment, causing wooden spikes to fall from the connecting rails on top of their four-poster bed. Maybe the rules are a little different in Twilight, but the last time we checked, wooden spikes are one of the number one ways to kill a vampire. Of which there are now two! 

### Making it better: 
We will give the sex scenes in *Twilight* a little credit. After some rougher-than-usual sex (you know, because Edward has super strength and all that), there’s some good aftercare dialogue that happens between him and Bella. It’s not something that often shows up after sex in movies, and it should happen more often! 

However, the other important element to great sex is making sure everyone involved feels safe and secure, even and especially if the sex is going to be rough. So, having actual vampire murder weapons falling from the sky while two vampires have sex isn't the best way to set the scene. Perhaps they can try again, and this time just have them in a normal bed. It’s so simple! 

# [Avatar](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Ru9fw7szQw)

### What’s wrong: 
There’s a lot that can be said about James Cameron’s *Avatar*, but for now, we’ll just go with this. We can’t believe the man who directed the hand-on-the-steamy-car-window scene in *Titanic* also gave us a sex scene that primarily centers around hair braiding. We’re dealing with what, here? Like nine-foot-tall hot blue aliens, and all we get is a few tresses interlocking? Cameron already proved he could shoot a great sex scene without giving it all away, and those little blue hotties deserved more. And so did we. 

### Making it better: 
As with Gigli, again, we will say, try anything else? Give us a hand on the window of a steamed-up spaceship. Give us a little playful erotic wrestling. If they’re still going to go the hair braiding route, why not throw in a little hair pulling for good measure? When it’s done right, it can be extremely arousing! 

We’re breaking down five of the cringiest sex scenes in movies and offering up a little perspective on how they might be improved.

5 of the worst sex scenes in movies and how to make them better.

Sex-Scenes

5 of the cringiest sex scenes in movies

It's an undeniable truth that when the mood strikes and the vibe is right, nothing can stand in the way of two (or more!) people being magnetically drawn together. In the heat of the moment, sounds melt away, shapes lose their edges, and light breaks into all-new shades and colors. We call that the za za zoo, babe, and we're big, big fans. 

Sometimes, however, you might need a little assistance creating the perfect mood, a little help summoning the za za zoo. That's where bedroom jams come in. Bedroom jams are, as one might assume, and we believe you know, jams that are meant to be played, you guessed it, in the bedroom. Songs that might inspire you to do a little dance, make a little love, and, well, get down tonight. 

It's a little hard to pinpoint exactly when the expression "bedroom jam" first entered the public lexicon and even more difficult to determine exactly which song was the first official bedroom jam. It might be safely argued that it all began with Marvin Gaye's "Let's Get It On," but if you go back far enough, people have been using music to set the mood for centuries. 

The important thing to remember when building a bedroom jams playlist of your own is that it's authentic to you as a person. Sure, bedroom jams should be, at a base level, sexy songs. But the beautiful thing about sexy is that it's different for everybody. Into pop-punk? Go ahead and Yellowcard your way into the sheets. Movie buff? Put on your favorite OST (Original Soundtrack), and go to town. A little Hans Zimmer would make for an epic make-out sesh, for what it's worth. 

The important thing is that your bedroom jams are true to you. We're not saying your road trip playlist and your bedroom playlist need to have crossover, but they should at least feel like different chapters in the same book. You want music that you enjoy, that helps you to be the truest, most uninhibited version of yourself. 

As a jumping-off point, here are a few of our current favorite bedroom jams. We think you'll like what you hear! 

### Heat Waves, Glass Animals

<iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/1VO4gzXIHy8C2HcvxRTScz" width="100%" height="80" frameBorder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe>

### Sunrise, MERLOT 

<iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/745YGJ8otAdLnrU8fzXZMf" width="100%" height="80" frameBorder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe>

### All That (feat. Channel Tres), Emotional Oranges

<iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/1rDRBVSqKgs3K9HiX5OTrL" width="100%" height="80" frameBorder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe>

### Wild Side (feat. Cardi B), Normani

<iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/2vXgyN14LX2zl7JEASw242" width="100%" height="80" frameBorder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe>

### Stroke, BANKS 

<iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/01a0H5HPeCMOktdRMygi3t" width="100%" height="80" frameBorder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe>

### Honeywheat REMIX (feat. Saba), VanJess

<iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/1fkM3lSDG8sMyBHDI5jOWW" width="100%" height="80" frameBorder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe>

### Surround Me, LÉON

<iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/4aai1PoVGPcspMhmzOzpZN" width="100%" height="80" frameBorder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe>

Looking for something a little more plug-and-play? We've got a full set of bedroom jams ready for your listening pleasure. You can borrow it for now, but don't forget to put your own spin on things! 

<iframe src="https://open.spotify.com/embed/playlist/1NKwxF3DUQWEMASyfIfX8U" width="100%" height="380" frameBorder="0" allowtransparency="true" allow="encrypted-media"></iframe>

Need a soundtrack to your next make-out? Here is some music to get you in the mood with your partner. Fresh new bedroom jams and a few classics to do the trick.

A few 2021 summer bedroom jams, music to get you in the mood

Bedroom-Jams

Summer bedroom jams

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to hear what men written by women actually sound like? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=menwrittenbywomenblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

It’s no secret that male authors aren’t always the most adept when it comes to writing female characters. If you’ve read almost any book written by a man, it’s pretty immediately apparent that many may have never interacted with an actual woman before. Or, if they have, it might have just been the apparition of a woman, which they themselves psychically projected. 

Should you need evidence of this strange, perplexing, and sometimes actually offensive phenomenon, the subreddit [r/menwritingwomen](https://www.reddit.com/r/menwritingwomen/) does an exceptional job of chronicling examples of men attempting to write women across multiple forms of media. Aptly given the headline, “She breasted boobily down the stairs.....” posts you’ll find on this thread run the gamut from lesser-known authors doing their best (worst?) to describe what a woman’s body looks like, to better-known authors, like Stephen King, who talks about a kindergarten-aged girl experiencing symptoms of menopause. 

Perhaps male authors have no idea how women actually move, talk, or just generally experience the world because historically, men [don’t read books written by women](https://www.theguardian.com/books/2021/jul/09/why-do-so-few-men-read-books-by-women). We’re not here to make excuses for anyone, mostly because too many of the examples on r/menwritingwomen are inexcusable, but this would appear to be a pretty damning reason. 

According to The Guardian, of the top 10 bestselling female authors, just 19% of their readership are men, while 81% are women. Of the top 10 bestselling male authors, 55% are men, and 45% are women. 

Of course, the study doesn’t account for what percentage of that male readership are also authors themselves, so really their inability to realistically portray women could be for any number of reasons. Our bet is on the general misogyny that permeates much of (most of?) society, culture and has for essentially all of history. In many ways, that’s an oversimplification of the idea, but it does best get the point across. 

As a counter conversation, over on TikTok, users have begun posting under the hashtag #menwrittenbywomen. To be fair, most of the men being talked about are not fictional characters but real-life human men, who the posters believe to be so perfect they could only have been written into existence by a woman. However, the trend derived from the realization that women wrote many of the best men in film, television, and literature. 

![men-by-women](//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/ba7sdYvx57nDgegULHZDr/53834c12093b481a5e6b2040d0787026/Screen_Shot_2021-07-29_at_11.45.00_AM.png)

Naturally, at Dipsea, all the men are written by women, which is just one reason why the men of Dipsea are so great. The women of Dipsea are also written by women, for what it’s worth, which might be why they come across as actual people, rather than just caricatures of what a woman might be like. 

<a href="https://player.captivate.fm/show/47ee60a7-be99-4845-8cb7-252807ff2929" class="embedly-card" data-card-width="100%" data-card-controls="0">Embedded content: https://player.captivate.fm/show/47ee60a7-be99-4845-8cb7-252807ff2929</a>

Every once in a while, we look to the real world for some good old-fashioned inspiration. We can neither confirm nor deny that any of these men will appear as characters in the Dipseaverse one day, but we can confirm that we had a great time watching these TikToks!

### I mean, it’s obvious

<blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@healingmushroom04/video/6975145486965689606" data-video-id="6975145486965689606" style="max-width: 605px;min-width: 325px;" > <section> <a target="_blank" title="@healingmushroom04" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@healingmushroom04">@healingmushroom04</a> <p>Ah <a title="fyp" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/fyp">#fyp</a> <a title="foryou" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/foryou">#foryou</a> <a title="foryoupage" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/foryoupage">#foryoupage</a> <a title="menwrittenbywomen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/menwrittenbywomen">#menwrittenbywomen</a> <a title="benbarnes" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/benbarnes">#benbarnes</a> <a title="colinfirth" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/colinfirth">#colinfirth</a> <a title="newt" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/newt">#newt</a> <a title="harrystyles" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/harrystyles">#harrystyles</a> <a title="andrewgarfield" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/andrewgarfield">#andrewgarfield</a> <a title="greenscreen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/greenscreen">#greenscreen</a></p> <a target="_blank" title="♬ Bills, Bills, Bills - Destiny's Child" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/Bills-Bills-Bills-222597111081832449">♬ Bills, Bills, Bills - Destiny's Child</a> </section> </blockquote> <script async src="https://www.tiktok.com/embed.js"></script>

### The energy we need 

<blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@cringeykelly/video/6944005382327094533" data-video-id="6944005382327094533" style="max-width: 605px;min-width: 325px;" > <section> <a target="_blank" title="@cringeykelly" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@cringeykelly">@cringeykelly</a> <p>they’re just so much better <a title="menwrittenbywomen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/menwrittenbywomen">#menwrittenbywomen</a> <a title="mybacksachingmybrastootight" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/mybacksachingmybrastootight">#mybacksachingmybrastootight</a> <a title="myhipsareshakingfromlefttoright" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/myhipsareshakingfromlefttoright">#myhipsareshakingfromlefttoright</a> <a title="fictionalmenarebetter" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/fictionalmenarebetter">#fictionalmenarebetter</a></p> <a target="_blank" title="♬ the real sorority check - elizabeth the first" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/the-real-sorority-check-6737698700086233861">♬ the real sorority check - elizabeth the first</a> </section> </blockquote> <script async src="https://www.tiktok.com/embed.js"></script>

### For your consideration

<blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@dipseastories/video/6983009837789629702" data-video-id="6983009837789629702" style="max-width: 605px;min-width: 325px;" > <section> <a target="_blank" title="@dipseastories" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@dipseastories">@dipseastories</a> <p>Dipsea, where all men are written by women 😘 <a title="dipseastories" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/dipseastories">#DipseaStories</a> <a title="menwrittenbywomen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/menwrittenbywomen">#menwrittenbywomen</a> <a title="forwomenbywomen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/forwomenbywomen">#forwomenbywomen</a> <a title="femalewriters" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/femalewriters">#femalewriters</a> <a title="malecharacters" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/malecharacters">#malecharacters</a></p> <a target="_blank" title="♬ loverboy - <3" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/loverboy-6937758895574141702">♬ loverboy - <3</a> </section> </blockquote> <script async src="https://www.tiktok.com/embed.js"></script>

Want a few shining examples of what it looks like when men and women are both written as fully realized, sensual characters with agency? Check them out above! 

  <div style="max-width: 41.25em; margin: 0 auto">
<div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row">

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  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/on-the-apps">
    <img src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/2ebxEGrODZph41PqNMP1IJ/fc2ae0b5569fb5827594290359ede194/329_OnTheApps_JosephineRais.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">On the Apps I</p>
  </a>
</div>

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 0 0 10px">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/wild-hearts-i">
    <img src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/uKUgJ2jViYBbPf0TOBUyi/d8679a95ce52a3c2b153068f6657e48c/473_OffSeasonI_SarahAliceRabbit.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Wild Hearts I</p>
  </a>
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</div>
</div>

<br /><br />


It’s no secret that male authors aren’t always the most adept when it comes to writing female characters. If you’ve read almost any book written by a man, it’s pretty immediately apparent that many may have never interacted with an actual woman before. Or, if they have, it might have just been the apparition of a woman, which they themselves psychically projected. 

Should you need evidence of this strange, perplexing, and sometimes actually offensive phenomenon, the subreddit [r/menwritingwomen](https://www.reddit.com/r/menwritingwomen/) does an exceptional job of chronicling examples of men attempting to write women across multiple forms of media. Aptly given the headline, “She breasted boobily down the stairs.....” posts you’ll find on this thread run the gamut from lesser-known authors doing their best (worst?) to describe what a woman’s body looks like, to better-known authors, like Stephen King, who talks about a kindergarten-aged girl experiencing symptoms of menopause. 

Perhaps male authors have no idea how women actually move, talk, or just generally experience the world because historically, men [don’t read books written by women](https://www.theguardian.com/books/2021/jul/09/why-do-so-few-men-read-books-by-women). We’re not here to make excuses for anyone, mostly because too many of the examples on r/menwritingwomen are inexcusable, but this would appear to be a pretty damning reason. 

According to The Guardian, of the top 10 bestselling female authors, just 19% of their readership are men, while 81% are women. Of the top 10 bestselling male authors, 55% are men, and 45% are women. 

Of course, the study doesn’t account for what percentage of that male readership are also authors themselves, so really their inability to realistically portray women could be for any number of reasons. Our bet is on the general misogyny that permeates much of (most of?) society, culture and has for essentially all of history. In many ways, that’s an oversimplification of the idea, but it does best get the point across. 

As a counter conversation, over on TikTok, users have begun posting under the hashtag #menwrittenbywomen. To be fair, most of the men being talked about are not fictional characters but real-life human men, who the posters believe to be so perfect they could only have been written into existence by a woman. However, the trend derived from the realization that women wrote many of the best men in film, television, and literature. 

![men-by-women](//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/ba7sdYvx57nDgegULHZDr/53834c12093b481a5e6b2040d0787026/Screen_Shot_2021-07-29_at_11.45.00_AM.png)

Naturally, at Dipsea, all the men are written by women, which is just one reason why the men of Dipsea are so great. The women of Dipsea are also written by women, for what it’s worth, which might be why they come across as actual people, rather than just caricatures of what a woman might be like. 

<div style="width: 100%; height: 600px; margin-bottom: 20px; border-radius: 6px; overflow: hidden;"><iframe style="width: 100%; height: 600px;" frameborder="no" scrolling="no" allow="clipboard-write" seamless src="https://player.captivate.fm/show/47ee60a7-be99-4845-8cb7-252807ff2929"></iframe></div>

Every once in a while, we look to the real world for some good old-fashioned inspiration. We can neither confirm nor deny that any of these men will appear as characters in the Dipseaverse one day, but we can confirm that we had a great time watching these TikToks!

### I mean, it’s obvious

<blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@healingmushroom04/video/6975145486965689606" data-video-id="6975145486965689606" style="max-width: 605px;min-width: 325px;" > <section> <a target="_blank" title="@healingmushroom04" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@healingmushroom04">@healingmushroom04</a> <p>Ah <a title="fyp" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/fyp">#fyp</a> <a title="foryou" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/foryou">#foryou</a> <a title="foryoupage" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/foryoupage">#foryoupage</a> <a title="menwrittenbywomen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/menwrittenbywomen">#menwrittenbywomen</a> <a title="benbarnes" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/benbarnes">#benbarnes</a> <a title="colinfirth" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/colinfirth">#colinfirth</a> <a title="newt" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/newt">#newt</a> <a title="harrystyles" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/harrystyles">#harrystyles</a> <a title="andrewgarfield" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/andrewgarfield">#andrewgarfield</a> <a title="greenscreen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/greenscreen">#greenscreen</a></p> <a target="_blank" title="♬ Bills, Bills, Bills - Destiny's Child" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/Bills-Bills-Bills-222597111081832449">♬ Bills, Bills, Bills - Destiny's Child</a> </section> </blockquote> <script async src="https://www.tiktok.com/embed.js"></script>

### The energy we need 

<blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@cringeykelly/video/6944005382327094533" data-video-id="6944005382327094533" style="max-width: 605px;min-width: 325px;" > <section> <a target="_blank" title="@cringeykelly" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@cringeykelly">@cringeykelly</a> <p>they’re just so much better <a title="menwrittenbywomen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/menwrittenbywomen">#menwrittenbywomen</a> <a title="mybacksachingmybrastootight" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/mybacksachingmybrastootight">#mybacksachingmybrastootight</a> <a title="myhipsareshakingfromlefttoright" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/myhipsareshakingfromlefttoright">#myhipsareshakingfromlefttoright</a> <a title="fictionalmenarebetter" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/fictionalmenarebetter">#fictionalmenarebetter</a></p> <a target="_blank" title="♬ the real sorority check - elizabeth the first" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/the-real-sorority-check-6737698700086233861">♬ the real sorority check - elizabeth the first</a> </section> </blockquote> <script async src="https://www.tiktok.com/embed.js"></script>

### For your consideration

<blockquote class="tiktok-embed" cite="https://www.tiktok.com/@dipseastories/video/6983009837789629702" data-video-id="6983009837789629702" style="max-width: 605px;min-width: 325px;" > <section> <a target="_blank" title="@dipseastories" href="https://www.tiktok.com/@dipseastories">@dipseastories</a> <p>Dipsea, where all men are written by women 😘 <a title="dipseastories" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/dipseastories">#DipseaStories</a> <a title="menwrittenbywomen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/menwrittenbywomen">#menwrittenbywomen</a> <a title="forwomenbywomen" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/forwomenbywomen">#forwomenbywomen</a> <a title="femalewriters" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/femalewriters">#femalewriters</a> <a title="malecharacters" target="_blank" href="https://www.tiktok.com/tag/malecharacters">#malecharacters</a></p> <a target="_blank" title="♬ loverboy - <3" href="https://www.tiktok.com/music/loverboy-6937758895574141702">♬ loverboy - <3</a> </section> </blockquote> <script async src="https://www.tiktok.com/embed.js"></script>

Want a few shining examples of what it looks like when men and women are both written as fully realized, sensual characters with agency? Check them out above!


Fictional Men Podcast Cover Art

Men written by women

Ready to hear what men written by women actually sound like? Dipsea has you covered.

The term "beach read" is a complicated moniker. Colloquially, it refers to the big blockbuster books publishing houses put out, typically in late spring, that are expected to be consumed en masse during the following season. Saying something is a beach read is meant to imply the book has wide appeal, which is a good thing. However, it has also been used to describe books that are easily consumed, or to put it another way, mindless reading. 

To that, we say, shut up! Bingable books make wonderful vacation companions, but so do any books you might choose to throw in your beach bag. In the same way that the perfect beach body is any body on the beach, a beach read is any book that's got some sand in its pages and a little sea spray on the cover. Super digestible, breezy books that are light and fun? Beach read! Dense theory where you might have to read each line twice? Also, beach read! And both are equally wonderful. 

We love to challenge convention at Dipsea, so it's no surprise that our team's summer beach reads run the gamut from fresh and new to older classics that deserve a second look. Check out our picks below, and consider picking up a copy (or two!) from the library or a local bookstore before you head out! 

### “Breasts and Eggs” by Mieko Kawakami

There's so much to say about this book, but I figured I'd just let it speak for itself. This is one of my favorite passages: 

*“Well, we use words to communicate, right? Still, most of our words don’t actually get across. You know what I mean? Well, our words might, but not what we’re actually trying to say. That’s what we’re always dealing with. We live in this place, in this world, where we can share our words but not our thoughts.”*

- Liz Sommerville, Customer Experience Specialist

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/5soVh4hVE0mzCCiVwzqQw2/b3c2040a91dda2269575ce7b4e5b88b5/31PvgjUtQkL._SX323_BO1_204_203_200_.jpg"/>
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### "Luster" by Raven Leilani

This is the book that you will finish and then immediately recommend to every single one of your friends and coworkers so that you can have someone new to talk about it with. Small internal moments shine in this book that has a whoooole lot to say about race, and sex, and age, and class, and growing up, and what it means to be a ~ millennial ~ uninterested (but maybe interested?) in conventional romance. You will read devour this in a weekend and be so incredibly sad that it’s over, and that you’ll never be able to read it for the first time again.

- Kara Hart, Audio Producer 

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/6hgXm5fRg8kiMBnXy0vcb0/078e9a7593499ff868c0958e4618a576/91TE4f2wfnL.jpeg"/>
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### "Big Friendship" by Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman

Do yourself (and all of your Big Friends) a favor and read this book. Aminatou Sow and Ann Friedman use their multifaceted friendship—the ups & downs, the plateaus, and the almost ending of it—to explore how to stay close to our most important people. After reading this, you will feel more equipped to do the hard, rewarding, juicy work of growing your Big Friendships.

- Kara Hart, again! I couldn't pick just one!

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/4iob8dznbTFoJCerlEyp9S/472eaac7ead27cff682fc7a99d205417/71vMLaZsaZL.jpeg"/>
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### "Mona" by Pola Oloixarac

“She ingests more Valium than food, wears blood-red Chanel lipstick, pseudonymously trolls her critics online, masturbates to fantasies of terror, and worries about an unfinished novel.” When the New Yorker describes the main character of a book this way, you’ve gotta read it. Gasping out loud and then looking around to see if the people around you are staring is part of reading this short (like >200 pages) and incredibly fulfilling book.

- Kara Hart, ok this was the last one I promise!

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/4CroIrBHtgERMJQUw1fSpb/7af1ba355faa6989f906a41e16108829/41iUGDEOaNL._SX331_BO1_204_203_200_.jpg"/>
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### "Conversation's With Friends" by Sally Rooney

I was late to the game, by like four years, but my god, I'm glad I finally picked this book up. I devoured its 336 pages on a sun-soaked porch, which is basically like reading on the beach, over the course of three days. I couldn't put it down, and when I absolutely had to, I actually missed the characters. I'd be making dinner, thinking to myself, "I wonder what Frances is up to right now," as if she was my long lost bff. If you're looking for a more vulnerable, modern take on Hemingway's "The Sun Also Rises," this book is it, and it will absolutely break your heart.

- Liz Levitch, Senior Brand Manager

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/7bmiuFl0RaAZuZI74sqpdW/d6abcbab59baa9cfc843a61994175d77/81dpVh-QYzL.jpeg"/>
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### "Girl, Woman, Other" by Bernardine Evaristo

I’m a slow, distracted reader and this is the only book I couldn’t put down this year. It’s a polyphonic novel, packed with interconnected stories of a group of Black British women across time and generations. Each character has a chapter, within the chapters their lives overlap, but their experiences, backgrounds and choices could not be more different. I loved how the author, with each storyline, brings the reader round to a position of empathy. The characters are flawed and complex, you might not like some of them in the beginning, but you’ll understand them all in the end.

- Chiara Castagnini, Engagement Marketing Manager

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/4y2rNYPvPXKkfraulQPmxC/0dbd8b9a0e972e0d0dca1323e66a1f3e/81h6vHbHZnL.jpeg"/>
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### The Selected Works of Audre Lorde

Audre Lorde is the perfect example of a writer who doesn't hold anything back. She's vulnerable, sensual, and unapologetic. This book includes her poetry and her prose so it's easy to change gears if you'd rather read an essay or switch to a poem. Lorde celebrates herself and bodies in all forms. She doesn't shy away from speaking openly about identity. Every time I read her work I feel empowered.

- Jade Jones, Staff Writer

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/2A52HMAeBG76q6toiTcU15/0b37302ffa42de3e5f1b7cbbd7fbdada/61N0s2KQG6L.jpeg"/>
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### "A Field Guide to Getting Lost" by Rebecca Solnit

A collection of essays that ponders what it means to get lost. I’ve had this one on my bedside for a while, and every time I pick it up I end up copying down a quote or two. It’s a perfect companion for a summer of adventuring, hiking, and deep thinking.

- Olivia Taylor, Senior Content Editor

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/tp7JInpQiXipGp4OcFUXD/f3da867148c946fa92c2ab57e3ac597c/91HWloIo5zL.jpeg"/>
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### "Detransition, Baby" by Torrey Peters

Listen, just read this freaking book. Torrey Peters is brilliant and her novel is literally just stunning. It’s simultaniously heartbreaking and searingly funny, all while remaining incredibly grounded in the present moment. Usually when I read fiction I am looking to escape the world, but Peters' novel sets you so squarely in it it's almost like you're seeing everything around you with new eyes. It's unapologetically queer and makes no concessions to a straight audience that may or may not understand exactly what's happening. And that's part of what makes it so great! 

- Garrett Schlichte, Brand Copywriter

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/5bt72GGkhgCHuDeNGiVPoI/e68dd233fd862266f7cc1e037d20f4a7/download.jpeg"/>
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### “Sarahland” by Sam Cohen

A collection of short stories all tied together because the characters are named Sarah? Absolutely sign me up! Cohen’s stories are both bizarre and also very, very real. A personal favorite is one where two lesbians both decide that they will become trees. Do they pull it off? You’ll just have to read it and find out!

- Garrett Schlichte, sorry I had two, too! 

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<img 
src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/5PlOUDwkNfdRRA71L8b92z/20a389cd4a74275766421b0e71744be7/download__1_.jpeg"/>
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Summer-Reading

Dipsea's 2021 summer reading list

Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet? Honestly, probably! No offense to Shakespeare, but sometimes a little naming refresh can breathe some new life into an old classic. Sure, good old William might not have literally been referring to an actual rose with that question, but let’s imagine he was. What if instead of ‘rose,’ it was called something like ‘thorny delight’ or maybe ‘prickly plume’? 

> Sometimes, the names certain sex acts have been given simply don’t elicit the kind of endorphin boost one might hope to receive when discussing partnered pleasure. 

Okay, so those two options might be a little wordy, especially considering the concise, four-letter nature of the original name, but they’re also fun alternatives to consider! Imagine walking into your local flower shop and asking for a dozen thorny delights or sending a lover a bouquet of prickly plumes. See? Not only is a little naming refresh fun and flirty; it also might just give you a better idea of what the thing actually is. Not only is thorny delight more fun to say than rose, it lets you know that you’re in for a treat but should probably keep one eye open. A win-win! 

The same can be said for the names of certain sex positions. We’ve said it [before](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/navigating-mismatched-desire/), and we’ll say it again; sex should be fun! But sometimes (a lot of the time), the names certain sex acts have been given simply don’t elicit the kind of endorphin boost one might hope to receive when discussing partnered pleasure. 

To that end, we think it’s time to remix and reimagine the names of some of the more popular, or at least more well-known, sex positions. Here we go! 

### Old name: Missionary
You know the name, you’ve heard about it, and chances are you’ve probably tried it and loved it. Missionary is a classic and sometimes gets a bad rap for being “[vanilla](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/vanilla-sex/).” The name certainly isn’t doing it any favors! Is it the most electrifying position? Not necessarily, but a little face-to-face full-body contact is very exciting, especially with the right partner. However, with a name like missionary, you’d never know that. 

### Dipsea refresh: Gentle bodyslam
Trying saying this one out loud first. “Hey, do you wanna try the gentle bodyslam?” You’re already having more fun saying it than anyone ever was saying missionary. Gentle bodyslam alludes to the kind of full-body contact one might expect from missionary, with the added benefit of making it seem extremely fun from the get-go. The rebrand missionary deserves! 

### Old name: Sixty-nine (alt: 69)
What is there to say about sixty-nine other than: who wants to think about numbers when they’re having sex? Yes, Ariana Grande dedicated a song to the position (34+35, even more math. No thank you, Ariana!), but that doesn’t mean we have to stick with it. Plus, the name has essentially ruined the number for the rest of time. Have you ever seen the actual number 69 out in the wild without someone making a joke about it? Probably not! 

### Dipsea refresh: Cassiopeia
To truly capture the whimsical possibilities of this position, there’s only one place to look: the stars! The shape of Cassiopeia gives a rough enough estimate of the bodily position one might find oneself in a while engaging in this act, with the added benefit of not needing numbers to get the point across. Plus, the allusion to stars in space is always going to be more arousing than thinking about math will ever be. 

### Old name: Cowgirl
This one hurts a little bit because cowgirl is an inherently fun name for a sex position. Not only is it a classic that’s usually pretty fool-proof, but it also opens the door for the possibility of saying “yee-haw!” or “giddy up!” during sex, which is wonderful and should probably happen more often. However, it’s 2021, and we just have to stop gendering things that don’t need to be gendered. Plenty of people have sex this way, and we can do a little better. 

### Dipsea refresh: The Harley Davidson
Unfortunately, cowperson just doesn’t roll off the tongue the way we want it to, so we’re moving away from the farm altogether. Assuming you ride a motorcycle the same way you ride a horse, this is the perfect swap. And, while we are sad to be losing “giddy up,” this now opens to door for yelling “vroom vroom!” instead, which is just as fun, and maybe even a little more so.

### Old name: Reverse cowgirl
Naturally, the reason for this swap is the same as above. We couldn’t just change out cowgirl and leave reverse cowgirl hanging. This leads us too…

### Dipsea refresh: Reverse Harley
Reverse Harley Davidson is a bit of a mouthful, so we’re just going with Reverse Harley. An added bonus if you find yourself having sex with someone actually named Harley!

### Old name: Pegging
So technically, this is more of a sex act than a position, but we still think it could use a little refresh. Pegging wasn’t actually called pegging until 2001 when Dan Savage selected the name as the winning entry in a contest he was holding to name the act. Pegging (the name) is fine enough, but it doesn’t necessarily live up to all the fun that can be had while pegging (the act). 

### Dipsea refresh: Pegasus
Yes, Pegasus doesn’t immediately translate into a verb as gracefully as pegging does, but we think the sacrifice is worth it. Imagine asking your partner if they’re interested in trying pegging--it can be a difficult topic to broach, and the name isn’t really helping out. Now imagine asking your partner if they want to try to Pegasus? Immediately intriguing, drawing up images of power, wonder, and majesty. Who wouldn’t want to try to Pegasus!

Interested in trying some of the newly name sex positions above with a partner but unsure how to bring it up? Check our sessions on “Saying Yes” and “Saying No” to help break the ice!

Would a rose by any other name still smell as sweet? Honestly, probably! No offense to Shakespeare, but sometimes a little naming refresh can breathe some new life into an old classic. Sure, good old William might not have literally been referring to an actual rose with that question, but let’s imagine he was. What if instead of ‘rose,’ it was called something like ‘thorny delight’ or maybe ‘prickly plume’? 

> Sometimes, the names certain sex acts have been given simply don’t elicit the kind of endorphin boost one might hope to receive when discussing partnered pleasure. 

Okay, so those two options might be a little wordy, especially considering the concise, four-letter nature of the original name, but they’re also fun alternatives to consider! Imagine walking into your local flower shop and asking for a dozen thorny delights or sending a lover a bouquet of prickly plumes. See? Not only is a little naming refresh fun and flirty; it also might just give you a better idea of what the thing actually is. Not only is thorny delight more fun to say than rose, it lets you know that you’re in for a treat but should probably keep one eye open. A win-win! 

The same can be said for the names of certain sex positions. We’ve said it [before](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/navigating-mismatched-desire/), and we’ll say it again; sex should be fun! But sometimes (a lot of the time), the names certain sex acts have been given simply don’t elicit the kind of endorphin boost one might hope to receive when discussing partnered pleasure. 

To that end, we think it’s time to remix and reimagine the names of some of the more popular, or at least more well-known, sex positions. Here we go! 

### Old name: Missionary
You know the name, you’ve heard about it, and chances are you’ve probably tried it and loved it. Missionary is a classic and sometimes gets a bad rap for being “[vanilla](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/vanilla-sex/).” The name certainly isn’t doing it any favors! Is it the most electrifying position? Not necessarily, but a little face-to-face full-body contact is very exciting, especially with the right partner. However, with a name like missionary, you’d never know that. 

### Dipsea refresh: Gentle bodyslam
Trying saying this one out loud first. “Hey, do you wanna try the gentle bodyslam?” You’re already having more fun saying it than anyone ever was saying missionary. Gentle bodyslam alludes to the kind of full-body contact one might expect from missionary, with the added benefit of making it seem extremely fun from the get-go. The rebrand missionary deserves! 

### Old name: Sixty-nine (alt: 69)
What is there to say about sixty-nine other than: who wants to think about numbers when they’re having sex? Yes, Ariana Grande dedicated a song to the position (34+35, even more math. No thank you, Ariana!), but that doesn’t mean we have to stick with it. Plus, the name has essentially ruined the number for the rest of time. Have you ever seen the actual number 69 out in the wild without someone making a joke about it? Probably not! 

### Dipsea refresh: Cassiopeia
To truly capture the whimsical possibilities of this position, there’s only one place to look: the stars! The shape of Cassiopeia gives a rough enough estimate of the bodily position one might find oneself in a while engaging in this act, with the added benefit of not needing numbers to get the point across. Plus, the allusion to stars in space is always going to be more arousing than thinking about math will ever be. 

### Old name: Cowgirl
This one hurts a little bit because cowgirl is an inherently fun name for a sex position. Not only is it a classic that’s usually pretty fool-proof, but it also opens the door for the possibility of saying “yee-haw!” or “giddy up!” during sex, which is wonderful and should probably happen more often. However, it’s 2021, and we just have to stop gendering things that don’t need to be gendered. Plenty of people have sex this way, and we can do a little better. 

### Dipsea refresh: The Harley Davidson
Unfortunately, cowperson just doesn’t roll off the tongue the way we want it to, so we’re moving away from the farm altogether. Assuming you ride a motorcycle the same way you ride a horse, this is the perfect swap. And, while we are sad to be losing “giddy up,” this now opens to door for yelling “vroom vroom!” instead, which is just as fun, and maybe even a little more so.

### Old name: Reverse cowgirl
Naturally, the reason for this swap is the same as above. We couldn’t just change out cowgirl and leave reverse cowgirl hanging. This leads us too…

### Dipsea refresh: Reverse Harley
Reverse Harley Davidson is a bit of a mouthful, so we’re just going with Reverse Harley. An added bonus if you find yourself having sex with someone actually named Harley!

### Old name: Pegging
So technically, this is more of a sex act than a position, but we still think it could use a little refresh. Pegging wasn’t actually called pegging until 2001 when Dan Savage selected the name as the winning entry in a contest he was holding to name the act. Pegging (the name) is fine enough, but it doesn’t necessarily live up to all the fun that can be had while pegging (the act). 

### Dipsea refresh: Pegasus
Yes, Pegasus doesn’t immediately translate into a verb as gracefully as pegging does, but we think the sacrifice is worth it. Imagine asking your partner if they’re interested in trying pegging--it can be a difficult topic to broach, and the name isn’t really helping out. Now imagine asking your partner if they want to try to Pegasus? Immediately intriguing, drawing up images of power, wonder, and majesty. Who wouldn’t want to try to Pegasus!

Interested in trying some of the newly name sex positions above with a partner but unsure how to bring it up? Check our 36 Questions series to help you break the ice!

Cowgirl

New names for classic sex positions

36 questions i

36 Questions I

36 questions ii

36 Questions II

There are plenty of things we wish we could forget about the early aughts. Short dresses over jeans. Hair crimping. An unnatural urge to date boys with frosted tips. Allowing ourselves to be tricked into believing that frozen yogurt was somehow a fulfilling and delicious alternative to actual ice cream. Sorry, it’s just not! 

Thankfully for most of us, save for a few extremely pixelated images stuck on someone’s credit card-sized Canon digital camera, the majority of those mistakes will be lost to time (and our fingers are crossed that camera is long since dead). Memories will fade, and most of our early 2000s blunders will just become vestiges of a forgettable, regrettable. However...

While fashion faux-pas and misplaced desires for boyband wannabes can mostly be erased from the far recesses of the brain, there are transgressions from the first part of the new millennium that are simply unforgettable. We’re talking about the sex trends that emerged during that time period, invading popular culture and trying to convince us all to do things like use donuts during oral sex! 

Listen, we’re not here to yuck anyone’s yum (no pun intended), but there are just some ideas that should be left right up there where they originated. Sometimes sex is messy, and that’s beautiful! But, there’s no need to overcomplicate things by bringing high fructose corn syrup into the bedroom. Below, we’re breaking down a few of the least palatable sex trends the early 2000s served up and offering up some updated alternatives that we think are worth trying now!

# Food in the bedroom

### No thanks, 2000s!
In the 1986 film Heartburn (based on a Nora Ephron novel by the same name), Meryl Streep brings Jack Nicholson a bowl of post-coital spaghetti carbonara to share in bed. This is the perfect example of a time when food absolutely belongs in the bedroom. Who doesn’t want a delicious pasta snack post-orgasm! 

Several years later, [Cosmopolitan magazine](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/sex-love/advice/a5282/hot-sex-tips-challenge-1/) suggested the people interested in having more interesting sex with men should "Slip a glazed doughnut around his manhood and nibble it off." Again, there’s nothing wrong with a little snack in the bedroom, and certainly nothing wrong with being playful but… not this. Anything but this. 

### Try this instead: Sensation play 
We know, we know, ice and donuts do not have a 1-1 comparison, and under any other circumstances we would never recommend swapping the two, but hear us out. If you’re looking to bring a little something new into the bedroom and are only willing to go as far as your kitchen, check out our [post about sensation play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sensation-play/). Here’s a taste: 

*When we stimulate our senses, we can enhance or even reimagine our pleasure—not only in sexual ways, but also in ways that help us feel more present and connected to our bodies or to our partner(s). And the great thing about sensation play, is that the different activities range in level of intensity—from rubbing an ice cube along a partner’s body to playing with hot wax or light bondage. But regardless of the activity, any kind of sensation play you engage in requires consent and communication.*

# Unsolicited nudes 

### No thanks, 2000s!
We all should have seen it coming after the first camera phone was released in 2000, but no one could have truly prepared us for the rise of the unsolicited nude. There’s definitely something sexy and sensual about receiving a fun picture from a partner (suggestive, explicit, somewhere in between, whatever you’re into!), but looking down and finding one on your phone unexpectedly is usually not a welcomed experience. 

We’d love to say this “trend” died down, but sometimes it feels it’s only gotten more aggressive. Plus, sometimes, the visual element makes it difficult to participate in public, even when you’re into it. If you’re looking to spice things up on your commute home, might we suggest...

### Try this instead: Consensual sexting
As mentioned above, cellphones can cause a lot of problems, but when used for good, they can be the perfect tool for breaking in a new pleasure routine (hello, Dipsea!). Sexting with a partner or partners, old or new, is the perfect way to take things to the next level or explore new areas of intimacy you might not have pushed into yet. 

Not sure where to dip your toes in? We’ve got you covered. Check out our session on sexting [here](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/sexting-as-seduction), and if dirty talk is entirely new to you, we’ve got [a blog to get you started](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/dirty-talk-consent/). 

# Fetishizing queer women 

### No thanks, 2000s! 
It’s no secret that the male gaze has ruined pretty much everything for… the whole of human history? You’d be hard-pressed to find a medium that hasn’t been impacted by it. And, perhaps, there are few more pervasive examples of it than how WLW (women-loving-women) relationships were portrayed in the early aughts. More often than not, romantic and sexual scenes in movies and TV featuring queer women were there to serve the men in the scene with them or to delight the men watching. 

This kind of “representation” bled into popular culture and fed into a line of thinking that led some men to believe that queer women of any identity would be ready and willing to have a threesome with them or put on a show. It wasn’t great!

### Try this instead: Reflect and explore, respectfully!
It’s no secret that people have done [a lot of reflecting](https://mashable.com/article/covid-coming-out-queer-lgbtq-pandemic) on their sexual and gender identities over the past year and a half. That’s a really good thing! And now that the world is opening back up, people are ready to start exploring again. Whether you’re interested in pursuing a queer relationship for the first time or trying out something new sexually, like a threesome, it’s important to make sure you’re being respectful of everyone involved. 

Fantasy is a great way to explore new experiences before trying them out in the real world, and Dipsea’s got a library full of content that can help you out. Try searching for things like “Threesome” or “Toy Play” or “Edging” to get started. There’s no limit to where your imagination can take you!

Sure, there are plenty of things we’d like to give back to the early 2000s and never have to think of again. But, sometimes, the perspective of the past gives us a fresh set of eyes to look toward the future with. Hopefully, in another 20 years, we won’t look back at our present-day and have the same feelings we did about hair crimping (although some fashion choices are still questionable!). But, at least we know we won’t be making the same mistakes in the bedroom. Here’s to a couple of decades of better sex and to saving the donuts for breakfast in bed. 


Outdated

Updating sex trends from the early 2000s

Chances are when you were growing up, your sex ed wasn’t great. Most sexuality education, to this day, centers straight, cisgender, able-bodied people and stresses abstinence. Abstinence-focused sex education not only completely disregards the topic of pleasure, it’s actually [not effective](https://www.mathematica.org/our-publications-and-findings/publications/impacts-of-four-title-v-section-510-abstinence-education-programs), and may cause [more harm than good](https://www.npr.org/sections/health-shots/2017/08/23/545289168/abstinence-education-is-ineffective-and-unethical-report-argues#:~:text=Promoting%20abstinence%20until%20marriage%20as,the%20risk%20of%20contraceptive%20failure.). When we receive sex education that's only focus is STI and pregnancy prevention rather than pleasure, or even harm reduction, it’s almost always rooted in fear and shame. We’re taught to fear these things, rather than navigate them, and to feel ashamed about our natural sexual desires. 

It’s no wonder there are so many sex podcasts and that so many people listen! If you find the right ones, podcasts can be an incredible educational resource for just about anything, including sex, sexual health, dating, and intimacy. So we’ve gone ahead and rounded up our favorite sex ed podcasts for you to binge and share with others!

## Sex Ed In Color

Hosted by Cameron Glover, sex ed business coach and certified sexuality educator, [Sex Ed in Color](https://sexedincolor.simplecast.com/episodes) is a look into the work of sex education as a person of color. Cameron interviews other brilliant changemakers in the field, like sexual trauma specialist Jimanekia Eborn, Melissa Carnegey of Sex Positive Families, and bisexual icon Gabrielle Alexa. 

__Episode Spotlight:__ Talk To The Babies with Sex Positive Families 

## Sex Positive Families 

[Sex Positive Families The Podcast](https://sexpositivefamilies.com/podcast-2/) invites sex-positive experts and professions to share knowledge and guidance to aid in sexual health and body awareness talks within families. Hosted by Melissa Pintor Carnagey, social worker, sex educator, and founder, the podcast explores themes such as trans and queer youth, STI stigma, boundaries, faith, and more.

Melissa is a sex ed whisperer and whether you plan to have kids or not, you are sure to gain so much from listening to this podcast. 

__Episode Spotlight:__ Shaking STI Stigma with Courtney Brame

## The Dildorks

[The Dildorks](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/the-dildorks) is a 60-minute conversation between best friends, sex bloggers, and self-proclaimed “sex nerds” Kate Sloan and Bex Caputo. They discuss anything from how ADHD can affect your sex life to long-distance relationships and breakups, to skype sex tips. They combine their personal experiences and expertise to make this podcast such an informative, light-hearted, and interesting listen.

__Episode spotlight:__ Dating Is Grating

## Queer Sex Ed

Hosted by Jay and Sara, [Queer Sex Ed](https://www.queersexed.org/) discusses inclusive sex education while centering the trans and gender diverse narrative. They talk kink, boundaries, butt stuff, navigating dating apps, body changes, dysphoria, and more! 

They also discuss transgender legislation, policy, and healthcare, and other political topics as they relate to sexual health and body autonomy. Jay and Sara break down long or complex topics like the history of trans medicine, the trans military ban, and abortion laws thoroughly while making them interesting and easy to comprehend. They also offer transcripts on all their episodes — bonus points for accessibility!

__Episode spotlight:__ Building Trans Justice Into Sex Ed

## Gender Reveal

Tuck Woodstock, podcaster, writer, and host, started [Gender Reveal](https://www.genderpodcast.com/) after their own experiences in the cisgender-saturated podcast universe with a goal of creating a queer and trans community for those who don’t have or who weren’t sure about their sexuality or gender. 

They have a diverse record of trans, nonbinary, and intersex guests and hope through their podcast and conversations to dispel the myth that trans or nonbinary identity is a monolithic experience. The podcast also serves as a larger educational resource for cisgender allies with their ongoing Gender 101 series where they respond to listener questions. 

Tuck hopes that people will walk away from the podcast with a broader understanding of gender for both others and themselves.

__Episode spotlight:__ Episode 48 With Trans Journalist Katelyn Burns

## Bedside

On [Bedside](https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/bedside/id1478299006), host Tatiana features intimate interviews and insights into modern-day sexual wellness and pleasure. The podcast aims to dispel taboos and change prevailing shame-based narratives when it comes to sex, intimacy, and wellness while providing illuminating discussions around safer, informed, and positive sexual and erotic experiences. They dive into topics like intimacy in isolation, pelvic health, birth control, queer history, sexual authenticity and so much more!

__Episode spotlight:__ The Language of Your Desire With Sex Therapist Carli Blau

## Sex With Emily

Sex educator supreme, Dr. Emily, has been hosting [Sex With Emily](https://www.stitcher.com/podcast/sex-with-emily-recorded-in-the-stitcher-studio) for over 15 years! That’s hundreds and hundreds of episodes chock full of incredible sex education content and conversations with guests ranging from sex columnist Dan Savage and adult film star Joanna Angel to WWE Superstar Chris Jericho and comedian Erik Griffin.

She has covered just about every single sex, dating, and relationship topic you can possibly think of at least once (and probably twice!),so if you’re looking to learn more about something in particular, give the podcast a search.

__Episode spotlight:__ Relax, It's Just Anal with Dr. Hernando Chaves

Next time you’re driving, doing laundry, or cooking dinner, make use of that time, and pop on one of these podcasts! Results may include: a better sex life, a healthier relationship with your self, and new perspectives into sex and gender!

Listen to any of these on iTunes, Spotify, and wherever else you listen to podcasts. And remember, if you like the podcast, be sure to show your support by subscribing and leaving a review!

...

__Jamie J. LeClaire (they/them) is a sexuality educator, freelance writer, and consultant. Their work focuses on the intersections of pleasure-positive sexual health, queer and transgender/gender-nonconforming identity, body politics, and social justice. You can find more of their work at their [website](https://www.jamiejleclaire.com/), and follow them on [Instagram](https://www.instagram.com/JamieJLeClaire/) and [Twitter](https://twitter.com/JamieJLeClaire).__

Chances are when you were growing up, your sex ed wasn’t great. These 7 podcasts will point you in the right direction. Go on and binge and share with others!

Get the sex ed you deserve with these 7 podcasts from Dipsea

Podcast

Get the sex ed you deserve with these 7 podcasts

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to try something new? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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Do you remember the first time you felt a flash of arousal? Maybe you were watching a sexy music video, or reading the Twilight series, or hanging out with your friend’s older brother, and you suddenly felt a tingle that you hadn't experienced before. That initial flutter is usually a memorable moment, one that many pinpoint as the start of their sexual awakening.

Mine hit me when I stumbled across a late-night screening of the hit 90s TV show Eurotrash. Jean-Paul Gaultier (yes, the real one) and his friend, Antoine de Caunes, hosted this off-the-wall series that was packed full of unashamed nudity. Minutes into one naughty episode, Swedish supermodel, Victoria Silvstedt, appeared on screen almost completely naked and to my surprise, I was immediately turned on. Puzzled by this feeling between my legs, I kept quiet, but I forever remembered that first sensual fizz. It quickly became my favorite program to watch during my teens, and not because it was funny.

Sexual thoughts and attractions tend to emerge during early puberty, according to a study by [Larsson & Svedin](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12049022/). The 2002 report revealed that around a quarter of young adults admitted they were “thinking a lot about sex” by the age of 11. And the [2018 Global Self-Pleasure Report](https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/worlds-largest-masturbation-survey-uncovers-how-traditional-views-of-masculinity-prevent-men-from-having-fulfilling-sex-lives--relationships-300638644.html), which surveyed 13,000 respondents aged 18-74 across 18 countries, found that the average age in which people began to masturbate fell at around 15 years old.

This got me thinking about other people's sexual awakenings. It seems that early fantasies and sensations stick with us, whether they’re tame, wild, fictional, true, or just plain confusing. So, in the interest of nostalgia and the power of shared experiences, a group of people revealed when—and how—they experienced their first-ever sexual twinges.

__Polly, 32__

"The [Cruel Intentions kiss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwwMn3Y6rUA)! That's the first time I got a clit jolt. I was only 11 or 12 when I watched it with my older sister and her friends. I remember getting really embarrassed because I wasn't sure why it happened or what it meant. I was convinced everyone in the room could see a bright red light beaming from my pants. Thank god it was dark because my cheeks went beet red. Something about their wet tongues rolling over each other really did something to me that day. I still fantasize about the moment they pull their lips apart and a string of spit lingers between them. I'm convinced that scene is the reason why I exclusively watch girl-on-girl porn."

__Katy, 35__

"I think I was about eight years old when I first felt some movement down there. My friends and I had this messed up game that involved lining local boys up in front of a wall then kicking a ball at the ones we fancied. If it hit them, we got to kiss them. I locked lips with my crush Kit and electric shocks crackled inside my pants. After that, I used to fantasize about him constantly."

__Charlie, 34__

"My fantasies always involved Leonardo DiCaprio. It started after I watched Titanic when I was a teenager. I used to pretend I was Kate Winslet and imagine Leo was drawing me naked. The pure thought of it turns me on even now."

__Olivia, 33__

"My best friend's parents were a lot richer than mine, which meant her house was always decked out with the latest fancy gadgets. Think speakers built into the ceilings, cable TV, marble worktops, a hot tub, and best of all, power showers in every single bathroom—including her ensuite. My first sexual twinge happened right there. I remember feeling the heavy water pummelling my back and thinking it would feel incredible elsewhere, so I moved the jet to my sweet spot. That was the first time I ever came—standing in my friend's shower with wobbling knees and flushed cheeks."
<br><br>
__Alex, 30__

"I remember my first fantasy so clearly. It was Christina Aguilera's 'Dirty' video. The flashing red knickers, the chaps, the dancing—I'd never seen anything like it. It was hot, sweaty, and sexually charged from beginning to end. I taped it on my VCR and would watch the video when my family went out. For about a year after that, every time I jerked off I imagined Christina dancing in front of my face in her thong. Sometimes, I still do."
<br><br>
__Georgie, 27__

"I used to sit on the wooden bedpost at the end of my bed when I was about 10 and just rub myself up against it. I can't pinpoint an exact story I dreamt up, but it always involved me pushing myself against hard objects!"
<br><br>
__Eliot, 25__

"Twilight totally did it for me. I was bewitched by Bella's and Edward's dark obsession with each other. I loved her vulnerability, his masterful self-control, and the thrill of knowing he was moments away from killing her at all times. It really spoke to the dramatic goth inside me. I wanted to fall in love so hard it hurt. I wanted the agony of love to consume me. I was so poetic back then! Those fantasies swirled inside my head for a long time and definitely sparked a few masturbation sessions during my teenage years."
<br><br>
__Helen, 32__

“I had the raging horn over my best friend's older brother. I used to sleep on a pull-out bed in her room and dream of him creeping in at night to wake me up and kiss me in the dark. I spent about four years reliving the same fantasy, over and over. I'd even brush my hair and lay it out on the pillow so I looked nice in my sleep. When I was about 15 my dream came true. We ended up getting caught red-handed in his bed by my friend's dad but it was totally worth it.”
<br><br>
These moments of sexual desire that emerge during adolescence are nothing to be ashamed of. It's totally natural for teens to explore their changing bodies and work out what feels good for them in order to foster positive future experiences—both solo and with a partner. Sometimes that curiosity is lost in adulthood, so why not think back to your own first flutters and nurture that curiosity now? It could spark a whole new sexual awakening.

Sexual memories can be the perfect fuel for the erotic flame! In [Firsts I](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/firsts-i) and [II](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/firsts-ii), Sean tells his partner, Heather, about the first time he hooked up with a man. Turned on by the steamy story, Heather asks Sean to recreate the experience with her.

...

__[Claire Blackmore](https://www.claireblackmore.com/) is a freelance writer and editor focusing on women's health, beauty, fashion, travel and sex. She specializes in straight-talking body, sex education and self-care features, plus trend reports on shopping, style, skincare and wellness.__

Do you remember the first time you felt a flash of arousal? Maybe you were watching a sexy music video, or reading the Twilight series, or hanging out with your friend’s older brother, and you suddenly felt a tingle that you hadn't experienced before. That initial flutter is usually a memorable moment, one that many pinpoint as the start of their sexual awakening.

Mine hit me when I stumbled across a late-night screening of the hit 90s TV show Eurotrash. Jean-Paul Gaultier (yes, the real one) and his friend, Antoine de Caunes, hosted this off-the-wall series that was packed full of unashamed nudity. Minutes into one naughty episode, Swedish supermodel, Victoria Silvstedt, appeared on screen almost completely naked and to my surprise, I was immediately turned on. Puzzled by this feeling between my legs, I kept quiet, but I forever remembered that first sensual fizz. It quickly became my favorite program to watch during my teens, and not because it was funny.

Sexual thoughts and attractions tend to emerge during early puberty, according to a study by [Larsson & Svedin](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/12049022/). The 2002 report revealed that around a quarter of young adults admitted they were “thinking a lot about sex” by the age of 11. And the [2018 Global Self-Pleasure Report](https://www.prnewswire.com/news-releases/worlds-largest-masturbation-survey-uncovers-how-traditional-views-of-masculinity-prevent-men-from-having-fulfilling-sex-lives--relationships-300638644.html), which surveyed 13,000 respondents aged 18-74 across 18 countries, found that the average age in which people began to masturbate fell at around 15 years old.

This got me thinking about other people's sexual awakenings. It seems that early fantasies and sensations stick with us, whether they’re tame, wild, fictional, true, or just plain confusing. So, in the interest of nostalgia and the power of shared experiences, a group of people revealed when—and how—they experienced their first-ever sexual twinges.

__Polly, 32__

"The [Cruel Intentions kiss](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rwwMn3Y6rUA)! That's the first time I got a clit jolt. I was only 11 or 12 when I watched it with my older sister and her friends. I remember getting really embarrassed because I wasn't sure why it happened or what it meant. I was convinced everyone in the room could see a bright red light beaming from my pants. Thank god it was dark because my cheeks went beet red. Something about their wet tongues rolling over each other really did something to me that day. I still fantasize about the moment they pull their lips apart and a string of spit lingers between them. I'm convinced that scene is the reason why I exclusively watch girl-on-girl porn."

__Katy, 35__

"I think I was about eight years old when I first felt some movement down there. My friends and I had this messed up game that involved lining local boys up in front of a wall then kicking a ball at the ones we fancied. If it hit them, we got to kiss them. I locked lips with my crush Kit and electric shocks crackled inside my pants. After that, I used to fantasize about him constantly."

"I think I was about eight years old when I first felt some movement down there. My friends and I had this messed up game that involved lining local boys up in front of a wall then kicking a ball at the ones we fancied. If it hit them, we got to kiss them. I locked lips with my crush Kit and electric shocks crackled inside my pants. After that, I used to fantasize about him constantly."

__Charlie, 34__

"My fantasies always involved Leonardo DiCaprio. It started after I watched Titanic when I was a teenager. I used to pretend I was Kate Winslet and imagine Leo was drawing me naked. The pure thought of it turns me on even now."

__Olivia, 33__

"My best friend's parents were a lot richer than mine, which meant her house was always decked out with the latest fancy gadgets. Think speakers built into the ceilings, cable TV, marble worktops, a hot tub, and best of all, power showers in every single bathroom—including her ensuite. My first sexual twinge happened right there. I remember feeling the heavy water pummelling my back and thinking it would feel incredible elsewhere, so I moved the jet to my sweet spot. That was the first time I ever came—standing in my friend's shower with wobbling knees and flushed cheeks."
<br><br>
__Alex, 30__

"I remember my first fantasy so clearly. It was Christina Aguilera's 'Dirty' video. The flashing red knickers, the chaps, the dancing—I'd never seen anything like it. It was hot, sweaty, and sexually charged from beginning to end. I taped it on my VCR and would watch the video when my family went out. For about a year after that, every time I jerked off I imagined Christina dancing in front of my face in her thong. Sometimes, I still do."
<br><br>
__Georgie, 27__

"I used to sit on the wooden bedpost at the end of my bed when I was about 10 and just rub myself up against it. I can't pinpoint an exact story I dreamt up, but it always involved me pushing myself against hard objects!"
<br><br>
__Eliot, 25__

"Twilight totally did it for me. I was bewitched by Bella's and Edward's dark obsession with each other. I loved her vulnerability, his masterful self-control, and the thrill of knowing he was moments away from killing her at all times. It really spoke to the dramatic goth inside me. I wanted to fall in love so hard it hurt. I wanted the agony of love to consume me. I was so poetic back then! Those fantasies swirled inside my head for a long time and definitely sparked a few masturbation sessions during my teenage years."
<br><br>
__Helen, 32__

“I had the raging horn over my best friend's older brother. I used to sleep on a pull-out bed in her room and dream of him creeping in at night to wake me up and kiss me in the dark. I spent about four years reliving the same fantasy, over and over. I'd even brush my hair and lay it out on the pillow so I looked nice in my sleep. When I was about 15 my dream came true. We ended up getting caught red-handed in his bed by my friend's dad but it was totally worth it.”
<br><br>
These moments of sexual desire that emerge during adolescence are nothing to be ashamed of. It's totally natural for teens to explore their changing bodies and work out what feels good for them in order to foster positive future experiences—both solo and with a partner. Sometimes that curiosity is lost in adulthood, so why not think back to your own first flutters and nurture that curiosity now? It could spark a whole new sexual awakening.

Sexual memories can be the perfect fuel for the erotic flame! In [Firsts I](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/firsts-i) and [II](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/firsts-ii), Sean tells his partner, Heather, about the first time he hooked up with a man. Turned on by the steamy story, Heather asks Sean to recreate the experience with her.

...

__[Claire Blackmore](https://www.claireblackmore.com/) is a freelance writer and editor focusing on women's health, beauty, fashion, travel and sex. She specializes in straight-talking body, sex education and self-care features, plus trend reports on shopping, style, skincare and wellness.__

Do you remember the first time you felt a flash of arousal? From watching sexy music videos to hanging with their friend's older brother—eight people share their first sexual memories.

Eight people reveal their first sexual memories

8-People-reveal

8 people reveal their first sexual memories

firsts

Firsts I

Firsts II

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Want to get lost in erotic audio? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=eroticaudioblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

Erotic audio sounds pretty straightforward upon first read, right? It’s a universally understood adjective following a universally understood noun. But it definitely isn’t a universally understood concept. 

Erotic: sexy. Audio: sounds. Erotic audio: sexy sounds! It seems simple enough...Right? 

Well, not exactly. 

For starters, there isn’t a single, standard definition for the word “erotic.” Dr. Leon F. Seltzer offered one of our favorite definitions when he said, “erotica doesn't appeal exclusively to our senses or carnal appetites. It also engages our aesthetic sense... [it's] sensuous delight of a higher order.” According to him, something can’t be classified as erotic just because it’s sexual or designed to turn someone on. It needs to be as beautiful as it is explicit. 

But, just like trying to understand what makes a piece of modern art beautiful to one person, and look like a random jumble of shapes and colors to another person, trying to parse out what makes something erotic from person to person isn’t quite so simple. 

Try asking a couple of people what they [consider to be erotic](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/strange-turn-ons/). You’ll probably get answers that surprise you a little bit, especially if you’ve never had that conversation before, but you’re also bound to realize just how much variance there is between their answers. 

Then there’s the audio component of erotic audio stories. While there might be an infinite number of things that turn people on, just imagine what that means for the number of turn-offs that exist. Now, layer sound into that equation. The wrong kind of mouth sound (a lip smack, a wet squelch) is enough to shift your mood entirely and knock you out of whatever sexy moment you might have been reveling in. 

It all goes to show that erotic audio is both infinitely faceted and also very, very hard to get right.  Creating soundscapes and stories that turn people on, and keep them immersed, is no small feat. 

In 2019, The New Yorker wrote an [in-depth article](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-audio-app-thats-transforming-erotica) about Dipsea and audio erotic storytelling. The author wrote “Good erotica is hard to write; graceful and convincing audio drama is hard to produce; and the awkwardness of flawed attempts at both is excruciating.” 

That’s why it was exciting when the author concluded that Dipsea “seems to have created a genre of its own, with audio details that enhance a sense of pleasure, safety, and calm.” 

Being lauded for creating a new genre is pretty exciting, but the truly essential part of that quote is recognizing that it’s being done in an entirely new medium—audio. 

Erotica has existed for a long, long, long, long, [long time](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-brief-sexy-history-of-erotica/). Audio erotica, not so much. Which is why it can be so hard to define: because it’s so new, and because it’s still evolving so quickly. 

That’s why we wanted to talk to the experts, the Dipsea audio team, AKA the Sonic Sisters. [Angela](https://www.instagram.com/la_shaguita/?hl=en), [Kristina](https://www.instagram.com/kristinawalsh/?hl=en), [Kara](https://twitter.com/karahart_?lang=en), and [Selene](https://www.instagram.com/ohnonotnow/?hl=en) are the women behind the audio production and sound design of each and every Dipsea story and session. We asked them everything, from how they define audio erotica, to what some of their favorite sexy sounds are, to how the stories are made. It’s a little peek behind the curtain at Dipsea, and a deep dive into all the ways one can make audio erotic. 
<br><br>
# Defining audio erotica

__Dipsea:__ Ok, starting off big here. What is audio erotica?

__Angela:__ For me, audio erotica is a sensorial experience that allows you to use your own imagination while listening to sexy things.

__Selene:__ It’s a form of storytelling that harnesses the inherent intimacy of sound to create and immerse the listener, and guide a listener back to their own sensuality.

__Kara:__ Something we talk a lot about with the work that we do with erotic audio stories, is altering people’s mood states. The intimacy of audio erotica works really well with getting in touch with your sensuality and altering your mood state to put you in a different one. 

__Kristina:__ With other forms of storytelling or even with podcasts, they’re categorized by their ability to entertain and inform, but where others are maybe trying to move their audience toward larger actions, for instance, investigative journalism’s potential call for outward social action or change, audio erotica is asking you to take an inward micro-step toward self-pleasure. Which is also really powerful. 

__Angela:__ Yeah, tune into the stories but also to yourself.
<br><br>
## What makes erotic audio special? 

__Dipsea:__ How do you think audio erotica, and Dipsea specifically, is different from other erotic mediums?  

__Kristina:__ Audio is a primal medium. I reference this a lot, but Walter Murch, the godfather of film sound design (he also literally did the sound design for The Godfather) wrote this essay where he talks about the fact that hearing is the first sense that’s switched on in the womb, and after that it kind of takes a back seat to the other senses, especially sight. What Dipsea is doing with our erotic stories is bringing sound back to the forefront. 

Sound is something that is so visceral, carnal, primal, that taps into a deeper sense, while still giving people room to construct their own version of the story in their mind with visuals or put themselves in the story. What really sets us apart as erotic audio is transporting people to a different space -- time travel, and space travel even if they’re just in their bed.

__Selene:__ If you're watching something, you’re more of a passive consumer—it’s traveling to you. But if you’re listening to something, it’s all around you—you’re in it. It’s like being in an ocean or a body of water where you’re quite literally, in this analogy, immersed, versus being splashed in the face with water or being hosed down. That’s audio erotica.

That’s a really powerful medium for something that is so subjective and psychological and intimate as erotica. Erotic audio is also inherently subjective, psychological, and intimate. 

__Kara:__ Also, the accessibility part of it is important. A lot of erotica available online is visual, and for people who might not be able to access that [because they’re sight impaired or blind], this is such an important option. 

__Kristina:__ One thing that also just sparked for me is thinking about how we receive stories naturally, how we receive dirty talk from people outside of erotica in our real lives, and I think that audio erotica allows us to simulate somebody actually whispering in your ear and makes it feel like it’s beaming into your body versus the distance of the page or screen. It’s like Selene was talking about, jumping in the ocean versus the splash. 

There’s so much we don’t have to spell out because you can just hear it in the way the actor pauses, or gasps, or in what they don’t say. The silence. There’s so much you can infer and read into that way that might have to be super spelled out in written erotica, for example, and also isn’t even there in a lot of visual erotica. 

__Angela:__ Also in the way things are said—all the stories are consensual and respectful in their own ways and not all audio erotica is necessarily like that, but we’re like that, and that’s something that will hopefully let you listen and feel safe. 

__Kara:__ Another thing is that when you’re listening to audio erotica there’s the ability to kind of take it with you wherever you are, which is fun. Some people might not feel comfortable, but I’ve heard anecdotally about people listening in their car or on a bus (although most Dipsea listeners do listen in bed). Erotic audio stories are something that can travel with you. Watching erotica out in the world? Great! Looking at photos? Great! Live your life! But it’s much easier to listen to erotic audio in a more discreet way. 

__Kristina:__ And that’s kind of hot too! You have your little secret, it can add to the hotness. 
<br><br>
## What makes audio erotic?

__Dipsea:__ Speaking of which, what makes audio erotic in and of itself? 

__Angela:__ There’s a feeling when someone whispers in your ear that is just as physical as it is auditory. The different sounds you hear, the different ways someone talks—you can literally feel them, not just hear them. 

__Kristina:__ It’s funny to think about things you would maybe assume are erotic in sound, and how that differs from what you actually find sexy or erotic in sound. Personally, I like a makeup brush in a plastic makeup container! Like to me, that’s an erotic audio kink. 

And there’s certain things, like when we recorded the perfect ass clap and thrust, that sort of changed everything for us and it was a big deal. We’re still getting better at the ass slaps! 

There are so many things that we’re just learning about what is and isn’t a turn on. Like slurping, like overt slurping. Even if that’s realistically what you hear when you’re having sex, that might not be what you’re focusing on when you’re having sex. You’re focused on the person from your perspective, and that’s what we want to emulate, all of the heightened, sensorial parts of sex. All of the sexy sounds that can be fun, without trying to make a documentary. 

__Selene:__ Yeah, we’re trying to recreate an elevated version of a sexual encounter through erotic audio, and although sex is messy and it gets messy and that’s fabulous and amazing, when you’re translating that experience into audio erotica you’re not doing a literal word for word sound for sound translation, you’re doing more of a transliteration. Interpreting it through sound. 

That’s a good metaphor for how we think of all sound design. We’re capturing the essence without capturing it verbatim, whatever the sonic equivalent of verbatim is. 

And we find that heightening certain sounds—for me, I love having a whisper—that works really well. Angela has done so much amazing work on creating the perfect Dipsea kiss. 

__Kristina:__ Another thing I love that we’re doing more of is silence. There are so many moments where silence can build us up for the payoff and is, itself, erotic. Even in a non-sexual erotic audio moment where characters are just sort of silent and observing each other and sitting in it and we’re hearing their inner thoughts in that moment. There’s so much that’s said in silence, and I’m excited for us to harness that more in our future pieces for sure. 

__Angela:__ Silence can say so much more than words. 

__Kristina:__ And also music! We use music to set up a vibe and to vary it up so that we’re not creating a wall of breath, a breath cyclone if you will, that can just feel like white-noise. We’re trying to build a cadence and a rhythm. 

__Kara:__ Breath itself can be erotic audio. I think there’s a lot of work that goes into figuring out where certain breaths should go, what kind of breaths are sexy, and the cadence. I remember one of the conversations we had early on when I first started at Dipsea was whether breath should be matched. Like whether people who are having sex should be breathing in and out and at the same time! 

The best sound design is sound design that isn't noticed, and so much of what we do is exactly that. 
<br><br>
## Sexy sounds

__Dipsea:__ Okay, now that we know what makes audio erotic, what are some of your favorite sexy sounds?

__Kara:__ I think my favorite erotic audio moments are stuttering breaths. 

__Angela:__ Selene already said mine, but I like a whisper. 

__Selene:__ I like rain on the roof.

__Kristina:__ After makeup brushes, I like a distant ocean hum. 

__Kara:__ I also like this sound [Kara picks up a piece of paper and starts rubbing her hands over it]. I guess I should describe it! It’s the sound of hands running over thick paper, like cardstock, or cardstock ripping. That might be my favorite sound in the entire world. Even cutting it. Since I was a child. 

__Kristina:__ I love drawing too, to pair with your cardstock moment. Pencil on paper, like in the Dipsea stories [Virgo Season](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/virgo-season) and [The Shop](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/the-shop). A sound I really don’t like is like is magic marker on paper, it’s squeaky. 

Also to be more direct in terms of erotic audio, hearing oral sex pleasure from the giver is something we do that I really love. I think we do that really well, it’s not so cartoony and it’s more subtle. It’s really underscoring the pleasure of someone giving that act which I don’t think we always see in media, especially in erotica. It’s usually receiving that is shown as pleasurable, and I like that we can flip it and sort of underscore that with subtle sound design. 

__Angela:__ And skin on skin! And how much the rhythm of that matters. Whether someone’s just caressing someone, or if there’s skin on skin in a more sexual way. If it’s too fast in a very soft, sweet moment, then it sort of takes away from the moment. But if it’s right, it leans into the comfort of it. 
<br><br>
## Erotic audio: The bare necessities

__Dipsea:__ Y’all have been amazing. Okay, our last question! What do you think the key components of creating an audio erotic story are?

__Kristina:__ I think, for us, the first one is building off a base layer of erotic audio. 

We try to do that with city sounds outside, or a bird. I think that’s the first entry point, we need this, we need some sort of inviting immersion to bring people in right off the bat before we even get to the sexiness.

__Angela:__ Translating an inward experience through acting is important as well, so that there are feelings involved, as opposed to just outward projection that doesn’t have any inward emotion involved with it. 

__Kara:__ And consent! Obviously consent is the most important part of any sexual experience, or any experience, and specifically in erotic audio because there’s not a visual aspect you have to hear consent, and that can be written in. Our writers do an incredible job, even if it’s not going to be a spoken “Yes, I will have sex with you right now,” which they would never write like that.  But it can be an affirmative sound, or some sort of non-verbal audio affirmation. That is always, always captured when we’re doing recordings, and that’s one of the biggest parts of the work that we do in audio erotica.

Also, I know we already talked about this, but music. A final shoutout to music!

__Selene:__ The inviting and enticing nature of our stories is embedded in the sound design and woven into every part of production, from the conception of the piece. We know that eroticism is fragile, and that an awkward moment or something embarrassing can shatter it. It’s very delicate, so we create narratives and vignettes where we try to make sure at all times listeners are held and safe and secure and relaxed and guided into a mood point where they feel safe to be vulnerable, or dabble in taboo. That care is really important. 
<br><br>
## Discover and explore for yourself

Of course, the final component of erotic audio is you, the listener. How the story and the sounds are making you feel in the moment, while you’re listening, that’s the mark of true success. 

And while you can read about the fundamentals, and everything that goes into the process of creating erotic audio -- the care, the consent, the consideration -- the only true way to know what it’s actually like and how it makes you feel, is to listen and see where your imagination takes you. 

We’re certainly not alone in saying that Dipsea is one of the best options out there, there are [quite](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a29423685/audio-porn/) [a few](https://www.playboy.com/read/dipsea-audio-erotica) [people](https://www.bustle.com/p/audio-erotica-is-the-steamy-soundtrack-to-your-self-quarantine-22765058) [who](https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/jul/21/erotic-podcast-dipsea-fiction) [seem](https://mashable.com/article/best-audio-porn/) [to](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/audio-porn-erotica-dipsea-quinn_uk_5e41752ac5b6b708870508dc?guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAFzxfQh3hzld6oVwtblmat-NAkWfafFKhk0XqNn7ZViM-5o5WYDtxg5zbhEbLwGjoeHe0SdcZLuINLioJikizBKtrLtMm9xT6iKynGV0xg1hZEminRLVqPjRnoIPvW1-GL-7r6KXr8NRWcj7fuAxXDlVrA1L__KlfC3qOJxSyaFC&guccounter=2) [agree](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/best-audio-porn-erotica). But ultimately, that decision will be up to you. 

Sex and sexuality are inherently psychological and intimate, and erotic audio especially so. As we continue to bring sex and pleasure into the conversation about what it means to live a whole, fulfilled life, it’s clear that immersing yourself in audio erotica is one the most wonderful ways to do that. 

So what are you waiting for? Dive in!


Erotic audio sounds pretty straightforward upon first read, right? It’s a universally understood adjective following a universally understood noun. But it definitely isn’t a universally understood concept. 

Erotic: sexy. Audio: sounds. Erotic audio: sexy sounds! It seems simple enough...Right? 

Well, not exactly. 

For starters, there isn’t a single, standard definition for the word “erotic.” Dr. Leon F. Seltzer offered one of our favorite definitions when he said, “erotica doesn't appeal exclusively to our senses or carnal appetites. It also engages our aesthetic sense... [it's] sensuous delight of a higher order.” According to him, something can’t be classified as erotic just because it’s sexual or designed to turn someone on. It needs to be as beautiful as it is explicit. 

But, just like trying to understand what makes a piece of modern art beautiful to one person, and look like a random jumble of shapes and colors to another person, trying to parse out what makes something erotic from person to person isn’t quite so simple. 

Try asking a couple of people what they [consider to be erotic](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/strange-turn-ons/). You’ll probably get answers that surprise you a little bit, especially if you’ve never had that conversation before, but you’re also bound to realize just how much variance there is between their answers. 

Then there’s the audio component of erotic audio stories. While there might be an infinite number of things that turn people on, just imagine what that means for the number of turn-offs that exist. Now, layer sound into that equation. The wrong kind of mouth sound (a lip smack, a wet squelch) is enough to shift your mood entirely and knock you out of whatever sexy moment you might have been reveling in. 

It all goes to show that erotic audio is both infinitely faceted and also very, very hard to get right.  Creating soundscapes and stories that turn people on, and keep them immersed, is no small feat. 

In 2019, The New Yorker wrote an [in-depth article](https://www.newyorker.com/culture/culture-desk/the-audio-app-thats-transforming-erotica) about Dipsea and audio erotic storytelling. The author wrote “Good erotica is hard to write; graceful and convincing audio drama is hard to produce; and the awkwardness of flawed attempts at both is excruciating.” 

That’s why it was exciting when the author concluded that Dipsea “seems to have created a genre of its own, with audio details that enhance a sense of pleasure, safety, and calm.” 

Being lauded for creating a new genre is pretty exciting, but the truly essential part of that quote is recognizing that it’s being done in an entirely new medium—audio. 

Erotica has existed for a long, long, long, long, [long time](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-brief-sexy-history-of-erotica/). Audio erotica, not so much. Which is why it can be so hard to define: because it’s so new, and because it’s still evolving so quickly. 

That’s why we wanted to talk to the experts, the Dipsea audio team, AKA the Sonic Sisters. [Angela](https://www.instagram.com/la_shaguita/?hl=en), [Kristina](https://www.instagram.com/kristinawalsh/?hl=en), [Kara](https://twitter.com/karahart_?lang=en), and [Selene](https://www.instagram.com/ohnonotnow/?hl=en) are the women behind the audio production and sound design of each and every Dipsea story and session. We asked them everything, from how they define audio erotica, to what some of their favorite sexy sounds are, to how the stories are made. It’s a little peek behind the curtain at Dipsea, and a deep dive into all the ways one can make audio erotic. 
<br><br>
# Defining audio erotica

__Dipsea:__ Ok, starting off big here. What is audio erotica?

__Angela:__ For me, audio erotica is a sensorial experience that allows you to use your own imagination while listening to sexy things.

__Selene:__ It’s a form of storytelling that harnesses the inherent intimacy of sound to create and immerse the listener, and guide a listener back to their own sensuality.

__Kara:__ Something we talk a lot about with the work that we do with erotic audio stories, is altering people’s mood states. The intimacy of audio erotica works really well with getting in touch with your sensuality and altering your mood state to put you in a different one. 

__Kristina:__ With other forms of storytelling or even with podcasts, they’re categorized by their ability to entertain and inform, but where others are maybe trying to move their audience toward larger actions, for instance, investigative journalism’s potential call for outward social action or change, audio erotica is asking you to take an inward micro-step toward self-pleasure. Which is also really powerful. 

__Angela:__ Yeah, tune into the stories but also to yourself.
<br><br>
## What makes erotic audio special? 

__Dipsea:__ How do you think audio erotica, and Dipsea specifically, is different from other erotic mediums?  

__Kristina:__ Audio is a primal medium. I reference this a lot, but Walter Murch, the godfather of film sound design (he also literally did the sound design for The Godfather) wrote this essay where he talks about the fact that hearing is the first sense that’s switched on in the womb, and after that it kind of takes a back seat to the other senses, especially sight. What Dipsea is doing with our erotic stories is bringing sound back to the forefront. 

Sound is something that is so visceral, carnal, primal, that taps into a deeper sense, while still giving people room to construct their own version of the story in their mind with visuals or put themselves in the story. What really sets us apart as erotic audio is transporting people to a different space -- time travel, and space travel even if they’re just in their bed.

__Selene:__ If you're watching something, you’re more of a passive consumer—it’s traveling to you. But if you’re listening to something, it’s all around you—you’re in it. It’s like being in an ocean or a body of water where you’re quite literally, in this analogy, immersed, versus being splashed in the face with water or being hosed down. That’s audio erotica.

That’s a really powerful medium for something that is so subjective and psychological and intimate as erotica. Erotic audio is also inherently subjective, psychological, and intimate. 

__Kara:__ Also, the accessibility part of it is important. A lot of erotica available online is visual, and for people who might not be able to access that [because they’re sight impaired or blind], this is such an important option. 

__Kristina:__ One thing that also just sparked for me is thinking about how we receive stories naturally, how we receive dirty talk from people outside of erotica in our real lives, and I think that audio erotica allows us to simulate somebody actually whispering in your ear and makes it feel like it’s beaming into your body versus the distance of the page or screen. It’s like Selene was talking about, jumping in the ocean versus the splash. 

There’s so much we don’t have to spell out because you can just hear it in the way the actor pauses, or gasps, or in what they don’t say. The silence. There’s so much you can infer and read into that way that might have to be super spelled out in written erotica, for example, and also isn’t even there in a lot of visual erotica. 

__Angela:__ Also in the way things are said—all the stories are consensual and respectful in their own ways and not all audio erotica is necessarily like that, but we’re like that, and that’s something that will hopefully let you listen and feel safe. 

__Kara:__ Another thing is that when you’re listening to audio erotica there’s the ability to kind of take it with you wherever you are, which is fun. Some people might not feel comfortable, but I’ve heard anecdotally about people listening in their car or on a bus (although most Dipsea listeners do listen in bed). Erotic audio stories are something that can travel with you. Watching erotica out in the world? Great! Looking at photos? Great! Live your life! But it’s much easier to listen to erotic audio in a more discreet way. 

__Kristina:__ And that’s kind of hot too! You have your little secret, it can add to the hotness. 
<br><br>
## What makes audio erotic?

__Dipsea:__ Speaking of which, what makes audio erotic in and of itself? 

__Angela:__ There’s a feeling when someone whispers in your ear that is just as physical as it is auditory. The different sounds you hear, the different ways someone talks—you can literally feel them, not just hear them. 

__Kristina:__ It’s funny to think about things you would maybe assume are erotic in sound, and how that differs from what you actually find sexy or erotic in sound. Personally, I like a makeup brush in a plastic makeup container! Like to me, that’s an erotic audio kink. 

And there’s certain things, like when we recorded the perfect ass clap and thrust, that sort of changed everything for us and it was a big deal. We’re still getting better at the ass slaps! 

There are so many things that we’re just learning about what is and isn’t a turn on. Like slurping, like overt slurping. Even if that’s realistically what you hear when you’re having sex, that might not be what you’re focusing on when you’re having sex. You’re focused on the person from your perspective, and that’s what we want to emulate, all of the heightened, sensorial parts of sex. All of the sexy sounds that can be fun, without trying to make a documentary. 

__Selene:__ Yeah, we’re trying to recreate an elevated version of a sexual encounter through erotic audio, and although sex is messy and it gets messy and that’s fabulous and amazing, when you’re translating that experience into audio erotica you’re not doing a literal word for word sound for sound translation, you’re doing more of a transliteration. Interpreting it through sound. 

That’s a good metaphor for how we think of all sound design. We’re capturing the essence without capturing it verbatim, whatever the sonic equivalent of verbatim is. 

And we find that heightening certain sounds—for me, I love having a whisper—that works really well. Angela has done so much amazing work on creating the perfect Dipsea kiss. 

__Kristina:__ Another thing I love that we’re doing more of is silence. There are so many moments where silence can build us up for the payoff and is, itself, erotic. Even in a non-sexual erotic audio moment where characters are just sort of silent and observing each other and sitting in it and we’re hearing their inner thoughts in that moment. There’s so much that’s said in silence, and I’m excited for us to harness that more in our future pieces for sure. 

__Angela:__ Silence can say so much more than words. 

__Kristina:__ And also music! We use music to set up a vibe and to vary it up so that we’re not creating a wall of breath, a breath cyclone if you will, that can just feel like white-noise. We’re trying to build a cadence and a rhythm. 

__Kara:__ Breath itself can be erotic audio. I think there’s a lot of work that goes into figuring out where certain breaths should go, what kind of breaths are sexy, and the cadence. I remember one of the conversations we had early on when I first started at Dipsea was whether breath should be matched. Like whether people who are having sex should be breathing in and out and at the same time! 

The best sound design is sound design that isn't noticed, and so much of what we do is exactly that. 
<br><br>
## Sexy sounds

__Dipsea:__ Okay, now that we know what makes audio erotic, what are some of your favorite sexy sounds?

__Kara:__ I think my favorite erotic audio moments are stuttering breaths. 

__Angela:__ Selene already said mine, but I like a whisper. 

__Selene:__ I like rain on the roof.

__Kristina:__ After makeup brushes, I like a distant ocean hum. 

__Kara:__ I also like this sound [Kara picks up a piece of paper and starts rubbing her hands over it]. I guess I should describe it! It’s the sound of hands running over thick paper, like cardstock, or cardstock ripping. That might be my favorite sound in the entire world. Even cutting it. Since I was a child. 

__Kristina:__ I love drawing too, to pair with your cardstock moment. Pencil on paper, like in the Dipsea stories [Virgo Season](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/virgo-season) and [The Shop](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/the-shop). A sound I really don’t like is like is magic marker on paper, it’s squeaky. 

Also to be more direct in terms of erotic audio, hearing oral sex pleasure from the giver is something we do that I really love. I think we do that really well, it’s not so cartoony and it’s more subtle. It’s really underscoring the pleasure of someone giving that act which I don’t think we always see in media, especially in erotica. It’s usually receiving that is shown as pleasurable, and I like that we can flip it and sort of underscore that with subtle sound design. 

__Angela:__ And skin on skin! And how much the rhythm of that matters. Whether someone’s just caressing someone, or if there’s skin on skin in a more sexual way. If it’s too fast in a very soft, sweet moment, then it sort of takes away from the moment. But if it’s right, it leans into the comfort of it. 
<br><br>
## Erotic audio: The bare necessities

__Dipsea:__ Y’all have been amazing. Okay, our last question! What do you think the key components of creating an audio erotic story are?

__Kristina:__ I think, for us, the first one is building off a base layer of erotic audio. 

We try to do that with city sounds outside, or a bird. I think that’s the first entry point, we need this, we need some sort of inviting immersion to bring people in right off the bat before we even get to the sexiness.

__Angela:__ Translating an inward experience through acting is important as well, so that there are feelings involved, as opposed to just outward projection that doesn’t have any inward emotion involved with it. 

__Kara:__ And consent! Obviously consent is the most important part of any sexual experience, or any experience, and specifically in erotic audio because there’s not a visual aspect you have to hear consent, and that can be written in. Our writers do an incredible job, even if it’s not going to be a spoken “Yes, I will have sex with you right now,” which they would never write like that.  But it can be an affirmative sound, or some sort of non-verbal audio affirmation. That is always, always captured when we’re doing recordings, and that’s one of the biggest parts of the work that we do in audio erotica.

Also, I know we already talked about this, but music. A final shoutout to music!

__Selene:__ The inviting and enticing nature of our stories is embedded in the sound design and woven into every part of production, from the conception of the piece. We know that eroticism is fragile, and that an awkward moment or something embarrassing can shatter it. It’s very delicate, so we create narratives and vignettes where we try to make sure at all times listeners are held and safe and secure and relaxed and guided into a mood point where they feel safe to be vulnerable, or dabble in taboo. That care is really important. 
<br><br>
## Discover and explore for yourself

Of course, the final component of erotic audio is you, the listener. How the story and the sounds are making you feel in the moment, while you’re listening, that’s the mark of true success. 

And while you can read about the fundamentals, and everything that goes into the process of creating erotic audio -- the care, the consent, the consideration -- the only true way to know what it’s actually like and how it makes you feel, is to listen and see where your imagination takes you. 

We’re certainly not alone in saying that Dipsea is one of the best options out there, there are [quite](https://www.cosmopolitan.com/uk/love-sex/sex/a29423685/audio-porn/) [a few](https://www.playboy.com/read/dipsea-audio-erotica) [people](https://www.bustle.com/p/audio-erotica-is-the-steamy-soundtrack-to-your-self-quarantine-22765058) [who](https://www.theguardian.com/media/2019/jul/21/erotic-podcast-dipsea-fiction) [seem](https://mashable.com/article/best-audio-porn/) [to](https://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/entry/audio-porn-erotica-dipsea-quinn_uk_5e41752ac5b6b708870508dc?guce_referrer=aHR0cHM6Ly93d3cuZ29vZ2xlLmNvbS8&guce_referrer_sig=AQAAAFzxfQh3hzld6oVwtblmat-NAkWfafFKhk0XqNn7ZViM-5o5WYDtxg5zbhEbLwGjoeHe0SdcZLuINLioJikizBKtrLtMm9xT6iKynGV0xg1hZEminRLVqPjRnoIPvW1-GL-7r6KXr8NRWcj7fuAxXDlVrA1L__KlfC3qOJxSyaFC&guccounter=2) [agree](https://www.refinery29.com/en-gb/best-audio-porn-erotica). But ultimately, that decision will be up to you. 

Sex and sexuality are inherently psychological and intimate, and erotic audio especially so. As we continue to bring sex and pleasure into the conversation about what it means to live a whole, fulfilled life, it’s clear that immersing yourself in audio erotica is one the most wonderful ways to do that. 

So what are you waiting for? Dive in!

What is audio erotica and where did audio erotica come from? The Dipsea audio team explores what makes voices sexy and how you can use erotic audio to enhance your sex life.

What Is Erotic Audio And What Makes It So Damn Sexy

What-is-Erotic-Audio

What is Erotic Audio?

Secret Rooms

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to explore your desires in a whole new way? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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It’s no secret that the spectrum of what turns people on is as wide and as vast as, well, a spectrum that contains a little bit of everything in the universe. Not to sound trite, but it’s true. People can get turned on by any, and every, thing. And they do. Sometimes even by non-things, by intangible ephemera, like a memory or a smell. And sometimes, even when a provocateur is a little more tactile, the reason it gets us going might still not be totally clear.

> People can get turned on by any, and every, thing. And they do.

For example, we know that [women are turned on by gay porn](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/female-gaze/), and even though there have been entire books written on the topic, the question of ‘why,’ as in ‘why is this turning women on’ can still largely be summarized with one word; because. Because the sound of men moaning is hot, because a woman being objectified isn’t the central focus, because women like envisioning themselves as men, because M-M gay sex is just more fun than straight sex (okay, that last one might be less objective).

Because, because, because, because, because. Because of the wonderful things it does, as Dorothy, Tin Man, Scarecrow, and the Cowardly Lion might say. Not a lot of people spend too much time investigating the ‘why’ behind their turn-ons, as it really only matters that they’re getting turned on. Who cares if they’re a little strange? Certainly, women getting turned on by male-male erotica is a little out of the ordinary, so much so that it inspired a book, but if it’s working, consensual, and nobody’s getting hurt in the process, who cares what’s turning people on? And, at the end of the day, if we were to organize that spectrum we were talking about earlier from least to most strange, I’d be willing to bet women getting off to the idea of two dudes bumping butts probably falls a lot closer to the less strange side of that scale than a lot of what else would end up there.

> Not a lot of people spend too much time investigating the ‘why’ behind their turn-ons, as it really only matters that they’re getting turned on.

And just to be clear, just because it seems less strange, doesn’t make it better than anything else on that list—it just makes it less strange. The normalcy of something has no bearing on its worth. It doesn’t make it more valuable, it just maybe makes it more acceptable to talk about. When it comes to talking about what’s turning us on, there’s already so much baggage tied up in talking about sexual pleasure at all, that any opportunity we have to make strange desires more comfortable to talk about should absolutely be taken. Which is why it was so cool when, in November of 2019, so many people opened up about their strange turn ons in the comments of this [Dipsea Instagram post](https://www.instagram.com/p/B45j9l0AHyw/).

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Responses ran the gamut of possibility but could be grouped together in larger buckets. People talked about __body parts__—with collarbones, forearms and strong hands getting several shoutouts—and __personality traits__—where radical honesty and emotional openness made strong showings. __Actions__ got called out a few times too, with people seeming to love the physical intimacy of their inner thighs being licked, and receiving a wink from across a bar. Some folks dove into that __less tangible space__, calling out the smell of leather, or even dipped a toe into fantasy, copping to their attraction to vampires. 

What struck me most while reading through the responses was how not-weird so many of the answers seemed. Sure, some were things that I would say don’t necessarily do it for me personally, but for every “strange” turn-on, it seemed like there was someone else in that thread who felt similarly. Surely there are more and more strange things that people are getting off to—after all, these were just the ones people felt comfortable admitting to strangers on a public Instagram account—but it’s amazing to see just how ready people are to dive into those discussions the moment they find an open door to the conversation.

> ...for every “strange” turn-on, it seemed like there was someone else in that thread who felt similarly.

One of my favorite comments on the thread didn’t mention a strang turn-on at all but instead talked about how important it is to create the space to have the conversations about them. “It’s not always easy to find the time and space to share the full spectrum of turn on’s” they wrote, “but when you can it’s 🔥.” Fire emoji indeed. It’s not uncommon knowledge that the more openly you’re able to talk about your sexual needs, desires, and fantasies, the greater the likelihood is that you’ll experience a more fulfilling sex life, but of course, that is easier said than done. 

One thing to keep in mind that might make it easier to talk about your strange (or not so strange) turn-ons the next time you get the urge to share with your partner or your friends or your mom (no judgment, we all need to share sometimes), is that for the most part, we have absolutely no control over what we end up finding arousing. The important caveat here is that we absolutely have control over how we respond to said stimulus, so this information is not permission to go around rubbing up on someone or yourself every time you think of a vampire (if that’s your thing). More so, it’s a way of acknowledging that you might have as much control over what turns you on as you do about what color hair you were born with. It might change as you get older, or you might choose to dye it, but that doesn’t change that beneath the bleach you’re still a brunette. And there’s no shame in being a brunette.

> The important caveat here is that we absolutely have control over how we respond to said stimulus, so this information is not permission to go around rubbing up on someone or yourself every time you think of a vampire (if that’s your thing).

I learned this essential nugget of information while reading Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam’s “A Billion Wicked Thoughts: What the World’s Largest Experiment Reveals About Human Desire” (which is required reading at Dipsea HQ), in which the authors spend 300+ pages (and over 1,300 sources!), beautifully and carefully explaining the nature of human desire and how we respond to it. To try and summarize it in one paragraph here would be a disservice both to you and to the authors, but trust me when I say that, according to a lot of very good research, if the sight of a collarbone is what gets you going, you probably have as much say in that reality as any of us did in deciding to have collarbones. 

Rather than explain the science of attraction that Ogas and Gaddam dive into in their book, I will leave you with a parting thought they shared about what we should do with this knowledge now that we have it. “By identifying and understanding one another’s sexual cues, we can develop greater comfort, confidence, and compassion; only then will we have an authentic opportunity to truly connect.” At the end of the day, the best explanation someone might be able to give for their strange turn-on is, simply, because. But opening the door for them to talk about it safely and in a judgment-free way is definitely worth the walk along their spectrum.

__Garrett Schlichte is the Operations Manager at Dipsea, and also a freelance writer. Their work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Harper’s Bazaar, and other places on the internet and in print. Please send iced coffee.__


Everyone is turned on by different things. Here, we dive into everyone's strange turn-ons, the weird things that get people going. 

What is the weirdest thing turns you on and what does it mean?

Strange-Turn-Ons

Embracing your "strange" turn-ons

We've rounded up some of our favorite Instagram content over the past month. From silicone toys to communication tips, these posts will help you navigate your sex life and relationships!

__1.__  [@june.pilot](https://www.tiktok.com/@brittanyleighball/) breaks down everything you've ever wanted to know about silicone toys.
<div class="instagram-post">
  <iframe src="https://www.tiktok.com/@brittanyleighball/video/6980453384218283269?_d=secCgYIASAHKAESMgowJ3QBmi4ptC9wuPj7wA2D7uQmEY8WsBWk7LtdzfljVX4NofSLJvYxb3ad8OOUg8sBGgA%3D&checksum=29387153e119c9df7a8f19d034ce50298642451aa8d4fa9006a2261046821567&language=en&preview_pb=0&sec_user_id=MS4wLjABAAAA_vmj8HdvmK0mWtgN47MoUXLi_lSQ3xtZxkfO0U4zGbHKGevOc0L4BxKWPKxy7vem&share_app_id=1233&share_item_id=6980453384218283269&share_link_id=D68B7C1C-BB4E-4F0E-8382-93B089870D8A&source=h5_m&timestamp=1626116570&tt_from=copy&u_code=dcb9mi5il9hmlb&user_id=6826342999079257093&utm_campaign=client_share&utm_medium=ios&utm_source=copy&_r=1&is_copy_url=1&is_from_webapp=v1embed" 
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__2.__  [@shrimpteeth](https://www.instagram.com/shrimpteeth/) encourages you to rethink how you define a successful relationship.
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<br><br><br>

__3.__  Don't know what to say to your partner after an unresolved fight? [@whatswrongwithmollymargaret](https://www.instagram.com/whatswrongwithmollymargaret/)'s got you covered with her text templates.
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  <iframe src="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8oc0B4pJKO/embed" 
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<br><br><br>

__4.__  Learn how to work through feelings of rejection with [@sexelducation](https://www.instagram.com/p/B8TpZhFDKn3/?igshid=hueezmsi2h4n).
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  <iframe src="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8TpZhFDKn3/embed" 
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  </iframe>
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<br><br><br>

__5.__  [@afrosexology_](https://www.instagram.com/afrosexology_/) lays out how to have conversations about sexual history, preferences, pleasure, and safety.
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  <iframe src="https://www.instagram.com/p/B77GfSQBe4w/embed" 
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__6.__  [@thefatsextherapist](https://www.instagram.com/thefatsextherapist/) with an important reminder: You are easy to love.
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__7.__  Are you into spanking? Understand your desires and how to communicate them to your partner(s) with this post from [@sluttygrlprobs](https://www.instagram.com/sluttygrlprobs/).
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  <iframe src="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8RVMbsFbtU/embed" 
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__8.__  Level up your apologies with [@misscoryb](https://www.instagram.com/misscoryb/).
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  <iframe src="https://www.instagram.com/p/B8J1NpHA8Z8/embed" 
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__9.__  [@whatsmybodydoing](https://www.instagram.com/whatsmybodydoing/) wants you to know: You can fulfill your own sexual needs!
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__10.__  Use this straightforward venn diagram from [@askasub](https://www.instagram.com/askasub/) to figure out and communicate your boundaries to your sexual partner(s).
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Instagram

February IG roundup

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to explore erotica in a whole new way? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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Istanbul #2461 isn’t a particularly alluring title. It’s not the kind of thing that, if whispered into someone’s ear, would send shivers down their spine or cause goosebumps to erupt across their body so much as it might make them wonder why someone had just shared an email password with them. 

But Istanbul #2461 isn't an email password (that I know of), it’s the world’s oldest love poem, or at least, the oldest love poem we’ve ever found. And, before it was translated in 1951, it was just sitting in some drawer in a museum having been written almost 4,000 years before (which is definitely something I’ll keep in mind the next time I think it’s taken someone too long to text me back). 

“My precious caress is more savoury than honey,” the translation of the poem reads, “In the bedchamber, honey-filled, let me enjoy your goodly beauty, lion, let me caress you.” Allegedly, it was written by the bride of King Shu-Sin of Sumer, but if you put a beat behind it, it could be a pop song from any of the past few decades. As it turns out, it doesn’t matter if it’s 2020 B.C. or 2020 A.D., people have a long history of writing sexy stories to set the mood.

> As it turns out, it doesn’t matter if it’s 2020 B.C. or 2020 A.D., people have a long history of writing sexy stories to set the mood.

And before there was the written word, there were images. The oldest erotic art ever uncovered is also the oldest cave art ever to be found, and it’s apparently a carving of a vulva. While no one knows which of our ancestors is responsible for it, it might just be proof that nudes, as it turns out, are our most universal language. 

Of course, eventually, we reached a place where a vulva on a cave wall wasn’t cutting it anymore, and from there more formalized systems of communication developed. There were cave paintings, and later cuneiform and hieroglyphics. Pretty much every ancient civilization, spanning from today’s South America, to Europe and Asia, wrote stories and created art in an effort to cultivate meaning and understanding around what it means to be alive. And, every step of the way, erotica followed. 

> Sexual wellness, sexual understanding, and sexual appreciation have been essential components of how we create meaning and deepen both an understanding of ourselves and our connection to the people around us for all of human history.

Sexual wellness, sexual understanding, and sexual appreciation have been essential components of how we create meaning and deepen both an understanding of ourselves and our connection to the people around us for all of human history. It may have started with a vulva on a cave wall, but it’s come to be so much more than that. 

Chances are, you’ve heard of the Kama Sutra, and chances are you think of it as a textbook of weird sex positions or something you give to a bride at her bachelorette party. But, to think of it in those limited terms is to do the text, and yourself, a great disservice. As Wendy Doniger writes in “The ‘Kamasutra’: It Isn't All about Sex,” “It is a book about the art of living—about finding a partner, maintaining power in a marriage, committing adultry, living as or with a courtesan, using drugs—and also about the positions in sexual intercourse.” 

In other words, it’s a powerful book about the human experience, and it’s one of the first, and arguably the most universally recognized, examples of erotica. Unfortunately, as with so much other literature that is filed into the category of erotica, it’s now considered to be a joke relegated to being given as a gag gift (no pun intended), or considered to be niche content, something only to be consumed as a “guilty pleasure.” The truth is, some of the most revered, celebrated, and notorious authors throughout history have been writers of erotica. 

> The truth is, some of the most revered, celebrated, and notorious authors throughout history have been writers of erotica.

Following in the footsteps of King Shu-Sin’s poet bride centuries before her, the ancient Greek poet Sappho is known for her erotic verses. She’s also considered to be the mother of modern lesbianism, a moniker attributed to the romantic love expressed between the women in her poems. A few hundred years before Sappho of course, there was Ovid with his “Ars amatoria,” a series of three poems, whose title translates to “The Art of Love.” It’s kind of like the Roman version of the “Kama Sutra,” although slightly less explicit.  

Shakespeare, of course, cannot be left out of the conversation on the history of erotica, considering he gave us “Venus and Adonis,” which was, in turn, inspired by a poem written by Ovid. And just after Shakespeare there was the Marquis de Sade, who wrote “Justine,” a book that was deemed to be so perverse that the Royal Court of Paris demanded it be destroyed in 1815. De Sade is, after all, the person from whom the term “sadism,” the S of BDSM, is derived.

> De Sade is, after all, the person from whom the term “sadism,” the S of BDSM, is derived.

The desire to burn, or at least ban, erotic books is another common theme that creators of erotica have had to combat for centuries. First published in 1748, John Cleland’s novel, “Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure,” more commonly known as “Fanny Hill,” is believed to be the first erotica novel published in English, and was controversial enough to make it all the way to the Supreme Court in 1966 in a case called Memoirs v. Massachusetts. The court ruled (mostly) in favor of the book, saying that because it couldn’t be proven to have no social value, it couldn’t be deemed categorically obscene, and therefore banned, but it might be considered obscene under certain circumstances. 

> There are the creators, willing to push boundaries and explore the fullness of life, which does, as it turns out, include sexuality, and there are the gatekeepers, who’ve employed multitudes of equally shortsighted regulations, attempting to prevent it from being released.

And, well, that’s pretty much been contemporary erotica’s trajectory ever since. There are the creators, willing to push boundaries and explore the fullness of life, which does, as it turns out, include sexuality, and there are the gatekeepers, who’ve employed multitudes of equally shortsighted regulations, attempting to prevent it from being released. Every once in a while the floodgates do come down, and in pretty big ways. Like it or not, the “Fifty Shades” trilogy accounts for the top three selling books of the 2010s, and brought erotica out of the niche market for one of the first times in recent history. And while of course it endured its fair share of cultural criticism, and was subject to much of the mockery the genre of etorica has always ensured, it’s also an excellent reminder of the kind of power the genre has. Almost 40,000 years ago erotica started out as a carving on a cave wall, and now, you’ve got it on your phone and in your ears. Today, erotica is the best it’s ever been, and it’s not slowing down anytime soon.

A brief sexy history of audio erotica. How did erotica start? Where did erotica come from? Here we dive into the steamy history of erotic content. 

history-of-erotica

A brief, sexy history of erotica

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to explore erotica of every flavor? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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One time I was seeing this guy who would ask me to tie him to the bed while we were hooking up. Well, technically the first time I was the one who asked him if I could tie him to the bed, but every time after that he asked me so that’s what we’re going with.

I was in my early twenties and I was, as diagnosed by myself, under-experienced when it came time to get naked. I would go to brunch with my friends and mostly remain silent while people passed around pitchers of mimosas and shouted across the table about getting choked the night before.

> I was in my early twenties and I was, as diagnosed by myself, under-experienced when it came time to get naked.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t having sex (although I did feel like I was having less of it than everyone else), and it wasn’t that I wasn’t enjoying the sex I was having (I was really enjoying the sex I was having), it was just that I had this gnawing fear that I would open my mouth to tell a story and halfway through, it would get drowned out by chants of “Va-nil-la! Va-nil-la!”

So, the next time I was hooking up with someone I felt comfortable with, I quieted the chanting voices in my head and asked how they would feel about me tying them to my Ikea bed frame. Without hesitation, they said yes. So, I grabbed a necktie from my closet and a surprisingly sturdy pair of plastic handcuffs (that I had from a Halloween costume a few years before ok!), and, well, you can figure out the rest.

The next weekend at brunch I literally could not wait to tell the story. In hindsight, it's probably the kind of story that could benefit from a two-mimosa-buffer but hey, you live and you learn. We’d barely sat down before I delved passionately and smugly into the escapade of my previous week. When I was a little over halfway through my friend interrupted me. “What, do you want a cookie for tying someone to a bed? Grow up, it’s 2015. My grandma’s probably tied someone to a bed.”

> Oh my god, I thought, am I having grandma sex? Are grandmas having hotter sex than I am?

Oh my god, I thought, am I having grandma sex? Are grandmas having hotter sex than I am? (Honestly, if you talk to Jane Fonda then, probably, yes.) Later that night I called a friend from back home to catch up. With far less verve, I began telling her the story of my handcuffed hookup. “What?” she said, “Why would you tie someone to a bed? Isn't that just from movies?” “Yes!” I said, “It is from movies! But it’s also from my life now!” I was ecstatic, I was finally talking to someone that was impressed with my sex life.

Well, impressed is probably the wrong word, but at the very least she wasn’t judgemental about it. “It just isn’t for me. Personally, I love my vanilla sex. Y’all can say whatever you want about it, but at the end of the day, I’m still getting off.”

Now, years later and comfortably in my late-twenties, I’m far less concerned with what anyone else has to say about whatever details of my sex life I choose to share. My friend’s “say whatever you want, I’m still getting off” mantra really stuck with me—but the cultural conversation around vanilla sex has contintued, and along with it so has the criticism.

> ...the cultural conversation around vanilla sex has contintued, and along with it so has the criticism.

And, well, perhaps it’s because the term vanilla sex was created with the intention of being critical.

According to sex and sexuality historian Hallie Lieberman, the term vanilla sex was coined by the queer commmunity of the 70s, which helped birth the kink movement. Queer people, historically told their sexual experiences were abnormal because they took place outside the binaried confines of hetero sex, decided to take a little power back for themselves. They created the term vanilla sex as a means of saying, “Sure, sex among gay people might fall outside of what society considers ‘normal,’ but at least it isn’t boring!”

“It was pushing back against the other group that was saying ‘what you're doing is weird and wrong,’” Lieberman said. While there’s no way to definitively know if this is the true bedrock of the expression, it’s sex historians’ most likely analysis. And, it makes sense with our contemporary understanding and use of the phrase vanilla sex.

However, just as the gender binary has proven to be exceptionally limiting by creating a black and white, this vs. that mentality when it comes to self-expression, vanilla sex vs. non-vanilla sex has ingrained a similarly limiting dichotomy in the puplic conciousness. If the best that a definition of vanilla sex can offer us is that vanilla is synonymous with boring, then we are no further along in our understanding of what it means, because boring as an adjective is wildly subjective.

> If the best that a definition of vanilla sex can offer us is that vanilla is synonymous with boring, then we are no further along in our understanding of what it means, because boring as an adjective is wildly subjective.

In attempting to gain a better understanding of the phrase, I turned, as so many of us do, to the internet for clarification. I posed a series of questions to Instagram: What are your thoughts on the expression vanilla sex? Love it? Hate it? Is it even real? What makes sex vanilla? Is it bad or do you prefer it?

Never one to disappoint, the responses came pouring in and, surprisingly, they were much more nuanced than I’d expected. Some standouts include:

__“Vanilla sex with a stranger is bland but with a lover can be exquisite”__

__“If I get off, I don’t care how vanilla it is. Vanilla & orgasm is better than non-vanilla & non-o”__

__“Missionary is vanilla AF”__

__“What does vanilla even mean? Not getting choked? Not fast or hard enough? Fuck me slowly for ONCE”__

__“Vanilla is like finding $1 on the ground (more common) but it’s not as good as finding $100”__

__“Fuck vanilla sex man”__

__“Everyone has a different baseline. My vanilla could be your kink.”__

And my personal favorite:

__“Vanilla is a construct”__

I then shared a poll asking if vanilla sex was A) Good! B) Bad! or C) Who cares! About 23% of participants responded Good!, 7% said Bad!, and overwhelmingly 70% chose Who cares!

I also had a lot of conversations in my DMs with people about how frequently their barometer on vanilla sex shifted with their sexual partners, as well as how much or how little they enjoyed it depending on who they were having sex with.

My top two takeaways from my Instagram sex insights were: 1) Vanilla or not, sex was most enjoyable when everyone involved was on the same page and 2) It’s all subjective!

> To use vanilla sex pejoratively is to completely undermine the nuance and diversity that exists within an individual’s understanding of their own sexual experience.

To use vanilla sex pejoratively is to completely undermine the nuance and diversity that exists within an individual’s understanding of their own sexual experience. Likewise, to codify as weird any sex taking place outside of the parameters you’ve built for your own sexual comfort is equally as limiting and detrimental. Maybe we should all spend a little less time trying to define what vanilla sex is or isn’t, further perpetuating a made up hierarchy of pleasure, and spend more time appreciating the variety of experiences we can have by talking to the people we’re having sex with about what we want.

And of course if all else fails, as a wise person once told me, y’all can say whatever you want about it, but at the end of the day, I’m still getting off.

One time I was seeing this guy who would ask me to tie him to the bed while we were hooking up. Well, technically the first time I was the one who asked him if I could tie him to the bed, but every time after that he asked me so that’s what we’re going with.

I was in my early twenties and I was, as diagnosed by myself, under-experienced when it came time to get naked. I would go to brunch with my friends and mostly remain silent while people passed around pitchers of mimosas and shouted across the table about getting choked the night before.

> I was in my early twenties and I was, as diagnosed by myself, under-experienced when it came time to get naked.

It wasn’t that I wasn’t having sex (although I did feel like I was having less of it than everyone else), and it wasn’t that I wasn’t enjoying the sex I was having (I was really enjoying the sex I was having), it was just that I had this gnawing fear that I would open my mouth to tell a story and halfway through, it would get drowned out by chants of “Va-nil-la! Va-nil-la!”

So, the next time I was hooking up with someone I felt comfortable with, I quieted the chanting voices in my head and asked how they would feel about me tying them to my Ikea bed frame. Without hesitation, they said yes. So, I grabbed a necktie from my closet and a surprisingly sturdy pair of plastic handcuffs (that I had from a Halloween costume a few years before ok!), and, well, you can figure out the rest.

The next weekend at brunch I literally could not wait to tell the story. In hindsight, it's probably the kind of story that could benefit from a two-mimosa-buffer but hey, you live and you learn. We’d barely sat down before I delved passionately and smugly into the escapade of my previous week. When I was a little over halfway through my friend interrupted me. “What, do you want a cookie for tying someone to a bed? Grow up, it’s 2015. My grandma’s probably tied someone to a bed.”

> Oh my god, I thought, am I having grandma sex? Are grandmas having hotter sex than I am?

Oh my god, I thought, am I having grandma sex? Are grandmas having hotter sex than I am? (Honestly, if you talk to Jane Fonda then, probably, yes.) Later that night I called a friend from back home to catch up. With far less verve, I began telling her the story of my handcuffed hookup. “What?” she said, “Why would you tie someone to a bed? Isn't that just from movies?” “Yes!” I said, “It is from movies! But it’s also from my life now!” I was ecstatic, I was finally talking to someone that was impressed with my sex life.

Well, impressed is probably the wrong word, but at the very least she wasn’t judgemental about it. “It just isn’t for me. Personally, I love my vanilla sex. Y’all can say whatever you want about it, but at the end of the day, I’m still getting off.”

Now, years later and comfortably in my late-twenties, I’m far less concerned with what anyone else has to say about whatever details of my sex life I choose to share. My friend’s “say whatever you want, I’m still getting off” mantra really stuck with me—but the cultural conversation around vanilla sex has contintued, and along with it so has the criticism.

> ...the cultural conversation around vanilla sex has contintued, and along with it so has the criticism.


And, well, perhaps it’s because the term vanilla sex was created with the intention of being critical.

According to sex and sexuality historian Hallie Lieberman, the term vanilla sex was coined by the queer commmunity of the 70s, which helped birth the kink movement. Queer people, historically told their sexual experiences were abnormal because they took place outside the binaried confines of hetero sex, decided to take a little power back for themselves. They created the term vanilla sex as a means of saying, “Sure, sex among gay people might fall outside of what society considers ‘normal,’ but at least it isn’t boring!”

“It was pushing back against the other group that was saying ‘what you're doing is weird and wrong,’” Lieberman said. While there’s no way to definitively know if this is the true bedrock of the expression, it’s sex historians’ most likely analysis. And, it makes sense with our contemporary understanding and use of the phrase vanilla sex.

However, just as the gender binary has proven to be exceptionally limiting by creating a black and white, this vs. that mentality when it comes to self-expression, vanilla sex vs. non-vanilla sex has ingrained a similarly limiting dichotomy in the puplic conciousness. If the best that a definition of vanilla sex can offer us is that vanilla is synonymous with boring, then we are no further along in our understanding of what it means, because boring as an adjective is wildly subjective.

> If the best that a definition of vanilla sex can offer us is that vanilla is synonymous with boring, then we are no further along in our understanding of what it means, because boring as an adjective is wildly subjective.

In attempting to gain a better understanding of the phrase, I turned, as so many of us do, to the internet for clarification. I posed a series of questions to Instagram: What are your thoughts on the expression vanilla sex? Love it? Hate it? Is it even real? What makes sex vanilla? Is it bad or do you prefer it?

Never one to disappoint, the responses came pouring in and, surprisingly, they were much more nuanced than I’d expected. Some standouts include:

__“Vanilla sex with a stranger is bland but with a lover can be exquisite”__

__“If I get off, I don’t care how vanilla it is. Vanilla & orgasm is better than non-vanilla & non-o”__

__“Missionary is vanilla AF”__

__“What does vanilla even mean? Not getting choked? Not fast or hard enough? Fuck me slowly for ONCE”__

__“Vanilla is like finding $1 on the ground (more common) but it’s not as good as finding $100”__

__“Fuck vanilla sex man”__

__“Everyone has a different baseline. My vanilla could be your kink.”__

And my personal favorite:

__“Vanilla is a construct”__

I then shared a poll asking if vanilla sex was A) Good! B) Bad! or C) Who cares! About 23% of participants responded Good!, 7% said Bad!, and overwhelmingly 70% chose Who cares!

I also had a lot of conversations in my DMs with people about how frequently their barometer on vanilla sex shifted with their sexual partners, as well as how much or how little they enjoyed it depending on who they were having sex with.

My top two takeaways from my Instagram sex insights were: 1) Vanilla or not, sex was most enjoyable when everyone involved was on the same page and 2) It’s all subjective!

> To use vanilla sex pejoratively is to completely undermine the nuance and diversity that exists within an individual’s understanding of their own sexual experience.

To use vanilla sex pejoratively is to completely undermine the nuance and diversity that exists within an individual’s understanding of their own sexual experience. Likewise, to codify as weird any sex taking place outside of the parameters you’ve built for your own sexual comfort is equally as limiting and detrimental. Maybe we should all spend a little less time trying to define what vanilla sex is or isn’t, further perpetuating a made up hierarchy of pleasure, and spend more time appreciating the variety of experiences we can have by talking to the people we’re having sex with about what we want.

And of course if all else fails, as a wise person once told me, y’all can say whatever you want about it, but at the end of the day, I’m still getting off.

You may have heard the term vanilla sex used in a negative content. But what does vanilla sex really mean? And why does vanilla sex get such a bad rap?

What is vanilla sex anyway? 

Vanilla-Sex

What is vanilla sex, anyway?

145 LesRebound LouisaCannell

Les Rebound I

Ready to explore erotica of every flavor? Dipsea has you covered.

There’s a hilarious scene in Olivia Wilde’s 2019 film "Booksmart" where highschoolers Amy and Molly are in the back of a Lyft looking for information about the mechanics of how women have sex with women. 

Given that Amy and Molly obviously don’t know about Dipsea yet, they turn to visual porn. When the sound of a woman enjoying a very intense sexual experience suddenly blares over the car speakers, they have a small meltdown in the backseat as they try to disconnect their device... 

I can relate. The first time I watched that scene I couldn’t help but be reminded of a particular evening I was settling down to enjoy some erotic content. I thought my AirPods were successfully connected to my computer, but realized after I pressed play that in fact, they were not. I’ve never shut my laptop so quickly in my entire life. 

Nothing scandalous was even playing yet, but the chance that one of my roommates might have heard me listening to something in the darkness of my room was enough to keep me from opening my laptop again that night. Out to lunch the next day, I told one of my friends about it and their response was, “Oh my god, I don’t even use headphones.” *Excuse me, what?* The idea of listening to erotic content out loud on a speaker on purpose had never even crossed my mind. I was, in every sense of the word, shook. 

> Nothing scandalous was even playing yet, but the chance that one of my roommates might have heard me listening to something in the darkness of my room was enough to keep me from opening my laptop again that night.

Regardless of the revelation that I was friends with someone who exhibited (what I’d considered to be) extremely chaotic behavior, nothing about my own listening habits changed that day. It wasn’t something I thought about again until I started working at Dipsea, where listening to erotic content is a necessary component of what we do. 

“I wonder how our listeners are listening.” I said out loud one day, not talking to anyone in particular. Julia, our product analyst, turned around in her chair and said, “I’ve got data on that!” 

The shock I experienced when my friend told me they were a headphoneless consumer of erotic content was a 2 out of 5 compared to how I felt after Julia shared the numbers with me. She told me that 60% of Dipsea listeners report listening out loud. 58% report listening with in-ear headphones, 13% listen with noise cancelling headphones, and 12% with over-ear headphones (respondents were able to select more than one answer).

> 60% of Dipsea listeners report listening out loud. 58% report listening with in-ear headphones, 13% listen with noise cancelling headphones, and 12% with over-ear headphones.

I was fascinated. I turned to social media to see what the good folks of Instagram had to say, and an overwhelming number of people responded that they too were watching porn or listening to erotica over their phone’s speakers or connected to an external speaker. Here were some of my favorites: 

__“Headphones so my boyfriend doesn’t hear 😬”__

__“Speaker. I’m usually alone. Prefer not to have headphones on. Airpods if there’s company.”__

__“Headphones get in the way - just let it play full blast on the device’s speakers! 🕺”__

__“Noise cancelling headphones teehee”__

__“Headphones bc it feels like the narrators are talking directly into your ear which is hot.”__

__“If I’m masturbating or w partner, then usually play on phone speaker, but Dipsea stories I listen to in headphones out and about.”__ 

__“iPhone speakers bc I want my roommates to know I pleasure myself nightly”__

__“Loud speaker. From the mountaintops or mountainbottoms.”__

__“Just the speaker in my phone or computer! quietly to respect the roommates!”__

While the ways people listen to erotic content are just as varied as the reasons why people listen, one thing is clear: the way you’re listening matters. Listening out loud might make it easier to have a truly hands free experience. It might also be ideal if you’re listening with a partner, where even AirPods can feel restrictive. But for those of you shaking your heads knowing you’re headphones or bust, Dipsea’s Sonic Sisters (our audio producers) have some advice.

The first tip is to try out all your options! While out loud listening is great, audio erotica can take on an entirely new level of intimacy when enjoyed through headphones, especially Dipsea. Aside from sounds of the beach or bar that immerses you in the scene, there are also delicious moments of contact, skin brushing against skin, gentle kisses (and not so gentle kisses), that might give you some bonus ASMR tingles. Plus, as one of the Instagram respondents said, it gives you the sensation that someone is whispering directly in your ear. 

> Aside from sounds of the beach or bar that immerses you in the scene, there are also delicious moments of contact, skin brushing against skin, gentle kisses (and not so gentle kisses), that might give you some bonus ASMR tingles.

If you’re in the market to treat yourself and also your ears, our Sonic Sisters recommend checking out these [Bang & Olufsen over-ear headphones](https://www.bang-olufsen.com/en/headphones/beoplay-h4?variant=beoplay-h4-black). They aren’t noise cancelling, so you won’t feel like you’re in a spaceship, but they do capture every single sound you’d want to hear. At $300, they’re definitely an investment. If you’re not looking to spend quite that much, [Urbanears has a pair for $50](https://www.urbanears.com/us/en/plattan-2.html#country-dropdown) that will give you a pretty similar sonic experience. And of course, there’s nothing wrong with good old fashioned in-ear headphones. While none will provide you the sonic depth of the over-ears, a cordless option might allow you to test out some partnered listening without ordering a splitter (which is an option too! [They’re only five dollars](https://www.amazon.com/Headphone-Splitter-Produces-Headphones-Earphones/dp/B07KQ68PJT/ref=sr_1_22_sspa?crid=2DKKOOVXMNGU9&keywords=headphone+splitter&qid=1570488030&sprefix=headphone+s%2Caps%2C232&sr=8-22-spons&psc=1&spLa=ZW5jcnlwdGVkUXVhbGlmaWVyPUEyVU4yVzFPQUNZV0k2JmVuY3J5cHRlZElkPUEwNzkyMTI3M0M2M1NQV0tTTUhXMiZlbmNyeXB0ZWRBZElkPUEwODI4NTY1MlkyU0dHNVVKNzdGNSZ3aWRnZXROYW1lPXNwX2J0ZiZhY3Rpb249Y2xpY2tSZWRpcmVjdCZkb05vdExvZ0NsaWNrPXRydWU=)!).

Of course, there is no ‘One Right Way’ to listen to erotica, but a change in your regular routine might open you up to some new surprises and allow you to connect with yourself, or with a partner, in ways you’d never considered before. I took a chance and listened without headphones and it was a completely different experience for me.  It somehow felt riskier, even though neither of my roommates were even home.  And who knows, I might even invest in some over-ears, just as a treat to myself. 


Hear-here

Hear-here: how we listen to audio erotica

![ezgif-2-3ff3c2f05a77](//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/7Cnx6Gqmc2IyMqHSD7m2ca/b493b8fc80ef82a23ede84b4f90baf71/ezgif-2-3ff3c2f05a77.gif)

Well before I was watching gay porn myself, I knew that women were watching gay porn. The genesis of that awareness? I’m a child of Sex and the City (and also a child of parents who were blissfully unaware that I had HBO access in my bedroom). In a 2002 episode, the women get together to watch what Charlotte has been led to believe is an indie movie — and, well, depending on who you’re talking to, she wasn’t wrong. The film in question was “Jox and Cocks 4”, and based on their enthusiasm once Carrie pushed play, I just assumed this is what women did. 

As with most things I learned when I was in my early teens, I didn’t question it. Britney and Justin were the couple of the decade, puka shell necklaces were a truly essential accessory, and women all over the country were watching gay porn. As it turns out, only the latter part of that sentence holds true almost two decades later. 

> Britney and Justin were the couple of the decade, puka shell necklaces were a truly essential accessory, and women all over the country were watching gay porn.

Sex and the City has since gone off air, but the phenomenon of women enjoying gay male erotica hasn’t left the public discourse. In the 2010 film “The Kids Are All Right”, Annette Bening and Julianne Moore play a lesbian couple who watch something their teenage son describes as “gay man-porn” to set the mood. Several queer critics took issue with this plot choice, primarily becuse they thought it reinforced the idea that women “needed a penis” involved in order to feel sexually satisfied. 

Women *definitely* don’t need a phallus in the mix to orgasm.  Studies have shown that women who have sex with women are more likely to be sexually satsfied, and have an orgasm, than women who are having sex with men (86% to 65% as of a 2017 Kinsey Institute study). However, it’s also true that women love watching two men with their two respective dicks getting together on screen. In 2015 a major porn streaming website ran some numbers and found that, of their 115 million daily viewers, over a third of the viewers of gay male porn were women. 

> In 2015 a major porn streaming website ran some numbers and found that, of their 115 million daily viewers, over a third of the viewers of gay male porn were women. 

Unlike instant orgasms and no-clean up sex, women enjoying m-m porn isn't a myth that Hollywood created. In fact, gay male porn was the second most-watched category of porn for women, after lesbian porn, according to the site. This statistic accounted for all women visiting the site, not just queer women. These findings raised more than a couple eyebrows. 

One such set of eyebrows belonged to Dr. Lucy Neville, a researcher who would go on to publish a book called “Girls Who Like Boys Who Like Boys”. Dr. Neville surveyed 500 women over the course of five years, and took an in depth look at the nature of their desires and their erotic content choices. 

Dr. Neville found that one reason women were so interested in gay erotica is because, well, it was just more interesting to them. Speaking to NBC Out in 2018 she said, “[What women like] is versatility, and with heterosexual porn you are going to get penetrated eventually, and that’s dull. A lot of ways it can play out with men is more exciting, more experimentation, more open to negotiation.”

> “[What women like] is versatility, and with heterosexual porn you are going to get penetrated eventually, and that’s dull.

Unfortunately, with a lot of heterosexual sex, and especially heterosexual sex in porn, it’s a fast track to penetration and ejaculation. Not necessarily sexy when it’s on repeat. When considering non-hetero sex, there are a lot more avenues by which you can travel along the journey. Sometimes, no penetration is involved at all, and sometimes, foreplay is all of the play — cues hetero porn might benefit from. 

Man on man erotica may also speak to so many women because it isn’t created for the gaze of straight men (a curse that even befalls much of the lesbian porn still produced today). When engaging with m-m erotica, women are able to avoid imagery that portrays their bodies as tools for the sexual satisfaction of men. They are also able to appreciate the male form, something that isn’t featured with much frequency in hetero porn. 

> Man on man erotica may also speak to so many women because it isn’t created for the gaze of straight men.

One of Dr. Neville’s more surprising findings was that over fifty percent of women surveyed said that while consuming gay male erotica they envisoned themselves as one of the men. “They found it quite liberating,” Dr. Neville told NBC Out, “that you could pretend or imagine yourself as a man or someone who is gender-fluid.” Imagination, as we know, is critical to developing a rich erotic life, and good erotica helps build our mental repetoire. We know that gender is just a construct, and it’s amazing that in our imaginations we have the chance to transcend all boundaries. 

Inspired, I decided to do an informal poll on Instagram. Why did my female friends watch gay porn? One friend thought it was pretty obvious: because “Listening to men moan is probably the hottest thing on the planet????”.  Another said, “I’m like 90% a lesbian, but it’s all that I’m into.” “Maybe because I’m not a gay man it’s just extra spicy for me because I could never be in those situations,” another shared. And, perhaps, that’s the most pertinent thought of all. Erotica allows us to participate in situations we have yet to, or may never, experience. These stories give us the power to be entirely new sexual beings. 

__Garrett Schlichte is the Operations Manager at Dipsea, and also a freelance writer. Their work has appeared in The New York Times, The Washington Post, Harper’s Bazaar, and other places on the internet and in print. Please send iced coffee.__


The Deep Dive

Listen, light yourself up.