<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">No matter how you experience desire, Dipsea can be the spark.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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Time is a flat circle, according to Matthew McConaughey. I’ll listen to anything he says in his drawl, honestly, but that phrase in particular always stuck with me. It was the one ringing in my head this week when I found Emily Nagoski’s 2015 New York Times Op-Ed, “Nothing is Wrong with your Sex Drive.” It was written three years ago, but it's the same conversation I find myself having over and over again today. 

Dr. Nagoski wrote the article in response to the news that Sprout Pharmaceuticals was resubmitting its drug Flibanserin to the FDA, a drug meant to treat low libido in women. The major problem, as she saw it? That the company was trying to treat something that *isn’t a disease*. 

Fast forward three years. Flibanserin has gotten a millennial pink rebrand as Addyi, and is popping up on billboards all over San Francisco, and on ads in my Instagram feed. Instead of focusing on the company behind the ads, I’d rather focus on the cultural issues they’re still capitalizing on. 

Think about it for a second: do you yourself buy into the cultural narrative that women are less sexual than men? There are all sorts of societal myths on how much we should want, and like, and have sex. Too many women believe that their sex drive, or their very experience of sexuality, is disordered. That they don't want sex enough, that real pleasure and orgasm are out of reach, that something's broken. Inversely, women who want and express their desire for sex frequently have to deal with the perception that this is somehow "wrong" too.

> Too many women believe that their sex drive, or their very experience of sexuality, is disordered.

These pervasive beliefs, this list of “shoulds” we’re framing our sexual lives with, are leaving room for companies to sell pharmaceutical solutions to “fix it”.

So what if we took a step back and tried to tell the story another way. For millennia, male sexuality has dictated the cultural understanding of what a sex drive is, what arousal is, what orgasm is. Imagine if, instead of saying what is true for men should be true for women, we examined what other options there were. 

In other words, let’s stop viewing low female libido as a *disorder*, but rather as a *symptom*. A symptom of a culture that hasn’t asked women what they really need to feel sexual. It’s simply a misconception, held by men and women alike, that female desire should work like men’s.

> It's simply a misconception that female desire should work like men's. 

One of the most exciting things I’ve discovered in all my reading on sexuality is an idea called responsive vs. spontaneous desire. “Spontaneous desire” is the one we’re all most familiar with: I want you, I need you, oh baby oh baby. Sudden, intense, and immediate desire that makes arousal easy. 

But “Responsive desire" is what a lot of people (notably, women—but of course, not all women) actually experience. Instead of existing as a random urge, desire surfaces as a response: maybe a partner giving you a back massage. Or, if we’re being really honest, desire surfaces in response to a back massage...when the lighting is really good, and you went to the gym this morning and feel strong, and you’re also blissfully not at all stressed about work this week. 

Do you get where I’m going with this? In what we’ll call “highly erotic contexts”, when things feel “just right,” most women have a much easier time unlocking their sexuality. Wonderful, important work by sexuality researchers and psychologists like Dr. Emily Nagoski means we’re coming to a new understanding—women are actually just as sexual as men, they’re just more likely to experience responsive sexual desire. That knowledge is incredibly empowering. It will help to take a lot of the shame out of the equation, and pave the way for new paradigms and solutions for women to context set, get in the flow, set the mood, get turned on, whatever you want to call it. 

And guess what? That’s exactly what we’re trying to do at Dipsea. Ready to expreience it for yourself? Begin a 7-day free trial today and start exploring! 

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
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_Learn more about Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire in Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book "Come As You Are"._


Time is a flat circle, according to Matthew McConaughey. I’ll listen to anything he says in his drawl, honestly, but that phrase in particular always stuck with me. It was the one ringing in my head this week when I found Emily Nagoski’s 2015 New York Times Op-Ed, “Nothing is Wrong with your Sex Drive.” It was written three years ago, but it's the same conversation I find myself having over and over again today. 

Dr. Nagoski wrote the article in response to the news that Sprout Pharmaceuticals was resubmitting its drug Flibanserin to the FDA, a drug meant to treat low libido in women. The major problem, as she saw it? That the company was trying to treat something that *isn’t a disease*. 

Fast forward three years. Flibanserin has gotten a millennial pink rebrand as Addyi, and is popping up on billboards all over San Francisco, and on ads in my Instagram feed. Instead of focusing on the company behind the ads, I’d rather focus on the cultural issues they’re still capitalizing on. 

Think about it for a second: do you yourself buy into the cultural narrative that women are less sexual than men? There are all sorts of societal myths on how much we should want, and like, and have sex. Too many women believe that their sex drive, or their very experience of sexuality, is disordered. That they don't want sex enough, that real pleasure and orgasm are out of reach, that something's broken. Inversely, women who want and express their desire for sex frequently have to deal with the perception that this is somehow "wrong" too.

> Too many women believe that their sex drive, or their very experience of sexuality, is disordered.

These pervasive beliefs, this list of “shoulds” we’re framing our sexual lives with, are leaving room for companies to sell pharmaceutical solutions to “fix it”.

So what if we took a step back and tried to tell the story another way. For millennia, male sexuality has dictated the cultural understanding of what a sex drive is, what arousal is, what orgasm is. Imagine if, instead of saying what is true for men should be true for women, we examined what other options there were. 

In other words, let’s stop viewing low female libido as a *disorder*, but rather as a *symptom*. A symptom of a culture that hasn’t asked women what they really need to feel sexual. It’s simply a misconception, held by men and women alike, that female desire should work like men’s.

> It's simply a misconception that female desire should work like men's. 

One of the most exciting things I’ve discovered in all my reading on sexuality is an idea called responsive vs. spontaneous desire. “Spontaneous desire” is the one we’re all most familiar with: I want you, I need you, oh baby oh baby. Sudden, intense, and immediate desire that makes arousal easy. 

But “Responsive desire" is what a lot of people (notably, women—but of course, not all women) actually experience. Instead of existing as a random urge, desire surfaces as a response: maybe a partner giving you a back massage. Or, if we’re being really honest, desire surfaces in response to a back massage...when the lighting is really good, and you went to the gym this morning and feel strong, and you’re also blissfully not at all stressed about work this week. 

Do you get where I’m going with this? In what we’ll call “highly erotic contexts”, when things feel “just right,” most women have a much easier time unlocking their sexuality. Wonderful, important work by sexuality researchers and psychologists like Dr. Emily Nagoski means we’re coming to a new understanding—women are actually just as sexual as men, they’re just more likely to experience responsive sexual desire. That knowledge is incredibly empowering. It will help to take a lot of the shame out of the equation, and pave the way for new paradigms and solutions for women to context set, get in the flow, set the mood, get turned on, whatever you want to call it. 

And guess what? That’s exactly what we’re trying to do at Dipsea. Ready to expreience it for yourself? Begin a 7-day free trial today and start exploring! 

_Learn more about Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire in Dr. Emily Nagoski’s book "Come As You Are"._

Understanding responsive vs. spontaneous desire

Responsive-vs-Spontantious

Responsive vs. spontaneous desire

hometown

Hometown

office-hours

Office Hours I

No matter how you experience desire, Dipsea can be the spark.

Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.

Blog 2

Welcome to The Skinny Dip, a bright spot on the internet to let your hair down, get curious, and dive into the wonder and joy of sex and intimacy.

Dipsea Blog - The Skinny Dip

Dipsea Blog | Welcome to The Skinny Dip, a bright spot on the internet to let your hair down, get curious, and dive into the wonder and joy of sex and intimacy.

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to take your next solo sesh to a whole new level? That's what Dipsea is for.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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If you've landed on this article, chances are you've been having a little trouble in the orgasm department. The truth is, if you don't know how to make yourself cum, a partner might not know either. We’re a fan of exploring all the beautiful parts of your own body and learning what it takes to see fireworks, especially if you're hoping for partnered sex to get you there. 

That's where a healthy masturbation habit comes in. If you're new to masturbation, feeling a little weird about it, or have just found that it does nothing for you, we're here to help. Learning how to make yourself cum takes practice and patience, so start by giving yourself a break, taking a deep breath, and coming at this with fresh eyes and possibly some fun sex toys. Get excited, you're about to have an orgasm.

## You're not alone

Before we dive into the deep end of all things orgasm, we want to first emphasize that you’re not alone. About 10-15% of women have [never had an orgasm](https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001953.htm#:~:text=About%2010%25%20to%2015%25%20of,for%20an%20orgasm%20to%20happen.), and orgasmic challenges are the [second most frequently reported sexual issue](https://www.nature.com/articles/ijir20148#ref-CR4) in women. The reasons for this vary, including psychological and emotional state (especially anxiety), past traumas, a sense of unsafety, low self-esteem, and feelings of sexual openness with a partner. These are [all contributors](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087699/) to why vulva owners can have difficulty, even more so than a lack of experience with masturbation or sexual partners. 

So, while we'll focus on helping you figure out how to make yourself cum, the mechanics will only get you so far if you're experiencing some of these other roadblocks. Let's first try and get you into the mindset and then go over some masturbation techniques.

## Masturbation 101: mindset, setup, and orgasm

Plenty of vulva owners grew up conditioned to feel shame around masturbation and sexual pleasure in general. While we can't instantly take away this mental block, we do want to emphasize that masturbation is healthy and normal. 

Sex, sexual health, pleasure, exploration, masturbation, and orgasms are all natural, good, and important parts of living a happy, healthy life. There’s no shame in experiencing pleasure and no reason to be embarrassed.

There’s also the possibility that you’re putting [too much pressure on yourself](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/stop-obsessing-over-orgasms/) if you’ve never experienced an orgasm. Give yourself a break and take the pressure off of the experience before going into it. If you've never experienced an orgasm before, either with yourself or with a partner, try to relax as the first step. It's a journey of learning and self-love, so start with that.

### Pamper yourself

Self-love is the name of the game here. Consider creating a [solo sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/solo-sex/) experience, which is a little more involved than going straight into masturbating. In solo sex, you're seducing yourself to help ease you into the [right mindset](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/women-sex-drive/) for self-pleasure and exploration. This first time may not yield the result you're looking for, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself and the process. And you never know, this new approach could be exactly what you need to cross over into O-land. 

Try relaxing your muscles with a warm bubble bath. Rub scented oil on yourself afterward. Put on a [sexy playlist](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/summer-bedroom-jams/) and dance in the mirror, admiring your own body.

### Set the scene

Create the most relaxing environment possible for your solo sex sesh. For you that might mean cleaning up your room or changing the sheets before you get started. You might light some candles or diffuse some essential oils and put on your favorite underwear. 

Dim the lights, keep your playlist going, or turn on some audio erotica from [Dipsea](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/self-touch-sensation-play) to provide some sonic sexiness while you explore.

### Take a deep breath ... or 10

[Breathwork](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/breathing-deeply-basics) can be amazingly stimulating—but also relaxing. It's interesting that you'd want both sensations during a solo sesh, but when you think about it, you really do. 

[Deep breathing](https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/stress/why-deep-breathing-makes-you-feel-so-chill) helps put your sympathetic nervous system (the one that governs your stress, nervousness, and anxiety) on pause and allows your parasympathetic nervous system (the one that controls rest and relaxation) to take over. In fact, it's literally impossible for your body to release stress hormones when your parasympathetic nervous system is in charge. Try closing your eyes and counting to five on the inhale and then five on the exhale. Once you're comfortable with that, bump it up to a seven-count. Notice how your body feels as you breathe. 

As for stimulation, deep breathing brings oxygen into your bloodstream and to all the body parts that need it. Sexologist Jessica O'Reilly suggests [taking deep breaths during masturbation](https://www.self.com/story/better-orgasms-breathing) to help increase blood flow to the genitals and increase sensation. While you don't want to focus so hard on your breath that you take your mind completely away from the task at hand, try breathing as you move your own hands across your body.

### Foreplay

So far, all the instructions we've outlined constitute light foreplay. Now it's time to get into a more body-based activity. You can keep breathing through all of this, but just let it flow if you feel like there are too many balls in the air. 

If you've had some partnered sexual experiences, you know that there's nothing like foreplay to get wet and stimulate your body. With solo sex, it's no different. Gently stroke your chest with the tips of your fingers, running them down between your breasts and encircling each one. If you like nipple play (or aren't sure if you do), stop on each one and give each one some gentle attention or a light squeeze. Trace the lines of your belly down to the line of your pubic hair and stroke the outside of your vulva gently. 

Again, try to release any expectations of orgasm on this journey, and just notice what feels good and how your body reacts to each sensation.

### Explore how to make yourself cum

Your vulva is a multi-faceted organ with components that can enhance your sexual experience and build pleasure that leads to orgasm. Many sex blogs and podcasts focus on the clitoris and clitoral stimulation, and while that's fantastic (and definitely something to build up to), going straight to the most sensitive part of your anatomy might be a little aggressive, especially if you've been having orgasmic challenges. Your clitoris has [8,000 nerve endings](https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/the-clitoris-has-8-000-nerve-endings-and-nine-other-things-we-learned-from-a-new-artwork-1.2947694#:~:text=There%20are%20more%20than%208%2C000,erectile%20tissue%2C%20muscle%20and%20nerves.) in it, so it's incredibly sensitive. Depending on how you're built, you may never want to go straight at it without a barrier like the clitoral hood or a pair of underwear to help soften the sensation. 

But there's only one way to find out!

Start by exploring the whole vulvar landscape. This includes your outer and inner labia (the lips or folds of skin around the opening of your vagina), the hood of your clitoris (which encircles the top and sides of your clit and protects it from overstimulation), and even the tender skin where your legs meet your crotch. Spend a minute or two with each part, notice if your body reacts as you gently stroke each area. 

You might find it helpful to use lube or coconut oil to make gliding across these body parts easier. You might also notice that tilting your pelvis forward in a sort of tucked butt flex position increases sensation in some of these areas. You could also pulse your hips forward and back to stimulate the interior of your vagina as you play with the exterior with your fingers. 

If you find that touching a particular area starts creating a warm buildup inside of you, begin moving your fingers faster on that area to see if that increases the pleasure. If it does, keep going. You're well on your way to learning just what an orgasm feels like.

## Types of orgasms

So everything we just talked about was all about externally derived orgasms. That's because most vulva owners find that [external (clitoral) stimulation is critical](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28678639/) to reaching an orgasm, and vaginal penetration alone just doesn't do it. But that doesn't mean that there's no pleasure in vaginal penetration. On the contrary, vaginal penetration coupled with clitoral stimulation can actually result in mind-blowing orgasms, especially if the penetration involves hitting the g-spot. 

Some vulva owners have both clitoral orgasms and g-spot orgasms at the same time, which some call full-body orgasms. 

If you're curious about penetration during your solo play, don't shy away from it. Try using your fingers or a toy (like a dildo or vibrator). Slowly insert a finger into your vagina and try pulling it in and out, or stroking the vaginal wall on the front of your body to try to find the g-spot. It might even feel good to just experience the fullness of having fingers or a toy inside of you without moving them. There’s no wrong way to do this!

You can alternate between penetration and playing with the clitoris and touching your body. Chances are high that if you're learning how to make yourself cum for the first time, the outside bits are going to be the key. 

## How to use toys

Sex toys are most certainly welcome in solo play. When you're by yourself, the sky's the limit.

As a [first-timer](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-toys-for-beginners/), you might consider getting a bullet vibrator or something designed specifically for external stimulation to help you discover which parts of your vulva provide the most pleasure. There are a number of options that offer different speeds and pulse patterns, which is a great way to start because you want to make sure you have the option to ramp up the power on your toy. (For example, magic wands are very powerful, so that would be an advanced toy for your first purchase.) Check out this article for more tips on [how to purchase and use a vibrator](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-use-a-vibrator-tips-for-choosing-and-using-a-new-toy/).

One more thing you could try in the area of assisted orgasms is a little tool you don't have to purchase at all: the showerhead or bathtub faucet. If you have a hot tub in your backyard, a hot tub jet works too.

Stand in the shower and let your handheld showerhead flow against your vulva. Play with the settings to see which one you like best. Or lay with your butt against the front wall of your tub, legs straight up in a V-shape on either side of the faucet (this position might be too hard for some, and that's fine, no biggie). In the hot tub, face the jets and see how it goes.

Warm, pressurized water can have a way of working magic on your entire genital area. Even if you can't quite get all the way to the finish line using water, it's a fun way to get yourself going.

## The big O

So how do you know if you’re getting close? If you’ve never had an orgasm, then you might be wondering how you know if you’re getting warmer or colder. While everyone is different, there are a few potential signs that you’re doing what your body likes. 

First and foremost, as you become aroused and heading toward climax, your clitoris becomes more sensitive (usually in a good way) to what you’re doing to it or around it (sometimes it’s so sensitive you don't even need to touch it directly). A warm feeling might begin traveling upward from your vulva. You might begin breathing more heavily. Your body might want to tense up to increase the sensation. 

In some cases, it might feel a little like you have to pee as you get closer. If this makes you nervous, try playing in the bathtub or shower so that you can give yourself permission to just go with it. You probably won’t pee, but you might. And some vulva owners squirt (it’s normal, and it’s also a [whole other conversation](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25545022/#:~:text=Conclusions%3A%20The%20present%20data%20based,the%20emitted%20fluid%20often%20exists.) if you're curious), but many don't!

It’s called a climax for a reason. If you’ve reached it, you’ll feel a peak of sensation in your genitals as your muscles contract repeatedly—many compare it to a warm throbbing feeling or a surge of pleasure. Your heart will beat faster, your breath will speed up, you might involuntarily twitch, moan, or lift your pelvis, and your fingers and toes might curl. And chances are, when you’re finished, you won’t want to touch anything down there for a few minutes at least, as it will be highly sensitive and stimulated.

## It's time

The best way to learn is to do, so it's time to give all these suggestions a try. You deserve to feel good and enjoy your sex life, no matter if it's a solo sex life or a partnered one. The tips we've shared will surely help you get closer to the orgasmic feeling you're after. Just don't give up if it doesn't happen on your first try. To help you get started, take a listen to these guided self-touch sessions, in which you'll explore the various sensations in your body and even get into some gentle toy play. 

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
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<div style="max-width: 41.25em; margin: 0 auto">
<div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row">

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/series/self-touch-male-narrator-series?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=makeyourselfcumblog">
    <img src="////images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/6t8WfeHVplrAyi7cccPNzj/90a840545859b211dbe09451cf74f19e/500-352_Self_Touch_Gabby-fs8.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Glow Up</p>
  </a>
</div>

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/series/self-touch-male-narrator-series?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=makeyourselfcumblog">
    <img src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/7L85SfC635CNby3y1Gb5Zl/d4b27a0317915cb12affcc27cadd67e1/500-370_SelfTouch_Gabby-fs8.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Mix It Up</p>
  </a>
</div>

</div>
</div>

If you've landed on this article, chances are you've been having a little trouble in the orgasm department. The truth is, if you don't know how to make yourself cum, a partner might not know either. We’re a fan of exploring all the beautiful parts of your own body and learning what it takes to see fireworks, especially if you're hoping for partnered sex to get you there. 

That's where a healthy masturbation habit comes in. If you're new to masturbation, feeling a little weird about it, or have just found that it does nothing for you, we're here to help. Learning how to make yourself cum takes practice and patience, so start by giving yourself a break, taking a deep breath, and coming at this with fresh eyes and possibly some fun sex toys. Get excited, you're about to have an orgasm.

## You're not alone

Before we dive into the deep end of all things orgasm, we want to first emphasize that you’re not alone. About 10-15% of women have [never had an orgasm](https://medlineplus.gov/ency/article/001953.htm#:~:text=About%2010%25%20to%2015%25%20of,for%20an%20orgasm%20to%20happen.), and orgasmic challenges are the [second most frequently reported sexual issue](https://www.nature.com/articles/ijir20148#ref-CR4) in women. The reasons for this vary, including psychological and emotional state (especially anxiety), past traumas, a sense of unsafety, low self-esteem, and feelings of sexual openness with a partner. These are [all contributors](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5087699/) to why vulva owners can have difficulty, even more so than a lack of experience with masturbation or sexual partners. 

So, while we'll focus on helping you figure out how to make yourself cum, the mechanics will only get you so far if you're experiencing some of these other roadblocks. Let's first try and get you into the mindset and then go over some masturbation techniques.

## Masturbation 101: mindset, setup, and orgasm

Plenty of vulva owners grew up conditioned to feel shame around masturbation and sexual pleasure in general. While we can't instantly take away this mental block, we do want to emphasize that masturbation is healthy and normal. 

Sex, sexual health, pleasure, exploration, masturbation, and orgasms are all natural, good, and important parts of living a happy, healthy life. There’s no shame in experiencing pleasure and no reason to be embarrassed.

There’s also the possibility that you’re putting [too much pressure on yourself](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/stop-obsessing-over-orgasms/) if you’ve never experienced an orgasm. Give yourself a break and take the pressure off of the experience before going into it. If you've never experienced an orgasm before, either with yourself or with a partner, try to relax as the first step. It's a journey of learning and self-love, so start with that.

### Pamper yourself

Self-love is the name of the game here. Consider creating a [solo sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/solo-sex/) experience, which is a little more involved than going straight into masturbating. In solo sex, you're seducing yourself to help ease you into the [right mindset](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/women-sex-drive/) for self-pleasure and exploration. This first time may not yield the result you're looking for, but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy yourself and the process. And you never know, this new approach could be exactly what you need to cross over into O-land. 

Try relaxing your muscles with a warm bubble bath. Rub scented oil on yourself afterward. Put on a [sexy playlist](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/summer-bedroom-jams/) and dance in the mirror, admiring your own body.

### Set the scene

Create the most relaxing environment possible for your solo sex sesh. For you that might mean cleaning up your room or changing the sheets before you get started. You might light some candles or diffuse some essential oils and put on your favorite underwear. 

Dim the lights, keep your playlist going, or turn on some audio erotica from [Dipsea](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/self-touch-sensation-play) to provide some sonic sexiness while you explore.

### Take a deep breath ... or 10

[Breathwork](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/breathing-deeply-basics) can be amazingly stimulating—but also relaxing. It's interesting that you'd want both sensations during a solo sesh, but when you think about it, you really do. 

[Deep breathing](https://rightasrain.uwmedicine.org/mind/stress/why-deep-breathing-makes-you-feel-so-chill) helps put your sympathetic nervous system (the one that governs your stress, nervousness, and anxiety) on pause and allows your parasympathetic nervous system (the one that controls rest and relaxation) to take over. In fact, it's literally impossible for your body to release stress hormones when your parasympathetic nervous system is in charge. Try closing your eyes and counting to five on the inhale and then five on the exhale. Once you're comfortable with that, bump it up to a seven-count. Notice how your body feels as you breathe. 

As for stimulation, deep breathing brings oxygen into your bloodstream and to all the body parts that need it. Sexologist Jessica O'Reilly suggests [taking deep breaths during masturbation](https://www.self.com/story/better-orgasms-breathing) to help increase blood flow to the genitals and increase sensation. While you don't want to focus so hard on your breath that you take your mind completely away from the task at hand, try breathing as you move your own hands across your body.

### Foreplay

So far, all the instructions we've outlined constitute light foreplay. Now it's time to get into a more body-based activity. You can keep breathing through all of this, but just let it flow if you feel like there are too many balls in the air. 

If you've had some partnered sexual experiences, you know that there's nothing like foreplay to get wet and stimulate your body. With solo sex, it's no different. Gently stroke your chest with the tips of your fingers, running them down between your breasts and encircling each one. If you like nipple play (or aren't sure if you do), stop on each one and give each one some gentle attention or a light squeeze. Trace the lines of your belly down to the line of your pubic hair and stroke the outside of your vulva gently. 

Again, try to release any expectations of orgasm on this journey, and just notice what feels good and how your body reacts to each sensation.

### Explore how to make yourself cum

Your vulva is a multi-faceted organ with components that can enhance your sexual experience and build pleasure that leads to orgasm. Many sex blogs and podcasts focus on the clitoris and clitoral stimulation, and while that's fantastic (and definitely something to build up to), going straight to the most sensitive part of your anatomy might be a little aggressive, especially if you've been having orgasmic challenges. Your clitoris has [8,000 nerve endings](https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/health-family/the-clitoris-has-8-000-nerve-endings-and-nine-other-things-we-learned-from-a-new-artwork-1.2947694#:~:text=There%20are%20more%20than%208%2C000,erectile%20tissue%2C%20muscle%20and%20nerves.) in it, so it's incredibly sensitive. Depending on how you're built, you may never want to go straight at it without a barrier like the clitoral hood or a pair of underwear to help soften the sensation. 

But there's only one way to find out!

Start by exploring the whole vulvar landscape. This includes your outer and inner labia (the lips or folds of skin around the opening of your vagina), the hood of your clitoris (which encircles the top and sides of your clit and protects it from overstimulation), and even the tender skin where your legs meet your crotch. Spend a minute or two with each part, notice if your body reacts as you gently stroke each area. 

You might find it helpful to use lube or coconut oil to make gliding across these body parts easier. You might also notice that tilting your pelvis forward in a sort of tucked butt flex position increases sensation in some of these areas. You could also pulse your hips forward and back to stimulate the interior of your vagina as you play with the exterior with your fingers. 

If you find that touching a particular area starts creating a warm buildup inside of you, begin moving your fingers faster on that area to see if that increases the pleasure. If it does, keep going. You're well on your way to learning just what an orgasm feels like.

## Types of orgasms

So everything we just talked about was all about externally derived orgasms. That's because most vulva owners find that [external (clitoral) stimulation is critical](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28678639/) to reaching an orgasm, and vaginal penetration alone just doesn't do it. But that doesn't mean that there's no pleasure in vaginal penetration. On the contrary, vaginal penetration coupled with clitoral stimulation can actually result in mind-blowing orgasms, especially if the penetration involves hitting the g-spot. 

Some vulva owners have both clitoral orgasms and g-spot orgasms at the same time, which some call full-body orgasms. 

If you're curious about penetration during your solo play, don't shy away from it. Try using your fingers or a toy (like a dildo or vibrator). Slowly insert a finger into your vagina and try pulling it in and out, or stroking the vaginal wall on the front of your body to try to find the g-spot. It might even feel good to just experience the fullness of having fingers or a toy inside of you without moving them. There’s no wrong way to do this!

You can alternate between penetration and playing with the clitoris and touching your body. Chances are high that if you're learning how to make yourself cum for the first time, the outside bits are going to be the key. 

## How to use toys

Sex toys are most certainly welcome in solo play. When you're by yourself, the sky's the limit.

As a [first-timer](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-toys-for-beginners/), you might consider getting a bullet vibrator or something designed specifically for external stimulation to help you discover which parts of your vulva provide the most pleasure. There are a number of options that offer different speeds and pulse patterns, which is a great way to start because you want to make sure you have the option to ramp up the power on your toy. (For example, magic wands are very powerful, so that would be an advanced toy for your first purchase.) Check out this article for more tips on [how to purchase and use a vibrator](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-use-a-vibrator-tips-for-choosing-and-using-a-new-toy/).

One more thing you could try in the area of assisted orgasms is a little tool you don't have to purchase at all: the showerhead or bathtub faucet. If you have a hot tub in your backyard, a hot tub jet works too.

Stand in the shower and let your handheld showerhead flow against your vulva. Play with the settings to see which one you like best. Or lay with your butt against the front wall of your tub, legs straight up in a V-shape on either side of the faucet (this position might be too hard for some, and that's fine, no biggie). In the hot tub, face the jets and see how it goes.

Warm, pressurized water can have a way of working magic on your entire genital area. Even if you can't quite get all the way to the finish line using water, it's a fun way to get yourself going.

## The big O

So how do you know if you’re getting close? If you’ve never had an orgasm, then you might be wondering how you know if you’re getting warmer or colder. While everyone is different, there are a few potential signs that you’re doing what your body likes. 

First and foremost, as you become aroused and heading toward climax, your clitoris becomes more sensitive (usually in a good way) to what you’re doing to it or around it (sometimes it’s so sensitive you don't even need to touch it directly). A warm feeling might begin traveling upward from your vulva. You might begin breathing more heavily. Your body might want to tense up to increase the sensation. 

In some cases, it might feel a little like you have to pee as you get closer. If this makes you nervous, try playing in the bathtub or shower so that you can give yourself permission to just go with it. You probably won’t pee, but you might. And some vulva owners squirt (it’s normal, and it’s also a [whole other conversation](https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25545022/#:~:text=Conclusions%3A%20The%20present%20data%20based,the%20emitted%20fluid%20often%20exists.) if you're curious), but many don't!

It’s called a climax for a reason. If you’ve reached it, you’ll feel a peak of sensation in your genitals as your muscles contract repeatedly—many compare it to a warm throbbing feeling or a surge of pleasure. Your heart will beat faster, your breath will speed up, you might involuntarily twitch, moan, or lift your pelvis, and your fingers and toes might curl. And chances are, when you’re finished, you won’t want to touch anything down there for a few minutes at least, as it will be highly sensitive and stimulated.

## It's time

The best way to learn is to do, so it's time to give all these suggestions a try. You deserve to feel good and enjoy your sex life, no matter if it's a solo sex life or a partnered one. The tips we've shared will surely help you get closer to the orgasmic feeling you're after. Just don't give up if it doesn't happen on your first try. To help you get started, take a listen to these guided self-touch sessions, in which you'll explore the various sensations in your body and even get into some gentle toy play. 

While it may be your first orgasm, you don't have to figure it out alone. Learn exactly how to make yourself cum with a fun, nonjudgmental guide.

Your first solo orgasm: How to make yourself cum

Make-Yourself-Cum

Glow-up

Glow Up

mix-it-up

Mix it Up

Ready to take your next solo sesh to a whole new level? That's what Dipsea is for.

Women don't have as many orgasms as men. This orgasm gap exists mainly because most women don’t grow up learning about female sexual pleasure. If we don't know how to bring our bodies to orgasm, it's almost impossible to expect your partner to know (but a little googling never hurt anyone!). 

Because women tend to use mental framing to get turned on, one of the keys to earth-shattering sexual experiences is to know what turns your mind on. Once you activate your arousal, you can discover what sorts of touch your body prefers. After you’ve done that, it’s a whole lot easier to communicate your needs to a partner. 

People often forget that mind-blowing sexual experiences are an [essential part of overall health](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316954). Sex is good for your mental health, heart, relationships, and even your immune system. It’s time to prioritize good sex. 

Erotic fiction is an effective tool for preparing your body for sex—either solo or partnered. Listening to erotica can do more than help you get in the mood. Erotic short stories can help you understand your sexual desires, build intimacy with yourself or a partner, and give you the sexual confidence you crave. Here’s a look at the key benefits of listening to erotic short stories.

## 1. Erotic short stories help women identify their sexual desires
There's a strong [link between sexual fantasizing and having a satisfying sex life](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199509/the-safest-sex). Sexual fantasies are healthy and normal, but many women worry they aren't.

Society often teaches women to hide their desires which means many women might not even discuss fantasies with their best friends. 

When women grow up being socialized to not talk about sex beyond whatever reproductive health course is offered in their high school (which are, all too often, not that great!), they don't learn about desire or arousal, the first two steps in the sexual response cycle. 

In addition to sub-par formal sex education, women recieve incomplete social messaging about what their sexual desires are supposed to be. We hear things about how [men supposedly have higher sex drives](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160630-the-enduring-enigma-of-female-desire) than women, instead of learning about the natural [variablity of sex drives](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/navigating-mismatched-desire/) regardless of gender.  

Combine the lack of comprehensive sex-ed with the socialization women receive regarding gender stereotypes and women wind up not knowing what they want in the bedroom (or the kitchen or the shower). We worry that our fantasies of taking or relinquishing control are misguided. We fear that our sex drives are too high or too low. 

And all that worry can make your vulva as responsive as an uncharged vibrator. 

The first step to satisfying sex is identifying what you want out of your sexual experiences. Indulging in [a story about one of your fantasies](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-brief-sexy-history-of-erotica/) will prep your mind for sex. But, it may also help you figure out whether you enjoy thinking about romance, BDSM, orgies, casual sexual encounters, or something else.

Erotica can help you experience any fetish you desire without needing to step through the doors of a BDSM dungeon. Steamy stories let women explore sexual fantasies from a safe distance. 

For some women, listening to erotic stories helps them decide they want to move one of those fantasies from hypothetical to real life. Erotica can give them the language they need to communicate that desire to a partner. 

Identifying your sexual desires is the first step toward a satisfying sex life. 

## 2. Erotica helps women become more intimate with themselves

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, help us connect with ourselves. The first time you try to meditate, your mind wanders from your breathing to the pile of laundry.  You get stuck in a constant state of trying to pull your mind back to meditating, and eventually it works. For many, guided meditation is the answer to a wandering mind. 

Women who masturbate regularly know their bodies and what turns them on. Unfortunately, for many women, getting in the right mindset for arousal is difficult. Sex stories, especially erotic audio, serve as a guided meditation, helping you connect with your sexual self. 

Listening to erotic short stories can keep your mind focused on arousal and away from the laundry room, the board room, or whatever kind of room your mind gets stuck in. Once your mindset is taken care of, you can focus on the task at hand. 

Spending time experimenting with different types of touch will help you learn whether you prefer a vibrating or sucking sensation, and whether internal or external stimulation is really what gets you there. [The more you masturbate](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/masturbating-is-important-even-when-youre-in-a-relationship/), the more you’ll come to know about your preferences. And that intimate knowledge translates to more orgasms during solo or partnered sex.

## 3. Sexy short stories increase intimacy with your partner

Women who masturbate regularly and are intimately connected with their sexual self have more orgasms during solo sex. What's more, they can take that same sexual energy to their partnered sex.

Erotic short stories do more than improve your masturbation sessions. Listening to examples of erotic fantasy can help you become more comfortable talking about what interests you sexually. Your partner wants to know what gets you off. It's on you to tell them, but because discussing sex openly and honestly isn’t something we see frequently, it can be hard to [confidently articulate it](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-and-sex/201712/sexual-communication-the-bedrock-make-your-bed-rock). 

When you’re comfortable explaining that you prefer circles around your clitoris over direct pressure, you’ll be able to experience more orgasms during partnered sex. The more orgasms you have, the more you'll want (we assume!). Better sex leads to more orgasms, and more orgasms lead to more sex. Everybody wins here. 

Don't keep the erotica to yourself. Listening to steamy stories together can help you explain your desires to a partner and help you learn about theirs. This connection makes it easier to talk about things like introducing sex toys, exploring threesomes, or something nonsexual like deciding which person is responsible for the pile of laundry. [Intimacy is the key](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-precare-foreplay-aftercare/) to a satisfying partnership in and out of the bedroom.

## 4. Women's erotica inspires sexual confidence

Desire and arousal are primarily mental processes. Sometimes the stuff of life makes it difficult for women to get in the mood for sex. Let’s be honest, there’s a lot going on in the world right now, and if we’re focusing on that full-time, we’re not readying our minds for sex. If our mindset isn't right, getting in the mood can feel more like driving down a dirt road without street lights than a well-lit highway. 

Women-centric erotic fiction prepares our minds for sex. According to the Kinsey Institute, [nearly 90% of women use scenario conjuring](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8233688_Turning_On_and_Turning_Off_A_Focus_Group_Study_of_the_Factors_That_Affect_Women's_Sexual_Arousal) to kick off their sexual response cycle. These scenarios can include sexual fantasies or even thinking about their emotional connection with a partner.

Women need stimuli to experience sexual desire. They also need it to move from desire to arousal. Erotica provides a paved highway toward arousal. And that intense arousal is the key to feeling confident in bed. Confidence leads to more intense orgasms, which can make sex more satisfying. 

## Improve your sex life with erotic short stories

Listening to erotic fiction inspires women to embrace their desires. For as long as we can remember, women learned from parents, religious leaders, and society that they should keep their sexual desires under wraps—but we’ve had enough of that.
Women like sex. Women want sex. At Dipsea, we believe women should get to have the sex they want. 

When women understand their desires, they can better communicate with their partners. Communication improves intimacy and creates a more satisfying relationship with yourself and your partner (or partners). 

[Erotic audio from Dipsea is unique](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erotic-audio/) because it includes more than just words on a page. It’s immersive and evocative, just like being dropped into the middle of a movie scene. 

All that mental stimulation helps women get into the right mindset for sexual activity so that even if all they have time for is a quickie, they can get in, get an orgasm (or four), and then go on to do whatever else it is they need to do. To get your mindset in the right place, take the assist from erotic short stories. 

  <div style="max-width: 41.25em; margin: 0 auto">
<div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row">

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/office-hours">
    <img src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/bTk4b0eVOnJ5IBlklET0l/7d26ef06c9bf8ce25e190bb873c420ce/Queer_Lecture_1.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Office Hours</p>
  </a>
</div>

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 0 0 10px">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/series/five-years-series">
    <img src="//images.contentful.com/03of3q5qzesq/6I5z8LCbdiH3lnN8rjCXkh/6a5d715d693f0330226b15b0f541af98/302_Five_Years_1_KatieEdmunds.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Five Years</p>
  </a>
</div>

</div>
</div>

<br /><br />


Women don't have as many orgasms as men. This orgasm gap exists mainly because most women don’t grow up learning about female sexual pleasure. If we don't know how to bring our bodies to orgasm, it's almost impossible to expect your partner to know (but a little googling never hurt anyone!). 

Because women tend to use mental framing to get turned on, one of the keys to earth-shattering sexual experiences is to know what turns your mind on. Once you activate your arousal, you can discover what sorts of touch your body prefers. After you’ve done that, it’s a whole lot easier to communicate your needs to a partner. 

People often forget that mind-blowing sexual experiences are an [essential part of overall health](https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/316954). Sex is good for your mental health, heart, relationships, and even your immune system. It’s time to prioritize good sex. 

Erotic fiction is an effective tool for preparing your body for sex—either solo or partnered. Listening to erotica can do more than help you get in the mood. Erotic short stories can help you understand your sexual desires, build intimacy with yourself or a partner, and give you the sexual confidence you crave. Here’s a look at the key benefits of listening to erotic short stories.

## 1. Erotic short stories help women identify their sexual desires
There's a strong [link between sexual fantasizing and having a satisfying sex life](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/articles/199509/the-safest-sex). Sexual fantasies are healthy and normal, but many women worry they aren't.

Society often teaches women to hide their desires which means many women might not even discuss fantasies with their best friends. 

When women grow up being socialized to not talk about sex beyond whatever reproductive health course is offered in their high school (which are, all too often, not that great!), they don't learn about desire or arousal, the first two steps in the sexual response cycle. 

In addition to sub-par formal sex education, women recieve incomplete social messaging about what their sexual desires are supposed to be. We hear things about how [men supposedly have higher sex drives](https://www.bbc.com/future/article/20160630-the-enduring-enigma-of-female-desire) than women, instead of learning about the natural [variablity of sex drives](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/navigating-mismatched-desire/) regardless of gender.  

Combine the lack of comprehensive sex-ed with the socialization women receive regarding gender stereotypes and women wind up not knowing what they want in the bedroom (or the kitchen or the shower). We worry that our fantasies of taking or relinquishing control are misguided. We fear that our sex drives are too high or too low. 

And all that worry can make your vulva as responsive as an uncharged vibrator. 

The first step to satisfying sex is identifying what you want out of your sexual experiences. Indulging in [a story about one of your fantasies](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-brief-sexy-history-of-erotica/) will prep your mind for sex. But, it may also help you figure out whether you enjoy thinking about romance, BDSM, orgies, casual sexual encounters, or something else.

Erotica can help you experience any fetish you desire without needing to step through the doors of a BDSM dungeon. Steamy stories let women explore sexual fantasies from a safe distance. 

For some women, listening to erotic stories helps them decide they want to move one of those fantasies from hypothetical to real life. Erotica can give them the language they need to communicate that desire to a partner. 

Identifying your sexual desires is the first step toward a satisfying sex life. 

## 2. Erotica helps women become more intimate with themselves

Mindfulness practices, such as meditation, help us connect with ourselves. The first time you try to meditate, your mind wanders from your breathing to the pile of laundry.  You get stuck in a constant state of trying to pull your mind back to meditating, and eventually it works. For many, guided meditation is the answer to a wandering mind. 

Women who masturbate regularly know their bodies and what turns them on. Unfortunately, for many women, getting in the right mindset for arousal is difficult. Sex stories, especially erotic audio, serve as a guided meditation, helping you connect with your sexual self. 

Listening to erotic short stories can keep your mind focused on arousal and away from the laundry room, the board room, or whatever kind of room your mind gets stuck in. Once your mindset is taken care of, you can focus on the task at hand. 

Spending time experimenting with different types of touch will help you learn whether you prefer a vibrating or sucking sensation, and whether internal or external stimulation is really what gets you there. [The more you masturbate](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/masturbating-is-important-even-when-youre-in-a-relationship/), the more you’ll come to know about your preferences. And that intimate knowledge translates to more orgasms during solo or partnered sex.

## 3. Sexy short stories increase intimacy with your partner

Women who masturbate regularly and are intimately connected with their sexual self have more orgasms during solo sex. What's more, they can take that same sexual energy to their partnered sex.

Erotic short stories do more than improve your masturbation sessions. Listening to examples of erotic fantasy can help you become more comfortable talking about what interests you sexually. Your partner wants to know what gets you off. It's on you to tell them, but because discussing sex openly and honestly isn’t something we see frequently, it can be hard to [confidently articulate it](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/stress-and-sex/201712/sexual-communication-the-bedrock-make-your-bed-rock). 

When you’re comfortable explaining that you prefer circles around your clitoris over direct pressure, you’ll be able to experience more orgasms during partnered sex. The more orgasms you have, the more you'll want (we assume!). Better sex leads to more orgasms, and more orgasms lead to more sex. Everybody wins here. 

Don't keep the erotica to yourself. Listening to steamy stories together can help you explain your desires to a partner and help you learn about theirs. This connection makes it easier to talk about things like introducing sex toys, exploring threesomes, or something nonsexual like deciding which person is responsible for the pile of laundry. [Intimacy is the key](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-precare-foreplay-aftercare/) to a satisfying partnership in and out of the bedroom.

## 4. Women's erotica inspires sexual confidence

Desire and arousal are primarily mental processes. Sometimes the stuff of life makes it difficult for women to get in the mood for sex. Let’s be honest, there’s a lot going on in the world right now, and if we’re focusing on that full-time, we’re not readying our minds for sex. If our mindset isn't right, getting in the mood can feel more like driving down a dirt road without street lights than a well-lit highway. 

Women-centric erotic fiction prepares our minds for sex. According to the Kinsey Institute, [nearly 90% of women use scenario conjuring](https://www.researchgate.net/publication/8233688_Turning_On_and_Turning_Off_A_Focus_Group_Study_of_the_Factors_That_Affect_Women's_Sexual_Arousal) to kick off their sexual response cycle. These scenarios can include sexual fantasies or even thinking about their emotional connection with a partner.

Women need stimuli to experience sexual desire. They also need it to move from desire to arousal. Erotica provides a paved highway toward arousal. And that intense arousal is the key to feeling confident in bed. Confidence leads to more intense orgasms, which can make sex more satisfying. 

## Improve your sex life with erotic short stories

Listening to erotic fiction inspires women to embrace their desires. For as long as we can remember, women learned from parents, religious leaders, and society that they should keep their sexual desires under wraps—but we’ve had enough of that.
Women like sex. Women want sex. At Dipsea, we believe women should get to have the sex they want. 

When women understand their desires, they can better communicate with their partners. Communication improves intimacy and creates a more satisfying relationship with yourself and your partner (or partners). 

[Erotic audio from Dipsea is unique](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erotic-audio/) because it includes more than just words on a page. It’s immersive and evocative, just like being dropped into the middle of a movie scene. 

All that mental stimulation helps women get into the right mindset for sexual activity so that even if all they have time for is a quickie, they can get in, get an orgasm (or four), and then go on to do whatever else it is they need to do. To get your mindset in the right place, take the assist from erotic short stories. 

Erotic short stories can help you understand your sexual desires, build intimacy with yourself or a partner, and give you the sexual confidence you crave.

4 ways erotic short stories can improve sexual satisfaction 

4-ways-Erotic-Short-Stories

4 ways erotic short stories improve sexual satisfaction 

5 YEARS

Five Years I

Ready to take "me time" to a whole new level? Dipsea has you covered.

Hi! I’m Gina, one of the co-founders of Dipsea. Welcome to the “Dipseaverse,” I’m so glad you’ve decided to check us out!

Nothing makes us happier than hearing from listeners about the ways Dipsea helps them to feel more: more in tune with their bodies, more connected to their partners, more flirtatious putting themselves out there, and the most like themselves.  

But before you’re ready to dive in yourself, maybe you want to know more. Dipsea is an entirely new experience, so that makes sense! I’ll be answering some of the questions we get asked the most here. As a team that prides itself on communication, consent, and setting clear expectations—you’re in the right place to get all the answers. 

xo Gina

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=FAQblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

__What is Dipsea?__

Dipsea is where storytelling meets sexual wellness. With an annual or a monthly subscription, you can get access to hundreds of audio stories designed to get you in the mood, show you what you like, and open you up to self-discovery. Every Dipsea story is a consensual, feminist, and sex-positive original production created by our in-house team of storytellers. 

In addition to Sexy Stories, our library also includes cozy Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions.

You can download Dipsea in the App Store, Google Play Store, or access the app online. 

__Who are the people behind the app?__

We’re a female-founded company based in San Francisco, California. My co-founder Faye and I were friends before we started Dipsea, and we were fascinated by the idea that sexuality is as mental as it is physical. So we set out to create erotica as sexy as it is sex-positive. 

Four years later, Dipsea has grown into a team of 20+ incredible people. We’re half tech startup and half story studio. Our team includes audio producers and software engineers, writers, and product managers. None of us had professional experience creating erotica, which means we write our own rules and bring fresh energy and ideas to a totally new genre of storytelling. 

__How do you work with voice actors and story contributors?__

The best way to live a commitment to diversity and inclusion is to give paid opportunities to people doing excellent work. We work with a big network of talented voice actors who can represent how the world really sounds, and over 50% of our characters are voiced by people of color. 

Voice actors are recorded individually in studios all over the world. Dipsea producers then mix those recordings to create immersive audio stories where it sounds like multiple characters are together. It’s amazing how realistic a Dipsea story sounds, and a lot of hard work goes into creating that magic. 

Most of our stories are written in-house, but we occasionally partner with writers and story contributors with unique stories to tell and who can base their storytelling on their lived experiences. 

__What makes Dipsea special?__

Chances are you’ve probably been taught a few things about sex that aren’t serving you: that your desires are shameful, that pleasure is only okay when it comes after the word “guilty,” and that sex is basically a relay race toward orgasm with a partner. 

Dipsea is (literally) flipping the script, deprogramming harmful ideas, and re-setting the standards—high—for women’s lives and relationships. 

At Dipsea, we have two core beliefs. The first? Sexual wellness is essential. You deserve to feel good in your body, to live shame-free, to voice your preferences and state your boundaries, and to experience pleasure. The second? That storytelling is powerful. It illuminates the parts of yourself you might have lost touch with, gives you ideas for your own life, and fires up the imagination. 

We take a mind-first approach to sexuality because the answers have always been a part of you. Dipsea is a powerful reminder that starting with you—your wants, your needs, your fantasies—is the best way to manifest sexual wellness, and to feel more confident and joyful in and out of the bedroom. 

__What are the stories like?__

Desire is all in the details. That’s why we put so much care into every story we create. Between 10-25 minutes long, Dipsea audio stories immerse you in a world of aspirational and 100% consensual sex and relationships, and sometimes even insert you into the story. You’ll meet characters you’ll love—and watch your imagination do the rest. 

We want people to hear themselves in our stories. Over 50% of our characters are voiced by people of color, and over 25% of our stories are queer. Characters are empowered in their sexual, social, and romantic experiences. Sex is communicative, and pleasure doesn’t sound performed. 

__How sexy are the stories, really?__

Dipsea stories are designed to be erotic. Some are more flirtatious and romantic, and some include more intense themes like off-limits hookups, threesomes, and BDSM. 

We believe communication is key. Stories are always clearly tagged, labeled, and explained—so you always know exactly what you’re getting into before you listen. Because if you don’t feel safe and comfortable, you’ll never feel relaxed and turned on. And you’ll have an easy time finding more of what you’re looking for, especially as we get to know you better. 

__What are your Sleep Scenes like?__

Every night Dipsea was already being invited under duvets, tucked under pillows, and placed on nightstands. Sleep by Dipsea was developed as an even more intentional exhale at the end of a listening session.

Queue up soothing sounds, tranquil tours of dreamy destinations, and cozy Sleep Overs where a Dipsea Hunk tucks you in and then stays close by (playing the guitar or cleaning up after dinner) while you drift off. Dipsea Sleep Scenes range between 15-60 minutes. 

__What about the Wellness Sessions?__

Our Wellness Sessions are designed to support listeners trying to bring more of an active practice into their sexual and romantic lives. We partner with experts to create meditations, erotic breathwork exercises, dirty talk how-to’s, self-love guides, and more. 

__Why does Dipsea focus on audio?__

90% of women use their imaginations to get aroused, according to a study done by OMGYes and the Kinsey Institute. Audio erotica is intimate, immersive, and incredibly personal for each listener. Every story becomes your own personal version, designed by your own imagination. 
Dipsea now also offers sexy stories that you can read chapter by chapter, so you can get lost in the steamy backstories of your favorite Hunks, or discover new retellings of our most loved series.

__Why is Dipsea a subscription app and not a podcast?__

When we first imagined creating a new genre of erotic storytelling, we knew the experience needed to be as exceptional as the stories we told. No cringey design, no distracting ads. Just a beautifully designed app that surfaces the right stories for you. Only by controlling for all the details (like making sure you can find Black Voiced stories, or can avoid Infidelity stories if you find them triggering) is Dipsea able to create a truly comfortable and safe space for you to explore. An app lets us do all that and more. 

By asking users to subscribe, we invite them to engage in an always-improving experience: new features, new kinds of storytelling, and new audio content each week. Your subscription fee ensures voice actors are paid fairly, and the quality of our productions stays exceptional. 

But before you’re ready to dive in with an annual or monthly subscription, explore the handful of stories that we offer free and decide whether Dipsea is right for you. 

__Is Dipsea just for women?__

Dipsea was designed with women in mind because they were so clearly underserved in a space defined by and for the male gaze. But the app is a safe space for all perspectives, preferences, and genders. Dipsea has HER + HER, HER + HIM, and a growing selection of HIM + HIM, and non-binary content. Over 25% of the Dipsea library is queer. Dipsea is an approachable resource for anyone who wants to get in the mood, spark their imagination, and learn about themselves. 

__Can partners listen together?__

If you think Dipsea might be a fun way to get in the mood together or to break the ice on certain topics with your partner—amazing! Dipsea is a highly personal experience, and you should listen in the ways that make the most sense for you. Our research shows that most people listen solo (~90% of subscribers), but more than 30% of people say the reason they listen to Dipsea is for the positive effect it has on their relationships. 

By nurturing your imagination and getting familiar with your fantasies and boundaries, you’re primed to have great sex with yourself and others. 

__Can I work for Dipsea?__ 

We’re only as great as the people we work with, and we’d love to meet you. Check out the current opportunities for working with us: 

- [Work with us](https://angel.co/dipsea/jobs)
- [Voice act for us](https://www.dipseastories.com/voice/) 
- [Become a story contributor](https://forms.gle/dQ4j9zPFxffqoH5c6) 

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=FAQblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

Hi! I’m Gina, one of the co-founders of Dipsea. Welcome to the “Dipseaverse,” I’m so glad you’ve decided to check us out!

Nothing makes us happier than hearing from listeners about the ways Dipsea helps them to feel more: more in tune with their bodies, more connected to their partners, more flirtatious putting themselves out there, and the most like themselves.  

But before you’re ready to dive in yourself, maybe you want to know more. Dipsea is an entirely new experience, so that makes sense! I’ll be answering some of the questions we get asked the most here. As a team that prides itself on communication, consent, and setting clear expectations—you’re in the right place to get all the answers. 

xo Gina

__What is Dipsea?__

Dipsea is where storytelling meets sexual wellness. With an annual or a monthly subscription, you can get access to hundreds of audio stories designed to get you in the mood, show you what you like, and open you up to self-discovery. Every Dipsea story is a consensual, feminist, and sex-positive original production created by our in-house team of storytellers. 

In addition to Sexy Stories, our library also includes cozy Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions.

You can download Dipsea in the App Store, Google Play Store, or access the app online. 

__Who are the people behind the app?__

We’re a female-founded company based in San Francisco, California. My co-founder Faye and I were friends before we started Dipsea, and we were fascinated by the idea that sexuality is as mental as it is physical. So we set out to create erotica as sexy as it is sex-positive. 

Four years later, Dipsea has grown into a team of 20+ incredible people. We’re half tech startup and half story studio. Our team includes audio producers and software engineers, writers, and product managers. None of us had professional experience creating erotica, which means we write our own rules and bring fresh energy and ideas to a totally new genre of storytelling. 

__How do you work with voice actors and story contributors?__

The best way to live a commitment to diversity and inclusion is to give paid opportunities to people doing excellent work. We work with a big network of talented voice actors who can represent how the world really sounds, and over 50% of our characters are voiced by people of color. 

Voice actors are recorded individually in studios all over the world. Dipsea producers then mix those recordings to create immersive audio stories where it sounds like multiple characters are together. It’s amazing how realistic a Dipsea story sounds, and a lot of hard work goes into creating that magic. 

Most of our stories are written in-house, but we occasionally partner with writers and story contributors with unique stories to tell and who can base their storytelling on their lived experiences. 

__What makes Dipsea special?__

Chances are you’ve probably been taught a few things about sex that aren’t serving you: that your desires are shameful, that pleasure is only okay when it comes after the word “guilty,” and that sex is basically a relay race toward orgasm with a partner. 

Dipsea is (literally) flipping the script, deprogramming harmful ideas, and re-setting the standards—high—for women’s lives and relationships. 

At Dipsea, we have two core beliefs. The first? Sexual wellness is essential. You deserve to feel good in your body, to live shame-free, to voice your preferences and state your boundaries, and to experience pleasure. The second? That storytelling is powerful. It illuminates the parts of yourself you might have lost touch with, gives you ideas for your own life, and fires up the imagination. 

We take a mind-first approach to sexuality because the answers have always been a part of you. Dipsea is a powerful reminder that starting with you—your wants, your needs, your fantasies—is the best way to manifest sexual wellness, and to feel more confident and joyful in and out of the bedroom. 

__What are the stories like?__

Desire is all in the details. That’s why we put so much care into every story we create. Between 10-25 minutes long, Dipsea audio stories immerse you in a world of aspirational and 100% consensual sex and relationships, and sometimes even insert you into the story. You’ll meet characters you’ll love—and watch your imagination do the rest. 

We want people to hear themselves in our stories. Over 50% of our characters are voiced by people of color, and over 25% of our stories are queer. Characters are empowered in their sexual, social, and romantic experiences. Sex is communicative, and pleasure doesn’t sound performed. 

__How sexy are the stories, really?__

Dipsea stories are designed to be erotic. Some are more flirtatious and romantic, and some include more intense themes like off-limits hookups, threesomes, and BDSM. 

We believe communication is key. Stories are always clearly tagged, labeled, and explained—so you always know exactly what you’re getting into before you listen. Because if you don’t feel safe and comfortable, you’ll never feel relaxed and turned on. And you’ll have an easy time finding more of what you’re looking for, especially as we get to know you better. 

__What are your Sleep Scenes like?__

Every night Dipsea was already being invited under duvets, tucked under pillows, and placed on nightstands. Sleep by Dipsea was developed as an even more intentional exhale at the end of a listening session.

Queue up soothing sounds, tranquil tours of dreamy destinations, and cozy Sleep Overs where a Dipsea Hunk tucks you in and then stays close by (playing the guitar or cleaning up after dinner) while you drift off. Dipsea Sleep Scenes range between 15-60 minutes. 

__What about the Wellness Sessions?__

Our Wellness Sessions are designed to support listeners trying to bring more of an active practice into their sexual and romantic lives. We partner with experts to create meditations, erotic breathwork exercises, dirty talk how-to’s, self-love guides, and more. 

__Why does Dipsea focus on audio?__

90% of women use their imaginations to get aroused, according to a study done by OMGYes and the Kinsey Institute. Audio erotica is intimate, immersive, and incredibly personal for each listener. Every story becomes your own personal version, designed by your own imagination. 
Dipsea now also offers sexy stories that you can read chapter by chapter, so you can get lost in the steamy backstories of your favorite Hunks, or discover new retellings of our most loved series.

__Why is Dipsea a subscription app and not a podcast?__

When we first imagined creating a new genre of erotic storytelling, we knew the experience needed to be as exceptional as the stories we told. No cringey design, no distracting ads. Just a beautifully designed app that surfaces the right stories for you. Only by controlling for all the details (like making sure you can find Black Voiced stories, or can avoid Infidelity stories if you find them triggering) is Dipsea able to create a truly comfortable and safe space for you to explore. An app lets us do all that and more. 

By asking users to subscribe, we invite them to engage in an always-improving experience: new features, new kinds of storytelling, and new audio content each week. Your subscription fee ensures voice actors are paid fairly, and the quality of our productions stays exceptional. 

But before you’re ready to dive in with an annual or monthly subscription, explore the handful of stories that we offer free and decide whether Dipsea is right for you. 

__Is Dipsea just for women?__

Dipsea was designed with women in mind because they were so clearly underserved in a space defined by and for the male gaze. But the app is a safe space for all perspectives, preferences, and genders. Dipsea has HER + HER, HER + HIM, and a growing selection of HIM + HIM, and non-binary content. Over 25% of the Dipsea library is queer. Dipsea is an approachable resource for anyone who wants to get in the mood, spark their imagination, and learn about themselves. 

__Can partners listen together?__

If you think Dipsea might be a fun way to get in the mood together or to break the ice on certain topics with your partner—amazing! Dipsea is a highly personal experience, and you should listen in the ways that make the most sense for you. Our research shows that most people listen solo (~90% of subscribers), but more than 30% of people say the reason they listen to Dipsea is for the positive effect it has on their relationships. 

By nurturing your imagination and getting familiar with your fantasies and boundaries, you’re primed to have great sex with yourself and others. 

__Can I work for Dipsea?__ 

We’re only as great as the people we work with, and we’d love to meet you. Check out the current opportunities for working with us: 

- [Work with us](https://angel.co/dipsea/jobs)
- [Voice act for us](https://www.dipseastories.com/voice/) 
- [Become a story contributor](https://forms.gle/dQ4j9zPFxffqoH5c6) 


Looking for answers? You're in the right place. Read the FAQs to find out what Dipsea is and learn more about the team behind it. We've got all your answers right here. 

What is Dipsea? Why does Dipsea matter? Who is Dipsea for?

FAQ-v2

Dipsea FAQ

Ready to explore a new side of yourself? That's what Dipsea is for. 

The Sensualist opens up the dialogue around modern intimacy and gives you a peek into the universe of people, ideas, and stories that light us up and move the conversation around sexuality forward.

The Sensualist

It’s your party, and you can cry if you want to! And, well, sometimes you’ll cry even if you don’t want to. The spectrum of human emotions is a gift, even if they sometimes don’t feel that way. 

Ok, let’s paint a picture: You’re lying in bed next to your partner(s). There’s mood music playing. The sheets are warm and soft, maybe a window is cracked, and a little breeze sneaks in. The lights are dim, and maybe a candle is lit. Everyone is a little out of breath, sweating, but just enough to glisten in the light, and you just had one of the best orgasms of your life. 

Next thing you know, you start to cry. Waves of emotion begin to wash over you—it might not be big sobs, just some tears slowly rolling down your cheeks. Or, maybe they are big sobs. Now you’re confused. Moments ago, you were just experiencing one of the greatest pleasures you’ve felt. Now? Tears. What gives? 

You might be experiencing Postcoital Dysphoria or PCD—and one thing to know before we dive into Postcoital Dysphoria is that if you’ve ever experienced it, you are absolutely not alone. 

What is Postcoital Dysphoria

Postcoital Dysphoria (or PCD) is also sometimes called Postcoital Tristesse (triste is a French word that means ‘sadness’ which, even though we’ll still be referring to it as PCD, does make the whole thing sound a little more romantic), and refers to the waves of emotion that lead some people to start crying after sex. It’s also sometimes called the post-sex blues. 

Postcoital Dysphoria is specifically related to negative emotions some people experience after sex and is frequently accompanied, but not always, by crying. 

It’s important to remember that crying is good, healthy, and normal and is often the body's response to experiencing intense emotions or sensations—even good ones. And sex, very often, is intense, so crying makes sense. 

But just because you might cry after sex doesn’t mean you’re experiencing Postcoital Dysphoria. Sometimes, you might just be experiencing happy post-sex tears!

Who experiences Postcoital Dysphoria

Everybody! Or, well, not everybody, but every type of person. As with most topics related to sex, pleasure, and intimacy, there hasn’t been much deep research done on Postcoital Dysphoria or crying after sex in general. And the subjects of the research that has been done haven’t been broadly representative (predominantly, they have been white and cisgender)—but, one thing is clear: across the men and women who have been studied, subjects experience Postcoital Dysphoria in more similarly percentages than not. 

In a study published in Sexual Medicine, which focused on women, 46 percent of those who responded said they had experienced PCD at least once in their lifetime. 

In another study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 41% of the surveyed men said that they experienced Postcoital Dysphoria symptoms at least once in their lives. 3% of the men also said they experienced it regularly, and 5% of the women reported experiencing it within the last four weeks.

What causes Postcoital Dysphoria

Like we said, Postcoital Dysphoria is devastatingly under-researched, but there are still a few things that are necessary to know and a few ideas as to why you might be experiencing it if you do.

Perhaps most importantly, Postcoital Dysphoria can occur after joyful, consensual, pleasurable sex with people you know, love, and trust. Postcoital Dysphoria and its negative emotions are in no way correlated to that positive relationship. 

Some researchers believe that early childhood abuse may be one case of Postcoital Dysphoria, and post-natal depression might be another. The hormonal changes associated with the latter are what have led scientists to believe this could be a cause. 

Additionally, they believe people who experience anxiety and depression may also be more likely to experience sadness after sex. 

What to do if you feel sad after sex

It’s very possible that you might experience shame for feeling sad after sex or be uncomfortable navigating Postcoital Dysphoria, particularly if you’re still in bed with your partner(s). But you don’t need to navigate that alone. Here are a few things that might help. 

Talk to your partner(s)
Chances are, the person or people you’re in bed with might notice if you experience a shift in mood following sex. If you feel safe and comfortable, open up to them about it. Or change the topic entirely. Knowing that feelings beyond your control have brought on this emotion can also free you to move on from it quickly if you’d like to. 

Engage in some aftercare
Talking with your partner(s) is one version of aftercare, but there are dozens—hundreds, even—of other options. If you don’t already have an aftercare practice established, we’ve got some ideas for you. But, you can (and maybe should!) do that now, even if you’ve never experienced PCD. A post-sex routine that helps keep you connected, or one that helps you connect back with yourself, is important even if you’re feeling wonderful after sex (even sex with yourself!). 

Get lost in a story
Sometimes, what our brain really needs, is an escape. Dipsea stories are consensual, sex-positive stories that center the safety and pleasure of everyone involved. If you’re feeling a little down post-sex but still want to hang out in the after-glow (especially if your after-glow was cut short), press play and be reminded of all the ways pleasure is a powerful force of good in your life. They’re also the perfect windup to sex, so a Dipsea booked might be just what you’re looking for. 


It’s your party, and you can cry if you want to! And, well, sometimes you’ll cry even if you don’t want to. The spectrum of human emotion is a gift, even if they sometimes don’t feel that way. 

Ok, let’s paint a picture: You’re lying in bed next to your partner(s). There’s mood music playing. The sheets are warm and soft, maybe a window is cracked, and a little breeze sneaks in. The lights are dim, and maybe a candle is lit. Everyone is a little out of breath, sweating, but just enough to glisten in the light, and you just had one of the best orgasms of your life. 

Next thing you know, you start to cry. Waves of emotion begin to wash over you—it might not be big sobs, just some tears slowly rolling down your cheeks. Or, maybe they are big sobs. Now you’re confused. Moments ago, you were just experiencing one of the greatest pleasures you’ve felt. Now? Tears. What gives? 

You might be experiencing Postcoital Dysphoria or PCD—and one thing to know before we dive into Postcoital Dysphoria is that if you’ve ever experienced it, you are absolutely not alone. 

## What is Postcoital Dysphoria

[Postcoital Dysphoria](https://www.issm.info/sexual-health-qa/what-is-postcoital-dysphoria-post-sex-blues/) (or PCD) is also sometimes called Postcoital Tristesse (triste is a French word that means ‘sadness’ which, even though we’ll still be referring to it as PCD, does make the whole thing sound a little more romantic), and refers to the waves of emotion that lead some people to start crying after sex. It’s also sometimes called the post-sex blues. 

Postcoital Dysphoria is specifically related to negative emotions some people experience after sex and is frequently accompanied, but not always, by crying. 

It’s important to remember that crying is good, healthy, and normal and is often the body's response to experiencing intense emotions or sensations—even good ones. And sex, very often, is intense, so crying makes sense. 

But just because you might [cry after sex](https://www.healthline.com/health/healthy-sex/crying-after-sex#if-you-cry) doesn’t mean you’re experiencing Postcoital Dysphoria. Sometimes, you might just be experiencing happy post-sex tears!

## Who experiences Postcoital Dysphoria

Everybody! Or, well, not everybody, but every type of person. As with most topics related to sex, pleasure, and intimacy, there hasn’t been much deep research done on Postcoital Dysphoria or crying after sex in general. And the subjects of the research that has been done haven’t been broadly representative (predominantly, they have been white and cisgender)—but, one thing is clear: across the men and women who have been studied, subjects experience Postcoital Dysphoria in more similarly percentages than not. 

[In a study](https://www.webmd.com/sex/what-to-know-postcoital-dysphoria) published in Sexual Medicine, which focused on women, 46 percent of those who responded said they had experienced PCD at least once in their lifetime. 

In another study published in the Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy, 41% of the surveyed men said that they experienced Postcoital Dysphoria symptoms at least once in their lives. 3% of the men also said they experienced it regularly, and in the previous study 5% of the women reported experiencing it within the last four weeks.

## What causes Postcoital Dysphoria

Like we said, Postcoital Dysphoria is devastatingly under-researched, but there are still a few things that you should know and a few ideas as to [why you might](https://www.oprahdaily.com/life/relationships-love/a28538535/crying-after-sex/) be experiencing it if you do.

Perhaps most importantly, it's necessary to know that Postcoital Dysphoria can occur after joyful, consensual, pleasurable sex with people you know, love, and trust. Postcoital Dysphoria and its negative emotions are in no way correlated to that positive relationship. 

Some researchers believe that early childhood abuse may be one cause of Postcoital Dysphoria, and post-natal depression might be another. The hormonal changes associated with the latter are what have led scientists to believe this could be a cause. 

Additionally, they believe people who experience anxiety and depression may also be more likely to experience sadness after sex. 

## What to do if you feel sad after sex

It’s very possible that you might experience shame for feeling sad after sex or be uncomfortable navigating Postcoital Dysphoria, particularly if you’re still in bed with your partner(s). But you don’t need to navigate that alone. Here are a few things that might help. 

### Talk to your partner(s)
Chances are, the person or people you’re in bed with might notice if you experience a shift in mood following sex. If you feel safe and comfortable, open up to them about it. Or change the topic entirely. Knowing that feelings beyond your control have brought on this emotion can also free you to move on from it quickly if you’d like to. 

### Engage in some aftercare
Talking with your partner(s) is one version of aftercare, but there are dozens—hundreds, even—of other options. If you don’t already have an aftercare practice established, [we’ve got some ideas for you](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-with-aftercare/). But, you can (and maybe should!) do that now, even if you’ve never experienced PCD. A post-sex routine that helps keep you connected, or one that helps you connect back with yourself, is important even if you’re feeling wonderful after sex (even sex with yourself!). 

### Get lost in a story
Sometimes, what our brain really needs, is an escape. Dipsea stories are consensual, sex-positive stories that center the safety and pleasure of everyone involved. If you’re feeling a little down post-sex but still want to hang out in the after-glow (especially if your after-glow was cut short), press play and be reminded of all the ways pleasure is a powerful force of good in your life. They’re also the perfect windup to sex, so a Dipsea booked might be just what you’re looking for. 

Is crying after sex normal, and could it be postcoital dysphoria? We've got the answers! 

Crying-Durning-Sex

Is crying after sex normal? 

sensual recentering

Sensual Recentering

Mapping Your Pleasure Spots

Mapping Pleasure

Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online.

Bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism, kink, fetish, top and bottom—BDSM has [a lot of vocabulary](https://www.everydayhealth.com/sexual-health/speaking-bdsm-glossary-terms-used-describe-bdsm/). BDSM is the consensual sexual practice of dominance and submission, pain, or control in a relationship. Rigger BDSM is one way to explore bondage and control. 

People who enjoy BDSM may be dominant or submissive or may switch between the two. They may enjoy kink sometimes or use some form of it every time they have sex. There's no right or wrong way to be kinky.

If you're [exploring BDSM](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/bdsm-bondage/) or considering some experimentation, it's essential to have the right words to discuss what you want to try with your partners and what you don't. Some people who practice BDSM find restraining their partners (or getting tied up) a turn-on. Rigger BDSM is one form of restraining. This tutorial will discuss what rigger BDSM is and give you some tips for practicing it safely. 

## What does rigger BDSM mean?

Rigger BDSM, sometimes called shibari or kinbaku, is a sexual practice of tying a partner with rope. Rigger involves tight rope patterns and knots to partially or wholly restrict a partner's movement. A rigger or rope top is a person who does the tying. The person being restrained is a rope bunny or rope bottom. 

While a rigger is often dominant, that isn't always the case. In BDSM, the dominant partner is in control of a scene. Sometimes a dominant will command a submissive to tie them up, so they are a rope bottom but are also acting as a dom because they're directing the action. 

## Why do riggers enjoy rope bondage? 

Many people reserve rigger BDSM for sexual play. When [rope bondage](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/light-bondage/) is used for sexual stimulation, the tying up may be the main event without any genital stimulation. Rigger BDSM may also be an act of foreplay. In BDSM, rigging can be part of the setup for a scene that includes suspension, flogging, spanking, or any type of sexual contact. 

BDSM is a sexual practice, but rope bondage isn't always sexual. Some bondage riggers see rope bondage as a type of performance art. When rigger BDSM is a hobby, a bondage model is tied using ropes in various configurations. The rope top may take photos of their handiwork or let the process of tying up their partner serve as an art form all by itself.

People who enjoy being a rope bottom say being restrained helps them [relax and enter sub-space](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-beginners-guide-to-submission/), a mental state where they give themselves entirely over to the sensations in their body. This state is a euphoric rush, not dissociation. The sub is entirely present, relaxed, and ready to give and receive pleasure. 

## What about self-rigging? 

Just like any sexual or artistic activity, you can enjoy rigger BDSM when you're flying solo. You may want to try tying some rope patterns or knots on yourself for artistic purposes or before masturbating to help you get in the mood. Rigger BDSM is about restraint and control, but it's also sensual. 

For people who desire the sensual experience of bondage, self-rigging is more about the psychological high of being restrained than actually having your movement restricted. If you’re exploring by yourself, it’s a good idea to use ties and ropes you can easily escape from.

## Safety for rigger BDSM

Safe sex is always the best sex, and that's especially important when we're talking about things like pain, control, restraints, and [spanking](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/bdsm-spanking). People involved in BDSM go to great lengths to keep themselves and their partners safe. If you're exploring rigger BDSM, here are some essential considerations to ensure everyone stays safe. 

### Communication

Communication is vital for any sexual relationship, but it's even more critical when you're playing with control, restraints, and pain. If you and a partner are exploring rigger BDSM, it’s essential to discuss what you want to try, why you want to try it, and any reservations you may have. Here are some questions to help you initiate a conversation about bondage rigger:

- Are you interested in rigger BDSM for sexual or artistic reasons? 
- Do you want to be a rope top or a rope bottom? Do you want to try both?
- What body parts are you comfortable having tied (hands, feet, breasts, legs, buttocks, arms, etc.)?
- Will you explore suspension or stick to bondage on a stable surface? 
- Do you want to try bondage in the privacy of your own home or at a BDSM dungeon? 
- Will you include any sort of BDSM spanking, paddling, or flogging into your rigger scene? 
- How do you feel about your partner using a vibrator on you while you're bound? What about digital or oral stimulation? How do you feel about anal or vaginal penetration while you're tied up? 

### Rope selection

If you're tying a partner's (or your own) naked bits up with rope, the type of rope you choose can make a huge difference. Like any sex toy, rope comes in various materials, and what's best for you depends on what you want to do with it. Here are the most common types:

- Cotton rope is inexpensive, easy to find, and provides plenty of friction. Types with a denser braid don't compact down as much, making them easier to untie (because eventually, you'll need to get to a dinner party or the office). 
- Hemp rope is another natural option. It grips well and holds strong. Lower-quality hemp tends to leave fibers behind and is scratchy, while higher-quality rope doesn't leave a trace. 
- Synthetic rope feels smoother than cotton, but the knots and wrapping may not hold up without friction. Most riggers remove the core from synthetic ropes to make them easier to tie, but the rope isn't strong enough for suspension play if you remove the core. 
- Nylon rope is strong, soft, and smooth to the touch. It's also strong enough to get the job done for any sort of rigger BDSM you're interested in trying out. Like the synthetic ropes above, it's slippery and won't give you the hold that cotton rope does.

### Consider anatomy

Binding and restricting movement is risky because you're compressing muscles and nerves. A bit of education and a lot of communication can keep you and your partners safe. If you or your partner experience tingling or burning, numbness, or weakness during rigger BDSM you need to stop immediately. These sensations can be a sign of nerve damage.

[Rope bondage advice](https://ropestudy.com/courses/101/lessons/reducing-risk/topic/nerves/) suggests tying ropes on meaty areas (thighs, upper arms, breasts, buttocks) and avoiding joints, your neck, and other sensitive areas. If you're rigging solo, avoid binding your hands and arms because you need to be able to get out of any ropes quickly should the need arise. 

### Choose a safeword

In case of discomfort or other need to end a session, you and your partner should agree on a safe word. A safe word is a word that results in the immediate stopping of all BDSM and sexual activity when spoken by either party. Choose a word you wouldn't typically say during sex, like butterfly or umbrella, instead of something you might call out during moments of ecstasy. 

### Make an exit plan

Having a plan in place for a quick exit is vital. Once either partner utters a safe word, you should carry out the exit plan without question. Keep a pair of scissors handy and use them to cut the rope if the knots are too tight to undo quickly. 

### Don’t forget aftercare

[Aftercare is an essential part](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-with-aftercare/) of any BDSM scene (and an excellent way to finish any sexual encounter). Aftercare may involve cuddling and reviewing how each person felt during the scene. It's a good time to tell your partner what you enjoyed and what you didn't, and brainstorm some things you'd like to try next time. Some couples have a special blanket they wrap in for aftercare sessions. BDSM dungeons typically even have a particular room designed for aftercare purposes. 

## Explore rigger BDSM 

Rigger BDSM is a fun way to dip your toe into BDSM. Restraints add a level of kink to your sexual activity even if you don't have a dom/sub relationship. You can try bondage on your own or invite a partner to join you. Maybe you start out trying being both a top and a bottom to see which you enjoy more. 

If you're curious about rigger BDSM and wonder how a bondage scene might play out in real life, try listening to erotic audio that includes rope play. You can listen alone for exploration purposes or spice up your next [solo sesh](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/solo-sex). Sharing erotica with your partner is a great way to bring up ways you'd like to spice up your sex life. 

Try listening as Sebastian and Benji [tie you to the bed](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/get-intimate-with-sebastian-and-benj-iv) and pleasure you or discover why [Carla loves rigger BDSM](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/secret-rooms-v). These erotic audio stories blend a bit of bondage play with just the right sounds to keep you completely immersed in the story. They're a great addition to a masturbation session or a way to spark a conversation about bondage with a partner. 

This guide to rigger BDSM is perfect for beginners who want to explore bondage with ropes but aren’t sure where to start. You can even follow this guide solo.

Rigger BDSM tutorial: Your guide to safe, sexy rope play

Rigger-BDSM

Romantic attraction is taking on a larger role in cultural conversation these days when it comes to partnered relationships, and a new vocabulary is emerging. You may have heard terms like heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, or aromantic. These terms mirror different types of sexuality, but you're probably wondering what they all mean. Specifically, what is biromantic? And what's the difference between bisexual and biromantic? Can you be one and not the other?

It might seem redundant to add a whole new set of terms like this to ever-growing list of terms around sex and relationships, but these terms have an important place for those who want to use them. Namely, they have their place for those whose sexual attractions and romantic attractions don't quite line up. 

Let's talk about what biromantic is, unpack adjacent definitions, and get a sense of why they're helpful to add to the lexicon.

## Sexual orientation vs. romantic orientation

Sexual orientation is the term you're likely more familiar with than romantic orientation. It refers to the gender(s) a person is attracted to sexually. We know that sexual orientation is a spectrum—few people are 100% straight or 100% gay or lesbian. The letters in LGBTQ+ are the most commonly known parts of the queer side of the sexual identity spectrum, but even within the "+" at the end, there are terms and identities that are either more or less expansive (pansexuals are sexually attracted to people of all gender groups, asexuals are sexually attracted to no one, for example). 

But just like sexuality is a spectrum, so too is romantic attraction. As we dive deeper into feelings of romantic and sexual attraction as a wider culture, we're learning that sexuality and romantic attraction aren't necessarily linked. Sure, often they are. Most people are sexually and romantically attracted to the same people. But in some cases, the two diverge. That's when it's helpful to use terms like biromantic.

Romantic orientation refers to the gender(s) that you have romantic feelings for. Romantic relationships may or may not also be sexual relationships. The definition of “romantic” is a fluid one and somewhat hard to pin down, but the general consensus seems to be feelings of loving, emotional attraction, and emotional connection. It may or may not have a physical component and looks different from person to person, but importantly, it's distinct from platonic attraction and sexual desire. 

## What is biromantic?

The term biromantic refers to people who are romantically attracted to two (or more) different genders. Biromantic people may also be bisexual, but not necessarily. In the case of a bisexual person who is physically and emotionally capable of having fully fleshed-out relationships with people of multiple genders, the distinction between biromantic and bisexual isn't really necessary. 

But the term can be useful in various other scenarios. For example, asexual people may not have sexual attraction toward anyone, but they may still be interested and capable of romantic attraction and seek romantic connection with people without the sexual component of the relationship. They may desire to hold hands, cuddle, or kiss their loved one, but have no desire for sex. Or they may seek an emotional bond with no physical component whatsoever. A person who fits this bill and is attracted to multiple genders is a *__biromantic asexual__*. 

In another example, a person might find that they are capable and desirous of romance with two or more genders, but only sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender. A person like this is a *__biromantic heterosexual__*. 

The opposite can be true as well. A person can have sexual feelings toward more than one gender but is only capable of a romantic emotional bond with the opposite gender: *__bisexual heteroromantic__*. Make sense?

## Other helpful terms for understanding romantic identity 

At this point in the evolution of sexual identity and romantic identity, it's safe to say that the prefixes for the terms within each type of identity mean the same thing. *Bi-* means two (or in this context, more than one), whether you're talking about sexual attraction or romantic attraction, for example. Let's define a few more terms for clarity:

- __Heteroromantic__ means romantically attracted to a different gender than your own.
- __Homoromanti__c means romantically attracted to the same gender as your own.
- __Panromantic__ means romantically attracted to [all gender identities](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/gender-identity-pronouns-sexual-orientation/), including transgender, gender fluid, and nonbinary people.
- __Aromantic__ means you are not romantically attracted to any gender identity.
- __Demisexual__ means a person is only sexually attracted to a person they are emotionally bonded with. This term intrinsically links sexual and romantic feelings but doesn't define anything about gender in the equation. So demisexuals may add more terms for further clarity: Gay demisexual, hetero-demisexual, pan-demisexual.

Understanding these terms may help you know yourself, your friends, your partners, or your loved ones better.  

## Why does it matter?

The terms to help define sexual and romantic attraction matter because *you* matter. Your unique [desire is worth exploring](https://dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-exploration), understanding, and spending time talking about. 

The vast landscape of attraction can be confusing, especially because most of us grew up with heteronormative, binary assumptions around gender, sexuality, and attraction. We know that gender is a construct and that there are countless ways a person can express their gender. We also know that traditional assumptions about [what's "normal" in a sexual relationship](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-taboos/) or romantic partnership are just that: assumptions. 

Mainstream culture has told us that "normal" is one cis man, one cis woman, and one straight relationship between them. But we know that even with a relationship between two heterosexual, cisgender adults, tons of variety is possible.

Understanding what biromantic is also helps shatter misconceptions. Importantly, being attracted (sexually or romantically) to more than one gender doesn't mean that you have to have multiple sexual and/or romantic partners. That's a common misunderstanding, and it's not what biromantic means. Some biromantic people choose to be in [non-monogamous relationships](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/ethical-non-monogamy), but it's not a requirement. Many biromantics are happily monogamous and want to stay that way.

A biromantic individual doesn't need to post their orientation on their social media account. The term helps you understand yourself and your needs first and foremost. It also helps you have clear and open communication with someone you may or may not have romantic or sexual feelings towards.

## You define you

How you define yourself is completely up to you. So is who you choose to share it with. You don't owe it to anyone to come out to them or share your sexual or romantic desires, history, or curiosity. But if it helps you set boundaries or ease communication with a friend or potential partner, it's useful to have a robust vocabulary. 

Biromantic means different things to different people. The important distinctions are between friendship, romance, and sex. Knowing the level of attraction, the desire it may invoke in you, and what you're comfortable doing about it can help you navigate your feelings and talk about them more effectively. 

Take a dip into some sexy short stories that you might identify with on the Dipsea app. [Curious II](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/curious-ii) follows Bri on her journey to discovering that she might be attracted to Lorenza. Or check out [this first-person POV romantic encounter with Theo](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/get-intimate-with-theo), who's been thinking about you for weeks.


Romantic attraction is taking on a larger role in cultural conversation these days when it comes to partnered relationships, and a new vocabulary is emerging. You may have heard terms like heteroromantic, homoromantic, biromantic, panromantic, or aromantic. These terms mirror different types of sexuality, but you're probably wondering what they all mean. Specifically, what is biromantic? And what's the difference between bisexual and biromantic? Can you be one and not the other?

It might seem redundant to add a whole new set of terms like this to ever-growing list of terms around sex and relationships, but these terms have an important place for those who want to use them. Namely, they have their place for those whose sexual attractions and romantic attractions don't quite line up. 

Let's talk about what biromantic is, unpack adjacent definitions, and get a sense of why they're helpful to add to the lexicon.

## Sexual orientation vs. romantic orientation

Sexual orientation is the term you're likely more familiar with than romantic orientation. It refers to the gender(s) a person is attracted to sexually. We know that sexual orientation is a spectrum—few people are 100% straight or 100% gay or lesbian. The letters in LGBTQ+ are the most commonly known parts of the queer side of the sexual identity spectrum, but even within the "+" at the end, there are terms and identities that are either more or less expansive (pansexuals are sexually attracted to people of all gender groups, asexuals are sexually attracted to no one, for example). 

But just like sexuality is a spectrum, so too is romantic attraction. As we dive deeper into feelings of romantic and sexual attraction as a wider culture, we're learning that sexuality and romantic attraction aren't necessarily linked. Sure, often they are. Most people are sexually and romantically attracted to the same people. But in some cases, the two diverge. That's when it's helpful to use terms like biromantic.

Romantic orientation refers to the gender(s) that you have romantic feelings for. Romantic relationships may or may not also be sexual relationships. The definition of “romantic” is a fluid one and somewhat hard to pin down, but the general consensus seems to be feelings of loving, emotional attraction, and emotional connection. It may or may not have a physical component and looks different from person to person, but importantly, it's distinct from platonic attraction and sexual desire. 

## What is biromantic?

The term biromantic refers to people who are romantically attracted to two (or more) different genders. Biromantic people may also be bisexual, but not necessarily. In the case of a bisexual person who is physically and emotionally capable of having fully fleshed-out relationships with people of multiple genders, the distinction between biromantic and bisexual isn't really necessary. 

But the term can be useful in various other scenarios. For example, asexual people may not have sexual attraction toward anyone, but they may still be interested and capable of romantic attraction and seek romantic connection with people without the sexual component of the relationship. They may desire to hold hands, cuddle, or kiss their loved one, but have no desire for sex. Or they may seek an emotional bond with no physical component whatsoever. A person who fits this bill and is attracted to multiple genders is a *__biromantic asexual__*. 

In another example, a person might find that they are capable and desirous of romance with two or more genders, but only sexually attracted to people of the opposite gender. A person like this is a *__biromantic heterosexual__*. 

The opposite can be true as well. A person can have sexual feelings toward more than one gender but is only capable of a romantic emotional bond with the opposite gender: *__bisexual heteroromantic__*. Make sense?

## Other helpful terms for understanding romantic identity 

At this point in the evolution of sexual identity and romantic identity, it's safe to say that the prefixes for the terms within each type of identity mean the same thing. *Bi-* means two (or in this context, more than one), whether you're talking about sexual attraction or romantic attraction, for example. Let's define a few more terms for clarity:

- __Heteroromantic__ means romantically attracted to a different gender than your own.
- __Homoromanti__c means romantically attracted to the same gender as your own.
- __Panromantic__ means romantically attracted to [all gender identities](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/gender-identity-pronouns-sexual-orientation/), including transgender, gender fluid, and nonbinary people.
- __Aromantic__ means you are not romantically attracted to any gender identity.
- __Demisexual__ means a person is only sexually attracted to a person they are emotionally bonded with. This term intrinsically links sexual and romantic feelings but doesn't define anything about gender in the equation. So demisexuals may add more terms for further clarity: Gay demisexual, hetero-demisexual, pan-demisexual.

Understanding these terms may help you know yourself, your friends, your partners, or your loved ones better.  

## Why does it matter?

The terms to help define sexual and romantic attraction matter because *you* matter. Your unique [desire is worth exploring](https://dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-exploration), understanding, and spending time talking about. 

The vast landscape of attraction can be confusing, especially because most of us grew up with heteronormative, binary assumptions around gender, sexuality, and attraction. We know that gender is a construct and that there are countless ways a person can express their gender. We also know that traditional assumptions about [what's "normal" in a sexual relationship](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-taboos/) or romantic partnership are just that: assumptions. 

Mainstream culture has told us that "normal" is one cis man, one cis woman, and one straight relationship between them. But we know that even with a relationship between two heterosexual, cisgender adults, tons of variety is possible.

Understanding what biromantic is also helps shatter misconceptions. Importantly, being attracted (sexually or romantically) to more than one gender doesn't mean that you have to have multiple sexual and/or romantic partners. That's a common misunderstanding, and it's not what biromantic means. Some biromantic people choose to be in [non-monogamous relationships](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/ethical-non-monogamy), but it's not a requirement. Many biromantics are happily monogamous and want to stay that way.

A biromantic individual doesn't need to post their orientation on their social media account. The term helps you understand yourself and your needs first and foremost. It also helps you have clear and open communication with someone you may or may not have romantic or sexual feelings towards.

## You define you

How you define yourself is completely up to you. So is who you choose to share it with. You don't owe it to anyone to come out to them or share your sexual or romantic desires, history, or curiosity. But if it helps you set boundaries or ease communication with a friend or potential partner, it's useful to have a robust vocabulary. 

Biromantic means different things to different people. The important distinctions are between friendship, romance, and sex. Knowing the level of attraction, the desire it may invoke in you, and what you're comfortable doing about it can help you navigate your feelings and talk about them more effectively. 

Take a dip into some sexy short stories that you might identify with on the Dipsea app. [Curious II](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/curious-ii) follows Bri on her journey to discovering that she might be attracted to Lorenza. Or check out [this first-person POV romantic encounter with Theo](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/get-intimate-with-theo), who's been thinking about you for weeks.

Get a thorough explanation of what biromantic is, especially compared to similar terms like bisexual, so you can understand yourself and others better.

What is biromantic? Navigating the vast sexual landscape

Biromantic

curious

Curious

partner's parter

My Partner's Parter

We can all agree that sex is a physical act. You touch, you stroke, you lick, you mount—but if you aren't getting your mind prepped for all that physical activity, you're missing out on the most potent erogenous zone in your body. Sexual desire [starts in your brain](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/brb3.1389), and since human brains are finely tuned storytelling machines, free short stories to get you in the mood will increase your levels of ecstasy.

Since we're all carrying tiny computers in our pockets, you don't have to hide the cover of a steamy story from view. You can use your phone to get yourself primed for sex while you wait at the doctor's office or on your commute home. 

If you're new to using erotic fiction to indulge your sexual fantasies or looking for new ways to incorporate erotica in your sex life, keep reading. This article will give you plenty of tips for using free short stories to get you in the mood for partnered or [solo sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/solo-sex).

## Why erotic short stories activate your libido

We all know that [touching erogenous zones](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erogenous-zones) feels good, but the physical act of touching is often not enough to get your libido revving. When your life is full of meetings, to-do lists, and reports to write, it can be difficult to flip your brain from work mode to pleasure mode. 

Studies of human sexuality illustrate that [sexual desire is a combination](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090302183319.htm) of thoughts, fantasy, and motivation required to get you interested in sex. Arousal involves the perfect mix of the [right mental state](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/women-sex-drive) with the availability of sexual touch (from a partner, yourself, or a favorite vibrator). 

Anything from your phone chiming to intrusive thoughts about a conversation with your boss can derail the sexual response train. The key to sexual arousal that results in a satisfying orgasm (or [multiple orgasms](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/multiple-orgasms)) is to reduce the number of interruptions between desire and arousal. Sexual stimuli, such as an erotic story, can help. Free short stories to get you in the mood can speed up the connection between sexual desire and sexual arousal. 

## Ways to use erotic short stories

Sexy stories help activate sexual desire, but you don't have to limit your use of free short stories to get you in the mood. You can use them once you're in the mood for sex to help you stay there. 

Incorporating erotic fiction into your sex life in various ways can also help you explore new sexual adventures alone or with your partners. Here are a few ways to use sex stories you may not have tried. 

### Activate your desire

Have you ever wanted time to masturbate only to be derailed by a busy schedule or a host of to-dos once you're finally home? 

If you're like many people who schedule sex in their lives either because of busy schedules or a date night with a partner, using free short stories to [get you in the mood](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-get-in-the-mood) can ensure that your brain and body are ready for pleasure when you decide it's time. For many of us, waiting until desire strikes may mean we miss out on opportunities for pleasure, and erotic fiction can help. 

Try listening to an erotic story while you get dressed for date night, during your shower, or on your drive home. The mental stimulation will help your brain realize it's time to put work away and focus on fun. 

### Focus your mind during masturbation

Have you experienced turning on your favorite vibrator and finding just the right spot only to get distracted by a mistake you made at work or the bills piled on the kitchen counter? You might feel like you need to stop masturbating and jump back into life. 

But you'll be much more relaxed and better equipped to handle life stressors if you let your mind rest and enjoy an orgasm or two. Using free short stories to get you in the mood (and keep you there) can improve your next solo sesh. 

Try reading or listening to a short story before grabbing your favorite sex toy. You may choose to read the entire story before you start exploring your body, or let your hands wander over your erogenous zones as the plot heats up. Sexy stories will keep you focused on the [task at hand](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-make-yourself-cum). The rush of endorphins from your orgasm will improve your mood, lower your stress level, and you'll be ready to tackle the rest of your life.

### Explore sexual fantasies

Most people have a [kinky fantasy](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-taboos) or two they'd like to explore but aren't quite ready to bring into real life yet. Using free short stories to get you in the mood is the perfect way to explore the fetishes and kinks occupying your fantasies. 

Whether you're into a [BDSM story](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/bdsm-bondage) where a character is tied up for the first time and kept from orgasm by a dom with a vibrator or a love story involving deep intimacy and romantic connection, there are sexy stories for every taste. You can even [use short sexy stories to explore fantasies](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-fantasy-stories) with a partner. Erotic fiction can help you share your turn-ons and gauge your partner's interest. 

### Experiment with sexual orientation

If you're [questioning your sexual orientation](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-youre-bi), you may feel nervous or worried about exploring sex with same-sex partners in real life. 

Because of our heteronormative culture and sex education, people often assume they're straight until something (or someone) sparks their interest in same-sex experiences. What's more, since sexuality is fluid, you may be straight as a young person only to become bisexual or gay later in life. Growing up in a heteronormative culture means you don't always have the language or tools for [figuring out your sexuality](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-exploration). 

It can be challenging to discuss your changing sexual desires with partners, best friends, or family members unless you have the right words to use and an experience or two to reference. Listening to [short stories with queer characters](https://app.dipseastories.com/categories/queer-stories-category) can help you figure out if you're interested in some real-life experimentation. 

## Where to find erotic short stories

Erotic short stories are all over the internet, but not all are created equal. [Here at Dipsea](https://www.dipseastories.com/about/), we believe freedom and inclusivity are vital pieces of sexual wellness. We're committed to building a library of erotica that’s relatable to members of the LGBTQ community and all women who have been underserved by sexual wellness content. 

Our stories feature active consent, sex-positive language, and sex between characters who are more like you. The result is an immersive sexual experience that feels real and safe, so you’re free to explore.

Our stories are perfect for activating sexual desire anywhere and anytime, as long as you have a pair of headphones. You can listen to our erotic short stories to help you explore sexual fantasies alone or with partners. 

If romance is your thing, try [Get Intimate with Malcolm](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/get-intimate-with-malcolm)—he's been thinking about you and can't wait to get his hands on you. If you're looking for something else, try [Wild Hearts](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/wild-hearts-i), where two women decide to play hooky from work and play with each other. 

Whatever you’re craving, Dipsea has sexy stories to get you in the mood and keep you there.

We can all agree that sex is a physical act. You touch, you stroke, you lick, you mount—but if you aren't getting your mind prepped for all that physical activity, you're missing out on the most potent erogenous zone in your body. Sexual desire [starts in your brain](https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/brb3.1389), and since human brains are finely tuned storytelling machines, free short stories to get you in the mood will increase your levels of ecstasy.

Since we're all carrying tiny computers in our pockets, you don't have to hide the cover of a steamy story from view. You can use your phone to get yourself primed for sex while you wait at the doctor's office or on your commute home. 

If you're new to using erotic fiction to indulge your sexual fantasies or looking for new ways to incorporate erotica in your sex life, keep reading. This article will give you plenty of tips for using free short stories to get you in the mood for partnered or [solo sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/solo-sex).

## Why erotic short stories activate your libido

We all know that [touching erogenous zones](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erogenous-zones) feels good, but the physical act of touching is often not enough to get your libido revving. When your life is full of meetings, to-do lists, and reports to write, it can be difficult to flip your brain from work mode to pleasure mode. 

Studies of human sexuality illustrate that [sexual desire is a combination](https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2009/03/090302183319.htm) of thoughts, fantasy, and motivation required to get you interested in sex. Arousal involves the perfect mix of the [right mental state](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/women-sex-drive) with the availability of sexual touch (from a partner, yourself, or a favorite vibrator). 

Anything from your phone chiming to intrusive thoughts about a conversation with your boss can derail the sexual response train. The key to sexual arousal that results in a satisfying orgasm (or [multiple orgasms](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/multiple-orgasms)) is to reduce the number of interruptions between desire and arousal. Sexual stimuli, such as an erotic story, can help. Free short stories to get you in the mood can speed up the connection between sexual desire and sexual arousal. 

## Ways to use erotic short stories

Sexy stories help activate sexual desire, but you don't have to limit your use of free short stories to get you in the mood. You can use them once you're in the mood for sex to help you stay there. 

Incorporating erotic fiction into your sex life in various ways can also help you explore new sexual adventures alone or with your partners. Here are a few ways to use sex stories you may not have tried. 

### Activate your desire

Have you ever wanted time to masturbate only to be derailed by a busy schedule or a host of to-dos once you're finally home? 

If you're like many people who schedule sex in their lives either because of busy schedules or a date night with a partner, using free short stories to [get you in the mood](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-get-in-the-mood) can ensure that your brain and body are ready for pleasure when you decide it's time. For many of us, waiting until desire strikes may mean we miss out on opportunities for pleasure, and erotic fiction can help. 

Try listening to an erotic story while you get dressed for date night, during your shower, or on your drive home. The mental stimulation will help your brain realize it's time to put work away and focus on fun. 

### Focus your mind during masturbation

Have you experienced turning on your favorite vibrator and finding just the right spot only to get distracted by a mistake you made at work or the bills piled on the kitchen counter? You might feel like you need to stop masturbating and jump back into life. 

But you'll be much more relaxed and better equipped to handle life stressors if you let your mind rest and enjoy an orgasm or two. Using free short stories to get you in the mood (and keep you there) can improve your next solo sesh. 

Try reading or listening to a short story before grabbing your favorite sex toy. You may choose to read the entire story before you start exploring your body, or let your hands wander over your erogenous zones as the plot heats up. Sexy stories will keep you focused on the [task at hand](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-make-yourself-cum). The rush of endorphins from your orgasm will improve your mood, lower your stress level, and you'll be ready to tackle the rest of your life.

### Explore sexual fantasies

Most people have a [kinky fantasy](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-taboos) or two they'd like to explore but aren't quite ready to bring into real life yet. Using free short stories to get you in the mood is the perfect way to explore the fetishes and kinks occupying your fantasies. 

Whether you're into a [BDSM story](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/bdsm-bondage) where a character is tied up for the first time and kept from orgasm by a dom with a vibrator or a love story involving deep intimacy and romantic connection, there are sexy stories for every taste. You can even [use short sexy stories to explore fantasies](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-fantasy-stories) with a partner. Erotic fiction can help you share your turn-ons and gauge your partner's interest. 

### Experiment with sexual orientation

If you're [questioning your sexual orientation](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-tell-if-youre-bi), you may feel nervous or worried about exploring sex with same-sex partners in real life. 

Because of our heteronormative culture and sex education, people often assume they're straight until something (or someone) sparks their interest in same-sex experiences. What's more, since sexuality is fluid, you may be straight as a young person only to become bisexual or gay later in life. Growing up in a heteronormative culture means you don't always have the language or tools for [figuring out your sexuality](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-exploration). 

It can be challenging to discuss your changing sexual desires with partners, best friends, or family members unless you have the right words to use and an experience or two to reference. Listening to [short stories with queer characters](https://app.dipseastories.com/categories/queer-stories-category) can help you figure out if you're interested in some real-life experimentation. 

## Where to find erotic short stories

Erotic short stories are all over the internet, but not all are created equal. [Here at Dipsea](https://www.dipseastories.com/about/), we believe freedom and inclusivity are vital pieces of sexual wellness. We're committed to building a library of erotica that’s relatable to members of the LGBTQ community and all women who have been underserved by sexual wellness content. 

Our stories feature active consent, sex-positive language, and sex between characters who are more like you. The result is an immersive sexual experience that feels real and safe, so you’re free to explore.

Our stories are perfect for activating sexual desire anywhere and anytime, as long as you have a pair of headphones. You can listen to our erotic short stories to help you explore sexual fantasies alone or with partners. 

If romance is your thing, try [Get Intimate with Malcolm](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/get-intimate-with-malcolm)—he's been thinking about you and can't wait to get his hands on you. If you're looking for something else, try [Wild Hearts](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/wild-hearts-i), where two women decide to play hooky from work and play with each other. 

Whatever you’re craving, Dipsea has sexy stories to get you in the mood and keep you there.

Getting ready for sex is tons of fun, like listening to free short stories to get you in the mood. Here’s where to get consent-focused, inclusive erotica.

Prep for arousal: Free short stories to get you in the mood

Free-short-stories

wild hearts i

Wild Hearts I

off the record

Off the Record 

Society finds it easier to accept individual differences if they fit into neat categories. The messaging we often receive is that we are either one thing or another—introverted or extroverted, an artist or an engineer, gay or straight. But very few of us fit perfectly into any particular box—our identities often fall somewhere in between. If you're wondering how to tell if you're bi, you may be curious about what your desires mean and how to categorize yourself. 

Sexual identity is fluid, meaning it can change throughout your life. You may identify as straight during most of your life only to discover that you're more attracted to same-sex partners in your thirties. Then, in later years, you may move back toward the middle and identify as bisexual. 

When you question your sexual identity, tons of questions pop up. What does bisexual mean? How does someone know they’re bisexual rather than lesbian, gay, straight, or another sexual orientation? How do you talk about your sexual identity with people in your life? Read on to learn how to tell if you're bi and tips for what to do once you decide. 

## What does it mean to be bi?

There are no set criteria you can use to determine if you're bisexual. This may be frustrating as you search for concrete answers, but it’s also freeing—everyone gets to choose the label they want to describe their sexual identity. 

That said, it helps to have a definition to work with. The [definition of bisexuality from PFLAG](https://pflag.org/glossary) says that if someone recognizes their ability to be attracted to people of more than one gender, they are considered bisexual. The attraction to different genders can be sexual, romantic, and/or emotional. 

Based on this definition, bisexual people don't have to have [sexual experiences with people of more than one gender](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/threesome-positions) or with anyone at all. A woman who's never had a sexual experience with another woman can still be bisexual if she chooses to identify as such. No one gets to ask for your sexual resume when you choose a label for your sexual orientation.

Bisexuality is about attraction and how you relate to people. For example, a bisexual woman might desire both cisgender women and cisgender men. Or, she may be attracted to transgender folks or nonbinary people. If you're wondering how to tell if you're bi, remember you don't have to like each gender in the same way or even the same amount. You just have to be attracted to more than one gender. 

## Other closely related labels

There's more than one label for people attracted to more than one gender. The term bisexual doesn't fit everyone. There are many different labels in the LGBTQIA community because no one word suits everyone's needs.

Some people identify as pansexual because they can feel attracted to all people regardless of sex or gender identity. Other people choose to call themselves queer because they identify as members of the LGBTQIA community but don't want a specific label. 

None of these labels requires a person to have sexual experiences with every gender they find attractive. Self-identification is all that's necessary. 

## How to tell if you're bi: 4 questions to ask yourself

Some people know they're bisexual before they enter high school. Others live their lives as straight people only to become bi-curious or experience attraction for same-gender people for the first time later in life. While no checklist will tell you if you're bisexual, it may be helpful to consider your sexuality using the following questions. 

While the answers to these questions won't tell you whether you're bisexual, they may help [focus your self-discovery](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-exploration) and lead you to the answers you’re hoping for. 

### Am I attracted to more than one gender?

It can be difficult to pinpoint exactly why we’re attracted to the people who turn our heads. It’s often more than physical appearance—confidence, the sound of a voice, or the way someone smells all play a role. If you’re bisexual, you’re likely to have experienced the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling around attractive people of multiple genders. 

If you’re questioning your sexual orientation, it may be helpful to explore that attraction a bit. Switch your dating profiles to the other gender and see how it feels to swipe. Perhaps next time you’re out and find yourself drawn to someone of the same sex, entertain that feeling with a bit of flirting to see how it feels.

If you’re not ready to involve others in your search, try fantasizing about rolling around with people of different genders [during your next solo sesh](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/masturbating-is-important-even-when-youre-in-a-relationship). 

### Do I fantasize about people of more than one gender when I masturbate? 

While not all [sexual fantasies](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-fantasy-stories) are destined to become a reality, if you regularly fantasize or enjoy sexual stimuli involving more than one gender, it’s a good sign you have bisexual tendencies. 

Sure, it’s common for straight people to find members of the same sex objectively attractive. Anyone can look at a photo of a celebrity and recognize that they’re hot. But the truth is, straight people aren’t turned on by members of their sex! They don’t fantasize about touching, kissing, and having sex with members of the same sex, so you very well could be bi if that’s you. 

Being bisexual is all about attraction and self-identification, so even if you never have sexual experiences with people of multiple genders, you can still be bisexual. 

### Am I confused about my sexuality? 

We live in a society that assumes heterosexuality unless people say otherwise. This means you may grow up thinking of yourself as heterosexual just because no other options were presented to you. 

Eventually, a connection with someone of the same gender or something as simple as an erotic story about someone of the same gender as you may cause you to wonder if you really are straight. 

If you feel confused and find yourself typing “how to tell if you’re bi” into the search bar on Google, it’s actually a good indicator that your sexuality lies somewhere other than heterosexual. Many a queer person’s story starts with a trend in their search history—it’s a natural first step!

If you grew up without the tools to talk about your sexuality openly, it’s especially challenging to figure out if you’re bisexual. You might have voices in your head telling you that you can’t be anything but straight. 

The good news is that it’s never too late to explore and see what feels right! No label is permanent, so there’s no harm in trying it on for a while. 

### How does calling myself bisexual make me feel?

Questioning your sexual identity can be a nerve-racking process. If you grew up in a community that was open and inclusive, you may feel excited about the idea of a sexual identity label that feels truer to who you are. If, on the other hand, you grew up around heteronormative messaging, the idea of breaking out of that mold can feel intimidating. 

Try looking in the mirror and saying “I’m bisexual” out loud (we know, it’s cheesy, but try it!). If the thought of calling yourself bisexual causes intense feelings of excitement and freedom, or on the flip side, fear and dread, it’s a good sign you need to do a bit of soul searching (and possibly [sexual exploration](https://dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-exploration)). 

You don’t need to share your journey with anyone until you’re ready, but reaching out to LGBTQIA communities or a therapist skilled at guiding people through the questioning process may help you feel supported in your search. 

## Bisexuality and your existing relationship

Even if your relationship appears heterosexual to outsiders, you can still call yourself bi. Your relationship doesn’t define your sexuality—you do. There are bisexual people who stay in long-term relationships with the opposite gender and never date someone of their same sex, and they are still bi. 

Sometimes, members of the bisexual community experience bisexual erasure when they are in a committed relationship with someone of one gender. People might assume their sexuality just because of their relationship status. For example, a bisexual man in a monogamous relationship with a woman might be considered straight by others. A woman in a relationship with a woman might be called a lesbian when she actually identifies as bi.

Bisexuality is a legitimate sexuality, no matter who you’re with. If you’re wondering if you’re bi, don’t let your relationship status hold you back from asking yourself about your sexuality.

Some people who discover their sexuality during a long-term, committed partnership decide to open up their marriage so they can test the waters. [Non-monogamy](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/ethical-non-monogamy) is a legitimate relationship style that places emphasis on honesty, communication, and trust. These types of partnerships acknowledge that there is no shortage of love to go around and that having other sexual partners doesn’t diminish the strength or legitimacy of the committed relationship.

But then again, many bi people realize they’re bi and happily stay in their monogamous relationships. While a common stereotype is that bisexual people are more likely to be promiscuous, that isn’t true. That harmful notion assumes: A) having multiple sexual partners is morally wrong, B) being monogamous is right, and C) bisexual people can’t control their sexual attraction. 

The truth is that you can have as many safe, consensual sexual partners as you want, but being bisexual doesn’t make you more likely to cheat in a monogamous relationship than any other sexual orientation. 

## How to come out as bi to loved ones

If you come to the conclusion that you’re a bisexual person, you may wonder how to come out to your friends and family. The answer depends on how you want to handle the situation. Some people live their bisexual identity loudly, and others prefer to keep their sexual orientation private their whole life. The choice is yours. 

When deciding how to discuss your sexual identity with loved ones, think about how they might react. If you have concerns about biphobia, you may want to bring a best friend or support person with you for the conversation. 

Some people initiate a formal conversation where they officially come out to loved ones as a group or one at a time. Other people decide to live their lives and introduce romantic partners as they come without the fanfare of a formal discussion. Whichever path you choose, remember that the most important thing is that your sexual orientation feels true to you. 

## Use self-pleasure to explore your sexual orientation

Since identifying as bisexual only requires you to be attracted to people of more than one gender, fantasizing during masturbation can help you explore. You may find you like fantasizing about the opposite sex or same-sex partners—or both. In addition to helping you find out if you're bisexual, listening to erotic audio can help spark a conversation about your sexual orientation with your partner(s) when you're ready. 

Dipsea offers immersive erotic audio designed to encourage exploration and self-pleasure. If you're wondering how to tell if you're bi, you might hear some of your own thoughts reflected as this narrator has a [sexy first hookup with another woman in Swipe Right I](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/swipe-right). If you want to explore your level of attraction to multiple genders, try [listening to Curious IV](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/curious-iv) as a game of 20 questions among three friends turns steamy. 

Society finds it easier to accept individual differences if they fit into neat categories. The messaging we often receive is that we are either one thing or another—introverted or extroverted, an artist or an engineer, gay or straight. But very few of us fit perfectly into any particular box—our identities often fall somewhere in between. If you're wondering how to tell if you're bi, you may be curious about what your desires mean and how to categorize yourself. 

Sexual identity is fluid, meaning it can change throughout your life. You may identify as straight during most of your life only to discover that you're more attracted to same-sex partners in your thirties. Then, in later years, you may move back toward the middle and identify as bisexual. 

When you question your sexual identity, tons of questions pop up. What does bisexual mean? How does someone know they’re bisexual rather than lesbian, gay, straight, or another sexual orientation? How do you talk about your sexual identity with people in your life? Read on to learn how to tell if you're bi and tips for what to do once you decide. 

## What does it mean to be bi?

There are no set criteria you can use to determine if you're bisexual. This may be frustrating as you search for concrete answers, but it’s also freeing—everyone gets to choose the label they want to describe their sexual identity. 

That said, it helps to have a definition to work with. The [definition of bisexuality from PFLAG](https://pflag.org/glossary) says that if someone recognizes their ability to be attracted to people of more than one gender, they are considered bisexual. The attraction to different genders can be sexual, romantic, and/or emotional. 

Based on this definition, bisexual people don't have to have [sexual experiences with people of more than one gender](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/threesome-positions) or with anyone at all. A woman who's never had a sexual experience with another woman can still be bisexual if she chooses to identify as such. No one gets to ask for your sexual resume when you choose a label for your sexual orientation.

Bisexuality is about attraction and how you relate to people. For example, a bisexual woman might desire both cisgender women and cisgender men. Or, she may be attracted to transgender folks or nonbinary people. If you're wondering how to tell if you're bi, remember you don't have to like each gender in the same way or even the same amount. You just have to be attracted to more than one gender. 

## Other closely related labels

There's more than one label for people attracted to more than one gender. The term bisexual doesn't fit everyone. There are many different labels in the LGBTQIA community because no one word suits everyone's needs.

Some people identify as pansexual because they can feel attracted to all people regardless of sex or gender identity. Other people choose to call themselves queer because they identify as members of the LGBTQIA community but don't want a specific label. 

None of these labels requires a person to have sexual experiences with every gender they find attractive. Self-identification is all that's necessary. 

## How to tell if you're bi: 4 questions to ask yourself

Some people know they're bisexual before they enter high school. Others live their lives as straight people only to become bi-curious or experience attraction for same-gender people for the first time later in life. While no checklist will tell you if you're bisexual, it may be helpful to consider your sexuality using the following questions. 

While the answers to these questions won't tell you whether you're bisexual, they may help [focus your self-discovery](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-exploration) and lead you to the answers you’re hoping for. 

### Am I attracted to more than one gender?

It can be difficult to pinpoint exactly why we’re attracted to the people who turn our heads. It’s often more than physical appearance—confidence, the sound of a voice, or the way someone smells all play a role. If you’re bisexual, you’re likely to have experienced the butterflies-in-your-stomach feeling around attractive people of multiple genders. 

If you’re questioning your sexual orientation, it may be helpful to explore that attraction a bit. Switch your dating profiles to the other gender and see how it feels to swipe. Perhaps next time you’re out and find yourself drawn to someone of the same sex, entertain that feeling with a bit of flirting to see how it feels.

If you’re not ready to involve others in your search, try fantasizing about rolling around with people of different genders [during your next solo sesh](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/masturbating-is-important-even-when-youre-in-a-relationship). 

### Do I fantasize about people of more than one gender when I masturbate? 

While not all [sexual fantasies](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-fantasy-stories) are destined to become a reality, if you regularly fantasize or enjoy sexual stimuli involving more than one gender, it’s a good sign you have bisexual tendencies. 

Sure, it’s common for straight people to find members of the same sex objectively attractive. Anyone can look at a photo of a celebrity and recognize that they’re hot. But the truth is, straight people aren’t turned on by members of their sex! They don’t fantasize about touching, kissing, and having sex with members of the same sex, so you very well could be bi if that’s you. 

Being bisexual is all about attraction and self-identification, so even if you never have sexual experiences with people of multiple genders, you can still be bisexual. 

### Am I confused about my sexuality? 

We live in a society that assumes heterosexuality unless people say otherwise. This means you may grow up thinking of yourself as heterosexual just because no other options were presented to you. 

Eventually, a connection with someone of the same gender or something as simple as an erotic story about someone of the same gender as you may cause you to wonder if you really are straight. 

If you feel confused and find yourself typing “how to tell if you’re bi” into the search bar on Google, it’s actually a good indicator that your sexuality lies somewhere other than heterosexual. Many a queer person’s story starts with a trend in their search history—it’s a natural first step!

If you grew up without the tools to talk about your sexuality openly, it’s especially challenging to figure out if you’re bisexual. You might have voices in your head telling you that you can’t be anything but straight. 

The good news is that it’s never too late to explore and see what feels right! No label is permanent, so there’s no harm in trying it on for a while. 

### How does calling myself bisexual make me feel?

Questioning your sexual identity can be a nerve-racking process. If you grew up in a community that was open and inclusive, you may feel excited about the idea of a sexual identity label that feels truer to who you are. If, on the other hand, you grew up around heteronormative messaging, the idea of breaking out of that mold can feel intimidating. 

Try looking in the mirror and saying “I’m bisexual” out loud (we know, it’s cheesy, but try it!). If the thought of calling yourself bisexual causes intense feelings of excitement and freedom, or on the flip side, fear and dread, it’s a good sign you need to do a bit of soul searching (and possibly [sexual exploration](https://dipseastories.com/blog/sexual-exploration)). 

You don’t need to share your journey with anyone until you’re ready, but reaching out to LGBTQIA communities or a therapist skilled at guiding people through the questioning process may help you feel supported in your search. 

## Bisexuality and your existing relationship

Even if your relationship appears heterosexual to outsiders, you can still call yourself bi. Your relationship doesn’t define your sexuality—you do. There are bisexual people who stay in long-term relationships with the opposite gender and never date someone of their same sex, and they are still bi. 

Sometimes, members of the bisexual community experience bisexual erasure when they are in a committed relationship with someone of one gender. People might assume their sexuality just because of their relationship status. For example, a bisexual man in a monogamous relationship with a woman might be considered straight by others. A woman in a relationship with a woman might be called a lesbian when she actually identifies as bi.

Bisexuality is a legitimate sexuality, no matter who you’re with. If you’re wondering if you’re bi, don’t let your relationship status hold you back from asking yourself about your sexuality.

Some people who discover their sexuality during a long-term, committed partnership decide to open up their marriage so they can test the waters. [Non-monogamy](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/ethical-non-monogamy) is a legitimate relationship style that places emphasis on honesty, communication, and trust. These types of partnerships acknowledge that there is no shortage of love to go around and that having other sexual partners doesn’t diminish the strength or legitimacy of the committed relationship.

But then again, many bi people realize they’re bi and happily stay in their monogamous relationships. While a common stereotype is that bisexual people are more likely to be promiscuous, that isn’t true. That harmful notion assumes: A) having multiple sexual partners is morally wrong, B) being monogamous is right, and C) bisexual people can’t control their sexual attraction. 

The truth is that you can have as many safe, consensual sexual partners as you want, but being bisexual doesn’t make you more likely to cheat in a monogamous relationship than any other sexual orientation. 

## How to come out as bi to loved ones

If you come to the conclusion that you’re a bisexual person, you may wonder how to come out to your friends and family. The answer depends on how you want to handle the situation. Some people live their bisexual identity loudly, and others prefer to keep their sexual orientation private their whole life. The choice is yours. 

When deciding how to discuss your sexual identity with loved ones, think about how they might react. If you have concerns about biphobia, you may want to bring a best friend or support person with you for the conversation. 

Some people initiate a formal conversation where they officially come out to loved ones as a group or one at a time. Other people decide to live their lives and introduce romantic partners as they come without the fanfare of a formal discussion. Whichever path you choose, remember that the most important thing is that your sexual orientation feels true to you. 

## Use self-pleasure to explore your sexual orientation

Since identifying as bisexual only requires you to be attracted to people of more than one gender, fantasizing during masturbation can help you explore. You may find you like fantasizing about the opposite sex or same-sex partners—or both. In addition to helping you find out if you're bisexual, listening to erotic audio can help spark a conversation about your sexual orientation with your partner(s) when you're ready. 

Dipsea offers immersive erotic audio designed to encourage exploration and self-pleasure. If you're wondering how to tell if you're bi, you might hear some of your own thoughts reflected as this narrator has a [sexy first hookup with another woman in Swipe Right I](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/swipe-right). If you want to explore your level of attraction to multiple genders, try [listening to Curious IV](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/curious-iv) as a game of 20 questions among three friends turns steamy. 

If you're wondering how to tell if you're bi, this guide will help you ask yourself important questions and give you options for what to do next.

How to tell if you're bi + tips for discovery and exploration

Are-You-Bi

Swipe Right V

If you grew up reading fairytales before bed as a little one, you might find it relaxing to wind down with an adult bedtime story. What's an adult bedtime story, you ask? 

For some, a bedtime story serves the primary purpose of lulling you to sleep. With insomnia becoming an ever-growing issue among American adults, this type of story is intentionally a little bit boring, a little bit slow, often overly descriptive, and read to you by a soft, gentle, relaxing voice (if it’s in an audio format). 

For other grownups, a short bedtime story for couples is a great way to spice up your sex life—a far more exciting proposition. 

If things have been feeling a little stagnant in the bedroom, or if you're looking to try out [a new way to get turned on](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-get-in-the-mood), audio-based adult bedtime stories for couples might just be the answer. Get lost in the story together, sharing your bedroom time with sexy voices in exciting scenarios that will awaken your imagination and prompt you to get it on with your partner. Who knows, you might even get a few ideas for new positions or games to play in bed.  

Whether you're into the slow and quiet bedtime stories to help you and your partner wind down or the kind that will reignite your flame and get things rolling, we've got you covered with a good bedtime story on the Dipsea app.

## Benefits of listening together

Sometimes, in a long-term relationship, things can [become routine and monotonous](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/when-the-intimacy-stops-in-a-relationship). It's part of the deal in a committed, worthy relationship to try and keep things exciting, but it's also totally normal to run out of ideas—or steam—over time. After all, “'til death do us part” can last quite a while. So it's time to get creative.

Maybe you've been curious about [dipping your toe into non-monogamy](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/ethical-non-monogamy) and are wondering what it might feel like to have another couple in the room with the two of you. Listen to a story together to find out how you each react to it, and use it as fodder for dirty talk between the sheets.

Or maybe non-monogamy sounds terrible to you, but you love the idea of eavesdropping on another couple's adventures (more of a voyeuristic fantasy). Maybe listening to a story of two people meeting for the first time and getting it on, or two others reuniting after years apart and sneaking into a coat closet at a high school reunion is just what you need to kick off your own love-making sesh with your partner.

In any case, listening to sexy bedtime stories together can serve as a jumping-off point to bring you and your partner closer together, increase intimacy, and turn up the heat in your bedroom. It's also a great way to start a conversation about how you might be able to shake things up—maybe a bedtime story gives you an idea for a creative date you could go on. Or it might inspire you to try something new like [pegging](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/what-is-pegging-anyway) or [light bondage](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/light-bondage). You never know, but bedtime stories for adults are a safe way to explore the possibilities!

## Sexy and romantic bedtime stories for couples

Start with a good bedtime story from Dipea to get you and your partner going. Variety is the spice of life, isn't it? We think so, so our short bedtime stories span across race, sexuality, and gender. You'll find the shorter trysts, where the characters get right to the hot and heavy point, and longer stories and series where you get to know the players and become invested in their journey together—more like a love story or romance novel that comes in segments.

Dipsea offers the soft and sensual as well as the rough and wild, the kinks and fetishes, group sex stories, business trip and vacation hookups, and more. With stories like these and a variety of voices telling them, there's something for everyone, and surely something you and your partner can agree on in the perfect way. 

Check out [Falling I](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/falling-i/listen), the beginning of a multi-part series in which Layla, an American in London, wakes up the next day after a steamy night with Niall, a charming young man who sweeps her off her feet. Is Niall a prince charming type or more of a one-night-stand guy? Find out if their night together turns into the ultimate love story, a long-distance relationship, or remains a single chance encounter that neither of them will ever forget.

Or, for a more rustic story with an outdoorsy sex scene that dips its toe into the world of exhibitionism, head over to [Wild Hearts I](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/wild-hearts-i/listen). This one is also the beginning of a multi-part series in which the narrator, a city girl volunteering on a farm outside of town, is seduced by a woman for the first time. 

Hudson is tasked with showing the narrator the ropes and assigning her tasks. The two flirt playfully, gently negging each other, and eventually end up horizontal next to a creek. It's definitely not love at first sight, but the magnetism between these two becomes obvious pretty quickly. Let yourself get swept away with this short story, you might find that you want to listen to the whole series with your partner, all snuggled up in bed.

There are loads of stories to choose from, whether you're looking for a beautiful woman's voice, a [sultry man's point of view](https://app.dipseastories.com/tags/male-perspective-tag), or a non-binary voice.

## Bedtime stories to wind down to

Just as a quick additional note, there's also something super sweet and romantic about falling asleep to a bedtime story with your partner. If you play your cards right, you might even get a [sex dream](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-have-sex-dreams) out of the whole thing. 

The trick to finding the best bedtime stories to fall asleep to is to look for the ones that feature a nice, relaxing voice, and possibly a soundscape in the background. You and your partner can wind down together to the sounds of crashing waves, the crackling of a campfire, and the dreamy voice of a stranger shepherding you into dreamland. 

There are tons of apps and YouTube channels out there that feature just the soundscape, and there are plenty of e-books that drone on and on to put you to sleep. But with Dipsea bedtime stories, the combination of a relaxing soundscape, a sensual voice, and a story just slow and rhythmic enough will lull you both into a deep sleep. 

To find stories just like these, [open up your Dipsea app](https://www.dipseastories.com/subscribe), look for the word "Sleep" with a little moon logo above it, and explore the various categories of adult bedtime stories. You'll see Soundscapes, Sleep Overs, Dreamscapes, and Bedtime Stories. Each one puts you into a state of relaxation and calm as you doze off beside your partner. 

## Nothing says "I love you" like a sexy bedtime story for couples

Now it's time to sit back and listen to some [sexy, romantic stories](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/hot-bedtime-short-stories) to get you ready for a real-life mug sesh with your boo. Ignite your imagination with one of the stories we've linked above or peruse the app for your own brand of hot. The sky's the limit.

If you grew up reading fairytales before bed as a little one, you might find it relaxing to wind down with an adult bedtime story. What's an adult bedtime story, you ask? 

For some, a bedtime story serves the primary purpose of lulling you to sleep. With insomnia becoming an ever-growing issue among American adults, this type of story is intentionally a little bit boring, a little bit slow, often overly descriptive, and read to you by a soft, gentle, relaxing voice (if it’s in an audio format). 

For other grownups, a short bedtime story for couples is a great way to spice up your sex life—a far more exciting proposition. 

If things have been feeling a little stagnant in the bedroom, or if you're looking to try out [a new way to get turned on](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-get-in-the-mood), audio-based adult bedtime stories for couples might just be the answer. Get lost in the story together, sharing your bedroom time with sexy voices in exciting scenarios that will awaken your imagination and prompt you to get it on with your partner. Who knows, you might even get a few ideas for new positions or games to play in bed.  

Whether you're into the slow and quiet bedtime stories to help you and your partner wind down or the kind that will reignite your flame and get things rolling, we've got you covered with a good bedtime story on the Dipsea app.

## Benefits of listening together

Sometimes, in a long-term relationship, things can [become routine and monotonous](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/when-the-intimacy-stops-in-a-relationship). It's part of the deal in a committed, worthy relationship to try and keep things exciting, but it's also totally normal to run out of ideas—or steam—over time. After all, “'til death do us part” can last quite a while. So it's time to get creative.

Maybe you've been curious about [dipping your toe into non-monogamy](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/ethical-non-monogamy) and are wondering what it might feel like to have another couple in the room with the two of you. Listen to a story together to find out how you each react to it, and use it as fodder for dirty talk between the sheets.

Or maybe non-monogamy sounds terrible to you, but you love the idea of eavesdropping on another couple's adventures (more of a voyeuristic fantasy). Maybe listening to a story of two people meeting for the first time and getting it on, or two others reuniting after years apart and sneaking into a coat closet at a high school reunion is just what you need to kick off your own love-making sesh with your partner.

In any case, listening to sexy bedtime stories together can serve as a jumping-off point to bring you and your partner closer together, increase intimacy, and turn up the heat in your bedroom. It's also a great way to start a conversation about how you might be able to shake things up—maybe a bedtime story gives you an idea for a creative date you could go on. Or it might inspire you to try something new like [pegging](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/what-is-pegging-anyway) or [light bondage](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/light-bondage). You never know, but bedtime stories for adults are a safe way to explore the possibilities!

## Sexy and romantic bedtime stories for couples

Start with a good bedtime story from Dipea to get you and your partner going. Variety is the spice of life, isn't it? We think so, so our short bedtime stories span across race, sexuality, and gender. You'll find the shorter trysts, where the characters get right to the hot and heavy point, and longer stories and series where you get to know the players and become invested in their journey together—more like a love story or romance novel that comes in segments.

Dipsea offers the soft and sensual as well as the rough and wild, the kinks and fetishes, group sex stories, business trip and vacation hookups, and more. With stories like these and a variety of voices telling them, there's something for everyone, and surely something you and your partner can agree on in the perfect way. 

Check out [Falling I](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/falling-i/listen), the beginning of a multi-part series in which Layla, an American in London, wakes up the next day after a steamy night with Niall, a charming young man who sweeps her off her feet. Is Niall a prince charming type or more of a one-night-stand guy? Find out if their night together turns into the ultimate love story, a long-distance relationship, or remains a single chance encounter that neither of them will ever forget.

Or, for a more rustic story with an outdoorsy sex scene that dips its toe into the world of exhibitionism, head over to [Wild Hearts I](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/wild-hearts-i/listen). This one is also the beginning of a multi-part series in which the narrator, a city girl volunteering on a farm outside of town, is seduced by a woman for the first time. 

Hudson is tasked with showing the narrator the ropes and assigning her tasks. The two flirt playfully, gently negging each other, and eventually end up horizontal next to a creek. It's definitely not love at first sight, but the magnetism between these two becomes obvious pretty quickly. Let yourself get swept away with this short story, you might find that you want to listen to the whole series with your partner, all snuggled up in bed.

There are loads of stories to choose from, whether you're looking for a beautiful woman's voice, a [sultry man's point of view](https://app.dipseastories.com/tags/male-perspective-tag), or a non-binary voice.

## Bedtime stories to wind down to

Just as a quick additional note, there's also something super sweet and romantic about falling asleep to a bedtime story with your partner. If you play your cards right, you might even get a [sex dream](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-have-sex-dreams) out of the whole thing. 

The trick to finding the best bedtime stories to fall asleep to is to look for the ones that feature a nice, relaxing voice, and possibly a soundscape in the background. You and your partner can wind down together to the sounds of crashing waves, the crackling of a campfire, and the dreamy voice of a stranger shepherding you into dreamland. 

There are tons of apps and YouTube channels out there that feature just the soundscape, and there are plenty of e-books that drone on and on to put you to sleep. But with Dipsea bedtime stories, the combination of a relaxing soundscape, a sensual voice, and a story just slow and rhythmic enough will lull you both into a deep sleep. 

To find stories just like these, [open up your Dipsea app](https://www.dipseastories.com/subscribe), look for the word "Sleep" with a little moon logo above it, and explore the various categories of adult bedtime stories. You'll see Soundscapes, Sleep Overs, Dreamscapes, and Bedtime Stories. Each one puts you into a state of relaxation and calm as you doze off beside your partner. 

## Nothing says "I love you" like a sexy bedtime story for couples

Now it's time to sit back and listen to some [sexy, romantic stories](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/hot-bedtime-short-stories) to get you ready for a real-life mug sesh with your boo. Ignite your imagination with one of the stories we've linked above or peruse the app for your own brand of hot. The sky's the limit.

If you're looking to try out a new way to get turned on (then slowly drift off), audio-based adult bedtime stories for couples might just be the answer.

Switch up your sex life with bedtime stories for couples

Bedtime-for-Couples

falling i

Falling I

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to reignite the spark? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=sexlessblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
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</div>

Maybe physical intimacy was easy when you first met. Perhaps the new relationship energized you and super-charged your libido. You might have spent every available moment with your partner(s) entangled in an erotic heap. But now, you never seem to be in sync. Even the casual nudity of getting undressed in front of each other has stopped. So, what do you do when the intimacy stops in a relationship? 

Every long-term relationship goes through periods of [high and low sexual desire](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5987853/). Sometimes the [sexual relationship nose-dives](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-rebuild-trust/) quickly, and other times it's like a feather falling in the breeze. Many factors influence these cycles, but when you find yourself in a sexless relationship, it’s natural to focus all of your energy on fixing it. 

When the intimacy stops in a relationship, you may worry if you can save the relationship and if rekindling your intimate relationship is necessary for the success of your partnership. Read on for guidance on what to do.

## When is a relationship considered sexless? 

Sex is an integral part of many healthy relationships since it deepens emotional intimacy and strengthens your bonds. Most folks consider it essential for their overall well-being. That's not to say everyone needs to have tons of sex to have a healthy relationship—but the amount and quality of sex should be satisfying for everyone involved.

The right amount of sex for any relationship depends on the couple. As long as everyone is satisfied with the frequency and quality of sexual experiences, there isn't a reason to make changes. Some couples enjoy sex once a month, and others would consider that infrequent enough to be a sexless relationship. Only you and your partner can determine when the intimacy stops in a relationship.

## Why do couples stop having sex? 

There are several common reasons intimacy stops in romantic relationships. It's helpful to think of you and your partner as separate beings and your relationship as another living entity with needs: Sometimes the problem is related to something going on with one partner, and sometimes something is amiss in the relationship itself. 

### Life changes

When intimacy stops in a relationship, life changes or and other stressors might be the culprits. When you or your partner experience life changes such as chronic illness, becoming a parent, a career change, or graduating from school, you can experience extra stress. Your body responds to the pressure of these situations by lowering your sex drive, even when the change is a positive one, such as starting a new career.   

Changes in your body may cause sexual intimacy to stop in a relationship. Weight gain or loss, changes in disability status, and childbirth can all cause self-esteem issues or concerns about performance that make maintaining your sex life difficult.

### Health conditions

Many health conditions can cause intimacy problems, which are often difficult to discuss. Suppose your partner is suddenly uninterested in sex. In that case, they may suffer from sexual dysfunction such as erectile dysfunction, pain during vaginal penetration, or pelvic floor discomfort that they aren't sure how to manage. Your partner may not even know when the trouble started. If you or your partner have a health condition impacting your sex life, talking to a doctor will be vital to addressing the issue.

### Mental health

Believe it or not, your brain is your largest [erogenous zone](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erogenous-zones), so if you struggle with mental health, it can be difficult for you to become aroused. Depression can cause [low levels of pleasure hormones](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9296-sexual-problems-and-depression-) which means the brain can't increase blood flow in response to sexual stimuli. Mental health issues can also affect sensation during sex, lowering your body's response to your partner's touch. 

Medications used to treat mental health conditions can also affect sex drive. Talking to your doctor or therapist about adjusting medications may help. 

### Uneven sex drives

Sometimes when the intimacy stops in a relationship, it's not caused by one person but by the relationship’s dynamic. The problem might simply be [mismatched libidos](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/navigating-mismatched-desire/). It's common for one partner to want physical intimacy more regularly than another. 

Uneven sex drives can cause a higher-desire partner to feel rejected and a lower-desire partner to feel pressured, and intimacy issues may result. Couples in this situation have the challenge of creating a sex life that meets everyone's sexual needs without the low-desire partner feeling pressured. 

### Problems with emotional intimacy 

Emotional connection isn’t always necessary for great sexual relationships, but if you're in a [long-term relationship](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-get-in-the-mood/) that suddenly loses physical intimacy, your emotional connection could be the problem. Emotional intimacy is the ability to be vulnerable with each other and know your partner sees and accepts all of you—even the parts you don't show others. 

If [emotional intimacy is a problem](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/fear-of-intimacy/), it can be difficult to even have a conversation about the state of your intimate relationship. 

## Can you fix sexual intimacy issues?

When intimacy stops in a relationship, you may worry that the relationship issues are too big to fix, even with a licensed marriage and family therapist. But know, even if relationship problems seem overwhelming, it is possible to fix sexual intimacy issues and reconnect with your partner. The path to a renewed sex life is different depending on the cause. Here are some tips to get you started. 

### Take stock of your sex life

The first step is for you and your partner to have an honest conversation about your level of satisfaction with physical intimacy. You and your partner may find the cause of the lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship on your own. 

This can be a difficult conversation, especially if emotional connection is part of the trouble. You may find it helpful to reach out to a relationship or sex therapist to find ways to communicate more effectively about sex. 

### Address underlying health conditions

If there's a sudden decrease in physical intimacy in your relationship, it's a good idea to fix underlying health conditions first. A trip to the doctor may be in order to address issues with hormone levels and mental health conditions. You may need to adjust medications to fix sexual dysfunction, or try physical therapy to alleviate painful pelvic floor symptoms.

## When the intimacy stops in a relationship, reconnection takes time

Initiating a conversation about a lack of intimacy in a relationship is often tricky. You and your partner may feel sensitive or even embarrassed about the lack of sex. Those feelings are expected as your relationship changes and evolves. If you and your partner(s) can move through the discomfort, a stronger relationship with satisfying physical intimacy could be on the other side.  

When intimacy stops in a relationship, it can be challenging to find a starting place for reconnecting. If you need help discussing your sex life, try listening to Dipsea's 36 Question series with your partner. Grab your favorite beverage and a cozy blanket and cuddle up to listen as our narrator guides you through a series of questions about your sex life to foster emotional intimacy and spark an honest discussion about the state of physical intimacy in your relationship.

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=sexlessblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

<div style="max-width: 41.25em; margin: 0 auto">
<div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row">

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/12-questions-part-i/listen?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=sexlessblog">
    <img src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/4FWtMf0V8qxoQ04XzDPrp2/265e240542155477060388a8943d5f37/500-143_12QuestionsPart1_DaraNazaryan-.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">36 Questions I</p>
  </a>
</div>

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/12-questions-part-ii?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=sexlessblog">
    <img src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/85mntvnh42TZEd8cCJtrV/f053b4e1c56ba1c5fea3e750115cdc71/500-178_12QuestionsPart2_DaraNazaryan-fs8.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">36 Questions II</p>
  </a>
</div>

</div>
</div>

Maybe physical intimacy was easy when you first met. Perhaps the new relationship energized you and super-charged your libido. You might have spent every available moment with your partner(s) entangled in an erotic heap. But now, you never seem to be in sync. Even the casual nudity of getting undressed in front of each other has stopped. So, what do you do when the intimacy stops in a relationship? 

Every long-term relationship goes through periods of [high and low sexual desire](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5987853/). Sometimes the [sexual relationship nose-dives](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-rebuild-trust/) quickly, and other times it's like a feather falling in the breeze. Many factors influence these cycles, but when you find yourself in a sexless relationship, it’s natural to focus all of your energy on fixing it. 

When the intimacy stops in a relationship, you may worry if you can save the relationship and if rekindling your intimate relationship is necessary for the success of your partnership. Read on for guidance on what to do.

## When is a relationship considered sexless? 

Sex is an integral part of many healthy relationships since it deepens emotional intimacy and strengthens your bonds. Most folks consider it essential for their overall well-being. That's not to say everyone needs to have tons of sex to have a healthy relationship—but the amount and quality of sex should be satisfying for everyone involved.

The right amount of sex for any relationship depends on the couple. As long as everyone is satisfied with the frequency and quality of sexual experiences, there isn't a reason to make changes. Some couples enjoy sex once a month, and others would consider that infrequent enough to be a sexless relationship. Only you and your partner can determine when the intimacy stops in a relationship.

## Why do couples stop having sex? 

There are several common reasons intimacy stops in romantic relationships. It's helpful to think of you and your partner as separate beings and your relationship as another living entity with needs: Sometimes the problem is related to something going on with one partner, and sometimes something is amiss in the relationship itself. 

### Life changes

When intimacy stops in a relationship, life changes or and other stressors might be the culprits. When you or your partner experience life changes such as chronic illness, becoming a parent, a career change, or graduating from school, you can experience extra stress. Your body responds to the pressure of these situations by lowering your sex drive, even when the change is a positive one, such as starting a new career.   

Changes in your body may cause sexual intimacy to stop in a relationship. Weight gain or loss, changes in disability status, and childbirth can all cause self-esteem issues or concerns about performance that make maintaining your sex life difficult.

### Health conditions

Many health conditions can cause intimacy problems, which are often difficult to discuss. Suppose your partner is suddenly uninterested in sex. In that case, they may suffer from sexual dysfunction such as erectile dysfunction, pain during vaginal penetration, or pelvic floor discomfort that they aren't sure how to manage. Your partner may not even know when the trouble started. If you or your partner have a health condition impacting your sex life, talking to a doctor will be vital to addressing the issue.

### Mental health

Believe it or not, your brain is your largest [erogenous zone](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erogenous-zones), so if you struggle with mental health, it can be difficult for you to become aroused. Depression can cause [low levels of pleasure hormones](https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/diseases/9296-sexual-problems-and-depression-) which means the brain can't increase blood flow in response to sexual stimuli. Mental health issues can also affect sensation during sex, lowering your body's response to your partner's touch. 

Medications used to treat mental health conditions can also affect sex drive. Talking to your doctor or therapist about adjusting medications may help. 

### Uneven sex drives

Sometimes when the intimacy stops in a relationship, it's not caused by one person but by the relationship’s dynamic. The problem might simply be [mismatched libidos](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/navigating-mismatched-desire/). It's common for one partner to want physical intimacy more regularly than another. 

Uneven sex drives can cause a higher-desire partner to feel rejected and a lower-desire partner to feel pressured, and intimacy issues may result. Couples in this situation have the challenge of creating a sex life that meets everyone's sexual needs without the low-desire partner feeling pressured. 

### Problems with emotional intimacy 

Emotional connection isn’t always necessary for great sexual relationships, but if you're in a [long-term relationship](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-get-in-the-mood/) that suddenly loses physical intimacy, your emotional connection could be the problem. Emotional intimacy is the ability to be vulnerable with each other and know your partner sees and accepts all of you—even the parts you don't show others. 

If [emotional intimacy is a problem](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/fear-of-intimacy/), it can be difficult to even have a conversation about the state of your intimate relationship. 

## Can you fix sexual intimacy issues?

When intimacy stops in a relationship, you may worry that the relationship issues are too big to fix, even with a licensed marriage and family therapist. But know, even if relationship problems seem overwhelming, it is possible to fix sexual intimacy issues and reconnect with your partner. The path to a renewed sex life is different depending on the cause. Here are some tips to get you started. 

### Take stock of your sex life

The first step is for you and your partner to have an honest conversation about your level of satisfaction with physical intimacy. You and your partner may find the cause of the lack of sexual intimacy in your relationship on your own. 

This can be a difficult conversation, especially if emotional connection is part of the trouble. You may find it helpful to reach out to a relationship or sex therapist to find ways to communicate more effectively about sex. 

### Address underlying health conditions

If there's a sudden decrease in physical intimacy in your relationship, it's a good idea to fix underlying health conditions first. A trip to the doctor may be in order to address issues with hormone levels and mental health conditions. You may need to adjust medications to fix sexual dysfunction, or try physical therapy to alleviate painful pelvic floor symptoms.

## When the intimacy stops in a relationship, reconnection takes time

Initiating a conversation about a lack of intimacy in a relationship is often tricky. You and your partner may feel sensitive or even embarrassed about the lack of sex. Those feelings are expected as your relationship changes and evolves. If you and your partner(s) can move through the discomfort, a stronger relationship with satisfying physical intimacy could be on the other side.  

When intimacy stops in a relationship, it can be challenging to find a starting place for reconnecting. If you need help discussing your sex life, try listening to Dipsea's 36 Question series with your partner. Grab your favorite beverage and a cozy blanket and cuddle up to listen as our narrator guides you through a series of questions about your sex life to foster emotional intimacy and spark an honest discussion about the state of physical intimacy in your relationship.

When the intimacy comes to a halt in a relationship, it can feel lonely and discouraging. Discover common causes to a lack of sex and how to manage them.

Sexy to sexless: What to do when the intimacy stops in a relationship

Sexy-to-Sexless

36 questions i

36 Questions I

36 questions ii

36 Questions II

Ready to reignite the spark? Dipsea has you covered.

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Ready to connect with partners in a whole new way? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=lightbondageblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

Looking to spice things up and try something new with your partner? Thinking blindfolds and handcuffs perhaps? Let's get kinky and dive into the details of light bondage play. You might be more interested than you think!

Light bondage is just a toe-dip into the world of BDSM—you don't have to progress all the way to the hardcore stuff to enjoy the perks of light bondage play with a partner. There's a lot to discover within the worlds of role play, dom/sub play, and the use of restraints to add variety and excitement to your sex life. 

And there's no pressure here. Light bondage is only fun if everyone is 100% on-board, feels completely safe, and is willing to play along. Even if you never go beyond a few [light spankings](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/bdsm-spanking), introducing some new sexy ideas can be a fun way to explore with your partner(s). Let's get into it.

## Elements of light bondage

If you're looking to explore the world of light bondage, there are a number of potential elements to consider. There's the bondage part: the literal restraints you might use to keep your partner (or yourself) in place during the sexy activities. Then there are added bonuses like a blindfold, sex toys, a paddle or flogger (yes, you can be "light" about flogging!), tools for [temperature play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sensation-play/), and/or whatever other [personal fetishes](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/bdsm-identifying-your-kink) you might want to bring into the equation. 

And finally, there's the establishment of a safe word and personal boundaries. This is where the rubber meets the road—none of the fun we're about to explore can happen without establishing a safe word and spelling out personal boundaries. We'll share communication tips here to make sure everyone’s on-board with every step of the process.

### Restraints

You don't have to go out and buy something special for restraints, although you can—plenty of sex shops have whole sections dedicated to BDSM toys and specialized bondage for bedroom play. 

Simple scarves or soft belts—even longer socks or stockings—can work great as wrist and ankle restraints. You can use them as bed restraints if you have a headboard or footboard with posts to tie to, or you can simply tie hands and feet together. You can also opt for the hog tie, in which you tie hands and feet together behind the person. This is incredibly incapacitating and requires immense trust. 

The idea is for the person tied up (the sub) to surrender control to the person doing the tieing (the dom). 

*Special note on restraints: Communication is key throughout this whole adventure if you want to come as close to guaranteeing as positive experience as possible. When you tie, check in and make sure that the restraints aren't too tight. You want them to be tight enough that they can't get out of it, but you're not trying to torture your partner, so communicate about comfort, circulation, etc.

You can also use "verbal bondage" with no physical restraints at all. All this means is that you've come to an agreement about who's in charge, and the other person does what they say (and experiences some sort of consequence if they don't follow the rules). 

For example, you could straddle your partner and instruct them not to touch you or themselves, no matter what you do to yourself or them. From there, you could stroke them gently, do some light tickling or biting, tease the beginnings of a blow job or cunnilingus—any type of foreplay you want, really—but they can't touch you, no matter what. 

If they reach out and touch you, then they receive a consequence. That consequence could be a light spanking or flogging, a verbal admonishment, a nipple squeeze, a tug of the hair, or you could walk away and refuse to come back till they beg for your forgiveness. You (both) decide! 

### Blindfolds and sensory play

Blindfolds do something similar to restraints—they empower one person while the other relinquishes control. You can use them in tandem or by themselves, and you can add sensory play to heighten the physical experience of losing your sight. 

For example, you can use a blindfold to enhance the experience of temperature play. Temperature play is the use of hot and cold to stimulate and heighten your sexual senses. You can do this in a few different ways. 

You could use a massage candle, which is made out of wax that's meant to be dripped directly on your skin, for hot play. You could run a cube of ice across key body parts for cold play. You could also explore temperature play with glass sex toys like [dildos](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-use-a-dildo/) and butt plugs. Stick them in the fridge overnight before your light bondage sesh or warm them with warm water closer to play time. Just make sure nothing is too hot if you're planning on insertion. Test it in the fold of your knee before putting it anywhere near genitals.

### Sex toys, lube, and furniture

Having all your favorite sex props and lubes at the ready during an experience like this is never a bad idea, especially if this is your first time exploring a light bondage kink. In fact, you might not know which elements of light bondage turn you on, so having that lube nearby could help smooth it all out as you discover what does and doesn't turn you on.

If your partner has a vulva and enjoys using a [vibrator](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-use-a-vibrator-tips-for-choosing-and-using-a-new-toy/) to reach orgasm, you might want to keep that around for teasing as you build tension during your light bondage sex sesh. That slow build, tease, build, tease could be pretty amazing—for both of you.

If your partner likes [anal sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/what-is-pegging-anyway/), you could keep a strap-on and dildo or butt plug hidden in the sheets and surprise them with it midway through your play session. Check in here to make sure they're up for it before proceeding with penetration.

If you have a [sex pillow](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-pillow/) or other sex furniture, you might start with that and get it all set up underneath your partner before adding in restraints so that it's all in place for maximum pleasure.

Special BDSM toys could also come into play here for some light BDSM play if you're feeling even more adventurous. This could include nipple clamps, a tickler, a paddle, a whip or flogger, a collar and leash, or handcuffs. It never hurts to add some sexy lingerie or even some leather into the mix.

### Safe words and boundaries

None of the fun we've just outlined will be possible without total trust between you and your partner. That's why communication and establishing a safe word are so critical, even if you're not planning to venture past light bondage into hardcore BDSM. 

A safe word is an agreed-upon word that you and your partner establish ahead of time to mean that everything needs to stop immediately. It's important to establish this word because when role play or sub/dom is involved, it can be difficult to tell what's real and what's part of the act. If you choose a word like "cricket" or "watermelon," a word that doesn't have anything to do with the task at hand, then you'll both know that it's time to stop.

It's important to communicate before the experience through [pre-care](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-precare-foreplay-aftercare/), even beyond establishing a safe word, before venturing into light bondage or BDSM for the first time. You want to make sure you know if your partner has experienced trauma or has any particular triggers that would ruin their experience with you without you realizing it. 

For example, some people are turned on by verbal belittling or shaming. They love to be called useless and small. But there might be one area that goes too far for them. Perhaps they're an eating disorder survivor, and body shaming is too triggering for them. You'd want to know that in advance. 

The paradox of the sub/dom relationship is that nothing happens without the sub's approval, even if it doesn't seem that way. The sub might be relinquishing control in the moment, but only within predefined parameters that all parties agree to in advance. For example, a sub might be willing to receive all sorts of light discipline—spanking, hot wax, nipple clamps—but have one thing that they never ever want to do—be tickled. The dom has to respect that for this type of relationship to work.

## Light bondage: Get into it!

So now it's time for that chat. If you and your partner are ready to take the plunge into the world of light bondage, then sit down together and plan out what your first time is going to be like. Will you use restraints? Is it obvious from your relationship dynamics who should be the sub and who should be the dom? Do you want to stick to that or mix it up? What toys will you bring along? Anything off-limits? What's your safe word going to be? 

For some sexy example stories the two of you can listen to to get yourself ready, head over to the Dipsea app. There, you can find all kinds of delicious audio erotica featuring a diverse array of characters. The stories are always consensual and focused on female pleasure. Take a listen to 'Golden Hour' and 'Eighty-Six II' to get an idea of what we mean.

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=lightbondageblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
</div>

<div style="max-width: 41.25em; margin: 0 auto">
<div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row">

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/golden-hour?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=lightbondageblog">
    <img src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/7FW6pygUnlqPe98EOVhW3g/873acc9ec85413a01bef16bd6232824b/371_GoldenHour_BonnieBrown.PNG?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Golden Hour</p>
  </a>
</div>

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/eighty-six-ii?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=lightbondageblog">
    <img src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/33dm5gw1anNAjtUcb1rZ2L/c04b87dd028474ee4ecd5eb3dd599486/500-511_RaisetheBarI_BonnieBrown-min.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Eighty-Six II</p>
  </a>
</div>

</div>
</div>

Looking to spice things up and try something new with your partner? Thinking blindfolds and handcuffs perhaps? Let's get kinky and dive into the details of light bondage play. You might be more interested than you think!

Light bondage is just a toe-dip into the world of BDSM—you don't have to progress all the way to the hardcore stuff to enjoy the perks of light bondage play with a partner. There's a lot to discover within the worlds of role play, dom/sub play, and the use of restraints to add variety and excitement to your sex life. 

And there's no pressure here. Light bondage is only fun if everyone is 100% on-board, feels completely safe, and is willing to play along. Even if you never go beyond a few [light spankings](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/bdsm-spanking), introducing some new sexy ideas can be a fun way to explore with your partner(s). Let's get into it.

## Elements of light bondage

If you're looking to explore the world of light bondage, there are a number of potential elements to consider. There's the bondage part: the literal restraints you might use to keep your partner (or yourself) in place during the sexy activities. Then there are added bonuses like a blindfold, sex toys, a paddle or flogger (yes, you can be "light" about flogging!), tools for [temperature play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sensation-play/), and/or whatever other [personal fetishes](https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/bdsm-identifying-your-kink) you might want to bring into the equation. 

And finally, there's the establishment of a safe word and personal boundaries. This is where the rubber meets the road—none of the fun we're about to explore can happen without establishing a safe word and spelling out personal boundaries. We'll share communication tips here to make sure everyone’s on-board with every step of the process.

### Restraints

You don't have to go out and buy something special for restraints, although you can—plenty of sex shops have whole sections dedicated to BDSM toys and specialized bondage for bedroom play. 

Simple scarves or soft belts—even longer socks or stockings—can work great as wrist and ankle restraints. You can use them as bed restraints if you have a headboard or footboard with posts to tie to, or you can simply tie hands and feet together. You can also opt for the hog tie, in which you tie hands and feet together behind the person. This is incredibly incapacitating and requires immense trust. 

The idea is for the person tied up (the sub) to surrender control to the person doing the tieing (the dom). 

*Special note on restraints: Communication is key throughout this whole adventure if you want to come as close to guaranteeing as positive experience as possible. When you tie, check in and make sure that the restraints aren't too tight. You want them to be tight enough that they can't get out of it, but you're not trying to torture your partner, so communicate about comfort, circulation, etc.

You can also use "verbal bondage" with no physical restraints at all. All this means is that you've come to an agreement about who's in charge, and the other person does what they say (and experiences some sort of consequence if they don't follow the rules). 

For example, you could straddle your partner and instruct them not to touch you or themselves, no matter what you do to yourself or them. From there, you could stroke them gently, do some light tickling or biting, tease the beginnings of a blow job or cunnilingus—any type of foreplay you want, really—but they can't touch you, no matter what. 

If they reach out and touch you, then they receive a consequence. That consequence could be a light spanking or flogging, a verbal admonishment, a nipple squeeze, a tug of the hair, or you could walk away and refuse to come back till they beg for your forgiveness. You (both) decide! 

### Blindfolds and sensory play

Blindfolds do something similar to restraints—they empower one person while the other relinquishes control. You can use them in tandem or by themselves, and you can add sensory play to heighten the physical experience of losing your sight. 

For example, you can use a blindfold to enhance the experience of temperature play. Temperature play is the use of hot and cold to stimulate and heighten your sexual senses. You can do this in a few different ways. 

You could use a massage candle, which is made out of wax that's meant to be dripped directly on your skin, for hot play. You could run a cube of ice across key body parts for cold play. You could also explore temperature play with glass sex toys like [dildos](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-use-a-dildo/) and butt plugs. Stick them in the fridge overnight before your light bondage sesh or warm them with warm water closer to play time. Just make sure nothing is too hot if you're planning on insertion. Test it in the fold of your knee before putting it anywhere near genitals.

### Sex toys, lube, and furniture

Having all your favorite sex props and lubes at the ready during an experience like this is never a bad idea, especially if this is your first time exploring a light bondage kink. In fact, you might not know which elements of light bondage turn you on, so having that lube nearby could help smooth it all out as you discover what does and doesn't turn you on.

If your partner has a vulva and enjoys using a [vibrator](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-use-a-vibrator-tips-for-choosing-and-using-a-new-toy/) to reach orgasm, you might want to keep that around for teasing as you build tension during your light bondage sex sesh. That slow build, tease, build, tease could be pretty amazing—for both of you.

If your partner likes [anal sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/what-is-pegging-anyway/), you could keep a strap-on and dildo or butt plug hidden in the sheets and surprise them with it midway through your play session. Check in here to make sure they're up for it before proceeding with penetration.

If you have a [sex pillow](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-pillow/) or other sex furniture, you might start with that and get it all set up underneath your partner before adding in restraints so that it's all in place for maximum pleasure.

Special BDSM toys could also come into play here for some light BDSM play if you're feeling even more adventurous. This could include nipple clamps, a tickler, a paddle, a whip or flogger, a collar and leash, or handcuffs. It never hurts to add some sexy lingerie or even some leather into the mix.

### Safe words and boundaries

None of the fun we've just outlined will be possible without total trust between you and your partner. That's why communication and establishing a safe word are so critical, even if you're not planning to venture past light bondage into hardcore BDSM. 

A safe word is an agreed-upon word that you and your partner establish ahead of time to mean that everything needs to stop immediately. It's important to establish this word because when role play or sub/dom is involved, it can be difficult to tell what's real and what's part of the act. If you choose a word like "cricket" or "watermelon," a word that doesn't have anything to do with the task at hand, then you'll both know that it's time to stop.

It's important to communicate before the experience through [pre-care](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-precare-foreplay-aftercare/), even beyond establishing a safe word, before venturing into light bondage or BDSM for the first time. You want to make sure you know if your partner has experienced trauma or has any particular triggers that would ruin their experience with you without you realizing it. 

For example, some people are turned on by verbal belittling or shaming. They love to be called useless and small. But there might be one area that goes too far for them. Perhaps they're an eating disorder survivor, and body shaming is too triggering for them. You'd want to know that in advance. 

The paradox of the sub/dom relationship is that nothing happens without the sub's approval, even if it doesn't seem that way. The sub might be relinquishing control in the moment, but only within predefined parameters that all parties agree to in advance. For example, a sub might be willing to receive all sorts of light discipline—spanking, hot wax, nipple clamps—but have one thing that they never ever want to do—be tickled. The dom has to respect that for this type of relationship to work.

## Light bondage: Get into it!

So now it's time for that chat. If you and your partner are ready to take the plunge into the world of light bondage, then sit down together and plan out what your first time is going to be like. Will you use restraints? Is it obvious from your relationship dynamics who should be the sub and who should be the dom? Do you want to stick to that or mix it up? What toys will you bring along? Anything off-limits? What's your safe word going to be? 

For some sexy example stories the two of you can listen to to get yourself ready, head over to the Dipsea app. There, you can find all kinds of delicious audio erotica featuring a diverse array of characters. The stories are always consensual and focused on female pleasure. Take a listen to 'Golden Hour' and 'Eighty-Six II' to get an idea of what we mean.

Even if you never go beyond a few spankings, introducing some light bondage can be a fun way to explore a new aspect of sexuality with your partner.

How to explore light bondage play with your trusted partner

Bondage

Golden Hour

eighty-six II

Eighty-Six II

Ready to connect with partners in a whole new way? Dipsea has you covered.

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Looking to connect with your partner in a whole new way? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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Giving an erotic massage is a generous and thoughtful way to help your partner relax and release. It's a sexy act of service (that covers two [Love Languages](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/physical-touch-love-language/) at once!). The key is to make both parts of the equation work—the erotic *and* the massage. You don't want to skimp on the massage and go straight for the sexy bits too soon. Take your time, make it count, and give your partner a genuine chance to unwind and release some tension before the happy ending.

We're not saying you need to go to massage school before offering to lather up your lover, but we do have a few suggestions for how to make the entire experience as pleasurable as possible for your lucky partner. We'll go over what supplies you'll need, the basics for how to set the mood, and ultimately, how to give an erotic massage that will blow your partner's mind. 

## What you need for an erotic massage

Our suggestions here are to maximize the experience. We don't want you to break the bank buying a bunch of supplies for your erotic massage, so we'll make suggestions at a range of price points so you can choose what's right for you. 

### 1) The massage surface

In an ideal world, you'd have a sturdy massage table (just in case you both end up on it at the end), but we know that might be a lot to ask, especially if you don't have a ton of extra space at home. So instead, you can use your bed. Just take a few extra steps so you don't ruin your sheets with massage oil. (That wouldn’t be relaxing for anyone.)

Lay down a few towels with a sheet on top that you don't mind getting oil on. You might also use a sheet for laying on top of the body parts you're not working on (just like a real massage therapist would) so that your partner doesn't get cold.

If you don't have that stuff at home, consider a quick trip to the thrift store, and wash everything thoroughly before you proceed so that it's all clean and smells fresh. Your partner will be laying on it naked, and every detail counts here to maximize the experience. Nothing says turn off like a gross smell.

### 2) The massage medium

Some people like oil, some people like lotion. That part is up to you, but again, smell is key. If your partner is allergic or sensitive to fragrance in body products, we suggest going with a neutral oil instead of lotion, as some fragrance-free lotions still have a smell that isn't always sexy. 

And when we say neutral, we mean you could literally go into your kitchen and grab your avocado oil if you want. If your partner doesn't mind coconut, coconut oil is also a great choice.

Your goal with the massage medium is that it stays smooth and slippery, doesn't get sticky, and has a nice glide to it to help you work. This isn't a lube, it's for a good massage, so pick something you think a masseuse would use. 

### 3) The extras

You have room to play with the additional details for this experience. If you want to burn an aromatherapy scented candle (or use a massage candle for the massage medium or temperature play), go for it. If you want to diffuse a relaxing or sexy essential oil into the room, perfect. If you want to include your [sex pillow](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-pillow/) to bolster different body parts during the massage, you can do that. If you and your partner have a special toy or vibrator you want to include toward the end of the massage, hide that somewhere until the end so you have it on hand. Or if you have a sexy outfit you want to wear under your "masseuse clothes," that could be a fun surprise too!

## How to set the mood for your erotic massage

A huge detail in how to give an erotic massage is setting the mood for maximum comfort and relaxation. You want this to be a sensual experience from start to finish, so get creative with how you set up this sexy gift. This includes how you present the idea to your partner. Only you know if telling them ahead of time is preferable to a surprise (or vice versa), but whichever it is, you want to make sure they know that you're just as excited as they are to make this happen for them. 

We've already suggested a few things for ambiance—setting up your bed or massage table, choosing the right lotion or oil, and ensuring that there are sexy fragrances in the air.

And you also want some sort of ambient sound, whether it's relaxing music or a massage soundscape playlist. This will not only make this experience feel more like a real massage, it will also take the pressure off of either of you to talk if you don't want to.

Make sure it's not too cold or too hot in your room or massage space. And one last thing, take a shower before the deed so that you are also nice and fresh for them. If you can, ask them to do the same. You'll likely be touching their feet before their privates, so you want everything clean if you have the option.

## How to give an erotic massage: the basics

Now that you've got all the details covered for supplies and set up, let's dive into the actual act of sensual massage. We're talking massage techniques, even if you've never given a real massage before. 

### Listen for feedback (even a grunt)

First things first: Your partner might be lying down and receiving a massage, but (just like in sex) communication is a two-way street when it comes to massage. You might start by asking if they have a particular area they want you to focus on. If they say yes, that doesn't mean you have to zero in on that spot right away but keep it in mind as you make your way across your partner's body. 

Pay attention to their body language as you go, and linger in places that they seem to enjoy. Encourage feedback, even if it's just in grunts and moans. 

### Use this massage technique to avoid cramping hands

Use your whole body for this experience. If you've ever had an incredible body massage—one where you feel like butter at the end (in the best possible way)—you might have noticed that the therapist used more than just their hands to dig deep into your tissues. 

There were likely some forearm blades, some elbows, and to generate enough force, they were using their whole body to power those body parts. They did that by setting their massage table at a height that allowed them to power with their legs as they stood beside you. 

So to do that on your bed, you might need to straddle your partner, at least some of the time. Remember, if you're not a trained massage pro, your hands could get tired really quickly, which might be a bummer when it's time for the happy ending.

### Follow this step-by-step routine

You'll be of two minds as you give this massage. On one hand, you're giving your partner a relaxing massage. On the other hand, this massage is a form of foreplay for some kind of happy ending. So you'll be simultaneously building tension and relaxation. Kinda paradoxical, but we know you can manage. 

Start with your partner face down and move from top to bottom. Give a gentle scalp massage, moving your fingers through your partner's hair and applying gentle pressure in slow, circular motions. Then move to the back. This is when you bring the oil or lotion in. (Skip the neck for now if you're on your bed, as your partner's head will be turned rather than face-down as it would be on a massage table. You can get to the neck when they go face-up.)

Begin with sweeping, long strokes down your partner's back, from top to bottom. Start with your hands, then switch to the blades of your forearms as you slowly apply more pressure and the muscles warm up. 

Think about where your partner holds tension (if you don't know, you can ask, or think about where you hold tension and apply that to your partner). Use your forefingers or elbows to focus on those areas. For most people who sit at a desk, shoulders and lower back are the tightest areas.

While your partner is face down, you have access to their butt, which can be both sexy and amazing for the massage. Butts and upper hamstrings can get super tight for both desk workers and those who stand up all day, so spend some time there, and begin gently teasing by slipping your hands into the crack a few times and kneading their inner thighs before turning them face-up. 

If your partner [loves ass play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/what-does-anal-feel-like/), you can reverse the order of this massage and start face up so that the butt massage is at the end. You might bring the sex pillow in here to raise their butt higher into the air for easier access.

## Finish the job

Once you have your partner face-up, the massage isn't over. Remember, this is a full body massage before the happy ending, with some light touch and gentle teasing throughout. You'll want to pay attention to arms and legs, neck, and chest, lingering on knots and tighter areas and listening to your partner's feedback. 

But begin by grazing your partner's [erogenous zones](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erogenous-zones/) with some gentle touch as you continue your massage. At this point, you might notice that their body language starts responding to your touch a little differently. A possible tremor? A thrust of the hip? 

Notice, and slowly respond. If your partner has a vulva, delay touching the clitoris for as long as possible. If your partner has a penis, touch all around it and delay actual contact for as long as possible. 

The best sex has anticipation as a component, so build that up as much as you can, even if this happy ending will only involve your hands or [mouth](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/oral-sex-positions/). Once you've teased for long enough, you can start stroking your partner's genitals. Again, keep this slow and sensual. Don't rush it until they seem ready for speed, and then get ready for the big O.

## What are you waiting for?

So what do you think? Do you know how to give an erotic massage? We think you're ready—you know what you need, how to set up your space, and how to give a great massage. But just in case you need a little more inspiration, head over to the Dipsea app and listen to [Head, Neck, and Back Massage](), and [Hand Massage](). An expert massage therapist will walk you through the experience step by step.

<div class="blog-cta-centered">
  <a
    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=massageblog"
  >
    Try Dipsea Free
  </a>
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<div style="max-width: 41.25em; margin: 0 auto">
<div style="display: flex; flex-direction: row">

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/partner-massage-i?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=massageblog">
    <img src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/53qRErM84SXl6wwVhhgyzD/ebefc62c04f42ef2674f0ea9ee220ad3/500-286_Guided_Massage_Part_1_IonutRadulescu-fs8__1_.png?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Partner Massage I</p>
  </a>
</div>

<div style="text-align: center; margin: 0 10px 0 0">
  <a target="_blank" href="https://app.dipseastories.com/stories/partner-massage-ii/listen?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=massageblog">
    <img src="//images.ctfassets.net/03of3q5qzesq/5DK0Jhog9V8wNR0losaXYv/2147468c35451a52f2303d76bf52b1cf/500-287_Guided_Massage_Part_2_IonutRadulescu-fs8.pn?h=250" />
    <p style="text-align: center;">Partner Massage II</p>
  </a>
</div>

</div>
</div>

Giving an erotic massage is a generous and thoughtful way to help your partner relax and release. It's a sexy act of service (that covers two [Love Languages](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/physical-touch-love-language/) at once!). The key is to make both parts of the equation work—the erotic *and* the massage. You don't want to skimp on the massage and go straight for the sexy bits too soon. Take your time, make it count, and give your partner a genuine chance to unwind and release some tension before the happy ending.

We're not saying you need to go to massage school before offering to lather up your lover, but we do have a few suggestions for how to make the entire experience as pleasurable as possible for your lucky partner. We'll go over what supplies you'll need, the basics for how to set the mood, and ultimately, how to give an erotic massage that will blow your partner's mind. 

## What you need for an erotic massage

Our suggestions here are to maximize the experience. We don't want you to break the bank buying a bunch of supplies for your erotic massage, so we'll make suggestions at a range of price points so you can choose what's right for you. 

### 1) The massage surface

In an ideal world, you'd have a sturdy massage table (just in case you both end up on it at the end), but we know that might be a lot to ask, especially if you don't have a ton of extra space at home. So instead, you can use your bed. Just take a few extra steps so you don't ruin your sheets with massage oil. (That wouldn’t be relaxing for anyone.)

Lay down a few towels with a sheet on top that you don't mind getting oil on. You might also use a sheet for laying on top of the body parts you're not working on (just like a real massage therapist would) so that your partner doesn't get cold.

If you don't have that stuff at home, consider a quick trip to the thrift store, and wash everything thoroughly before you proceed so that it's all clean and smells fresh. Your partner will be laying on it naked, and every detail counts here to maximize the experience. Nothing says turn off like a gross smell.

### 2) The massage medium

Some people like oil, some people like lotion. That part is up to you, but again, smell is key. If your partner is allergic or sensitive to fragrance in body products, we suggest going with a neutral oil instead of lotion, as some fragrance-free lotions still have a smell that isn't always sexy. 

And when we say neutral, we mean you could literally go into your kitchen and grab your avocado oil if you want. If your partner doesn't mind coconut, coconut oil is also a great choice.

Your goal with the massage medium is that it stays smooth and slippery, doesn't get sticky, and has a nice glide to it to help you work. This isn't a lube, it's for a good massage, so pick something you think a masseuse would use. 

### 3) The extras

You have room to play with the additional details for this experience. If you want to burn an aromatherapy scented candle (or use a massage candle for the massage medium or temperature play), go for it. If you want to diffuse a relaxing or sexy essential oil into the room, perfect. If you want to include your [sex pillow](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/sex-pillow/) to bolster different body parts during the massage, you can do that. If you and your partner have a special toy or vibrator you want to include toward the end of the massage, hide that somewhere until the end so you have it on hand. Or if you have a sexy outfit you want to wear under your "masseuse clothes," that could be a fun surprise too!

## How to set the mood for your erotic massage

A huge detail in how to give an erotic massage is setting the mood for maximum comfort and relaxation. You want this to be a sensual experience from start to finish, so get creative with how you set up this sexy gift. This includes how you present the idea to your partner. Only you know if telling them ahead of time is preferable to a surprise (or vice versa), but whichever it is, you want to make sure they know that you're just as excited as they are to make this happen for them. 

We've already suggested a few things for ambiance—setting up your bed or massage table, choosing the right lotion or oil, and ensuring that there are sexy fragrances in the air.

And you also want some sort of ambient sound, whether it's relaxing music or a massage soundscape playlist. This will not only make this experience feel more like a real massage, it will also take the pressure off of either of you to talk if you don't want to.

Make sure it's not too cold or too hot in your room or massage space. And one last thing, take a shower before the deed so that you are also nice and fresh for them. If you can, ask them to do the same. You'll likely be touching their feet before their privates, so you want everything clean if you have the option.

## How to give an erotic massage: the basics

Now that you've got all the details covered for supplies and set up, let's dive into the actual act of sensual massage. We're talking massage techniques, even if you've never given a real massage before. 

### Listen for feedback (even a grunt)

First things first: Your partner might be lying down and receiving a massage, but (just like in sex) communication is a two-way street when it comes to massage. You might start by asking if they have a particular area they want you to focus on. If they say yes, that doesn't mean you have to zero in on that spot right away but keep it in mind as you make your way across your partner's body. 

Pay attention to their body language as you go, and linger in places that they seem to enjoy. Encourage feedback, even if it's just in grunts and moans. 

### Use this massage technique to avoid cramping hands

Use your whole body for this experience. If you've ever had an incredible body massage—one where you feel like butter at the end (in the best possible way)—you might have noticed that the therapist used more than just their hands to dig deep into your tissues. 

There were likely some forearm blades, some elbows, and to generate enough force, they were using their whole body to power those body parts. They did that by setting their massage table at a height that allowed them to power with their legs as they stood beside you. 

So to do that on your bed, you might need to straddle your partner, at least some of the time. Remember, if you're not a trained massage pro, your hands could get tired really quickly, which might be a bummer when it's time for the happy ending.

### Follow this step-by-step routine

You'll be of two minds as you give this massage. On one hand, you're giving your partner a relaxing massage. On the other hand, this massage is a form of foreplay for some kind of happy ending. So you'll be simultaneously building tension and relaxation. Kinda paradoxical, but we know you can manage. 

Start with your partner face down and move from top to bottom. Give a gentle scalp massage, moving your fingers through your partner's hair and applying gentle pressure in slow, circular motions. Then move to the back. This is when you bring the oil or lotion in. (Skip the neck for now if you're on your bed, as your partner's head will be turned rather than face-down as it would be on a massage table. You can get to the neck when they go face-up.)

Begin with sweeping, long strokes down your partner's back, from top to bottom. Start with your hands, then switch to the blades of your forearms as you slowly apply more pressure and the muscles warm up. 

Think about where your partner holds tension (if you don't know, you can ask, or think about where you hold tension and apply that to your partner). Use your forefingers or elbows to focus on those areas. For most people who sit at a desk, shoulders and lower back are the tightest areas.

While your partner is face down, you have access to their butt, which can be both sexy and amazing for the massage. Butts and upper hamstrings can get super tight for both desk workers and those who stand up all day, so spend some time there, and begin gently teasing by slipping your hands into the crack a few times and kneading their inner thighs before turning them face-up. 

If your partner [loves ass play](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/what-does-anal-feel-like/), you can reverse the order of this massage and start face up so that the butt massage is at the end. You might bring the sex pillow in here to raise their butt higher into the air for easier access.

## Finish the job

Once you have your partner face-up, the massage isn't over. Remember, this is a full body massage before the happy ending, with some light touch and gentle teasing throughout. You'll want to pay attention to arms and legs, neck, and chest, lingering on knots and tighter areas and listening to your partner's feedback. 

But begin by grazing your partner's [erogenous zones](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/erogenous-zones/) with some gentle touch as you continue your massage. At this point, you might notice that their body language starts responding to your touch a little differently. A possible tremor? A thrust of the hip? 

Notice, and slowly respond. If your partner has a vulva, delay touching the clitoris for as long as possible. If your partner has a penis, touch all around it and delay actual contact for as long as possible. 

The best sex has anticipation as a component, so build that up as much as you can, even if this happy ending will only involve your hands or [mouth](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/oral-sex-positions/). Once you've teased for long enough, you can start stroking your partner's genitals. Again, keep this slow and sensual. Don't rush it until they seem ready for speed, and then get ready for the big O.

## What are you waiting for?

So what do you think? Do you know how to give an erotic massage? We think you're ready—you know what you need, how to set up your space, and how to give a great massage. But just in case you need a little more inspiration, head over to the Dipsea app and listen to [Head, Neck, and Back Massage](), and [Hand Massage](). An expert massage therapist will walk you through the experience step by step.

Ready to learn how to give an erotic massage that’s so good your partner feels like they hired a professional masseuse? Learn everything you need to know here.

Sexy (yet practical) tips for how to give an erotic massage

Massage (1)

Partner Massage

Head, Neck, & Back Massage

Looking to connect with your partner in a whole new way? Dipsea has you covered.

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Looking to connect with your partner in a whole new way? Dipsea has you covered.</p>

<p style="text-align: center; font-style: italic;">Dipsea is an app for Sexy Stories, Sleep Scenes, and Wellness Sessions designed to turn you on and then tuck you in. You can download Dipsea from the App Store, Google Play Store, or online at app.dipseastories.com.</p>

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    class="blog-cta-purple-pill"
    href="https://app.dipseastories.com/?utm_source=web&utm_medium=blog&utm_campaign=spankingblog"
  >
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</div>

Spanking is common in mainstream conversations about people embracing a sex-positive view of kink and fetish play. However, proper BDSM spanking involves more than just a slap on the behind during doggy-style sex. 

BDSM spanking involves one person as a dominant or top and the other as a submissive or bottom. In BDSM, there is a [consensual power dynamic](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6525106/) between the individuals that both find arousing. Spanking can involve using a hand, a paddle, a whip, or other flogging device. BDSM spanking may be gentle or hard enough to leave marks. 

If you're curious about BDSM spanking, or if you've tried a bit and want more (and who could blame you), you may be looking for more ways to include this practice in your partnered playtime. Read on for a comprehensive guide to arm you and your partner(s) with the knowledge you need to incorporate BDSM spanking into your sex life. 

## What is BDSM spanking?

BDSM is a sexual practice that [involves a power dynamic](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-beginners-guide-to-submission/). Generally, BDSM relationships include some or all of the following:

- Bondage: BDSM bondage involves restricting movement with ropes, handcuffs, or even chains. 
- Discipline: Doms will use physical (BDSM spankings) and verbal (name-calling or praise) discipline to reinforce behavior.
- Dominance and submission: Sometimes, one partner is always the dom, and one is always the sub, and sometimes couples switch back and forth. 
- Sadomasochism: Pleasure from inflicting or receiving physical or emotional pain (with consent).

BDSM relationships vary from those who dabble in the lifestyle to hardcore BDSM followers. All BDSM relationships have in common reliance on consent, communication, and safety. 

BDSM is not about turning someone into your sex slave (but it can be). Instead, partners agree to role play in ways that include dressing in lingerie, forced orgasms, orgasm denial, or restraints. BDSM spankings are one way they may choose to play. The consensual power dynamic makes a BDSM spanking different from your partner swatting your behind during sex. 

## Why do people enjoy spanking? 

Some people enjoy BDSM spanking because it releases dopamine and causes their brain's pleasure center to catch fire. But, other people just find spanking to be painful. So, what makes BDSM spanking erotic for those who enjoy it? 

Endorphins are released in the brain when you feel pleasure and they can even dull pain. These hormones explain why some people associate spanking with pleasure. BDSM spankings can be included as foreplay, used during penetrative sex, or be the main event all by themselves. Many people who enjoy BDSM spankings say that the pain heightens all other sensations and makes their sexual experience hotter. 

## Myths about spanking

There used to be a stigma that classified people into BDSM or kink as deviants. That view of the BDSM community is a huge misconception. People who are into role play, dominance, submission, bondage, BDSM spankings, or any other kinky sexual behavior aren't deviant—they just like kinky sex. Let's clarify a few myths about BDSM spankings.

### Myth #1: Spankings leave bruises

Some people into hard spankings find pain pleasurable, especially if they're into masochism, and may enjoy spankings that are hard enough to leave marks or bruises. Since pleasure reduces our body's pain response, it's possible a flogging hard enough to leave marks may not feel exceedingly painful to the recipient. 

Because BDSM involves informed, enthusiastic consent, a submissive may ask for or agree to a series of spankings designed to leave a mark. A dominant may use belt spankings or paddling, providing more force than a bare hand. 

However, plenty of people are into ass spanking that is gentle and never leaves a mark. Moreover, learning to administer proper BDSM spanking techniques will ensure that a dominant doesn't leave marks without consent. 

### Myth #2: Spanking is always punishment

Some people who enjoy BDSM use spankings as a form of (consensual) punishment. But that isn't always the case. Depending on the scene partners are engaged in, BDSM spanking is all about the pleasure of the submissive.

### Myth #3: You can't hurt someone with erotic spankings

Impact play is acceptable on specific body areas, but other areas can cause mild or severe injury. It's also possible that the person administering the BDSM spanking could hurt their hand or arm if they don’t use proper techniques. BDSM spanking classes offered at BDSM clubs and local sex toy shops spend a lot of time focusing on technique so that all partners can play safely and avoid injury. 

### Myth #4: Submissives are usually women

Female dominants, or femdoms, are just as common in the BDSM world as male dominants, not just in lesbian BDSM relationships. BDSM pairings exist in relationships of all genders and orientations. Some people are switches, meaning they alternate between the two with their partner(s). 

## Types of BDSM spankings

Impact play varies in type and intensity. Here is a (non-exhaustive) list of the kinds of BDSM spankings popular in the kink community, with a quick definition to help you [discuss them with your partner(s)](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-precare-foreplay-aftercare/):

- Ass spanking: This is typically an open palm against the bare (or partially bare) butt. This type of spanking can occur during penetrative sex or foreplay. Many people enjoy an over the knee or OTK spanking. 
- Belt spankings: BDSM spankings administered with a belt. 
- Paddling: This involves using a paddle made of wood, plastic, or even metal. Paddles come in a variety of shapes for different sensations. Some BDSM paddles for hardcore spankings have designs carved to leave a mark on the receiver’s behind. 
- Flogging: BDSM spanking where the dominant uses a whip. Some gentle cloth whips won't leave a mark, but many prefer the sting of leather or even chains. 
- Pussy spanking: Many vulva-owners enjoy having their genitals slapped with a hand or toy. This area is sensitive so go easy. 
- Caning: Hitting someone with a cane or stick. The cane is typically flexible since the point is to straddle the line between pleasure and pain rather than inflict actual injury. 

## Learn the right way to give or receive a BDSM spanking

As with any component of BDSM, spanking requires absolute trust between the dominant and submissive. However, that doesn't mean you can only incorporate BDSM into a committed relationship. 

Plenty of people involved in BDSM do so [with a casual partner](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-make-casual-sex-meaningful/) who excels at communicating about sex. The important thing is to openly discuss soft and hard limits surrounding BDSM spanking and know the person you're with will stop as soon as you need.

### Start gentle

If you're curious about BDSM spanking, be sure to start slowly. Alternating gentle rubbing of a submissive's butt with light slaps is a kinky addition to fingering or other foreplay. 

Once you've explored using just a bare hand, you may wish to add some sex toys designed for spanking. Paddles are popular, as are riding crops, floggers, and canes. Like with a hand, it's essential to start slowly each time you introduce a new spanking device. 

### Know which areas of the body are safe to hit and which to avoid

Soft impact play in the face, breasts, genitals, lower legs, or feet is usually safe. However, hardcore BDSM spanking should only be used on areas of the body with lots of muscle or fat to protect your internal organs. Your butt, hips, and upper thighs are good places to practice spanking. 

It's vital to avoid the back and abdomen areas because you could injure a person's kidneys or other internal organs. Joints such as elbows, knees, and the bony regions like your tailbone and spine can sustain severe injuries from BDSM spankings. 

## How to introduce erotic spanking in your relationship

OK, you're ready to ask your partner to enter into a deeper level of trust with you and explore BDSM spanking together. While knowing what types of spanking you want to try and how to explore safely is essential, it can still be challenging to communicate about it. 

Sure, you could show your partner a BDSM compilation of free porn full of cumshots and slave girls on a webcam, but that's not going to help them understand what you need. As with any sexual exploration, communication is vital for BDSM spankings. 

When you bring up spanking is entirely up to you, but initiating the conversation outside of sexual activity ensures everyone has a clear head to discuss needs and wants. Try playing a game where you and a partner sort cards with sex acts such as BDSM spankings, fisting, making an erotic video, blowjobs, [mutual masturbation](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/mutual-masturbation/), or threesomes into three piles: things you'd like to try, things you don't want to try, and things you're curious about. 

This game can spark a conversation that's sure to spice things up and can help you explain to your partner what it is about spanking that turns you on. 

Alternatively, you can introduce the idea as [dirty talk during sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/dirty-talk-consent/) so you aren't breaking the mood. Try saying something like, "Can I slap your ass while I use your vibrator on you?" It's essential to check in with your partner during sex because consenting once doesn't mean they want more and more. Try saying "Do you like that?" or "Do you want more?" after a gentle slap. 

## Tap into your fantasy

Maybe BDSM spanking is still just a fantasy for you, or perhaps you're looking for something to remind you of that one time her hand connected with your backside while you were straddling her. In that case, allow Dipsea to help. 

Listen to Leaving a Mark, where a professor punishes a student (when she asks nicely). If lesbian BDSM is more your speed, try Hooked II, where Eve obliges when Kelly begs to have it harder.

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    <p style="text-align: center;">Hooked II</p>
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Spanking is common in mainstream conversations about people embracing a sex-positive view of kink and fetish play. However, proper BDSM spanking involves more than just a slap on the behind during doggy-style sex. 

BDSM spanking involves one person as a dominant or top and the other as a submissive or bottom. In BDSM, there is a [consensual power dynamic](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6525106/) between the individuals that both find arousing. Spanking can involve using a hand, a paddle, a whip, or other flogging device. BDSM spanking may be gentle or hard enough to leave marks. 

If you're curious about BDSM spanking, or if you've tried a bit and want more (and who could blame you), you may be looking for more ways to include this practice in your partnered playtime. Read on for a comprehensive guide to arm you and your partner(s) with the knowledge you need to incorporate BDSM spanking into your sex life. 

## What is BDSM spanking?

BDSM is a sexual practice that [involves a power dynamic](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/a-beginners-guide-to-submission/). Generally, BDSM relationships include some or all of the following:

- Bondage: BDSM bondage involves restricting movement with ropes, handcuffs, or even chains. 
- Discipline: Doms will use physical (BDSM spankings) and verbal (name-calling or praise) discipline to reinforce behavior.
- Dominance and submission: Sometimes, one partner is always the dom, and one is always the sub, and sometimes couples switch back and forth. 
- Sadomasochism: Pleasure from inflicting or receiving physical or emotional pain (with consent).

BDSM relationships vary from those who dabble in the lifestyle to hardcore BDSM followers. All BDSM relationships have in common reliance on consent, communication, and safety. 

BDSM is not about turning someone into your sex slave (but it can be). Instead, partners agree to role play in ways that include dressing in lingerie, forced orgasms, orgasm denial, or restraints. BDSM spankings are one way they may choose to play. The consensual power dynamic makes a BDSM spanking different from your partner swatting your behind during sex. 

## Why do people enjoy spanking? 

Some people enjoy BDSM spanking because it releases dopamine and causes their brain's pleasure center to catch fire. But, other people just find spanking to be painful. So, what makes BDSM spanking erotic for those who enjoy it? 

Endorphins are released in the brain when you feel pleasure and they can even dull pain. These hormones explain why some people associate spanking with pleasure. BDSM spankings can be included as foreplay, used during penetrative sex, or be the main event all by themselves. Many people who enjoy BDSM spankings say that the pain heightens all other sensations and makes their sexual experience hotter. 

## Myths about spanking

There used to be a stigma that classified people into BDSM or kink as deviants. That view of the BDSM community is a huge misconception. People who are into role play, dominance, submission, bondage, BDSM spankings, or any other kinky sexual behavior aren't deviant—they just like kinky sex. Let's clarify a few myths about BDSM spankings.


### Myth #1: Spankings leave bruises

Some people into hard spankings find pain pleasurable, especially if they're into masochism, and may enjoy spankings that are hard enough to leave marks or bruises. Since pleasure reduces our body's pain response, it's possible a flogging hard enough to leave marks may not feel exceedingly painful to the recipient. 

Because BDSM involves informed, enthusiastic consent, a submissive may ask for or agree to a series of spankings designed to leave a mark. A dominant may use belt spankings or paddling, providing more force than a bare hand. 

However, plenty of people are into ass spanking that is gentle and never leaves a mark. Moreover, learning to administer proper BDSM spanking techniques will ensure that a dominant doesn't leave marks without consent. 

### Myth #2: Spanking is always punishment

Some people who enjoy BDSM use spankings as a form of (consensual) punishment. But that isn't always the case. Depending on the scene partners are engaged in, BDSM spanking is all about the pleasure of the submissive.

### Myth #3: You can't hurt someone with erotic spankings

Impact play is acceptable on specific body areas, but other areas can cause mild or severe injury. It's also possible that the person administering the BDSM spanking could hurt their hand or arm if they don’t use proper techniques. BDSM spanking classes offered at BDSM clubs and local sex toy shops spend a lot of time focusing on technique so that all partners can play safely and avoid injury. 

### Myth #4: Submissives are usually women

Female dominants, or femdoms, are just as common in the BDSM world as male dominants, not just in lesbian BDSM relationships. BDSM pairings exist in relationships of all genders and orientations. Some people are switches, meaning they alternate between the two with their partner(s). 

## Types of BDSM spankings

Impact play varies in type and intensity. Here is a (non-exhaustive) list of the kinds of BDSM spankings popular in the kink community, with a quick definition to help you [discuss them with your partner(s)](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/increase-intimacy-precare-foreplay-aftercare/):

- Ass spanking: This is typically an open palm against the bare (or partially bare) butt. This type of spanking can occur during penetrative sex or foreplay. Many people enjoy an over the knee or OTK spanking. 
- Belt spankings: BDSM spankings administered with a belt. 
- Paddling: This involves using a paddle made of wood, plastic, or even metal. Paddles come in a variety of shapes for different sensations. Some BDSM paddles for hardcore spankings have designs carved to leave a mark on the receiver’s behind. 
- Flogging: BDSM spanking where the dominant uses a whip. Some gentle cloth whips won't leave a mark, but many prefer the sting of leather or even chains. 
- Pussy spanking: Many vulva-owners enjoy having their genitals slapped with a hand or toy. This area is sensitive so go easy. 
- Caning: Hitting someone with a cane or stick. The cane is typically flexible since the point is to straddle the line between pleasure and pain rather than inflict actual injury. 

## Learn the right way to give or receive a BDSM spanking

As with any component of BDSM, spanking requires absolute trust between the dominant and submissive. However, that doesn't mean you can only incorporate BDSM into a committed relationship. 

Plenty of people involved in BDSM do so [with a casual partner](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/how-to-make-casual-sex-meaningful/) who excels at communicating about sex. The important thing is to openly discuss soft and hard limits surrounding BDSM spanking and know the person you're with will stop as soon as you need.

### Start gentle

If you're curious about BDSM spanking, be sure to start slowly. Alternating gentle rubbing of a submissive's butt with light slaps is a kinky addition to fingering or other foreplay. 

Once you've explored using just a bare hand, you may wish to add some sex toys designed for spanking. Paddles are popular, as are riding crops, floggers, and canes. Like with a hand, it's essential to start slowly each time you introduce a new spanking device. 

### Know which areas of the body are safe to hit and which to avoid

Soft impact play in the face, breasts, genitals, lower legs, or feet is usually safe. However, hardcore BDSM spanking should only be used on areas of the body with lots of muscle or fat to protect your internal organs. Your butt, hips, and upper thighs are good places to practice spanking. 

It's vital to avoid the back and abdomen areas because you could injure a person's kidneys or other internal organs. Joints such as elbows, knees, and the bony regions like your tailbone and spine can sustain severe injuries from BDSM spankings. 

## How to introduce erotic spanking in your relationship

OK, you're ready to ask your partner to enter into a deeper level of trust with you and explore BDSM spanking together. While knowing what types of spanking you want to try and how to explore safely is essential, it can still be challenging to communicate about it. 

Sure, you could show your partner a BDSM compilation of free porn full of cumshots and slave girls on a webcam, but that's not going to help them understand what you need. As with any sexual exploration, communication is vital for BDSM spankings. 

When you bring up spanking is entirely up to you, but initiating the conversation outside of sexual activity ensures everyone has a clear head to discuss needs and wants. Try playing a game where you and a partner sort cards with sex acts such as BDSM spankings, fisting, making an erotic video, blowjobs, [mutual masturbation](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/mutual-masturbation/), or threesomes into three piles: things you'd like to try, things you don't want to try, and things you're curious about. 

This game can spark a conversation that's sure to spice things up and can help you explain to your partner what it is about spanking that turns you on. 

Alternatively, you can introduce the idea as [dirty talk during sex](https://www.dipseastories.com/blog/dirty-talk-consent/) so you aren't breaking the mood. Try saying something like, "Can I slap your ass while I use your vibrator on you?" It's essential to check in with your partner during sex because consenting once doesn't mean they want more and more. Try saying "Do you like that?" or "Do you want more?" after a gentle slap. 

## Tap into your fantasy

Maybe BDSM spanking is still just a fantasy for you, or perhaps you're looking for something to remind you of that one time her hand connected with your backside while you were straddling her. In that case, allow Dipsea to help. 

Listen to Leaving a Mark, where a professor punishes a student (when she asks nicely). If lesbian BDSM is more your speed, try Hooked II, where Eve obliges when Kelly begs to have it harder.

Try your hand at BDSM spanking with these ideas for consensually getting started with a partner. We’ll also dispel four common myths about spanking!

The Sensualist

Listen, light yourself up.