Sexy (yet practical) tips for how to give an erotic massage

Toni Sicola|2021.12.15

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Giving an erotic massage is a generous and thoughtful way to help your partner relax and release. It's a sexy act of service (that covers two Love Languages at once!). The key is to make both parts of the equation work—the erotic and the massage. You don't want to skimp on the massage and go straight for the sexy bits too soon. Take your time, make it count, and give your partner a genuine chance to unwind and release some tension before the happy ending.

We're not saying you need to go to massage school before offering to lather up your lover, but we do have a few suggestions for how to make the entire experience as pleasurable as possible for your lucky partner. We'll go over what supplies you'll need, the basics for how to set the mood, and ultimately, how to give an erotic massage that will blow your partner's mind.

What you need for an erotic massage

Our suggestions here are to maximize the experience. We don't want you to break the bank buying a bunch of supplies for your erotic massage, so we'll make suggestions at a range of price points so you can choose what's right for you.

1) The massage surface

In an ideal world, you'd have a sturdy massage table (just in case you both end up on it at the end), but we know that might be a lot to ask, especially if you don't have a ton of extra space at home. So instead, you can use your bed. Just take a few extra steps so you don't ruin your sheets with massage oil. (That wouldn’t be relaxing for anyone.)

Lay down a few towels with a sheet on top that you don't mind getting oil on. You might also use a sheet for laying on top of the body parts you're not working on (just like a real massage therapist would) so that your partner doesn't get cold.

If you don't have that stuff at home, consider a quick trip to the thrift store, and wash everything thoroughly before you proceed so that it's all clean and smells fresh. Your partner will be laying on it naked, and every detail counts here to maximize the experience. Nothing says turn off like a gross smell.

2) The massage medium

Some people like oil, some people like lotion. That part is up to you, but again, smell is key. If your partner is allergic or sensitive to fragrance in body products, we suggest going with a neutral oil instead of lotion, as some fragrance-free lotions still have a smell that isn't always sexy.

And when we say neutral, we mean you could literally go into your kitchen and grab your avocado oil if you want. If your partner doesn't mind coconut, coconut oil is also a great choice.

Your goal with the massage medium is that it stays smooth and slippery, doesn't get sticky, and has a nice glide to it to help you work. This isn't a lube, it's for a good massage, so pick something you think a masseuse would use.

3) The extras

You have room to play with the additional details for this experience. If you want to burn an aromatherapy scented candle (or use a massage candle for the massage medium or temperature play), go for it. If you want to diffuse a relaxing or sexy essential oil into the room, perfect. If you want to include your sex pillow to bolster different body parts during the massage, you can do that. If you and your partner have a special toy or vibrator you want to include toward the end of the massage, hide that somewhere until the end so you have it on hand. Or if you have a sexy outfit you want to wear under your "masseuse clothes," that could be a fun surprise too!

How to set the mood for your erotic massage

A huge detail in how to give an erotic massage is setting the mood for maximum comfort and relaxation. You want this to be a sensual experience from start to finish, so get creative with how you set up this sexy gift. This includes how you present the idea to your partner. Only you know if telling them ahead of time is preferable to a surprise (or vice versa), but whichever it is, you want to make sure they know that you're just as excited as they are to make this happen for them.

We've already suggested a few things for ambiance—setting up your bed or massage table, choosing the right lotion or oil, and ensuring that there are sexy fragrances in the air.

And you also want some sort of ambient sound, whether it's relaxing music or a massage soundscape playlist. This will not only make this experience feel more like a real massage, it will also take the pressure off of either of you to talk if you don't want to.

Make sure it's not too cold or too hot in your room or massage space. And one last thing, take a shower before the deed so that you are also nice and fresh for them. If you can, ask them to do the same. You'll likely be touching their feet before their privates, so you want everything clean if you have the option.

How to give an erotic massage: the basics

Now that you've got all the details covered for supplies and set up, let's dive into the actual act of sensual massage. We're talking massage techniques, even if you've never given a real massage before.

Listen for feedback (even a grunt)

First things first: Your partner might be lying down and receiving a massage, but (just like in sex) communication is a two-way street when it comes to massage. You might start by asking if they have a particular area they want you to focus on. If they say yes, that doesn't mean you have to zero in on that spot right away but keep it in mind as you make your way across your partner's body.

Pay attention to their body language as you go, and linger in places that they seem to enjoy. Encourage feedback, even if it's just in grunts and moans.

Use this massage technique to avoid cramping hands

Use your whole body for this experience. If you've ever had an incredible body massage—one where you feel like butter at the end (in the best possible way)—you might have noticed that the therapist used more than just their hands to dig deep into your tissues.

There were likely some forearm blades, some elbows, and to generate enough force, they were using their whole body to power those body parts. They did that by setting their massage table at a height that allowed them to power with their legs as they stood beside you.

So to do that on your bed, you might need to straddle your partner, at least some of the time. Remember, if you're not a trained massage pro, your hands could get tired really quickly, which might be a bummer when it's time for the happy ending.

Follow this step-by-step routine

You'll be of two minds as you give this massage. On one hand, you're giving your partner a relaxing massage. On the other hand, this massage is a form of foreplay for some kind of happy ending. So you'll be simultaneously building tension and relaxation. Kinda paradoxical, but we know you can manage.

Start with your partner face down and move from top to bottom. Give a gentle scalp massage, moving your fingers through your partner's hair and applying gentle pressure in slow, circular motions. Then move to the back. This is when you bring the oil or lotion in. (Skip the neck for now if you're on your bed, as your partner's head will be turned rather than face-down as it would be on a massage table. You can get to the neck when they go face-up.)

Begin with sweeping, long strokes down your partner's back, from top to bottom. Start with your hands, then switch to the blades of your forearms as you slowly apply more pressure and the muscles warm up.

Think about where your partner holds tension (if you don't know, you can ask, or think about where you hold tension and apply that to your partner). Use your forefingers or elbows to focus on those areas. For most people who sit at a desk, shoulders and lower back are the tightest areas.

While your partner is face down, you have access to their butt, which can be both sexy and amazing for the massage. Butts and upper hamstrings can get super tight for both desk workers and those who stand up all day, so spend some time there, and begin gently teasing by slipping your hands into the crack a few times and kneading their inner thighs before turning them face-up.

If your partner loves ass play, you can reverse the order of this massage and start face up so that the butt massage is at the end. You might bring the sex pillow in here to raise their butt higher into the air for easier access.

Finish the job

Once you have your partner face-up, the massage isn't over. Remember, this is a full body massage before the happy ending, with some light touch and gentle teasing throughout. You'll want to pay attention to arms and legs, neck, and chest, lingering on knots and tighter areas and listening to your partner's feedback.

But begin by grazing your partner's erogenous zones with some gentle touch as you continue your massage. At this point, you might notice that their body language starts responding to your touch a little differently. A possible tremor? A thrust of the hip?

Notice, and slowly respond. If your partner has a vulva, delay touching the clitoris for as long as possible. If your partner has a penis, touch all around it and delay actual contact for as long as possible.

The best sex has anticipation as a component, so build that up as much as you can, even if this happy ending will only involve your hands or mouth. Once you've teased for long enough, you can start stroking your partner's genitals. Again, keep this slow and sensual. Don't rush it until they seem ready for speed, and then get ready for the big O.

What are you waiting for?

So what do you think? Do you know how to give an erotic massage? We think you're ready—you know what you need, how to set up your space, and how to give a great massage. But just in case you need a little more inspiration, head over to the Dipsea app and listen to Head, Neck, and Back Massage, and Hand Massage. An expert massage therapist will walk you through the experience step by step.

Listen, light yourself up.

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