Have you ever had a mind orgasm? If you're mentally flicking through your sexual history trying to remember when, or where, you might have had one: "It's the kind of orgasm you experience when you're asleep and have a really amazing erotic dream," explains sex expert, therapist and coach Rebecca Dakin.
If you've encountered that sweet, sleepy sensation before, you'll know just how powerful mind orgasms can be. They're also great proof of how intrinsically the brain is linked to sex. In theory you can climax without anyone–or anything–touching your body, which is pretty damn incredible. But those involuntary hot and steamy happy endings are few and far between, so how else can you use your brain to boost your orgasm count?
Research has proven time and time again that sexual fantasies are super common. They fuel arousal, work with our physical sensations to heighten pleasure, and can make you forget the day’s stresses, or the fact that you’re sleeping in your childhood bedroom over the holidays, and take you to wherever you want to be or whomever you want to be with. The more I heard about the method from Rebecca, the more I realized this practice really puts you in control of your pleasure, and into your own sexual safe zone. Each fantasy is molded by your own mind, dreamt up in the privacy of your thoughts, and doesn’t need to conform to social norms, narratives or expectations. Fantasy is freedom, baby.
One study found that 95 percent of the men and women it surveyed engaged in some form of sexual fantasy. From romantic storylines to hardcore kink, our minds can throw out all kinds of erotic curveballs. Whatever the flavor of your sensory visions, fantasies are a healthy, normal way to explore what you like.
From romantic storylines to hardcore kink, our minds can throw out all kinds of erotic curveballs. Whatever the flavor of your sensory visions, fantasies are a healthy, normal way to explore what you like.
Unsurprisingly, Rebecca’s pretty much the biggest advocate for it, revealing that ‘doctors and nurses’ really gets her aching down below. "It's about exploring what works for you. It doesn't have to be real, there are no taboos, it's not even something that you necessarily want to happen. A fantasy can be something that's just that – a fantasy."
For solo fun, she says thought and touch can be combined for an explosive experience. “Your imagination allows you to bring exciting scenarios to life and explore alternative boundaries. Fantasies are beneficial in masturbation because you can transport yourself into a different world.”
And while it sounds easy to zone into a fantasy when you’re masturbating alone–no distractions and no breaks in pleasure as you switch the sexual focus to your partner–what if there are more people at the party, or you want to bring your partner in on your ideas?
“It's as simple as saying, ‘I've had some fantasies, do you have any?” and exploring what they’re comfortable with. Want to come at the same time? When they’re getting close and you want to catch up, close your eyes and imagine you’re being watched by a curious stranger, or that a third is in the mix, or that your partner is a park ranger and you’re up in a lonely cabin–whatever you’re into!
"Fantasies help with a very healthy sex life,” she continues. “I'm not saying you should always be fantasizing because, at times, you need to be present in the moment with who you are,” but there’s no shame in bringing mental stories into the bedroom.
“I'm not saying you should always be fantasizing because, at times, you need to be present in the moment with who you are,” but there’s no shame in bringing mental stories into the bedroom.
If fantasy is new to you, here’s how to set the mood. "I would start by listening to erotic fiction, finding stories or scenarios that turn you on,” says Rebecca. "Everybody can indulge in fantasy but some people find it very difficult to kickstart their imagination. Those people just need a some encouragement, confidence and guidance, so get the communication going, listen to some erotica and note the things that turn you on.”
What better place to tap into your sexual appetite than Dipsea? “Sound allows you to get into a meditative state, touch yourself, get yourself aroused. Dipsea is a great way for people to start exploring themselves. The best bit? It’s a hands-free experience.”