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Your sexual style is simply the way you prefer to have sex. Think about the last time you had sex or masturbated. Did you start slow and work up to direct clitoral stimulation, or did you grab your favorite sex toy and go right for your most sensitive spots? Do you like your partner to hold your hair, place a hand around your throat or slap your butt? Maybe you prefer a sensual massage and lots of eye contact.
Discovering your preferred sexual style (or just the one you like tonight) can help you create solo sessions that help you fully engage with your body, so your mind isn't thinking about the unfinished work on your desk when you're trying to orgasm. Since orgasms are good for your health, discovering your sexual style can improve your well-being.
Finding your sexual style can also help you develop your sexual voice, so you're empowered to either find a partner that shares your preferences or include your current partner in your sexual style. Read on for a list of sexual styles and how they impact your sex life.
There's no limit to the number of sexual styles you can have and enjoy. Sexual styles change over time, and many people have a different sexual style from one day to the next. You may even have a particular sexual style with one partner and a different style with another partner.
Discussing sexual style gives you appropriate language to decide what type of sex and which sex positions you're in the mood for today. When you're settling in for a solo sesh, spend a few moments looking inward to decide what sort of experience you want to have. Here's a non-exhaustive list of sexual styles to get you started.
If your default solo sesh involves a self-massage with coconut oil surrounded by flickering candles and a slow introduction to genital stimulation you may have a sensual sexual style. This style focuses on a deep sense of emotional intimacy with yourself or your partner(s). You'll likely enjoy partnered sex positions that allow for intense eye contact such as missionary position.
If you're in a bit of a sexual rut and want to branch out but stay true to your style, try another intimate position like side-by-side or switching from bottom to top (or vice versa). These sex positions can foster the emotional sexual experience you need. Be sure to include time for a lengthy cuddle and conversation after sex to deepen emotional intimacy.
If you're flying solo try hugging a pillow during masturbation or letting your fingers slowly trace over your skin after orgasm. You can even try talking to yourself. Try saying something like, "Oh, I really like that," when you hit just the right spot with your vibrator.
If you find that the best sex of your life happens after you and a partner chase each other around the living room landing in a wrestling heap of limbs, or after a session of witty banter, you may have a playful sexual style. If playfulness is what gets your sexual desire going, carrying that energy into the bedroom will make for an incredible sexual experience.
There really isn't a single best sex position for a playful sexual style, but ones that allow you to wiggle, wrestle, and tease can create sexual experiences that are so much fun you'll find yourself high-fiving your partner after. Reverse cowgirl (or cowboy), doggy style, and wheelbarrow are fun and easy to spice up with a bit of tickling, a vibrator, or a change in location (like the floor or couch).
If you're flying solo, you may have a more intense sexual experience if you tickle your funny bone before masturbating. Watching comedy (especially if you find the comedian super hot) or listening to erotic audio that's playful may help.
Do you approach sex like a sweaty workout session? Do you enjoy breath play or losing control? Does scratching your inner thighs during masturbation send you over the edge? An intense sexual style means you like sex that is emotional, athletic, and erotic.
Any sexual position can work with an intense sexual style, but you may want to alternate sex positions that allow deep penetration (if penetration is your thing), g-spot stimulation, and clitoris stimulation to up the head-spinning intensity.
During a masturbation session, you can heat things up by trying new positions, using a sex pillow, or experimenting with multiple toys. Try using a butt plug while stimulating your g-spot and clitoris with a rabbit vibrator.
People who enjoy a dominant or submissive (BDSM) sexual style aren't always one or the other. Many people are switches, meaning they enjoy being dominant with some partners and submissive with other partners.
If you're into dominance or submission, doggy style or other rear-entry positions can increase your vulnerability and allow deeper penetration (maybe even combined with some paddling). You can also incorporate straddling your partner’s face into your foreplay routine—whatever helps you cultivate that feeling of power or powerlessness that turns you on.
You can enjoy a BDSM feel during solo play by using self-bondage (it's best to leave your hands free and keep scissors nearby). Try binding your feet or breasts or putting a collar around your neck. Use a ball gag or even a blindfold to reduce the use of some of your senses so you can feel everything more intensely.
People with an experimental sexual style are curious about trying new things. You can think of experimental sexual style as a combination of all the other sexual styles. If you're feeling experimental, you and your partner may start with oral sex in a side-lying position, move to doggy style with restraints and paddles, and finish spooning each other for a post-coital cuddle.
During masturbation, you can embrace your experimental side by creating a deck of masturbation cards for yourself. Use index cards and write the name of your sex toys, a few solo sex positions, and any add-ons like bondage or nipple clamps on them. Then, shuffle your deck and pull out a few cards each time you decide to get frisky with yourself.
When people are in a relationship, they often develop a couple sexual style—or a way of relating to each other sexually and emotionally. Couples may have one style for part of their relationship and move to another as their intimacy and connection increase.
No sexual style is better than another, and each has strengths and weaknesses. It's also possible that each person in a relationship has a different sexual style. The secret to satisfying sex is to be aware of the strengths of your couple sexual style, what each person's needs are, and how to keep your sex life fresh and satisfying for everyone.
It's a good idea, even when partnered, to find out what your sexual style is on your own. Then, when you're enjoying a sexual experience with a partner, discussing what sexual style you're in the mood for (and asking about their preferences) can ensure that everyone gets their sexual needs met.
Learning your sexual style can take some time and experimentation. Understanding your sexual style is one step in the process of loving yourself as you are. If you're struggling to connect with yourself enough to dive into sexual exploration, though, it may help figure out how you best give and receive love and then turn that loving action on yourself.
Dipsea put together a guided session to help you figure out how best to love yourself. We aren't talking about self-care that's full of wine nights, candles, and expensive bath products—we want you to find out how you communicate love. Then, we will guide you through how to express love to yourself. Then, you'll be better able to connect with your sexual self with curiosity and acceptance.